So, there is skin again over the wound!
This time, rather than rush into thr surgeon's and show it off - I will wait.
This will allow more skin to form and thicken over what remains of the wound.
I did my first physical therapy session and had the leg covered in tape to restart the lymph system.
And the tape worked.
I can now see the actual wound!
And now there is some form of growth in the wound channel ....
So this is short because rest of today will be on the phone arranging further doctors visits.
If more surgery is needed, then it must be now - so that wound heals before casting!
So, trying to coordinate doctor, surgeon, dermatologist and insurance .
What a day this will be!
May 31, 2017
May 30, 2017
Life Goes On
So, I decided over the weekend to go and see what is new with those friends whom FaceBook has not deleted for me. I can now finally read more than a few lines without falling asleep - though typing is still a problem for me! I realized that being introspective is just fine - but it leads to negativity. And, my goal in this new life is optimism.
But, life continues - even if mine has been stalled for almost three years now.
On the happy side:
ex-International Banker Woman, widow of my late friend James, got engaged!
I am very happy for her and Dan.
Each of them has a grown daughter and they have been around each other for the past two years.
So, I pray it goes well for them.
And I pray God will be the center of their marriage ...
On the sad side:
The death of Marie, the mother of the young lady my father had decided I must marry.
She was a gentle woman, whom unfortunately hated men.
She passed her hatred on to her daughter.
You can guess how well all went for me decades later and trying to honor my father ....
My refusal to marry was the end of my having a family - except for Somer, my sister.
Until they needed me.
On the same-old, same-old side:
The death of Marie inadvertently only confirmed the depth of lies father was willing to go to.
Had I of known Marie's real tale, even in my naivety back then, life might have been very different.
I remain stunned at his arrogance in believing he was smarter than me.
So, how do I know?
The brain doc put me on a med which kicks starts the brain - as long as it is in your system.
And oh was mine ever kick started!
On day three, it all came roaring back.
Then Thursday brought on twin heart attacks.
So, off of those pills instantly!
And it is now it is Saturday and I am once again dumber than a stump - sigh ...
But, little pieces stayed with me.
Just enough to write about Marie.
Enough to remember why I walked away from her daughter:
She called me a liar.
Equating me with her father.
Equating me with my father.
And why I do not lie ...
I will never be my father.
I swore that as a youth - I maintain that decision.
Often to my own detriment.
But, life continues - even if mine has been stalled for almost three years now.
On the happy side:
ex-International Banker Woman, widow of my late friend James, got engaged!
I am very happy for her and Dan.
Each of them has a grown daughter and they have been around each other for the past two years.
So, I pray it goes well for them.
And I pray God will be the center of their marriage ...
On the sad side:
The death of Marie, the mother of the young lady my father had decided I must marry.
She was a gentle woman, whom unfortunately hated men.
She passed her hatred on to her daughter.
You can guess how well all went for me decades later and trying to honor my father ....
My refusal to marry was the end of my having a family - except for Somer, my sister.
Until they needed me.
On the same-old, same-old side:
The death of Marie inadvertently only confirmed the depth of lies father was willing to go to.
Had I of known Marie's real tale, even in my naivety back then, life might have been very different.
I remain stunned at his arrogance in believing he was smarter than me.
So, how do I know?
The brain doc put me on a med which kicks starts the brain - as long as it is in your system.
And oh was mine ever kick started!
On day three, it all came roaring back.
Then Thursday brought on twin heart attacks.
So, off of those pills instantly!
And it is now it is Saturday and I am once again dumber than a stump - sigh ...
But, little pieces stayed with me.
Just enough to write about Marie.
Enough to remember why I walked away from her daughter:
She called me a liar.
Equating me with her father.
Equating me with my father.
And why I do not lie ...
I will never be my father.
I swore that as a youth - I maintain that decision.
Often to my own detriment.
May 29, 2017
Memorial Day
Yes, it is National BBQ Day! Well, that is what you would think .... anything to do with War or Veterans - nope.
