Kids just crack me up! And for as much as I have desired for my entire life to live in the shadows of humanity passing by, my disability has drawn much unattended attention to me.
"Hey, Mister! You lost your foot!" The young man in question begins a frantic search of the bread section to figure out where it went. I was just dying of laughter. His mother dragged him off.
A little girl following along behind her mother had riveted eyes on my leg. Then she shifted her bear to her other arm and pointed to my missing foot. I nodded my agreement with her observation. She looked around randomly and then lifted her right foot up and wiggled it at me. I am not sure what she was thinking there but I laughed anyway.
One young lady got intensely in my face and had all manner of questions about my leg, how was the foot taken off, what did the doctor say, etc! Oh my gosh - she was not going to let go of this conversation until her knowledge had been expanded well beyond her years! I was very surprised and I rolled away wondering if she was headed for a life as a medical child prodigy! I am just as curious about her and her future as she was about my leg!
The best one though was a little boy whom stopped me in our local Kroger's: Fred Meyers. He stepped in front of me as I was trying to reach the garlic bread and greeted me with the now familiar, "Hey Mister!".
"You lost your foot!"
"What happened to it?"
"Why did it have to come off?"
At this point his mother has him by his neck and is apologizing profusely as she tries to drag him away. I assured her that his curiosity was normal and he deserved answers.
So I explained to him in simple terms what had happened so recently.
"Well, when are they going to put it back on?"
So I then explained about artificial limbs and before I could explain how they work to this young man, his mother was now in a panic over her son's behavior and was apologizing profusely as he was dragged off out of his clothes she was pulling so hard.
Swede just burst out laughing! As did I, it really was a funny scene.
November 30, 2015
November 28, 2015
Musical Saturday Morning
Oh my gosh! Nice song, but the video - really?????
Someone was very, very, very stoned for this filming ..... just think Debbie Harry without the style:
Someone was very, very, very stoned for this filming ..... just think Debbie Harry without the style:
November 27, 2015
Picnic In The Woods
Do you like going on picnics up in the woods? I sure do, I have loved them ever since I was but a little rascal! Some of my best stories are actually the product of those picnics and associated hikes for decades!
Obviously this is a staged series of photos I found on the internet. The woman is a model by the name of Irina (Ir-eena, if you want to say it right) and her daughter on a picnic outside of Moscow.
Well, what picnic would not be complete without a bear? Especially in Russia and a GRIZZLY bear at that!
Of course, these bears are native to North America only and the only one was ever imported to Europe for the filming of the movie, The Bear, many years ago. Hated that movie for all the right reasons. This guy is probably from a circus or similar.
Extremely gentle, he apparently has never eaten meat and loves Mozzarella cheese sticks! But, then, who doesn't?!?!?!?!? So, any blondes out there need nuzzled and want to feed me a cheese stick? ROAR! - ack, ack, cough, cough, cough ... No one? Anybody? Okay, how about red heads .....
Obviously this is a staged series of photos I found on the internet. The woman is a model by the name of Irina (Ir-eena, if you want to say it right) and her daughter on a picnic outside of Moscow.
Well, what picnic would not be complete without a bear? Especially in Russia and a GRIZZLY bear at that!
Of course, these bears are native to North America only and the only one was ever imported to Europe for the filming of the movie, The Bear, many years ago. Hated that movie for all the right reasons. This guy is probably from a circus or similar.
Extremely gentle, he apparently has never eaten meat and loves Mozzarella cheese sticks! But, then, who doesn't?!?!?!?!? So, any blondes out there need nuzzled and want to feed me a cheese stick? ROAR! - ack, ack, cough, cough, cough ... No one? Anybody? Okay, how about red heads .....
November 26, 2015
A Grateful Heart
I have so wanted to post something about this for many weeks, but what better time to talk about gratitude than on Thanksgiving Day?
Due to the nature of my own creation, gratitude is not something I knew. I was "thankful" for much, to the degree I could be, but nothing like you know of gratitude.
But that was to begin to change in 2012 as God began to change my nature. But, change is slow to absorb and understand. Much less, the concept of practice. I knew what God was doing because He was driving me crazy with these new emotions and feelings I had never had. Bit by bit I was walked through emotions for family, for friends, then commitments. I thought He was done in 2014 - what more could He possibly do to me?
Like a dumb animal eating a new food - yum! The changes were real and long lasting, it was great. But, there was no gratitude and I KNEW it was only going to be temporary anyway. Nothing every happens for real in my life it seems. One day I would wake up and Kris would be shafted as usual.
