October 31, 2015
October 30, 2015
Chewing My Nails
So this afternoon is when the current cast is to be cut off and probably replaced - unless the healing process has advanced rapidly! No, I am not counting on rapid healing - normal is fine - but would not complain if I did not have to lug a cast around for several more weeks!
No worries, I will not post pictures, unlike other times. I realize the vast difference between infection photos and amputation.
So excited, wary, a bit fearful to see what the leg looks like now. I had to do some very difficult exercises while sitting on a big ball. It seems to have worked. Such a pain. I think there is a sadist streak with physical therapists.
After that 2.5 hour event was over, I limped back to my room and bed and threw myself down. I awoke warm and rested, an Italian Greyhound curled up beside me and very happy! Seems it was dog visitation day and one had escaped! The owner was very apologetic but I laughed it off. Too bad the dog could not stick around longer. It was nice being even momentarily liked...
Well, back to my exercising this morning, I will not be able to this afternoon as my cast will be drying.
No worries, I will not post pictures, unlike other times. I realize the vast difference between infection photos and amputation.
So excited, wary, a bit fearful to see what the leg looks like now. I had to do some very difficult exercises while sitting on a big ball. It seems to have worked. Such a pain. I think there is a sadist streak with physical therapists.
After that 2.5 hour event was over, I limped back to my room and bed and threw myself down. I awoke warm and rested, an Italian Greyhound curled up beside me and very happy! Seems it was dog visitation day and one had escaped! The owner was very apologetic but I laughed it off. Too bad the dog could not stick around longer. It was nice being even momentarily liked...
Well, back to my exercising this morning, I will not be able to this afternoon as my cast will be drying.
October 29, 2015
Paul Cook
One of my most favorite authors was Paul Cook. No do not rush right out and try to find something by him - he has not written a book in 20 years. But the ones he did in the decade previous to that stopping point I really liked. So does Swede.
So, part of my stash here in the hospital was six of his book I have not read since the 1990's. I first learned of him by picking up a book of his at an airport bookshop as I was jetting off to Scotland in 1987. Good book ...
Same book, 20 years later, but a different Kris reading now - such utter garbage! No nothing "wrong" with the story line - I just have changed to such an extent that his book held no interest what-so-ever to me any longer.
I picked up the next five books and they all came out with the same result! Wow, that really took me by surprise.
I am so saddened!
Well luckily there is another author I like, Roy Maynard. Alas he wrote very few books but I do like what he did write - still! I stay in touch with him via eMail to encourage him to crank out a new one every few years! But he does not seem interested in the idea, sigh.
So reading a book by J A Jance right now to see if I like this prolific author or not.
So, part of my stash here in the hospital was six of his book I have not read since the 1990's. I first learned of him by picking up a book of his at an airport bookshop as I was jetting off to Scotland in 1987. Good book ...
Same book, 20 years later, but a different Kris reading now - such utter garbage! No nothing "wrong" with the story line - I just have changed to such an extent that his book held no interest what-so-ever to me any longer.
I picked up the next five books and they all came out with the same result! Wow, that really took me by surprise.
I am so saddened!
Well luckily there is another author I like, Roy Maynard. Alas he wrote very few books but I do like what he did write - still! I stay in touch with him via eMail to encourage him to crank out a new one every few years! But he does not seem interested in the idea, sigh.
So reading a book by J A Jance right now to see if I like this prolific author or not.
October 28, 2015
Some Good News
Dutifully doing my physical therapy ad nauseum, but I know the stronger I get the quicker I can get out of here. A rehab center is a tough place when the majority of the population are dementia patients! Their cries are heart breaking. The staff is overwhelmed, so a high maintenance case such as me then has to nag to get the medical arrangement met. Sigh - I really hate nagging anyone - but I am learning that sometimes I just have to.
But, the work is paying off - I am to be released next week! At some point, that is all that matters right now. I can return home, crawl inside the house if I have too and maybe find some peace and rest.
The only trouble I am having is that I am finding the end of the missing keys to information in my life. As mentioned before, I have some drug based amnesia where I can recall nothing unless something is said to me which seems to active a recall and a flood of associated knowledge on that subject. I know that I am still missing vast segments of my life, memories, everything - but there are no "keys" to unlock those areas. Sigh ... maybe with time.
Today's test is for me to make BLT sandwiches for the staff. Hard work on one leg but it will be fun to cook again!
But, the work is paying off - I am to be released next week! At some point, that is all that matters right now. I can return home, crawl inside the house if I have too and maybe find some peace and rest.
The only trouble I am having is that I am finding the end of the missing keys to information in my life. As mentioned before, I have some drug based amnesia where I can recall nothing unless something is said to me which seems to active a recall and a flood of associated knowledge on that subject. I know that I am still missing vast segments of my life, memories, everything - but there are no "keys" to unlock those areas. Sigh ... maybe with time.
