Again out of the blue, but this time not dream related, was a memory from taking French in fifth grade. It was really horrible. I was in school in northeastern France, on the border with both Belgium and Luxembourg. And non-French was not allowed .....
So you can understand just how much French one could learn when NO English is allowed. You can not communicate with anyone, no one can communicate with you and the teachers were frustrated beyond belief! Mostly whacking us with rulers to vent their frustration as our poor attainment of French! My displeasure with all things French is based upon the utter stupidity I was to observe repeated over and over again in almost all areas of life and infrastructure. The rules over no foreign languages in class was but the beginning of bizzareness which was to terminate with our removal from France at machine-gun point - all of the way to the German border! It was embarrassing for the French and NATO.
Now in that French class the teacher and curriculum were reviewed annually. So second year of school and I was called into a 3 hour interrogation.
Oh, that poor auditor! I was so frustrated and angry with them by then! I knew my numbers, I knew my alphabet, I could congregate all of the he, she, them and us'. But apparently, there were built in jokes in the readings which were meaningless to me and the auditor lost it with me! And I with him. Even at 11 I towered over the average Frenchmen and when he attacked, well the rebuff by me was a complete surprise! I was just lucky there were three others in the room to witness his attack!
In the end, the auditor, teacher and programs were terminated. I was disciplined yet again - sigh - was just one bad apple it seems. ;) But, in the long run, none of it really mattered. NATO was ordered out of France, all of the bases became French property and all of us NATO-brats were shuffled off to other schools. In my case, Germany, via an art class in Marseille first.
So, I sat there in my car, reciting my alphabet in French. Okay, I managed A through F, then T to Z. Not a clue on the middle. But OMG!!!!! I had an actual memory!!!!!!!!
No, still no memory as to whom Gaelic Girl is. She is in my face quite a bit over this but I honestly got nothing as to whom she is. As I was telling a guy in Church, if this is how she was before my surgery, I think I might have a clue as to why those memories are dead .....
I thought he was going to bust a gut he was laughing so hard.
Now I wonder if I can work on my German alphabet from memory .....
March 8, 2016
March 7, 2016
Dreaming A Memory
So, since October 17th, everything I know has been told to me, or triggered by a phrase or sight, which caused the retrieval of a memory. I have thousands of little pieces of memory, unfortunately not linked together by anything nor do I relate to any of them ... they are just stories in my mind. I realize that these are things which happened but I have no ownership of any of them!
Currently I have pieces of high school life, a little of my initial college years but that is pretty much it. A single memory from 40 years of a career, random pieces of being a long distance shooter and bits of people I have known.
So, imagine my surprise Sunday night, when I had a real memory! Albeit, I had a high fever, sicker than a dog and up pops a memory from 2000! I had flown the kids to Colorado for a meet with those whom I call family, but are not really, a time for my kids to meet their kids (from all over the world!) and just relax for me. Well, that was the idea anyway.
Now, I have long read about the Georgetown Loop, a 19th century engineering marvel, taking a steam train from Georgetown up the side of a mountain to Silver Plume - roughly a 1:1 grade and impossible! But, what makes this famous is that the engineers thought outside the box and created a huge circular loop in the air to gain elevation relative to the side of the mountain it was to go up.
Everyone came along, I was paying after all! I was excited but two of the kids were being real pains in the butt! Personally, I could not have cared less - it spoke poorly for their parents - but - their attitudes were starting to be copied by my son and that was not acceptable.
So I got into it with the worse behaved of the kids and gave it to her good!
My dream/memory was of that lecture, ending with, " ... now, sit down and shut up!" Yup, all of the kids froze on the benches and did shut up! It was a great ride :)
Now, how random is that?!?!?!? That young lady went on to have a continued respect for me to this day. I became sort of a surrogate father to her and she often stays in touch, even to the point of Skype'ing me her wedding ceremony last year! And, my first free memory is of telling her to shut up! LOL, how utterly weird.
And now, it is at the end of the week, my health is much better and not a single new memory to report! So, no idea what caused that random memory to occur but it gives me hope that my mind will be restored eventually.
:)
Currently I have pieces of high school life, a little of my initial college years but that is pretty much it. A single memory from 40 years of a career, random pieces of being a long distance shooter and bits of people I have known.
So, imagine my surprise Sunday night, when I had a real memory! Albeit, I had a high fever, sicker than a dog and up pops a memory from 2000! I had flown the kids to Colorado for a meet with those whom I call family, but are not really, a time for my kids to meet their kids (from all over the world!) and just relax for me. Well, that was the idea anyway.