And in time, I had to live through 2015. A year of hospitals, surgeries without end, and the death of Kris in all manners. I expected in April's surgery not to live. It was a horrible surgery and I had no support in place to help me through recovery - that too had been lost. There was no hope.
Then another operation, worse than the first. Dutchman commented by text that he felt God was calling someone to help - and maybe they were not listening. Thank you so much! Sigh ...
And then the fever, where I may as well as have died. I expected brain damage from that one, but it seems not in the long term anyways. And I was reduced to pleading for life, not because I wanted to live - I wanted life, but because I could see all too well where life would take me.
And then the antibiotic resistant staph ... and it was all over. I was now broken in all manners. Emotional, spiritually, mentally and now physically. This means something to a German. Being whole is not a concept it is a state of being. If you are not whole - you are no longer a man. And I was shattered.
But, when I regained my mind on October 17th, it was an even newer me than had existed before. More change to experience and accept!
And that change was God gave me a grateful heart.
My nature is no longer even a shadow of what it once was. I am truly thankful - for the first time in my life.
From wool to real food, from family to half-hearted friendships, I am grateful for what God has and is providing me. Yeah, everyone remarks, everyone is unsure. Like frightened squirrels, do they shake my hand or not? It is funny. What was I like before that people were standoffish towards me? I can not say, I thought I was very approachable before ....
Pray for god to help you develop a grateful heart - though through means far less drastic than what I went through!
And thank you Lord for a safe venue by which I can tell of your mercies and blessings ..... Most of you I do not know but I am thankful for each one of you - even my eMail detractors :)
Due to the nature of my own creation, gratitude is not something I knew. I was "thankful" for much, to the degree I could be, but nothing like you know of gratitude.
But that was to begin to change in 2012 as God began to change my nature. But, change is slow to absorb and understand. Much less, the concept of practice. I knew what God was doing because He was driving me crazy with these new emotions and feelings I had never had. Bit by bit I was walked through emotions for family, for friends, then commitments. I thought He was done in 2014 - what more could He possibly do to me?
Like a dumb animal eating a new food - yum! The changes were real and long lasting, it was great. But, there was no gratitude and I KNEW it was only going to be temporary anyway. Nothing every happens for real in my life it seems. One day I would wake up and Kris would be shafted as usual.
And in time, I had to live through 2015. A year of hospitals, surgeries without end, and the death of Kris in all manners. I expected in April's surgery not to live. It was a horrible surgery and I had no support in place to help me through recovery - that too had been lost. There was no hope.
Then another operation, worse than the first. Dutchman commented by text that he felt God was calling someone to help - and maybe they were not listening. Thank you so much! Sigh ...
And then the fever, where I may as well as have died. I expected brain damage from that one, but it seems not in the long term anyways. And I was reduced to pleading for life, not because I wanted to live - I wanted life, but because I could see all too well where life would take me.
And then the antibiotic resistant staph ... and it was all over. I was now broken in all manners. Emotional, spiritually, mentally and now physically. This means something to a German. Being whole is not a concept it is a state of being. If you are not whole - you are no longer a man. And I was shattered.
But, when I regained my mind on October 17th, it was an even newer me than had existed before. More change to experience and accept!
And that change was God gave me a grateful heart.
My nature is no longer even a shadow of what it once was. I am truly thankful - for the first time in my life.
From wool to real food, from family to half-hearted friendships, I am grateful for what God has and is providing me. Yeah, everyone remarks, everyone is unsure. Like frightened squirrels, do they shake my hand or not? It is funny. What was I like before that people were standoffish towards me? I can not say, I thought I was very approachable before ....
Pray for god to help you develop a grateful heart - though through means far less drastic than what I went through!
And thank you Lord for a safe venue by which I can tell of your mercies and blessings ..... Most of you I do not know but I am thankful for each one of you - even my eMail detractors :)
November 25, 2015
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving can be reduced to the thought of possessing a grateful heart.
Thanks, is something you GIVE or express not just feel on the inside.
Hebrews 13:15-16
Give a sacrifice of praise with your lips
Say it!
Mean it!
Look for it!
Clarify it!
Give the sacrifice of praise with your life
Live it!
Show it!
Express it!
Walk the Talk!
Even when you do not feel like it!
Give the sacrifice of praise to the Lord
Focus on Him!
Daily!
In all things!
There are so many verses on praise and thrankfulness that it is hard not to make this a tome! But, just a like take on a very large subject ... got to leave room for dessert here!