Today's test is for me to make BLT sandwiches for the staff. Hard work on one leg but it will be fun to cook again!
October 27, 2015
Learning
Spent a lot of time thinking today while doing 5 hours of physical therapy.
The first line of thought revolved around the apparent randomness of life. Think about it, you can be living your life as best you can - and blam you lose a leg! I mean really where did that one come from? Effect with no cause what so ever! A complete violation of everything I have ever held to! Cause and effect have been invalidated as a life principle.
If effects can exist without any apparent cause, then how does one judge where you stand with God? Conversely, if causes can exist without effect, then no wonder people believe they can get away with anything or even that God does not even exist!
And so I can now understand where misled Christians get the idea they can judge others based upon the going ons in other's lives. Except I can see the flaw is huge in the misunderstanding here.
I can also see now where the idea of the randomness of life comes from. Thinking of Barry, me, James, my lawyer friend - all whose lives have been turned upside down across the past year. What about Dutchman, Swede, Pamela and my family all impacted as well by what has happened to us?
Is God in control or not?
Of course He is actively in charge! But, He is sovereign and is not to be held to predictable routines, man made rules nor even our own understandings or expectations.
It is terribly confusing, but I praise God He is independent of us, of me, of bad theology ....
The first line of thought revolved around the apparent randomness of life. Think about it, you can be living your life as best you can - and blam you lose a leg! I mean really where did that one come from? Effect with no cause what so ever! A complete violation of everything I have ever held to! Cause and effect have been invalidated as a life principle.
If effects can exist without any apparent cause, then how does one judge where you stand with God? Conversely, if causes can exist without effect, then no wonder people believe they can get away with anything or even that God does not even exist!
And so I can now understand where misled Christians get the idea they can judge others based upon the going ons in other's lives. Except I can see the flaw is huge in the misunderstanding here.
I can also see now where the idea of the randomness of life comes from. Thinking of Barry, me, James, my lawyer friend - all whose lives have been turned upside down across the past year. What about Dutchman, Swede, Pamela and my family all impacted as well by what has happened to us?
Is God in control or not?
Of course He is actively in charge! But, He is sovereign and is not to be held to predictable routines, man made rules nor even our own understandings or expectations.
It is terribly confusing, but I praise God He is independent of us, of me, of bad theology ....
October 26, 2015
Poor Cousin Barry
As if it was not bad enough that my leg had to go, poor cousin Barry has now lost his battle with Charcot and lost his as well this past week! You might remember that Barry was about 8 months ahead of me in the Charcot battle. We both won, but I lost to a staph infection - and now, so has he.
Sigh, so bummed.
Filling my days with physical therapy, occupational therapy and cognitive testing. Intersperse this with IV antibiotics six times a day and I am wearing down rapidly! So upgrading my diet by not eating the food here or at least as little as possible. But little I can do to get any more rest than I am. For this week, just a ton of exercising
Just working towards the second cast removal on this upcoming Friday! So, everything is up in the air as far as even next week is concerned.
I really need to go home .....
Sigh, so bummed.
Filling my days with physical therapy, occupational therapy and cognitive testing. Intersperse this with IV antibiotics six times a day and I am wearing down rapidly! So upgrading my diet by not eating the food here or at least as little as possible. But little I can do to get any more rest than I am. For this week, just a ton of exercising
Just working towards the second cast removal on this upcoming Friday! So, everything is up in the air as far as even next week is concerned.
I really need to go home .....
October 24, 2015
October 23, 2015
In Need Of Prayer
This seems my year for physical struggles.
I am attempting to overcome losing a leg.
I am attempting to overcome losing a leg.
October 12, 2015
Meeting God
So Jesus and the disciples are going to be meeting God in a cloud. Of course no one is expecting this!
Keep Watching
Do not Chatter
Listen Closely
Always Remember
Anticipate What Jesus is Going To Do
Pretty simple passage, so no gobs of notes for you this time.
Keep Watching
Do not Chatter
Listen Closely
Always Remember
Anticipate What Jesus is Going To Do
Pretty simple passage, so no gobs of notes for you this time.
October 10, 2015
October 9, 2015
Only In Sumner
Called up my mother on Tuesday and suggested she meet me in Sumner, Washington (State) for lunch. Now Sumner likes to bill itself as the rhubarb capitol of the world ... mind you rhubarb as two different meanings in the English language ...
So, after a bit of a fiasco of my mother trying to tell me to find her in Sumner because she is on the street parallel to Main Street - which is three miles long ... I finally found her and we went for lunch at a place called the Berryland Cafe. Mind you, there was nothing on the menu having to do with any form of berry. Hmmmmm. What they are most noted for is their rhubarb pie, which was good, but not outstanding. Then again, it has been years since I have had any rhubarb anything! So it was great!
Sumner has several small antique shops, so we went on tour.
