Who are you?

I can't recall the film but it was tremendously funnt.
The sub-plot revolved around how a person is and does one thing, but their perception of whom they were was completely different!
We enjoyed it so much, that we adopted a situational phrase along the lines of:
A:"So, what do you do?"
B: "I am a writer.
A: "Anything I have read?"
B: "Well I have nothing published ..."

Ah, a writer whom does not write.
Or, a painter whom does not paint.
Etc........

Which brings up the question, how should we as Christians define ourselves?
How do you define yourself?
Inside, whom are you?
What is it that you value most?

Philippians 3:12-21

Keep Your Identity In Jesus
Value Jesus.
And nothing else!

Not politics.
Not sports.
Nor labor organizations,
Social clubs,
Etc! Without end.

Reflect Jesus
Reflect Jesus in your life.
Value what He values.

Not the things of this world.

Where do you put the emphasis in your life?

So many Christians here in America are completely sold out to sports.
(as an example.  Substitute any distraction you want - money, sex, work, etc.)
They avoid Church on game days.
They have all of memorabilia of their favorite team/player.
They amass game statistics!
They live and breath sports!
Jesus is in reality only a second thought.

Keep Your Identity In His Promise
As a Christian, we have a hope.
Our hope is in our salvation through Jesus' sacrifice.

All of mankind faces death.
Humanism views this a the end.
But, as Christians we know that this life is transitory.
We are here but a short time.
Our eyes are to be on what comes next, not today.
Nor its temporal values.

We need not fear death.
The aspect of Christianity which has confused so many despots through the centuries.
Strengthened by the Holy Spirit, millions of Christians have faced horrendous deaths.
Much to the chagrin of those whom think they hold the power of life over death!

I am strengthened by having heard Peter's testimony of a nun named Maria in Magadan, whose testimony of death, brought salvation to one whom condemned her to death!
Of course, he was to shortly join her in martyrdom.
But, by then he understood where his hope was to be.

And, then in Jesus, we can face our judgment.
Our hope of pardon for failing God's standard.
Not glossed over, but a debt paid in full through Jesus' death on the cross.

(Gain, I rely on John Calvin's understanding on such issues as death, judgment and our hope in Jesus!)

Another Death

I walked into church Sunday and there was a different greeter than usual.
No big deal.
The lady whom had greeted me for the whole of the year is allowed time off I imagine!
And then someone took me aside later to tell me she was dead ...

Worse part, is that we talked every Sunday for up to 20 minutes each time.
And I never even knew her name!
Of course, given my aversion to females, that is understandable.
But, this lady had been an active prayer warrior for me, for years!

So, I am sad, because she was friendly and genuine.
I feel stupid for allowing my behavior to be dictated by damage I have suffered.
And I worry that she chose death poorly.

Unknown to me, she had been ill for years.
You never would have guessed it.
Yeah, she had many arm problems, but .....
And I thought on all of our discussions about my dialysis experiences.
I just thought she was interested or wanting to know how to pray.
That was the context of the discussions.
No one knew her kidneys were tanking!

So, when she needed to report for dialysis Friday, she chose not to.
And she died Saturday.
So, quick!

Not like the lingered death I got to suffer through in February!
Nor the 21 days they told me it would take.
sigh
On the one hand, I am envious - she is at peace and without constant pain.
On the other - I really hope ssharing my sufferings have not led her to chose unwisely!
I would be devastated if somehow I contributed to an other's suffering or death!
Yeah, that Hutterite upbringing is tightly ingrained.

So, she is at peace.
And she will be warmly remember as someone whom cared.
Whom prayed.
And had no known reason to ....

Cardiologist

Ugh, doctors!

So, he called me in, bright and early - about 90 minutes BEFORE my usual rising time!
I was staggering because:
I thought I would do a treat for everyone and make a special dinner!
I planned baked cod and baby peas with homemade tartar sauce.
YUM!
And it was pretty good.