Thanks, is something you GIVE or express not just feel on the inside.
Hebrews 13:15-16
Give a sacrifice of praise with your lips
Say it!
Mean it!
Look for it!
Clarify it!
Give the sacrifice of praise with your life
Live it!
Show it!
Express it!
Walk the Talk!
Even when you do not feel like it!
Give the sacrifice of praise to the Lord
Focus on Him!
Daily!
In all things!
There are so many verses on praise and thrankfulness that it is hard not to make this a tome! But, just a like take on a very large subject ... got to leave room for dessert here!
November 24, 2015
As The World Sees The Church
Just as all Islamic sects are lumped together as being "Islam", Christians of all tastes and varieties are also lumped together by the world as being Christian, when in fact there is nothing Christian about them or their activities.
So to this end was this interesting essay I read on the "Christian Church" and its goings on:
*****
How can a church whose officialdom is worldly and corrupt present Jesus to the world? Pope Francis thinks it cannot. He once told people at the morning Mass in his small chapel, “To be believable, the Church has to be poor.” He has spoken of personal revulsion at seeing a priest drive an expensive car. When he spoke of money as “the devil’s dung” (he was quoting a church father, Saint Basil), some took this as an attack on Western capitalism. But it was a more general message, part of his apology in Bolivia for the church’s role in colonialism. And when Francis looks around the Vatican, he finds the same devil-stench. In one of his earlier interviews as pope, he said, “The Curia is Vatican-centric. It sees and looks after the interests of the Vatican, which are still, for the most part, temporal interests.” He said to assembled Cardinals that some approach the Vatican as if it were a royal court, with all the marks of such courts — “intrigue, gossip, cliques, favoritism, and partiality.’’
That list of sins could be taken as a table of contents for the scandalous activities recorded in Gianluigi Nuzzi’s new book, “Merchants in the Temple,’’ a title taken from the Bible account of Jesus driving money lenders from the Temple court. Nuzzi is the journalist who received the “Vatileaks” from the papal butler, revealing the scheming and profiteering that occurred during Benedict XVI’s papacy. He demonstrates an equal access to secret documents and conversations in the papacy of Francis, which show a concerted resistance to papal efforts to make the Vatican bear at least some resemblance to Jesus, however remote.
The official church is wealthy and poor because it always overspends itself. It lives on display, favoritism, and unaccountability. Its 14 personnel agencies create honorary posts for clients who will be subservient to their patrons. This is as true of the Vatican State Department as of the Vatican banks. We know of the scandalous and money-laundering Institute for the Works of Religions — commonly called the Vatican Bank. But another money manager is equally unaccountable — the Administration of the Patrimony of the Holy See.
In what is called Peter’s Pence, Catholics from around the world send money to be spent on the poor. But four-fifths of that money is spent on maintenance of the bloated Vatican itself. The official church owns large amounts of real estate inside and outside Italy, but these holdings drain as much wealth as they collect, because so many of them are given at low or no rent to prelates and their flunkies, who redecorate them to their refined tastes, using Vatican money to do it.
Francis, who handled financial scandal in the diocese he took over in Buenos Aires, knew that he could not get control of the Vatican unless he had a true audit of where all the money was going. So he set up a special body to find this out – COSEA (Commission on Organization of the Economic Administration of the Holy See). This commission hired outside auditors, internationally recognized experts, to go over the money in all the papal departments (dicasteries). But faced with this demand for records from lay experts, the skilled ecclesiastical maneuverers in the departments reported sluggishly, incompletely, or not at all. COSEA’s frustrations over this may be why their members leaked tapes of their meetings to Nuzzi and others. Indeed two of them (a monsignor and a lay woman) were arrested in early November by Vatican gendarmes for leaking — though these leaks are on the pope’s side, unlike the earlier leaks.
Controversy about the official church has normally centered on doctrinal disputes, over things like contraception and abortion. These are seen as struggles for the mind of the church. Francis is more interested in the soul of the church. Does the church really speak from prelates’ posh apartments in Rome and from bishops’ palaces around the world? In our trips to Rome, my wife has given up entering Saint Peter’s, since she cannot find anything like Jesus in that riot of celebration of the great papal families, with monstrous large statues of past pontiffs in all their ecclesiastical regalia. Jesus did not wear expensive chasubles and jeweled mitres (or any ecclesiastical garments).
What Francis is engaged in is less a matter of theological dispute than a re-Jesusing of the church. If he fails, we have failed Jesus.