But, first, I am stopped by a man on the street asking me if I had lunch yet. I replied yes. He replied, "Too bad, I just ate at the Buttered Biscuit and they had the best sausage and gravy biscuits. It was OMG!!!!!" He is waving his arms around to show the size of the portions and how great the biscuits were and the gravy !!!!!!!!! I am thinking 'heart attack!' but he is describing ecstasy ... I left him holding on to a light pole, breathing hard and muttering he had to have seconds.
And people kept stopping me and saying 'Hi', really friendly folk and a bit of the mid-west in Washington State I guess. Lots of comments about my brace and leg. Well, there is no way to hide it, I can only wear shorts or a dress I guess. But thankfully for a change no one started telling me about the ingrown toe nails and how they were in a walking boot for weeks recovering from that one. Sigh.
Finally I made it to a shoppe, went in and looked at lots of over priced stuff. Of course, mother is a non-stop running dialogue of what is wrong with everyone's pricing and identifications. I hate customers in a shop.
Then onto a second shoppe and I found a nice Papago Indian basket from the 1970's grossly under priced, so I bought it.
Parted with mother and started the hike back to my car across a parking lot.
A brown truck pulls in, stops, an 80 something year old man slides out, walks over to a big white pick up from California, pops the gas cap and and proceeds to pee into the truck's tank. Now, I am not one to complain if someone wants to pee into a California gas tank, but uhm....... Oh yeah, so then he notices me and gets all embarrassed. I slow down to allow his embarrassment to ripen. He lights a cigarette - I hop out of there faster than I have moved in years!
Yup, only in Sumner is entertainment abounding ...
So, after a bit of a fiasco of my mother trying to tell me to find her in Sumner because she is on the street parallel to Main Street - which is three miles long ... I finally found her and we went for lunch at a place called the Berryland Cafe. Mind you, there was nothing on the menu having to do with any form of berry. Hmmmmm. What they are most noted for is their rhubarb pie, which was good, but not outstanding. Then again, it has been years since I have had any rhubarb anything! So it was great!
Sumner has several small antique shops, so we went on tour.
But, first, I am stopped by a man on the street asking me if I had lunch yet. I replied yes. He replied, "Too bad, I just ate at the Buttered Biscuit and they had the best sausage and gravy biscuits. It was OMG!!!!!" He is waving his arms around to show the size of the portions and how great the biscuits were and the gravy !!!!!!!!! I am thinking 'heart attack!' but he is describing ecstasy ... I left him holding on to a light pole, breathing hard and muttering he had to have seconds.
And people kept stopping me and saying 'Hi', really friendly folk and a bit of the mid-west in Washington State I guess. Lots of comments about my brace and leg. Well, there is no way to hide it, I can only wear shorts or a dress I guess. But thankfully for a change no one started telling me about the ingrown toe nails and how they were in a walking boot for weeks recovering from that one. Sigh.
Finally I made it to a shoppe, went in and looked at lots of over priced stuff. Of course, mother is a non-stop running dialogue of what is wrong with everyone's pricing and identifications. I hate customers in a shop.
Then onto a second shoppe and I found a nice Papago Indian basket from the 1970's grossly under priced, so I bought it.
Parted with mother and started the hike back to my car across a parking lot.
A brown truck pulls in, stops, an 80 something year old man slides out, walks over to a big white pick up from California, pops the gas cap and and proceeds to pee into the truck's tank. Now, I am not one to complain if someone wants to pee into a California gas tank, but uhm....... Oh yeah, so then he notices me and gets all embarrassed. I slow down to allow his embarrassment to ripen. He lights a cigarette - I hop out of there faster than I have moved in years!
Yup, only in Sumner is entertainment abounding ...
October 8, 2015
Gatherings
Last year one of my friends commented they imagined that when old men get together all they do is talk about their knee replacements. I thought it was funny, still do, but an odd remark at the time.
Last month, I had many opportunities to be involved in many meetings of "old" men, usually not willingly. And I am happy to pass on what old men actually do talk about is:
A) Football
B) Baseball
C) Fishing
D) Their aching backs
Whereas, I guess I am more "girly" in my interests:
A) Cooking
B) Travel
C) Movies
D) Precision shooting
And many other topics I am more than willing to participate in! Of course, no one is interested in anything I am interested in, so I get to sit and drink my tea in peace until whatever the event is, is over and I can gracefully depart to fresh air and the clarity of my own mind. Knowing full well that I did what I could but I am a square peg surrounded by round holes.
Conversely, over the weekend I had a birthday party to attend for my grandson - now six years old! Where has time gone?
So, tons of children running through the house, both of the yards and they had a ton of fun. Inside about a dozen twenty somethings were gathered. So I expected talk to be about:
A) Seahawks
B) Starbucks
C) Work
D) What ever other vacuous conversations topics
I was surprised that this gathering was by and large that of young red-necks! Yeah, topics I wish I could have been included in were ranging across:
A) Car technology
B) Home improvements
C) Job market
D) Current politics
I had tremendously more fun with the young rednecks of America than with the self absorbed entertainment seekers of my generation. Sigh. Always the odd duck out. And mind you it creeped them out that i was knowledgeable on all of their topics. I guess old people are supposed to be stupid. Sigh.