Only the Costco cod turned out to be scrod, a junk fish that is only distinguishable from cod before it is filleted - or - after eaten.
Yeah,the  poor shopper is at the packager's mercy.
So, I was sicker than a dead dog as I stumbled in to the heart labs.
Exhausted from an entire night in the bathroom.
And have to face my reality challenged cardiologist.

Oh, make no mistake, the man is gifted.
And does not speak my simple language!

Three hours later, I was guessing that he was saying no problems.
Take these pills.
See me in three weeks.
Oh, yeah, bring an interpreter next time!

Yeah, Kris no speak medical jargon!
Sigh....

And I fear I am on day three of scrod poisoning.
I really must run!

Sorry

I really bothers me when I miss a day of posting, and it has happened often this year!
All I can say is that the air quality is so low that what is left of the brain is just not doing well!

My posting actually ended on Wednesday, so it looked like I missed only one day but it was really Kris being down for three!
Between air quality and my weak heart, just a bad combination - if you want to think!
I will look into relocating to Idaho, if I have to!
Seriously.

I took youngest daughter to the airport Thursday afternoon and she said;
"Look Pops, the smoke has cleared enough to see the clouds!"

And, I laughed and laughed until I was coughing!
Very funny!
But the smoke came back by evening!

Friday, our cars here in Gregory Heights were all covered in ash and cinders!
This, from a fire over 400 miles away!

And these cinders were like one inch of carbonized wood!
So, that got lobbed mighty high to land so far away!

I didn't even have the energy needed to work on my latest book!
I started working on it in June.
Tons of research to do - to get it "right".
And no one will care.
The world is flooded with fluff.

But, I need to do this.
Not sure why.
Maybe just to keep my brain alive.

So, here is to hoping Monday will be better.
And my brain will perhaps sort of work!
Sigh ....

Musical Saturday Morning

It must have been around 1985/6 and I was walking down the street of my hometown.
One of the local restaurant owners was leaning on his doorway and called to me.
His name was Hermin, however you spell it!
He handed me and envelop and said,
"I have gone out of business, so these are yours!".

I looked inside the envelop and saw that it was tickets for a free trip!
To Victoria, Canada.
Never had been there, so cool!
When I looked up, he was already gone.

I called the travel agent and confirmed this was not a scam.
Nor a condo sales promotion.
So, I went.
And had a ball!

Not far from the first class hotel were several museums, lots of shopping and high tea spots.
And a hospital.
Of course, I managed to end up in a full length arm cast.
sigh .....

Luckily, casts and codeine were quite cheap in Canada!

So, got to watch a but of cable as well.
This group was ruling the airwaves at the time!

Tempted

The thought is tempting not to post today.
This week has been horrible!
Two minor heart attacks, one additional induced to see what is up with the rotten ticker.
A dialysis session straight from hell - everything went wrong, up to and including a power failure!

I want to walk so badly!
But between the Siberian fires and the Canadian ones - we are chocking in smoke here!
For three weeks now, we are listed as "hazardous" air quality, even for healthy people!
Luckily, I have most of what I need.
And Gaelic Girl is forced to not be outside due to her 80 hour work schedule!

Everyday is in the 80's - far too hot for me!
Swiss Boy far prefers the temperature on glaciers!
So, lots of fans running.
But unlike years past - to push air around, not draw from outside.

The air smells not like wood smoke, but burnt meat!
Very weird.
My friends on the east side of Cascade Mountains, all report the same strange odor.
The cloud in the morning hangs about 20 feet off the ground through most of the day.
Generally, breaking up or rising around noon.
Poor pilots are only getting a half mile of visibility!

Sure glad I am not flying.
Wish I could go somewhere smoke free!
Well, I will retire now and try to think of something interesting for Friday's post ....

Testing

So, it was nuclear stress test time on Tuesday ... AGAIN!

This was the third one this year.
I have no idea what it is my cardiologist is thinking!
But, being dutiful was drummed into you in my European schools.
The youth of today could well learn a few things from such an environment today.
But then, students today have "rights".