*****
And this is a thought we must take seriously: how do we collectively, as well as, individually - fail Jesus commission of us? How are we individually failing God's expectations of us in our daily lives? Failure is not acceptable in either situation ... and yet this is actually what we do.
And so what you are going to change your failure in life to God? What are you going to do to address your failures with other your Christian family? What are you going to do to address your church's direction? The list goes on because we are surrounded by and overcome by the failure of ourselves, others and organizations.
Yet, we are told to go ... have you, are you, will you? Faiurel is not okay I fear.
So to this end was this interesting essay I read on the "Christian Church" and its goings on:
*****
How can a church whose officialdom is worldly and corrupt present Jesus to the world? Pope Francis thinks it cannot. He once told people at the morning Mass in his small chapel, “To be believable, the Church has to be poor.” He has spoken of personal revulsion at seeing a priest drive an expensive car. When he spoke of money as “the devil’s dung” (he was quoting a church father, Saint Basil), some took this as an attack on Western capitalism. But it was a more general message, part of his apology in Bolivia for the church’s role in colonialism. And when Francis looks around the Vatican, he finds the same devil-stench. In one of his earlier interviews as pope, he said, “The Curia is Vatican-centric. It sees and looks after the interests of the Vatican, which are still, for the most part, temporal interests.” He said to assembled Cardinals that some approach the Vatican as if it were a royal court, with all the marks of such courts — “intrigue, gossip, cliques, favoritism, and partiality.’’
That list of sins could be taken as a table of contents for the scandalous activities recorded in Gianluigi Nuzzi’s new book, “Merchants in the Temple,’’ a title taken from the Bible account of Jesus driving money lenders from the Temple court. Nuzzi is the journalist who received the “Vatileaks” from the papal butler, revealing the scheming and profiteering that occurred during Benedict XVI’s papacy. He demonstrates an equal access to secret documents and conversations in the papacy of Francis, which show a concerted resistance to papal efforts to make the Vatican bear at least some resemblance to Jesus, however remote.
The official church is wealthy and poor because it always overspends itself. It lives on display, favoritism, and unaccountability. Its 14 personnel agencies create honorary posts for clients who will be subservient to their patrons. This is as true of the Vatican State Department as of the Vatican banks. We know of the scandalous and money-laundering Institute for the Works of Religions — commonly called the Vatican Bank. But another money manager is equally unaccountable — the Administration of the Patrimony of the Holy See.
In what is called Peter’s Pence, Catholics from around the world send money to be spent on the poor. But four-fifths of that money is spent on maintenance of the bloated Vatican itself. The official church owns large amounts of real estate inside and outside Italy, but these holdings drain as much wealth as they collect, because so many of them are given at low or no rent to prelates and their flunkies, who redecorate them to their refined tastes, using Vatican money to do it.
Francis, who handled financial scandal in the diocese he took over in Buenos Aires, knew that he could not get control of the Vatican unless he had a true audit of where all the money was going. So he set up a special body to find this out – COSEA (Commission on Organization of the Economic Administration of the Holy See). This commission hired outside auditors, internationally recognized experts, to go over the money in all the papal departments (dicasteries). But faced with this demand for records from lay experts, the skilled ecclesiastical maneuverers in the departments reported sluggishly, incompletely, or not at all. COSEA’s frustrations over this may be why their members leaked tapes of their meetings to Nuzzi and others. Indeed two of them (a monsignor and a lay woman) were arrested in early November by Vatican gendarmes for leaking — though these leaks are on the pope’s side, unlike the earlier leaks.
Controversy about the official church has normally centered on doctrinal disputes, over things like contraception and abortion. These are seen as struggles for the mind of the church. Francis is more interested in the soul of the church. Does the church really speak from prelates’ posh apartments in Rome and from bishops’ palaces around the world? In our trips to Rome, my wife has given up entering Saint Peter’s, since she cannot find anything like Jesus in that riot of celebration of the great papal families, with monstrous large statues of past pontiffs in all their ecclesiastical regalia. Jesus did not wear expensive chasubles and jeweled mitres (or any ecclesiastical garments).
What Francis is engaged in is less a matter of theological dispute than a re-Jesusing of the church. If he fails, we have failed Jesus.
*****
And this is a thought we must take seriously: how do we collectively, as well as, individually - fail Jesus commission of us? How are we individually failing God's expectations of us in our daily lives? Failure is not acceptable in either situation ... and yet this is actually what we do.