Last month, I had many opportunities to be involved in many meetings of "old" men, usually not willingly. And I am happy to pass on what old men actually do talk about is:
A) Football
B) Baseball
C) Fishing
D) Their aching backs
Whereas, I guess I am more "girly" in my interests:
A) Cooking
B) Travel
C) Movies
D) Precision shooting
And many other topics I am more than willing to participate in! Of course, no one is interested in anything I am interested in, so I get to sit and drink my tea in peace until whatever the event is, is over and I can gracefully depart to fresh air and the clarity of my own mind. Knowing full well that I did what I could but I am a square peg surrounded by round holes.
Conversely, over the weekend I had a birthday party to attend for my grandson - now six years old! Where has time gone?
So, tons of children running through the house, both of the yards and they had a ton of fun. Inside about a dozen twenty somethings were gathered. So I expected talk to be about:
A) Seahawks
B) Starbucks
C) Work
D) What ever other vacuous conversations topics
I was surprised that this gathering was by and large that of young red-necks! Yeah, topics I wish I could have been included in were ranging across:
A) Car technology
B) Home improvements
C) Job market
D) Current politics
I had tremendously more fun with the young rednecks of America than with the self absorbed entertainment seekers of my generation. Sigh. Always the odd duck out. And mind you it creeped them out that i was knowledgeable on all of their topics. I guess old people are supposed to be stupid. Sigh.
October 7, 2015
Charcot Status
So, Barry is failing in his leg again, so where is mine?
 |
| The leg now the size of my arm! |
 |
| The muscle bound brute wringing my foot out! |
 | |||||
| All wrapped up in the 6 layers of elastic. |
October 6, 2015
Bummed
So I am REALLY bummed this week.
I have charcot, a diabetic related disease, and the whole of this year has been lost to fighting this problem. Multiple times it appeared that I would lose my foot and leg - yet time and time again God would move against all logic to surmount whatever the problem. ALL of my doctors are confused and in awe at this! They slap each other on the back and are happy at the success but they do not understand that God is performing a miracle here.
Ahead of me in this journey has been a friend: James, whom chose to go the route of the pomegranate exit from this life. The drugs they give you react poorly to pomegranate enzymes. He never actually went any further than braces for taking pressure off of the foot!
The other was my cousin in Tennessee, about a year ahead of me in the process, I have been tracking with him, his doctors advice and my surgeon - so that I am doing NOTHING wrong. I want to have the absolute best shot at overcoming and healing! The rest is up to God ... and that is a great deal!
And cousin Barry's healing process failed over the weekend. To have done everything I have, to have reached complete healing - and then BLAM! it begins all over again. Oh Dear God, poor Barry.
The charcot process has begun to restart in the same foot on him! Oh NO! He was rushed to Duke University for emergency treatment and they are trying some new things on him to see if the process can be arrested and then reversed. He is in terror, of course, that the last three years of his life are about to repeat themselves.
Please place him your prayers, he really needs it right now.
And I take this as a warning to Kris ... keep that nose clean (those carb levels LOW!) or you will have even more years of pain ahead of you!
I have charcot, a diabetic related disease, and the whole of this year has been lost to fighting this problem. Multiple times it appeared that I would lose my foot and leg - yet time and time again God would move against all logic to surmount whatever the problem. ALL of my doctors are confused and in awe at this! They slap each other on the back and are happy at the success but they do not understand that God is performing a miracle here.
Ahead of me in this journey has been a friend: James, whom chose to go the route of the pomegranate exit from this life. The drugs they give you react poorly to pomegranate enzymes. He never actually went any further than braces for taking pressure off of the foot!
The other was my cousin in Tennessee, about a year ahead of me in the process, I have been tracking with him, his doctors advice and my surgeon - so that I am doing NOTHING wrong. I want to have the absolute best shot at overcoming and healing! The rest is up to God ... and that is a great deal!
And cousin Barry's healing process failed over the weekend. To have done everything I have, to have reached complete healing - and then BLAM! it begins all over again. Oh Dear God, poor Barry.
The charcot process has begun to restart in the same foot on him! Oh NO! He was rushed to Duke University for emergency treatment and they are trying some new things on him to see if the process can be arrested and then reversed. He is in terror, of course, that the last three years of his life are about to repeat themselves.
Please place him your prayers, he really needs it right now.
And I take this as a warning to Kris ... keep that nose clean (those carb levels LOW!) or you will have even more years of pain ahead of you!
October 5, 2015
Which Jesus ...
It was 1983 and God was about to take me on a trip into the realm of total insanity, from my viewpoint. Sister Becca had been broken, Satan had utterly destroyed her. None of us could understand how but the damage was obvious to all. I hopped on a plane and flew to a place near where her mission station was. I met with her sister and brother-in-law and planned the kidnapping to take place that night ...