Anyway, I was shot full of a nuclear ion, to map my heart with.
Wait for an hour.
Lay in a modified MRI machine for 20 minutes.

Get injected with something more.
It takes an hour for your heart to pump the goop around.
Then you get to experience a 90 second heart attack!

You want to throw up.
You want to run, but you can't get up.
Too dizzy.
Heart is pounding.
Muscles have no voluntary tension.
The pain is mind numbing.
You grit you teeth.
As you plan the cardiologist's demise.....

And then, it is gone.

You are left drenched in sweat.
They bring you coffee to combat the effects.
And then back into the machine for 30 minutes.

Seven hours over-all.
Hope it was worth it.
It would be nice to have this heart issue figured out.
And, put to rest!

As it is, it has been a week now with no repeat.

Not holding my breath, but hoping no more ....

(of course Tuesday night, was a repeat failure!)

The Meg

Pick a movie that someone, oh say me, having had a heart attack - should not have gone to!
Yup, not a wise decision.
But then, wise and Kris are hardly ever used in the sentence!

If you were around to see Jaws when it first came out and stopped bathing because of it -
Or,
You started going to church to thank God there are no dinosaurs, after viewing Jurassic Park -
Much less,
Possess a weak hearty -
This is NOT the movie for you!!!!!!!!

Think of a meat grinder on steroids!
Yeah.

On the other hand someone as broken as me will laugh and howl their way though this meat fest.

The story, yes there is one!, is quite good.
Surprisingly, their use of science is right up to date.
There are technology errors, but then this is a horror not a science-fiction movie!

Acting is flat and lifeless.
Dialogue is humorous at times.
Situations were contrived by a teenage male mentality!
Gees!
So, you would think Kris is going to fail this sucker!
But, no.
Kris thinks this is an owner movie!

Of course, Kris also owns Sharknado 1 thru 4!
Yeah. we find really bad movies highly entertaining!

I am sure the movie will make a fortune.
Maybe even an Oscar for special effects - which were quite good!
I only spotted one error in the CGI.
And that says something.

Go, to a matinee.
Enjoy that Megalodons do not exist.
(even though I do have a photo of one from 1943 off South Africa.)
Then go to a BBQ place for a pile of ribs!

Why should Megalodon have all the fun!?!?!?

Heart Attack

Well two more last week, so, I am in for testing.
Of course, dialysis messes up everything.
So, it will be full day of needles.
As they attempt to induce twin heart failures.
This allows them to "see" how much more of the heart has died.
 All the while trying to keep me alive.
So as to maximize their findings.
And, my pain ...

It also means no transplant will be possible for my kidneys - for at least the next year!

Sigh.....
This does not fit well with MY plans!
LOL - sarcasm ...

 prayers appreciated ....

Musical Saturday Morning

So, how about the one song that is almost acceptable to me, by Bon Jovi ....
And you got to love those 1980's hairstyles!

Creffield, Vigilantes and Discernment

Walked into my local bookstores, rather - the ONLY bookstore left within 8 miles of my house!
There was a book on display called, The Vigilante Newspapers.
The jacket seemed to pose many questions.
Is murder ever justifiable?
What do you do when justice is failed by the law?

Woah!  Meaty questions there!

The book is oddly written.
It just does not flow well.
However:

A man named Creffield arrived in Corvallis, Oregon about 1903.
He was a bit of a lunatic and managed to convince many that he knew the truth about life, the universe and everything.
He quickly gathered a following of mostly teenage girls and bored housewives.
From there, it went straight downhill into a living Hell for everyone.

If you ever heard the term  "Holy Rollers", he is where this came from.
As the point of his "services" revolved around scantily clad young women rolling on the floors in "ecstasy", while, he being nude joined them!

The community of Corvallis tolerated him right up until his latest revelation from God, "You must burn all of your possessions!"

Free sex is apparently one thing, but burning all you own - in a poor community, was intolerable.
He was jailed frequently.
And as stories of what went on spread, there was reasonable outrage!