Mine mind is drawn to the thought of those left still alive.
Virtually no one is left from WWI, except I hear in Russia.
So few are left from WWII that they are the exception in any crowd!
Still plenty of Korean War, Vietnam and all of the gulf wars!
If you can, invite a vet to your BBQ.
Better yet make the decision to honor these men and women with friendship and a meal ...
Mine mind is drawn to the thought of those left still alive.
Virtually no one is left from WWI, except I hear in Russia.
So few are left from WWII that they are the exception in any crowd!
Still plenty of Korean War, Vietnam and all of the gulf wars!
If you can, invite a vet to your BBQ.
Better yet make the decision to honor these men and women with friendship and a meal ...
May 27, 2017
May 26, 2017
Reset
So, I was put on a new memory enhancing drug this week.
And it seems it performs as advertised.
Memories flooded back.
And the anger arose within me:
At all of the betrayals
All of the broken promises
Of having my new heart ripped out
Piece by piece.
Yesterday was horrible!
Rounded out with twin minor heart attacks.
Yeah, something in that chemical mix is not good for me.
Nor are the memories.
So, stopping the meds and pray I can quickly forget ....
Again.
Permanently .....
and I really do need your prayers for recovery from this ...
And it seems it performs as advertised.
Memories flooded back.
And the anger arose within me:
At all of the betrayals
All of the broken promises
Of having my new heart ripped out
Piece by piece.
Yesterday was horrible!
Rounded out with twin minor heart attacks.
Yeah, something in that chemical mix is not good for me.
Nor are the memories.
So, stopping the meds and pray I can quickly forget ....
Again.
Permanently .....
and I really do need your prayers for recovery from this ...
May 25, 2017
No More
Facebook has done it to me again!
Yes, it is annual purge of my friends list day ... sigh ...
59 friends, a third of them ... POOF!
In years past when Facebook has held this celebration, I have endured continued comments and ire from said "friends".
No More.
I have been already slowly deleting all of my history off of FB - goal is to just have a series of things I think are funny. By the end of next year it will all be done. No online presence left of me.
This time, if said "friend" has not visited, IM'ed, texted or called me in over a year - they will not know the difference.
Which is a shame, many of them are held dearly in my heart - but as it seems, not bi-directional affection.
Family I will be needing to keep, even though most of them do not talk to me. You never know when there is a funeral to attend or injury to pray over.
But, no more, this weird junior high mentality game is over!
My blogs I will keep - using my time to consolidate them and improve them. My goal is that there be one entrance into my world - I think it will be much easier for me to maintain.
But it saddens me. For I cherish friends, even ones whom have apparently passed me by. Maybe I just need to let go and stop being optimistic about life.
Yes, it is annual purge of my friends list day ... sigh ...
59 friends, a third of them ... POOF!
In years past when Facebook has held this celebration, I have endured continued comments and ire from said "friends".
No More.
I have been already slowly deleting all of my history off of FB - goal is to just have a series of things I think are funny. By the end of next year it will all be done. No online presence left of me.
This time, if said "friend" has not visited, IM'ed, texted or called me in over a year - they will not know the difference.
Which is a shame, many of them are held dearly in my heart - but as it seems, not bi-directional affection.
Family I will be needing to keep, even though most of them do not talk to me. You never know when there is a funeral to attend or injury to pray over.
But, no more, this weird junior high mentality game is over!
My blogs I will keep - using my time to consolidate them and improve them. My goal is that there be one entrance into my world - I think it will be much easier for me to maintain.
But it saddens me. For I cherish friends, even ones whom have apparently passed me by. Maybe I just need to let go and stop being optimistic about life.
May 24, 2017
Jawv Drop
You have no concept of how vexing life is when your mind has been wiped!
Over the weekend, I remembered two online forums I used to participate in.
Both I stopped accessing right after father's death ... not sure why.
So, I hopped onto the history site and it is still interesting.
Guess I will get to do some reading and seeing what is on their minds.
The other is a Christian site and it left me to think ...