And so what you are going to change your failure in life to God? What are you going to do to address your failures with other your Christian family? What are you going to do to address your church's direction? The list goes on because we are surrounded by and overcome by the failure of ourselves, others and organizations.
Yet, we are told to go ... have you, are you, will you? Faiurel is not okay I fear.
November 23, 2015
Thoughts About Paris
Even with my friends I have been uncharacteristically quiet on the issue of what has happened in Paris and the immigration issue here. Being a student of history, I am seeing the replay of the isolationism which led this country, and the world, into world war twice in the past century.
One group in my face has felt that my silence is because I hate Frenchmen and they got what they deserved. Unfortunately, I lived in France for many years, spoke the language only - for eight years and was where I studied for my chef skills. So, been there, extremely familiar with the French and their problems. But, no I do not hate the French, I still have several online friends whom communicate with me regularly. Most of them date back to my life in northeastern France. I may joke about being one of the 5,000 survivors of the NATO gulag of Laon - but make no mistake - the French are a wonderful people no more deserving what happened to them than anyone else.
And others have this hodgepodge mix of views pro-Islamic/anti-Islamic etc. But, hey, I have worked with Islamic co-workers for decades from Jordan, Iraq and Iran - with no difficulties at all. Even if my ancestry is Hebrew (on both sides!) there was never ever a problem. So, no, I have lived in peace with Islamist's and they with me. But, with that said, this little atheistic Hebrew boy was smart enough to know not to take that computing contract in Saudi ...
Conversely, importing scores of 17 to 40 year old single able bodied males is really just an invitation to horror! Not paranoia, just a observations from all over the world across the past 40 years. Europe and the America's should have learned from over a hundred years of terrorism throughout the Middle East, Near East and Pacific Island countries. We (western culture) will not be immune. There is no excuse for such naive stupidity - history is there for all to read and learn from! And, oh, there is only one view of history - not multiple, and it is based on facts with the appropriate conclusion attached - not well wishes.
Yet, the story of the Syrian issue is one of US and British culpability for having created ISIS in the first place! Yeah, we have the photos and news reports, even of Biden meeting with these power hungry thugs! And yet, no one remembers, no one cares, no one wants to hold this US administration accountable for this ongoing apocalypse in Syria and throughout Africa! And, yet, God will.
And where do I live now? In the northwestern part of the USA with my family and even extended family now. Paris is but one occurrence of foreign terrorism and through acts such as a blind immigration policy ... it is just a matter of time I fear. All I can pray is for the safety of my own, should violence extend to this isolated spot in the world.
Again, prayer, lots of prayer is what is needed for your safety, you family's safety and God to move against those accountable for what happens. Unfortunately, lots of innocents can be hurt in the meantime but that is in God's hands and His time table. And lots of innocents can be hurt when we do not allow valid immigration for refugees to occur as well. A fine line but not an invisible one.
As for Paris, the blind mania to allow immigration based upon an open border and pictures of children (when they are by and large an army of able bodied men) has led to the obvious problem and more to come. A country which refuses to arm its citizens should express no surprise with high causality counts. The populaces' allowance of a press' unwillingness to tell of the terrorist acts in Hamburg and Copenhagen only fuels the problem. To wax poetically on metal fatigue when a tail section falls 3 miles from the body of an aircraft only causes to confuse - it is a bomb that does this - not metal fatigue! But, we listen to the voices of the uninformed and the ignorant, failing to use the brain each one of us possesses. To have no uproar over the literally hundreds of thousands of Christian executions in the past year ..... I am sorry if drugs, partying and games fill your life - it does not remove the requirement for you to use your brain. Nor your own personal culpability before God.
And yes, God is going to allow you to be held accountable for your disinterest and isolation. ISIS is but a symptom, the disease is this modern "culture", sorry but the cure is a terribly hard pill to swallow.
(Now my eMail audience, aren't you sorry you asked?)
As for me ... I will continue to live in peace with all men, until such time as they feel empowered to not do so with me and mine. And just as I have done in the past, those whom are guilty will be brought to justice, but not vengeance, because I am a pacifist and I believe in the sanctity of human life. For those whom do not, well it is best they learn before they are brought openly to face God.
One group in my face has felt that my silence is because I hate Frenchmen and they got what they deserved. Unfortunately, I lived in France for many years, spoke the language only - for eight years and was where I studied for my chef skills. So, been there, extremely familiar with the French and their problems. But, no I do not hate the French, I still have several online friends whom communicate with me regularly. Most of them date back to my life in northeastern France. I may joke about being one of the 5,000 survivors of the NATO gulag of Laon - but make no mistake - the French are a wonderful people no more deserving what happened to them than anyone else.