The story centers on a 15 year old girl, Esther, whom he seduces - as well as her older married sister, whom also is prey for this sex predator.

At one point, 5 men in Corvallis are all gunning for Creffield, intending to kill him for his debauchery on sight!
But, no one succeeds.

Creffield flees to Seattle, but no one knows where he went.
Just that he is gone.
Only, the married sister is seen boarding the train for Portland.
Then older brother gets a gun and decides to defend his sister's honor.
Everyone ends up in Seattle with the trial of the new century!

Brother does succeed in killing Creffield on a Seattle street in broad daylight.
Which in itself was unusual.
But the following trial for the young man was national news.
The court had to address some weighty questions:
Are women easy swayed in their judgement?
Is it the obligation for family to protect its own?
Is it reasonable that a sexual predator be dispatched?
Is an insanity plea reasonable in this situation?

And the answer was a resounding "Yes", to all of the above!
Yeah, read that list of questions again ......

Young man is released and told to go home.

Esther crosses his path and tells him good-bye.
In final terms.
He commented that he wished it was not so.
And she shot and killed him on the spot!

A little police work revealed that older sister was behind this revenge killing.
Although, Esther felt no remorse over it at all!
Both were jailed.
Older sister commits suicide while in jail.
Esther is found incompetent to stand trial and sent to an asylum for 5 years.

On release, she returns to Corvallis, marries.
And then commits suicide as well!

(my comment: that poor family! 3 members dead! and the story does not end here!)

The turn of the century was not a great time.
Religion had been attacked, based on Darwin's observations on a trip around the world.
And lost.
Workers were in rebellion in various industries.
And the government had its problems.
Newspapers were the major communications tool.
And as they had learned in the prior century, yellow journalism sells!

Ignore facts, ignore law, just tell people what you deem necessary!

And that was how the whole disaster which swirled around Creffield went!

Calling for action, will yield action.
Calling for violence, will lead to tragedy.
And, where was the real church in all of this?

Well, not in Corvallis!
Even to this day this town is lacking in a true Christian community.
Borderline cults are popular.
And yes, I am familiar with the state of faith in Corvallis ...

Back in the day, this was a Friends community.
I know the Friends very well.
Nice people.
But, the tolerance shown outright sin is a real problem.

Yes, they jailed Creffield.
Tarred and feathered him even.
But only when the damage was already done!
And no one had the nerve to drive home the point,
"You are not wanted here.  Return and you will die!"
Train ticket to Kansas, good bye, sorry about the broken knees ......

Ask me how I really feel about predators sometime.

Unfortunately, his lies created an environment which did not die when he was killed.
Nor with the death of his 2 most ardent followers!
Fifty years later, their rituals were still in  full swing!
Police did raid after raid on homes along the Willamette River.
"Holy Rollers" filled the news on Saturdays.

"Oh my!", mother would exclaim!
Little did she realize that maybe I could not talk, but I understood her younger brother barely escaped by the skin of his teeth!
Yeah, he would not have liked that on his record!
As it was, he left to join the Navy.
Once he graduated.

It would not surprise me if this pagan worship is still celebrated today.
Sex sells and is a strong lure.
Just as it was in Jesus' day.

So, sad that the church lost its witness in this society.
These are people whom need reached.
Obviously they are searching.
And they substituted the lie of sex for truth of Jesus ...
   

August 1973

Numerically a long time since then - and yet only the day before yesterday!
Remembering that my brain still has only recovered to 1978!

It was 45 years ago this week that I met Dutchman.
He was traveling home from the Yukon, having been on a mission trip for the summer.
He made the mistake of going to a church close to the airport.
I  made the mistake of letting my mother's younger brother talk me into coming to his church that Sunday.

I walked in waved to say, "Hi" to my uncle and a female grabbed me!
Whipped me around - and planted a big on me!
Never saw her before and was utterly stunned.
Then the church was filled with the bellow akin to that of an enraged bull!
And I went flying across the width of the church!