Now, I have long read about the Georgetown Loop, a 19th century engineering marvel, taking a steam train from Georgetown up the side of a mountain to Silver Plume - roughly a 1:1 grade and impossible! But, what makes this famous is that the engineers thought outside the box and created a huge circular loop in the air to gain elevation relative to the side of the mountain it was to go up.
Everyone came along, I was paying after all! I was excited but two of the kids were being real pains in the butt! Personally, I could not have cared less - it spoke poorly for their parents - but - their attitudes were starting to be copied by my son and that was not acceptable.
So I got into it with the worse behaved of the kids and gave it to her good!
My dream/memory was of that lecture, ending with, " ... now, sit down and shut up!" Yup, all of the kids froze on the benches and did shut up! It was a great ride :)
Now, how random is that?!?!?!? That young lady went on to have a continued respect for me to this day. I became sort of a surrogate father to her and she often stays in touch, even to the point of Skype'ing me her wedding ceremony last year! And, my first free memory is of telling her to shut up! LOL, how utterly weird.
And now, it is at the end of the week, my health is much better and not a single new memory to report! So, no idea what caused that random memory to occur but it gives me hope that my mind will be restored eventually.
:)
March 5, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
Ah, another first Saturday of the month and a chance to revisit my favorite musical era - 1980's!
This time up is the B52's second big hit, Private Idaho in 1980. Like most 1980's hits, there is heavy carry over from the 1970's - showing why it was a worthless decade musically, but with sometime new and edgy coming along.
And if you saw the B52s across the 1980's, well you know where the lead singer's hair is going to go ... hope he enjoyed it while he had it .....
This time up is the B52's second big hit, Private Idaho in 1980. Like most 1980's hits, there is heavy carry over from the 1970's - showing why it was a worthless decade musically, but with sometime new and edgy coming along.
And if you saw the B52s across the 1980's, well you know where the lead singer's hair is going to go ... hope he enjoyed it while he had it .....
March 4, 2016
Proverbs
There are a few books of the Bible I rarely read: Leviticus, Numbers, Proverbs and Romans. Why? Well, sorry, but they just have never spoken to me. In fact, if I need to get to sleep - well, they are guaranteed to knock me unconscious in nothing flat! Usually, I have no problem getting to sleep though ...
So, Friday night, bored and coming down with my grandson's cold, I turned to Proverbs and started reading. Unfortunately, the desired result was not achieved.
This was the first time I have read in Proverbs since God saw fit to so dramatically modify my nature. It was not boring in the least, if made me ponder, verse by verse, thought by thought as I was seeing what Salomon had written his son. No, I did not get far, only as far as chapter 7 when I finally was utterly exhausted but not by boredom.
I still have a problem exactly relating to some of what he says, I never experienced those situations in my life - just too flat naive to even be aware they even existed, when I might have known or been enticed! Now too old to even be bothered by such things! LOL
So I will be going back to my bookmarked stopping point and picking up with Chapter 7 and continue as far as I can make it. It is alot like reading Bonhoeffer to me now, weighty and worth consideration as to the principals he is passing on to his son.
Want to join me this weekend in reading along ... ?
So, Friday night, bored and coming down with my grandson's cold, I turned to Proverbs and started reading. Unfortunately, the desired result was not achieved.
This was the first time I have read in Proverbs since God saw fit to so dramatically modify my nature. It was not boring in the least, if made me ponder, verse by verse, thought by thought as I was seeing what Salomon had written his son. No, I did not get far, only as far as chapter 7 when I finally was utterly exhausted but not by boredom.
I still have a problem exactly relating to some of what he says, I never experienced those situations in my life - just too flat naive to even be aware they even existed, when I might have known or been enticed! Now too old to even be bothered by such things! LOL
So I will be going back to my bookmarked stopping point and picking up with Chapter 7 and continue as far as I can make it. It is alot like reading Bonhoeffer to me now, weighty and worth consideration as to the principals he is passing on to his son.
Want to join me this weekend in reading along ... ?
March 3, 2016
MRI
I have probably suffered this form of diagnostic at least 60 some times in the past and today, yet again, sigh.
So, as a refresher:
Wearing an artificial leg has caused some kind of a growth on the bone.
The leg guy had never seen this happen to a patient before.
The surgeon equally had never seen anything like it.
And in last week's CAT scan, they had nothing to contribute as to what the rather large lump is, unless it is a bone infection!
So, next step, MRI.