And others have this hodgepodge mix of views pro-Islamic/anti-Islamic etc. But, hey, I have worked with Islamic co-workers for decades from Jordan, Iraq and Iran - with no difficulties at all. Even if my ancestry is Hebrew (on both sides!) there was never ever a problem. So, no, I have lived in peace with Islamist's and they with me. But, with that said, this little atheistic Hebrew boy was smart enough to know not to take that computing contract in Saudi ...
Conversely, importing scores of 17 to 40 year old single able bodied males is really just an invitation to horror! Not paranoia, just a observations from all over the world across the past 40 years. Europe and the America's should have learned from over a hundred years of terrorism throughout the Middle East, Near East and Pacific Island countries. We (western culture) will not be immune. There is no excuse for such naive stupidity - history is there for all to read and learn from! And, oh, there is only one view of history - not multiple, and it is based on facts with the appropriate conclusion attached - not well wishes.
Yet, the story of the Syrian issue is one of US and British culpability for having created ISIS in the first place! Yeah, we have the photos and news reports, even of Biden meeting with these power hungry thugs! And yet, no one remembers, no one cares, no one wants to hold this US administration accountable for this ongoing apocalypse in Syria and throughout Africa! And, yet, God will.
And where do I live now? In the northwestern part of the USA with my family and even extended family now. Paris is but one occurrence of foreign terrorism and through acts such as a blind immigration policy ... it is just a matter of time I fear. All I can pray is for the safety of my own, should violence extend to this isolated spot in the world.
Again, prayer, lots of prayer is what is needed for your safety, you family's safety and God to move against those accountable for what happens. Unfortunately, lots of innocents can be hurt in the meantime but that is in God's hands and His time table. And lots of innocents can be hurt when we do not allow valid immigration for refugees to occur as well. A fine line but not an invisible one.
As for Paris, the blind mania to allow immigration based upon an open border and pictures of children (when they are by and large an army of able bodied men) has led to the obvious problem and more to come. A country which refuses to arm its citizens should express no surprise with high causality counts. The populaces' allowance of a press' unwillingness to tell of the terrorist acts in Hamburg and Copenhagen only fuels the problem. To wax poetically on metal fatigue when a tail section falls 3 miles from the body of an aircraft only causes to confuse - it is a bomb that does this - not metal fatigue! But, we listen to the voices of the uninformed and the ignorant, failing to use the brain each one of us possesses. To have no uproar over the literally hundreds of thousands of Christian executions in the past year ..... I am sorry if drugs, partying and games fill your life - it does not remove the requirement for you to use your brain. Nor your own personal culpability before God.
And yes, God is going to allow you to be held accountable for your disinterest and isolation. ISIS is but a symptom, the disease is this modern "culture", sorry but the cure is a terribly hard pill to swallow.
(Now my eMail audience, aren't you sorry you asked?)
As for me ... I will continue to live in peace with all men, until such time as they feel empowered to not do so with me and mine. And just as I have done in the past, those whom are guilty will be brought to justice, but not vengeance, because I am a pacifist and I believe in the sanctity of human life. For those whom do not, well it is best they learn before they are brought openly to face God.
November 21, 2015
Musical Saturday Morning
So, I thought I would branch out and try something different, Winehouse, Gaga or Bennett. Yup, still strongly dislike all of them! Somethings at least have not changed!
Hence, none of the above ... I seem to remember this from Dutch TV some time ago, but worth listening to again ...
Hence, none of the above ... I seem to remember this from Dutch TV some time ago, but worth listening to again ...
November 20, 2015
First Love
John captures in the opening to the book of Revelation (John's Apocalypse, et al, to the non-American World) with an address to the Seven Church's. Lots of arguments as to why seven, why these, etc - but this is not what this post is about. Ephesus is the one we want to look at today.
Revelation 2:1-7, consider verse 5
If you are a normal human being, you have a first love - even I had one. Think back to the exhilaration of that love ... There is an excitement associated with even thinking about that person. Yeah, I know, humans rarely can maintain that first love - because one or the other or both will go their own way and leave a wound behind. (Probably how God feels about us at times ... sigh) But, try to remember that instinctual euphoria you felt, perhaps as a teenager - for that very special person! (Yes, even with almost complete anesthesia I can at least remember that much! And, the pain of utter rejection.)