This week was to be where God SHOWED me the REALITY of angels, demons and Satan. None of which I wanted to know, I was there to rescue a dear sister from my early days as a Christian. The reality of the powers of evil and the existence of real angels were the furthest things from my mind or desire! And, that is a story for another time.
Somewhere in this week, I met a young lady in Fresno and over coffee (tea for me!) we had a long discussion about her time on the mission field in Mexico. As she talked her language became more and more confusing to me. She kept dwelling on the thought that there was more than one Jesus. It made no sense to me, but I let her spin her yarn ... and I thought on this concept mightily. It troubled me that there could be fake Jesus' running around - no I am not talking about people proclaiming themselves to be the Messiah - those will always exit. I am talking about our ability in our hearts and minds to serve the wrong Jesus and God, thinking completely otherwise about it!
How do you serve God and yet not be serving God at all? It just made no sense.
Oh, make no mistake, God was going to remove that confusion from my mind rather rapidly - and scare that woollies off of me in the course of events that week! It there was a fog over my vision, it was about to be permanently removed!
Jesus, but not Jesus. Hmmm, so I do something for God, but it is not for God at all. God does something and everyone is in praise mode, but it is not God at all whom did whatever. God, but not God - a false God - a God whom we define but not the divine One.
Across the week I was to see amongst far flung brethren I was interacting with that superstition and pragmatism had replaced God in reality. Yeah, they were doing for God, they were serving God, they were praising God but it was not God at all it was the false god of their imagination. They were defining whom god is and how god works and putting him in their little boxes and then worshiping this self-serving god in the box they had created. And that was how Becca was destroyed, Satan created a hole for her to fall through ... and she did.
This understanding terrified me!
Was I guilty of this? Had I stuffed God in a box and said, "This what you can do, this is how you can act, this how I am going to worship you."? I am sure, since my Christianity at this point was the product of what I now know to be a pagan Christian church, I had to make some changes instantly to my personal understanding of God. You can not put God in a box or place limitations on Him without creating a false god. And my desire has always been to be wholly committed to Him and Him alone - the one and only true God.
So, when I watch a Christian movie, read a Christian book, listen to Christian teaching - I ALWAYS ask the question, "whom is getting the glory here?" Is it God or is it man? If man, then we are talking about the false god, the false Jesus, you are being misled. There is no excuse, no exceptions. Sorry.
As the old expression goes, "The road to Hell is paved with the best of intentions". Indeed, Christianity fails when we do not put God first in all of our pursuits. When our interests or agenda become the goal of whatever the activity, you just left God in the dust and the result will show.
You do not know what to do with your life so you are going to become a missionary, naturally. Cool, grandma even coughed up the dough for school for you to serve in India, praise the Lord, He answered. Cool, but why? I have had this conversation so many times it is uncountable. Only once did the answer point to an actual call by God (and yes she did eventually lose her life but made a tremendous impact on the small group she witnessed to). Most were called by grandma's money, the desire to travel, to not work, in one case to not have to do housework because servants were cheaply hired and worked into the monthly budget! Sorry, but in all of those cases, save for the martyred one in Indonesia, it was the fake god of their own making they were serving and the results showed it.
It exists even in real Christian undertakings. You want to build a church. Why? Give me an answer that is not because you want to, you feel led to, you have the truth no one else does, etc. Huge egos (I, Me, Mine) build churches, servants of God deal within the realm of what exists today. Perhaps a church is needed - cool. But, God, the real one calls you to not split apart, not to do your own thing, to stand in place and be the plain pain in the @#^ of the church representing His interests - until they throw you out, then you get to build what God wants - when He is ready. Conversely, divesting your church body into smaller groups is also a Biblical example - not consolidation and larger structures!
Even in something as simple as a mission trip for youth, I was to see the false god take over and in a dedicated Christian church, God-ly men, committed youth - utterly destroyed because the wrong leader was chosen whom did things HIS own way - and the results showed it. Then the finger pointing begins, and rumors and whispers and lawsuits and families are leaving the church and no one understands why ... But, but, but, we did this for God, how could this have happened ... ?!?!?!?!?!
I run into christians all of the time whom do not attend church. They are worshiping the false god and justifying it with excuses.
I run into christians all of the time whom are church hopping. They can not "feel" right in any one so they just move on and justify it with excuses.
I run into christians all of the time whom do not read their Bible! It is boring after-all ... (think on that one!)
I run into christians all of the time whom hold to some very dogmatic rules, problem is the Bible does not support their hard headed/hearted ideals. They even use the Bible to support their bigotries, unsuccessfully for those whom do know their Bible!
I run into Christians all of the time, whose hearts I can discern are sold out to God but whose base desires negate their witness. (no throwing stones, I have my failures too)
I run into Christians all of the time whom are driven by pride and ego, and they will not see it. I am the one with the problem, not them!