I had no idea what hit me!

Later, once the confusion died down, I found out that her boyfriend had seen what she did and the rest was committed to history.
He apologized profusely and said it was only a split second after he hit me that he realized he should have hit the girlfriend ....
Sort of an Irish response it seems.
Hit and think later!
And he was not yet converted to Dutchman As of yet .....
Dutch woman was still in high school in Holland!

So, a lasting friendship was painfully framed.
For 45 years we have stood by one another.
Literally facing death on more than one occasion.
Speaking our mind and hearts in truth to one another.

He is one of the greatest gifts God ever gave me.
Yet at the time, August 19, 1973, I was very much a non-Christian.
Just a very mixed up German from a Colorado high school.
Wondering why I was even here!

As for future Dutchman, he stayed and cared for me for several months.
Yeah, he broke me good!
I thought him good enough that he should have gone into medicine.
But electronics was his calling.
And helping me it seemed.

He changed directions after that fateful day.
He send girlfriend back home - alone.
Entered the electrical engineering program at the University of Washington.
My appointment to the Coast Guard Academy was turned down.
So, I registered to go a computer school in Tacoma.
Got an apartment and got my grandmother released to my custody.
And started a new life.

About to get horribly complicated by my hanging out with some Christian college students!

Cough-Cough

Air quality here in Seattle has hit quite bad!
That was the news, only news this morning!
Like any breathing creature could not spot this - just by taking a breath!

But I guess those Siberian fires are throwing up quite a bit of smoke!

So, burning eyes.
Breathing problems for evenpoeople with good lungs.
And really bad visibility.

I live by the airport and they are cancelling flights as there just is not sufficient visibility due to the "haze".
And traffic at the moment is crawling all over the Puget Sound basin.
Hope none of you need to get to work today!

But, the sunsets have been spectacular!
Bright red sun.
Mauve skies.
Gorgeous!

Of course, I wonder at what price is being paid by Siberia?
As if their lives are not hard enough as it is!

I really feel for those people.
Few people, massive stands of timber and few resources .....

good item for prayer

Centralia

Saturday, I was feeling pretty good - so declared a road trip!
So, I drove over to Gaelic Girls work and kidnapped her.
Then proceeded down to Centralia.

It has been a long time since we did anything together!

My goal was to do the Centralia dinner train.

Luckily, I picked her up at noon as accidents barred the way south!
The 70 miles took 3:15! 
eepah!

What I did not know was that there was a logging festival in fun swing in Morton, a little town south of Centralia and there was not room to be had anywhere!
I finally managed a room at Motel 6, for only $140!
grrrrr!

The train ride was just about perfect.
Two hour ride.
During which a yummy prime rib dinner was served, followed by a strawberry cake.
The scenery was beautiful.
The weather perfect.
Back in Centralia, I looked at the Pendelton shop at the various indian designs.
GG bought some earrings and an opal ring.
I got a postcard!

Sunday, what to do, what to do?

I drove out to the beaches.
We toured the small towns, I fell in love with Pe Ell.
A lighthouse beconed.
As did using my four wheel drive in the beach.
Tried to find a fish house - but only found Mexican places.

And a very long drive back home!

So, I drove more in two days than in the past 8 months combined!

Guess I am passed my PTSD!

Russian Fires

Today, Friday, I was in dialysis, watching the weather channel.
There just is nothing on cable.
If you are not into sports or those creatures collectively known as the Kardasians!
No wonder Bruce Jenner was so screwed up!
Or, why those women were!
Hard to say which way the rot went.

Anyway ....

They were talking about the jet stream and showing weather photos.
The point was the fires in Siberia.
And how the smoke is being carried by the jet stream and dumped oin us on the West Coast of the US.

But it was raining.
So Who really cares.
The water will carry the smokey to the ground.
Right?
We will see.

But, I was reminded of the prophesy that the King of the North will be destroyed by fire.
Well, I guess that will mean smoke flavoring for the rest of us.