You want to be with them, around them, you think about them, they literally take all of your waking attention and perhaps your dreams as well. Sigh ...
And God is telling John about how the Church of Ephesus needs to remember their first love.
Now Paul had founded the church, Timothy had been a pastor there and the Apostle John was the overseer of the churches throughout the area. It was in Ephesus John was arrested and sent to Patmos, was thrown in boiling oil to kill him for his Christian belief, was as an old man to be carried by bearers throughout his ministry area to continue when he no longer could walk.
Remember That First Love
Of course we are talking about the word used here: Agape - God's divine love.
If you can not remember your first love, then your lampstand will be removed in Heaven - a harsh consequence.
If you can remember your first love, then you will will be allowed to eat of the Tree of Life - a blessing.
Reignite That Passion
For your first love - Jesus.
Change your mind, change your direction, repent of your abandonment of your love.
Relaunch That Lifestyle
Do what you did at first!
Repent!
Restart that relationship.
Relive the euphoria.
Of course, we learn from history that the Church of Ephesus flourished and certainly had a witness for centuries. However, in time, the harbor was to silt up and the town essentially abandoned. And what happened to that original church? Those faithful believers that God called back? Well at least I wonder ...
And they faded away?
No not really. In truth many whom are reading this are descendants in the faith from those first early Christians. I know the name of whose witness led me to the Lord, but not whom led her or further back - what is the string of witnesses? Yes, we are all the product of the ministry of the Holy Spirit and its witness - including bringing those physical witnesses into our life. It would be cool to know if you were the product of John's witness or Paul's or Peter's or .... But, in the end that has nothing to do with our relation ship with Jesus or God the Father.
And like those in Ephesus, we need to vigilant that we do not leave our first love for God ...
Revelation 2:1-7, consider verse 5
If you are a normal human being, you have a first love - even I had one. Think back to the exhilaration of that love ... There is an excitement associated with even thinking about that person. Yeah, I know, humans rarely can maintain that first love - because one or the other or both will go their own way and leave a wound behind. (Probably how God feels about us at times ... sigh) But, try to remember that instinctual euphoria you felt, perhaps as a teenager - for that very special person! (Yes, even with almost complete anesthesia I can at least remember that much! And, the pain of utter rejection.)
You want to be with them, around them, you think about them, they literally take all of your waking attention and perhaps your dreams as well. Sigh ...
And God is telling John about how the Church of Ephesus needs to remember their first love.
Now Paul had founded the church, Timothy had been a pastor there and the Apostle John was the overseer of the churches throughout the area. It was in Ephesus John was arrested and sent to Patmos, was thrown in boiling oil to kill him for his Christian belief, was as an old man to be carried by bearers throughout his ministry area to continue when he no longer could walk.
Remember That First Love
Of course we are talking about the word used here: Agape - God's divine love.
If you can not remember your first love, then your lampstand will be removed in Heaven - a harsh consequence.
If you can remember your first love, then you will will be allowed to eat of the Tree of Life - a blessing.
Reignite That Passion
For your first love - Jesus.
Change your mind, change your direction, repent of your abandonment of your love.
Relaunch That Lifestyle
Do what you did at first!
Repent!
Restart that relationship.
Relive the euphoria.
Of course, we learn from history that the Church of Ephesus flourished and certainly had a witness for centuries. However, in time, the harbor was to silt up and the town essentially abandoned. And what happened to that original church? Those faithful believers that God called back? Well at least I wonder ...
And they faded away?
No not really. In truth many whom are reading this are descendants in the faith from those first early Christians. I know the name of whose witness led me to the Lord, but not whom led her or further back - what is the string of witnesses? Yes, we are all the product of the ministry of the Holy Spirit and its witness - including bringing those physical witnesses into our life. It would be cool to know if you were the product of John's witness or Paul's or Peter's or .... But, in the end that has nothing to do with our relation ship with Jesus or God the Father.
And like those in Ephesus, we need to vigilant that we do not leave our first love for God ...
November 19, 2015
Artificial Skin?
Makes the mind swim the implication of an artificial or second skin which could be used on patients. Burn victims and surgeries requiring massive scarring could all benefit from such a novelty ... I often thought in high school and college how cool it would be if I could come up with what artificial skin would be composed of. You see I had several friends through the years whom had been badly burned for various reasons: house fire, fireworks, camping accidents. Yeah, they all eventually died from their injuries, there was no way to trap the moisture the body lost through the wounds. Very sad. Even if death was meaningless to me, it still was sad to know they did not need to die - if only ... But, near as I could figure out, it would take about 15 years in college - and there was no money back then. In fact, the only reason was able to get my college in was through a Bureau of Indian Affairs grant - never hurts to a grandfather whom was 100% Umatilla.