I run into Christians all of the time, defeated by life, not understanding why, not seeing that they have not given their all to the real God. God must be a lie after-all, right?
So yeah, there are lots of "Christians" today whom are making a great mess because they are led by a false god called "self". Equally there are a great many Christians whose witness has been negated through sin.
What is a believer to do?!?!?!?
A) You know if you are saved or not (confession, baptism, desire to read Bible, sense of condemnation on wrong doing, desire for fellowship, etc)
B) You can judge right from wrong, why are you doing what you are doing?
C) No one is sinless, not your pastor, not you, not me, not anyone!
D) The true God forgives, demands that all you do be His and for Him alone (let that sink in).
E) Serve God, not yourself, not your 401-K, not demands of anyone other than God.
In the end, I learned God, the real God, wants you to be a servant, to get out of your comfort zone and serve Him by serving others in their need. Unlike Him, He does not demand you wash other's feet - but He might, if that is a problem area for you ...
I learned to avoid books about the Bible and to only study the Bible, with some strong cross references. I avoid christian-ese books, which are all the rage because some mighty bad theology is to be found there. I avoid books by Christians, whose only credit is that they are Christian. Sorry I will avoid your experiential faith for a Biblical fact based faith. Their tales may be true - most are not.
In the end you are responsible for what goes in your body/mind/heart, everything has an impact on your faith - to misdirect, to weaken, yes even to strengthen - the choices are all yours. But if you choose poorly it might not be the fuzzy-wuzzy Jesus you expect to face in the end but a Sovereign Warrior King with little sense of humor.
This week was to be where God SHOWED me the REALITY of angels, demons and Satan. None of which I wanted to know, I was there to rescue a dear sister from my early days as a Christian. The reality of the powers of evil and the existence of real angels were the furthest things from my mind or desire! And, that is a story for another time.
Somewhere in this week, I met a young lady in Fresno and over coffee (tea for me!) we had a long discussion about her time on the mission field in Mexico. As she talked her language became more and more confusing to me. She kept dwelling on the thought that there was more than one Jesus. It made no sense to me, but I let her spin her yarn ... and I thought on this concept mightily. It troubled me that there could be fake Jesus' running around - no I am not talking about people proclaiming themselves to be the Messiah - those will always exit. I am talking about our ability in our hearts and minds to serve the wrong Jesus and God, thinking completely otherwise about it!
How do you serve God and yet not be serving God at all? It just made no sense.
Oh, make no mistake, God was going to remove that confusion from my mind rather rapidly - and scare that woollies off of me in the course of events that week! It there was a fog over my vision, it was about to be permanently removed!
Jesus, but not Jesus. Hmmm, so I do something for God, but it is not for God at all. God does something and everyone is in praise mode, but it is not God at all whom did whatever. God, but not God - a false God - a God whom we define but not the divine One.
Across the week I was to see amongst far flung brethren I was interacting with that superstition and pragmatism had replaced God in reality. Yeah, they were doing for God, they were serving God, they were praising God but it was not God at all it was the false god of their imagination. They were defining whom god is and how god works and putting him in their little boxes and then worshiping this self-serving god in the box they had created. And that was how Becca was destroyed, Satan created a hole for her to fall through ... and she did.
This understanding terrified me!
Was I guilty of this? Had I stuffed God in a box and said, "This what you can do, this is how you can act, this how I am going to worship you."? I am sure, since my Christianity at this point was the product of what I now know to be a pagan Christian church, I had to make some changes instantly to my personal understanding of God. You can not put God in a box or place limitations on Him without creating a false god. And my desire has always been to be wholly committed to Him and Him alone - the one and only true God.
So, when I watch a Christian movie, read a Christian book, listen to Christian teaching - I ALWAYS ask the question, "whom is getting the glory here?" Is it God or is it man? If man, then we are talking about the false god, the false Jesus, you are being misled. There is no excuse, no exceptions. Sorry.
As the old expression goes, "The road to Hell is paved with the best of intentions". Indeed, Christianity fails when we do not put God first in all of our pursuits. When our interests or agenda become the goal of whatever the activity, you just left God in the dust and the result will show.
You do not know what to do with your life so you are going to become a missionary, naturally. Cool, grandma even coughed up the dough for school for you to serve in India, praise the Lord, He answered. Cool, but why? I have had this conversation so many times it is uncountable. Only once did the answer point to an actual call by God (and yes she did eventually lose her life but made a tremendous impact on the small group she witnessed to). Most were called by grandma's money, the desire to travel, to not work, in one case to not have to do housework because servants were cheaply hired and worked into the monthly budget! Sorry, but in all of those cases, save for the martyred one in Indonesia, it was the fake god of their own making they were serving and the results showed it.