Musical Saturday Morning

Fiscal Responsibility

This is actually a, where do you stand on ......, question.
I remember in the Hutterite group I was with, every contributed as they were able.
Since almost everyone was under 24 - that was not much!

But for those of us whom were cash poor, there was contributing by doing auto maintenance and repair.
Or, building repair.
Or grounds care.

Usually all went well for me.
I studied hard, finishing a 4 year course of study in 2.
I worked when work could be found.
But by 1975, there simply was none to be had!

And I did go an entire month with no food!
I even applied for welfare and food stamps but was turned down.
My farther chose to declare me as a dependent in 1974!
Did not matter I could prove he had not provided for me since 1971!

I did have a partial box of Ritz crackers
After an appropriate prayer of thanks,
I would enjoy a 5 cracker dinner or 3 cracker lunch.
At the end of one month,
I was out of crackers.
And God blessed me with several bags of groceries!

Of course my early professional years were years of hyper-inflation.
Saving or investing was ludicrous!

Of course once inflation fell to single digits. I started savings.
By 1996, I had enough to retire on,
According to the "talking heads" ....

But God had by then laid  Eastern European orphans on my heart and soul!
Four adoptions plus first year plus first year medical care.
and Savings was a thing of the past.

I still had a little money.
But, what t do?
One daughter loved ice skating and was gifted.
So, I spent to the last dime to get her ready for the Olympics.
And ended up grounding one obnoxious teenager!

So, I am the last one you want advice from!

Yeah, I played the stockmarket three times,
Taking a bath each time.
If Kris stock, must lose all value within weeks!
Buy mining property, must flood and remain so!
Buy a collector car, total loss of value!
Buy property, sure agent goes to jail for fraud, but I was still stuck with uninhabitable house!
and on,and on, and on!

Pathetic!

And yes, I was a heavy tither to ministries!

So, I don't get it.
Other than God has made it painfully obvious I am to count on Him.
And not my abuilities.

Which is what we are supposed to be anyway ....

Medical Rabbit Hole

Today's health environment!
Oh please give me a break!

So, I was counting my pills for the week and found I ran out of one.
So, called up the pharmacy and ordered more.
They called yesterday to tell e my order was ready.
Cool ...

But when I went in, they did not have my order!

Instead they had some other drug that the doctor had called in.
And the original was not to be refilled.
Per the doctor!
And best part was that the new medicine is 3 times the cost!
I blew up!

So I called and left a message for the doctor.
She called back last night.
Which is what you do when you do not want to talk with someone.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!

By now I am out of the medication.
So today I called and spoke with her nurse.
Whom rescheduled me to next Tuesday!

Then, back home, I got a call from the pharmacy.
They apologized and told me they had my original refill order ready!

What the heck!

Since when cal doctors just order pills for someone without a previous explanation?
Gees!

Kris is not a happy camper!

Last Words

Galatians 6:11-18

Invest In Relationships
Paul signed the letter himself.
Poor handwriting.
Poor vision.
Conveys the authority of Paul.
He had a relationship with them.
They accepted them.
He sacrificed for them.
They sacrificed for him.

Live What You Believe
Do you believe what you say?
Jews trying to get get Christians to circumcise, to avoid persecution.

Repeat What Is Important
Unity
We are one.
Promises of the Holy Spirit.
Old is the Law.
New is the Spirit.

Road Rage

Road Rage has become quite the problem around here lately!

Used to be that two people might honk their horns at each other but I have twice seen impressive examples of road rage in the month of August .... and we are how many days into August?

Of course it could be the heat.
It was over 90 yesterday when two drivers in front of me got into it!
Sure one car made a mistake - don't we all?
But not a stop your car in the middle of the main road through town and have a slug-fest!, kind of mistake.
Of course the indignant one was the drunk ...

Over the weekend it was only in the 70's.
And an altercation on the same location,
Led to a shoot out!