Someone posted a question about one of the parables of Jesus.
It was not a hard parable to understand.
The following questions and discussion left me uncertain ...
So I dug out my tome on the parables of Jesus for the sake of letting me know if I had lost it too.
The Words And Works Of Jesus Christ
Dwight Pentecost *
1981
Zondervan
And as I read the standard understanding of the parable, I had to go back and read the post and all of the comments. Okay, so I am not being obtuse here - easily understood text, no word pictures to misunderstand - and yet 100% of the comments were completely off-base, seeking something hidden meaning in plain text.
Today Christians seem to have forgotten that people are people. The same today, as yesterday. If you think mankind is smarter today than in Jesus' day - you would be wrong. They might even have been a mite wiser than we are today! So, if Jesus was talking - then the audience had the ability to understand, but they often did not because He was not saying what was expected, nor was He acting as expected! The learned could not get beyond their hard set expectations and so His message was not understood by the common man. Naturally that is not a blanket statement.
Matthew 25:14-30
The entire question revolving around why are some punished and others rewarded?
Huh?
You do nothing and you expect reward?
You do little and you expect the same reward as those whom apply themselves?
What the heck is wrong with people these days?
So the odd comments flowed, so totally "off" from what Jesus had said!
I have to admit, I do not get this illogical flow of thought .....
Perhaps we are reaching the point where truth can no longer be found.
The point where people rush around to find truth.
But, it is not to be found.
Perhaps because hearts and minds are hardening?
Clouding understanding ...
But, if something so basic, as this parable, can no longer be understood by the common man - the question becomes one of why?
What has clouded minds hearts, eyes?
I really do wonder ......
*I do not recommend anything written by Dwight Pentecost and strongly question his entire "ministry"! However this work seemed to be problem free when I was a Bible student. Remember: always question, no matter how highly esteemed in man's eyes someone is!
Over the weekend, I remembered two online forums I used to participate in.
Both I stopped accessing right after father's death ... not sure why.
So, I hopped onto the history site and it is still interesting.
Guess I will get to do some reading and seeing what is on their minds.
The other is a Christian site and it left me to think ...
Someone posted a question about one of the parables of Jesus.
It was not a hard parable to understand.
The following questions and discussion left me uncertain ...
So I dug out my tome on the parables of Jesus for the sake of letting me know if I had lost it too.
The Words And Works Of Jesus Christ
Dwight Pentecost *
1981
Zondervan
And as I read the standard understanding of the parable, I had to go back and read the post and all of the comments. Okay, so I am not being obtuse here - easily understood text, no word pictures to misunderstand - and yet 100% of the comments were completely off-base, seeking something hidden meaning in plain text.
Today Christians seem to have forgotten that people are people. The same today, as yesterday. If you think mankind is smarter today than in Jesus' day - you would be wrong. They might even have been a mite wiser than we are today! So, if Jesus was talking - then the audience had the ability to understand, but they often did not because He was not saying what was expected, nor was He acting as expected! The learned could not get beyond their hard set expectations and so His message was not understood by the common man. Naturally that is not a blanket statement.
Matthew 25:14-30
The entire question revolving around why are some punished and others rewarded?
Huh?
You do nothing and you expect reward?
You do little and you expect the same reward as those whom apply themselves?
What the heck is wrong with people these days?
So the odd comments flowed, so totally "off" from what Jesus had said!
I have to admit, I do not get this illogical flow of thought .....
Perhaps we are reaching the point where truth can no longer be found.
The point where people rush around to find truth.
But, it is not to be found.
Perhaps because hearts and minds are hardening?
Clouding understanding ...
But, if something so basic, as this parable, can no longer be understood by the common man - the question becomes one of why?
What has clouded minds hearts, eyes?
I really do wonder ......
*I do not recommend anything written by Dwight Pentecost and strongly question his entire "ministry"! However this work seemed to be problem free when I was a Bible student. Remember: always question, no matter how highly esteemed in man's eyes someone is!
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