It exists even in real Christian undertakings. You want to build a church. Why? Give me an answer that is not because you want to, you feel led to, you have the truth no one else does, etc. Huge egos (I, Me, Mine) build churches, servants of God deal within the realm of what exists today. Perhaps a church is needed - cool. But, God, the real one calls you to not split apart, not to do your own thing, to stand in place and be the plain pain in the @#^ of the church representing His interests - until they throw you out, then you get to build what God wants - when He is ready. Conversely, divesting your church body into smaller groups is also a Biblical example - not consolidation and larger structures!
Even in something as simple as a mission trip for youth, I was to see the false god take over and in a dedicated Christian church, God-ly men, committed youth - utterly destroyed because the wrong leader was chosen whom did things HIS own way - and the results showed it. Then the finger pointing begins, and rumors and whispers and lawsuits and families are leaving the church and no one understands why ... But, but, but, we did this for God, how could this have happened ... ?!?!?!?!?!
I run into christians all of the time whom do not attend church. They are worshiping the false god and justifying it with excuses.
I run into christians all of the time whom are church hopping. They can not "feel" right in any one so they just move on and justify it with excuses.
I run into christians all of the time whom do not read their Bible! It is boring after-all ... (think on that one!)
I run into christians all of the time whom hold to some very dogmatic rules, problem is the Bible does not support their hard headed/hearted ideals. They even use the Bible to support their bigotries, unsuccessfully for those whom do know their Bible!
I run into Christians all of the time, whose hearts I can discern are sold out to God but whose base desires negate their witness. (no throwing stones, I have my failures too)
I run into Christians all of the time whom are driven by pride and ego, and they will not see it. I am the one with the problem, not them!
I run into Christians all of the time, defeated by life, not understanding why, not seeing that they have not given their all to the real God. God must be a lie after-all, right?
So yeah, there are lots of "Christians" today whom are making a great mess because they are led by a false god called "self". Equally there are a great many Christians whose witness has been negated through sin.
What is a believer to do?!?!?!?
A) You know if you are saved or not (confession, baptism, desire to read Bible, sense of condemnation on wrong doing, desire for fellowship, etc)
B) You can judge right from wrong, why are you doing what you are doing?
C) No one is sinless, not your pastor, not you, not me, not anyone!
D) The true God forgives, demands that all you do be His and for Him alone (let that sink in).
E) Serve God, not yourself, not your 401-K, not demands of anyone other than God.
In the end, I learned God, the real God, wants you to be a servant, to get out of your comfort zone and serve Him by serving others in their need. Unlike Him, He does not demand you wash other's feet - but He might, if that is a problem area for you ...
I learned to avoid books about the Bible and to only study the Bible, with some strong cross references. I avoid christian-ese books, which are all the rage because some mighty bad theology is to be found there. I avoid books by Christians, whose only credit is that they are Christian. Sorry I will avoid your experiential faith for a Biblical fact based faith. Their tales may be true - most are not.
In the end you are responsible for what goes in your body/mind/heart, everything has an impact on your faith - to misdirect, to weaken, yes even to strengthen - the choices are all yours. But if you choose poorly it might not be the fuzzy-wuzzy Jesus you expect to face in the end but a Sovereign Warrior King with little sense of humor.
October 3, 2015
Musical Saturday Morning
The 1980's had a bit of a darker side, no I am not ever going to post anything by the Sex Pistols or their ilk! Utter trash. But a hold over from the 1970's was still scoring on the charts with a song that would not have fit in the 1970's, nor the 1980's, in fact it was a bit unlike even him, Alice Cooper.
By 1989 he was now a young Christian and changing most things about himself, even interjecting a bit of humor into the video as he did at the end of this one. Gone for now, the make up and the darkness of most of his songs - this one still deals with darkness, but of another kind.
So, metal rock ... just so you are warned ...
By 1989 he was now a young Christian and changing most things about himself, even interjecting a bit of humor into the video as he did at the end of this one. Gone for now, the make up and the darkness of most of his songs - this one still deals with darkness, but of another kind.
So, metal rock ... just so you are warned ...
October 2, 2015
Reading Posts
My back went out again on Tuesday, it is like almost a constant situation anymore, every couple of days - whether I need excruciating pain or not. I guess that years of not being able to do any work or exercise is taking its toll on me now. Sigh. But, this time it is not going "back in" or away. So living in my back brace, such fun, I like having no way to bend over and a butt that is sure my father has come by with his whip like military belt. I tell ya .....
So, I was a bit depressed Wednesday morning. Injured, day after day alone, just silence surrounds me - well, reading a book about hunting Sasquatch in any event and drinking Keemum tea.
I have to walk two miles today so that my leg can be wrung out and then re-wrapped. And, I get to do this in my walking cast with a back brace on! I have sat here for three hours wondering what to write for Friday's post ... nothing came to me. Then I just started reading back through the year, playing the songs, remembering what each post meant to convey - shuddering at my numerous spelling and grammar errors, seeing where more than likely brain damage occurred due to the fever and my memory began fading. Bad times at my "death" at 110 ... sigh.