Really?
We as a culture have grown so intolerant of each other - that death is the only solution?!?!?!?!
Luckily, they both were so stoned that no injuries were reported,
Of course these incidents occurring in front of the local pot shop, has NOTHING to do with this!
Oh, yeah, that cock and bull about stoners are mellow and peaceful - NOPE!

Tax money is all sacred,
No matter how many lives it costs .....
Gees.

But back to the real issue-
Intolerance.

In my little town,
The blacks fight the Samoans.
Everyone fights the Hispanics
Nobody likes the whites.
Add alcohol, drugs and youthful smart-mouths and tragedy soon follows!
And that is a direct result of poor leadership in government and schools!
May as well as lay blame where it belongs!

How to correct?

Common identity, langusage cultur'
Teach tolewrance and appreciation of others.
Slowly, but change can occur - but NOT under a culture devoted to empowering difference.

Oh, and as a parting shot:

Yes, their is a standard for both culture and truth.
And neither are subjective .....

If We Sin ...

The Apostle John is now somewhere over 90 years old.
He knew what was true.
He was there throughout Jesus' ministry.
He was the one whom Jesus loved.
He loved Jesus, too.


1 John 2:1-2

Avoid Sin!
We all are completely aware as to how we fail God and ourselves.
And those failings, God categorizes as sin.
It is what separates us from God.
It is why Jesus had to be sacrificed,
To erase our sin from God's record book.

Sin is not normal to how we were created.
No one is sinless.
No one will be sinless.
Our goal is to sin less.
And less.
And less.
And less!

You Need Help!
When you fail and slip into sin,
Jesus is waiting to help you.
We all mess up.
And when you do,
You will need a Helper/Advocate/Counselor.
That is Jesus.

Consider Romans 8:31

Jesus Has You Covered!
God hates sin,
But not you!
Whether you are in your fallen state (actively living in sin),
Or walking by faith in Jesus as our Savior (trying not to sin but failing).

Jesus is the promise from God, your sin is erased.
Propitiation is the word used to tell us Jesus has settled up accounts with God.
Jesus, not us,will face God.

(yes, I do accept John Calvin's definition of sin and the implication of our accepting Jesus for salvation from God's ultimate wrath against sin and man's rebellion against him.  About all he and I do agree about!)

Father

I have spent an awful lot of time working on the mystery of my father.
I have little brain power as it is these days,
So, I have exhausted myself working through what I know,
About him,
Contrasting with what I know about humanity.

In the final analysis, I guess I can finally understand his downward spiral.
He chose poorly as a youth, hopping on the Nazi bandwagon.
He lied to get into Germany during the war.
He lied to get project assignments.
He had to lie to just maintain his status quo.
He had to have been driven by sheer arrogance!
But that is the Nazi way.

His only redemption was his natural analytical ability.
And beyond me, his talent in mathematics.

And more lies when captured by the British.
And more lies when captured by the Americans.
And on and on across a lifetime of lies.
Each compounding the others.
Until he no longer could keep track of what he told whom!
And that should indicate he was driven by fear now.

He may have not even known the truth any longer!

Since all of father's marriages were roughly ten years in length,
I am guessing that ten is his time limit of lie telling!

And his lies made him unable to trust others.
And without trust he could never let his guard down.
Hence not know love, even if he were capable of it.

In the end, father lived a very solitary life,
Intersected by eight wives.
He desired relationship but had no idea how to pursue one.
All he knew was how to pursue physical relationships.
 But, the time I tried to have an adult discussion with him about love,
Came to no avail.I was speaking a foreign language to him!
But at least he recognized I wanted to help him.....

It is perhaps poignant to note that I think I am finally past him,
Done away with his controlling my brain and anger,
On what would have been his birthday, today.

An interesting coincidence.
I think, I finally have it figured out !
A true first in my short life.

Musical Saturday Morning

Final Thoughts

I sit here, totally brain dead.
So hot.
So tired, because I can not sleep.
Utterly drained from dialysis.
It is a good day to die ..

You think I jest.

Last night as I lie in bed,
Thoughts of possible posts,
Roaming through my head ....
I got nothing.