Personally, I am opting for either a fluid filled sack on the bone or a calcium deposit. In either case, I will get to see the surgeon for another procedure, but it will help we walk without pain, well it will be worth it ... sigh ... needles, I hate needles!
Unfortunately, if the MRI says it is a bone infection, then the MRI will tell the scope of the infection and suggest the best options.
If it is the latter, well I will not be walking for a while again and may or may not lose more leg - possible the knee this time. Sigh ... sometimes life can just suck!
ALL prayers sought and appreciated.
Let you know, probably next week, what they find out!
So, as a refresher:
Wearing an artificial leg has caused some kind of a growth on the bone.
The leg guy had never seen this happen to a patient before.
The surgeon equally had never seen anything like it.
And in last week's CAT scan, they had nothing to contribute as to what the rather large lump is, unless it is a bone infection!
So, next step, MRI.
Personally, I am opting for either a fluid filled sack on the bone or a calcium deposit. In either case, I will get to see the surgeon for another procedure, but it will help we walk without pain, well it will be worth it ... sigh ... needles, I hate needles!
Unfortunately, if the MRI says it is a bone infection, then the MRI will tell the scope of the infection and suggest the best options.
If it is the latter, well I will not be walking for a while again and may or may not lose more leg - possible the knee this time. Sigh ... sometimes life can just suck!
ALL prayers sought and appreciated.
Let you know, probably next week, what they find out!
March 2, 2016
Like A Child
I realize that many read my words and think of them as being metaphorical. After-all, how can so much happen to just one guy in so short a period of time? How can someone actually be reduced to Zero in this day and age?
And I have thought on this question, brought about by a comment by one of the men in my church. He is a reader, not necessarily a friend, just a acquaintance. And last night, finally after months of steeping in my mind, I have the answer ....
It was just last summer when I made the statement about being reduced to nothing. I was so ill, my temperature on the edge of brain damage, I mentally fought the delirium, my pleas for life unanswered as no one spoke German - that is how far my mind had been affected. And I was broken physically and mentally, reduced to nothing. I knew I was dying, a body can not take such abuse for long. As the hours ticked by, I finally decided that if I was to die, then as long as I had breath left, I would pray through the list of those important in my life. The fever finally broke when I had finished that prayer.
Mark 10:13-16
Live Out A Childlike Faith (Dependence)
"Like a child" requires trusting, dependence upon God.
Are you really dependent upon God?
Probably not in this western culture.
I always thought I was my whole Christian life, only to find to much me and not enough of God ...
Complete trust, complete dependence is required.
You much become nothing, you must be Zero before God.
Yeah not exactly culturally acceptable in today's narcissistic culture ...
Receive The Blessing of Jesus
Be a blessing to the "children".
(Young in the faith, the child-like, actual children!)
Model Jesus, show your faith, be blessed - pass it on!
Grant Others Access to Jesus
"Do not hinder them"
Jesus was indignant because the children were being held back!
People look to us to point them to Jesus ...
And it all starts with realizing that you are actually nothing, you are reduced to Zero before God. Then, God is completely free to use you to His glory.
And I have thought on this question, brought about by a comment by one of the men in my church. He is a reader, not necessarily a friend, just a acquaintance. And last night, finally after months of steeping in my mind, I have the answer ....
It was just last summer when I made the statement about being reduced to nothing. I was so ill, my temperature on the edge of brain damage, I mentally fought the delirium, my pleas for life unanswered as no one spoke German - that is how far my mind had been affected. And I was broken physically and mentally, reduced to nothing. I knew I was dying, a body can not take such abuse for long. As the hours ticked by, I finally decided that if I was to die, then as long as I had breath left, I would pray through the list of those important in my life. The fever finally broke when I had finished that prayer.
Mark 10:13-16
Live Out A Childlike Faith (Dependence)
"Like a child" requires trusting, dependence upon God.
Are you really dependent upon God?
Probably not in this western culture.
I always thought I was my whole Christian life, only to find to much me and not enough of God ...
Complete trust, complete dependence is required.
You much become nothing, you must be Zero before God.
Yeah not exactly culturally acceptable in today's narcissistic culture ...
Receive The Blessing of Jesus
Be a blessing to the "children".
(Young in the faith, the child-like, actual children!)
Model Jesus, show your faith, be blessed - pass it on!
Grant Others Access to Jesus
"Do not hinder them"
Jesus was indignant because the children were being held back!
People look to us to point them to Jesus ...
And it all starts with realizing that you are actually nothing, you are reduced to Zero before God. Then, God is completely free to use you to His glory.