And, I apparently wrote a post at one time that only had meaning to me and God. It dealt with rejection and what is the worse reaming ever done me. Yeah, it damaged me badly, it still does, I have no way around it. It can not be undone nor forgotten, it was unforeseen, unexpected, it fit well with my being told I am a loser for a lifetime by my father. Though I have done all I can do to bring about resolution, none appears possible. It is hard as the wronged party to try and hope for restoration. I have no power to implement change in others. Very disheartening.
Oh well, life proceeds no matter our desire to just stop and clean up messes. And messes only get messier with time as I have learned. And messy is the realm of Satan, I have no doubt that one day, when least expected, all come roaring back onto me. Except because it will be Satan in charge, I will not be the victim, as now - I will be the antagonist again through a warped understanding of memory. And I really hate it when I can see its subtle hand at play and NO ONE will listen to me. Because, "God" is working. (I might post about that idea on Monday)
So, many tears cried as memories and fears combined across the posts. It really has been one heck of a year.
So, I was a bit depressed Wednesday morning. Injured, day after day alone, just silence surrounds me - well, reading a book about hunting Sasquatch in any event and drinking Keemum tea.
I have to walk two miles today so that my leg can be wrung out and then re-wrapped. And, I get to do this in my walking cast with a back brace on! I have sat here for three hours wondering what to write for Friday's post ... nothing came to me. Then I just started reading back through the year, playing the songs, remembering what each post meant to convey - shuddering at my numerous spelling and grammar errors, seeing where more than likely brain damage occurred due to the fever and my memory began fading. Bad times at my "death" at 110 ... sigh.
And, I apparently wrote a post at one time that only had meaning to me and God. It dealt with rejection and what is the worse reaming ever done me. Yeah, it damaged me badly, it still does, I have no way around it. It can not be undone nor forgotten, it was unforeseen, unexpected, it fit well with my being told I am a loser for a lifetime by my father. Though I have done all I can do to bring about resolution, none appears possible. It is hard as the wronged party to try and hope for restoration. I have no power to implement change in others. Very disheartening.
Oh well, life proceeds no matter our desire to just stop and clean up messes. And messes only get messier with time as I have learned. And messy is the realm of Satan, I have no doubt that one day, when least expected, all come roaring back onto me. Except because it will be Satan in charge, I will not be the victim, as now - I will be the antagonist again through a warped understanding of memory. And I really hate it when I can see its subtle hand at play and NO ONE will listen to me. Because, "God" is working. (I might post about that idea on Monday)
So, many tears cried as memories and fears combined across the posts. It really has been one heck of a year.
October 1, 2015
Want To Follow Jesus?
Then be ready:
Read Mark 8:35-38
For Life Losing
If you would save your life, you will lose it.
If you would lose your life, you will save it.
You will never find yourself until you have lost yourself for Jesus.
Then He will give you meaning, value and worth.
It is against our society and culture to choose to serve and not be served.
For Soul Keeping
Eternity awaits each of us.
The only real issue is what happens to our soul when we die.
So, what are you living for?
What is the purpose of your existence?
How have you positioned your soul for its eternal existence?
For No Trading
What can you give for your soul?
Rhetorical question for there is nothing you can pay or give for your soul.
You can make bad choices which will destroy you and direct your soul on a poor path.
Heaven or Hell, your soul with arrive at either, your choices in life will determine this.
Focus on Jesus, therefore sin less by default, be connected with God.
(Colossians 3:1-17)
For No Shaming
You have to stand for Jesus and His values.
Love God and others with your life.
The past is over, it is gone, God does not hold it against you.
So, want to follow Jesus?
Then do not compromise your soul for earthly or fleshly gain.
What is of this life is only temporary, what awaits you is eternal.
Your choice.
Read Mark 8:35-38
For Life Losing
If you would save your life, you will lose it.
If you would lose your life, you will save it.
You will never find yourself until you have lost yourself for Jesus.
Then He will give you meaning, value and worth.
It is against our society and culture to choose to serve and not be served.
For Soul Keeping
Eternity awaits each of us.
The only real issue is what happens to our soul when we die.
So, what are you living for?
What is the purpose of your existence?
How have you positioned your soul for its eternal existence?
For No Trading
What can you give for your soul?
Rhetorical question for there is nothing you can pay or give for your soul.
You can make bad choices which will destroy you and direct your soul on a poor path.
Heaven or Hell, your soul with arrive at either, your choices in life will determine this.
Focus on Jesus, therefore sin less by default, be connected with God.
(Colossians 3:1-17)
For No Shaming
You have to stand for Jesus and His values.
Love God and others with your life.
The past is over, it is gone, God does not hold it against you.
So, want to follow Jesus?
Then do not compromise your soul for earthly or fleshly gain.
What is of this life is only temporary, what awaits you is eternal.
Your choice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)