Well there are the three eMails I did not address with answers.
Too embarrassing.
Yet, ...

So, my antiquing friend Kim, commented I was interesting.
Which is to say my posts are.
Kim already knows me!
I am sure that he is referring to the comparison between me and how I think/write.

Then came three! eMails all making me laugh because I was referred to as the:
Most Interesting Man in the World !

How I laughed, because I would never reply to such.
But, I am not.
Remember, I am the quiet one in the corner whom everyone ignores.
And, here we are!

I look at my movie collection.
Now 8,000 movies smaller this year.
Western's, Sci-Fi, Godzilla (all of them), James Bond (all of them), Spies, Indie, Steampunk, Mysteries, strange Korean films like 2009 Lost Dreams.
Yeah, wide interests!

In books: Everything published on Daniel since 1100 AD (yeah, Hebrew and Aramaic), Geology, Mineralogy, everything ever done on Butte,Montana, Eschatology, Christian Apologetics, Technical manuals on physics and computers, Art and woodworking.
Yeah, wide interests again!

So if lack of single subject focus equals interesting.
Okay, guilty!

But, that is just me.
A wandering mind.
A wandering spirit.
In a mostly house bound body.
For one more month,
Sigh ...

Missing Becky

Back in 2014, when my leg turned to the worse, I got to know yet another Becky!
This one, I think was trying to drum up business with her employer - a foot surgeon.

I never saw her for more than 15 minutes a Sunday, as she just kept in touch with where my foot was.
And I learned a lot from her.
Terms, meanings and what to expect.

As things went south for me. she was to become a friend.
Her encouragement in those morphine filled months, were a God send!

Months ago she had asked me what she should do.
She probably asked many.
I told her that caring for her ailing parents, was paramount in her life.
Yeah, we do not value old people in this culture.
But God gave them to us for a reason!
The concept of what a real blessing from God is, is not understood either.

So Sunday was her good-bye visit to church.
My condition does not allow for my having assisted in her move.
Nor will be able to probably ever see her again, but she was a good friend and I cherish friendship.
Having so few, as it is.

And her good-bye was surprisingly demonstrative.
Sure surprised the heck out of me!
Not complaining,  just surprised.
Sure surprised the whole gaggle of women standing around.
No one was quite so sure she even liked men!
Much less would touch one!

So, good she is on her way.
Her life will be very different.
And I hope she can find supportive friends in her new local!


But, she will be missed by me.
And I will continue praying for her protection.

Grease Spot

I have NO comfort level when it gets above 75 degrees!
I would much more prefer 65 degrees!
Of course all of my children and friends love the hot weather.
Imagine my joy of having lived in Arizona or Portugal, at 123 degrees!

So, it is HOT!
Kris is a grease spot on the floor.
In front of a 30" fan!
Now if only I had a spray bottle of water ....

Of course, this is Tuesday evening, when I am writing this.
Floor grease spot, watching the 1948 Superman Serial.
So, in reality, today - Wednesday, I am sitting in a soft chair, in an air conditioned room, and having my blood sucked about 6 times - while my craps like no tomorrow - until I pass out.
Sigh .....

Yeah, there are things worse than trying to stay alive.

Or perhaps I am waxing poetic ...
Or perhaps because I just finished watching '71 last night.
A British film about the summer of 1971.
A time of open warfare between the British Forces in Northern Ireland and Irish Nationalists.
Utter nonsense.

I hated high school in America.
I hated my Colorado high school above all others.
I hated the '70s and the confusion of those years!

And I hated America where wealth made right.

The wealthy Americans were suspected of financing the Irish War, later proven.
Americans were channeling funds through "humanitarian' organizations to destabilize all unfriendly governments.
And when that failed, America used CIA assassins to correct the politics of the wayward governments.
If you think the world is a mess today, want to guess why?
Blame lay squarely with the policies of Presidents Johnston and Nixon.
And for heat, they both get to experience that for eternity ...

But that is just my opinion!