March 1, 2016
Dealing With Divorce, Part 2
Yesterday, I talked my family's history with divorce.
I know I was affected by my parents' divorce. From the selfish side of they separated on my 17th birthday and divorced on my 18th birthday, two ruined birthdays in a row! As well as, from the side of not trusting easily. And understanding that although there are "two sides to an issue", the truth may not be known by either party - especially when the parties are both liars.
Mark 10:1-12
Matthew 19:1-9
1. Marriage matters! So pursue it!
It is worth your attention!
Jesus emphasized the importance of it.
It matters to God.
Fortify your marriage and strengthen it.
2. See sex as game changer, not as a harmless-hookup !
Sexual sin has long term consequences.
You are bonded in that union.
You can not actually untangle the roots of that union, once it happens.
Desire has the same roots in your heart.
Pain, hard hearts, sin abounds - without the greatest of caution!!!!!!
3. What about the "reasons for divorce"?
Mental illness, sin, gambling, alcoholism, abuse, etc - are all grey areas for both divorce and remarriage.
Abandonment or adultery is acceptable reasoning for divorce and remarriage. This is the breaking of the marital vows.
What happens to your marital status, you protect yourself, you protect your children!
4. We need to be a lighthouse for the shipwrecked!
We are to be a place for hope and healing for all.
Lift up the sacredness of marriage.
Marriage takes two people, committed to one another in God.
God wants our marriages to flourish, not to fail.
When one person fails, both are affected by that failure.
Divorce is but one reaction to that brokenness of ourselves and failure.
But Divorce is not an unpardonable sin, it is an action which damages us.
God's desire is to heal us of failure and brokenness.
If you remarry, God will bless that marriage if you have and are seeking His Will.
God's grace is greater than all sin.
We all sin.
No sin is greater than another.
Some sin has long term consequences on us and others: sexual sin, divorce and murder.
Thinking back through these verses: marriage is good, failure is not desirable. There are lots of ways a marriage can hit the rocks, these days pornography and abandonment seem to be the most common from what I have observed. We have to be able to understand that it is not an imperative that we abandon our spouses when these things occur but rather to work through it with them - IF that is possible. Both situations are a little hard to re-engage from! And, if there is divorce, know that this is not God's will, but by His allowance. Should we then remarry, one hopes we are wiser, careful and prayerful.
I know I was affected by my parents' divorce. From the selfish side of they separated on my 17th birthday and divorced on my 18th birthday, two ruined birthdays in a row! As well as, from the side of not trusting easily. And understanding that although there are "two sides to an issue", the truth may not be known by either party - especially when the parties are both liars.
Mark 10:1-12
Matthew 19:1-9
1. Marriage matters! So pursue it!
It is worth your attention!
Jesus emphasized the importance of it.
It matters to God.
Fortify your marriage and strengthen it.
2. See sex as game changer, not as a harmless-hookup !
Sexual sin has long term consequences.
You are bonded in that union.
You can not actually untangle the roots of that union, once it happens.
Desire has the same roots in your heart.
Pain, hard hearts, sin abounds - without the greatest of caution!!!!!!
3. What about the "reasons for divorce"?
Mental illness, sin, gambling, alcoholism, abuse, etc - are all grey areas for both divorce and remarriage.
Abandonment or adultery is acceptable reasoning for divorce and remarriage. This is the breaking of the marital vows.
What happens to your marital status, you protect yourself, you protect your children!
4. We need to be a lighthouse for the shipwrecked!
We are to be a place for hope and healing for all.
Lift up the sacredness of marriage.
Marriage takes two people, committed to one another in God.
God wants our marriages to flourish, not to fail.
When one person fails, both are affected by that failure.
Divorce is but one reaction to that brokenness of ourselves and failure.
But Divorce is not an unpardonable sin, it is an action which damages us.
God's desire is to heal us of failure and brokenness.
If you remarry, God will bless that marriage if you have and are seeking His Will.
God's grace is greater than all sin.
We all sin.
No sin is greater than another.
Some sin has long term consequences on us and others: sexual sin, divorce and murder.
Thinking back through these verses: marriage is good, failure is not desirable. There are lots of ways a marriage can hit the rocks, these days pornography and abandonment seem to be the most common from what I have observed. We have to be able to understand that it is not an imperative that we abandon our spouses when these things occur but rather to work through it with them - IF that is possible. Both situations are a little hard to re-engage from! And, if there is divorce, know that this is not God's will, but by His allowance. Should we then remarry, one hopes we are wiser, careful and prayerful.
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