So I was in the infectious disease office yesterday, reporting as required. He did not want me going in for a casting for a mold if there was any hint of infection left. Seems he was not so sure I was not going to be losing more leg! ARGH! But, after several test holes, he had to admit that there was no trace to be found of that dreaded infection - thank you God!
But, this started bleeding on a level you would have to see to believe - you would never question my relationship to the Hapsburg's poor DNA ever! So, my genetic defective blood stream is all over the place and he eventually had to go with a package of something I had never seen before - a second skin! OMG! It does exist today!
It stopped the bleeding - BANG - just like that!
Apparently, it will stick on for a few days and then fall off, as nature allows. If I need more, I can just stick some on from the remaining partial sheet he had trimmed pieces from.
Wow, I am impressed.
So I was in the infectious disease office yesterday, reporting as required. He did not want me going in for a casting for a mold if there was any hint of infection left. Seems he was not so sure I was not going to be losing more leg! ARGH! But, after several test holes, he had to admit that there was no trace to be found of that dreaded infection - thank you God!
But, this started bleeding on a level you would have to see to believe - you would never question my relationship to the Hapsburg's poor DNA ever! So, my genetic defective blood stream is all over the place and he eventually had to go with a package of something I had never seen before - a second skin! OMG! It does exist today!
It stopped the bleeding - BANG - just like that!
Apparently, it will stick on for a few days and then fall off, as nature allows. If I need more, I can just stick some on from the remaining partial sheet he had trimmed pieces from.
Wow, I am impressed.
November 18, 2015
One Foot In Heaven
I am still trying to get used to this disability, what makes it hard is other people's reactions!
Take Sunday for instance:
I would be willing to guess that I had well over one hundred women bending over my wheelchair to give me a hug ... I know by name only, perhaps, six women in the entire church. No one is on hug status with me. And, every single one of those women managed to put one of their hands exactly on the socket of one arm or the other - which is still very painful from my over doing it on Thursday ... it is not their fault, even just a handshake or to hold my hand while gushing would be sufficient I think and less creepy to me.
But, lets advance into the real realm of creepy and we have a host of men doing exactly the same thing! What the heck? The only men on hugging status with me is Swede and Dutchman - whom I still have not seen since the last heart stint! But a few guys had the reality of common sense to just shake my hand. Thank Heavens!
I mean really, what was with all of these strangers? Was there some meeting during the week to set this up? Did I miss an eMail? I am still a bit taken back by this! And, really, the one person I would like to have talked to was a woman whom sent the most sensitive card to me while I was in the hospital. I even have it still singled out to reply to because it was that well thought out and appreciated. But, I know I had never even heard her name before, so I have no clue whom she even is church. Another lady, whom I know from sharing child care duties with, I will also have to respond to because her card was very personal and she needs to know that is okay - she bared her soul, I am obliged to respond I guess.
An outpouring of care from a large host of by and large, unknown people. It concerns me. Why this? Why now? Why me? For years I am just ignored by this congregation - but chop a limb off and everyone wants to be your buddy. I honestly do not get it.
But, for the most humorous, is the mother of many of the kids from my Sunday School class days here. She walked up and in her odd clipped second language, English, said, "Vell, how are you? I have been concerned since you already have one foot in Heaven ..." I burst out laughing.
Of course we are discussing the still socially awkward me here - and apparently this was not quite the reaction she had been expecting. Sigh ... So after she had stormed off, I thought on this. If she had been serious, what on Earth was she thinking? Utter mystery.
At lunch, she sent her husband over to my table and he gave me her copy of a book called, "One Foot In Heaven". Apparently, she was making a strange comment about a book she assumed I had read. I did read it Monday night, as I could not sleep, and no - it was not a book I would have ever picked up much less read on my own. It is a story of an American pastor in Israel, whom lost a foot to a landmine and his on going ministry. It would have been a real sleeper except that Bob Lindsey was actually one of my mother's friends while she was working on her doctorate in archaeology from Hebrew University, and various digs in Israel for several decades. Yeah, mother took off while we were still in high school to be an archaeologist. So, interesting to learn something about someone she used to talk about in her letters. Conversely, I am reminded of this was also when my youngest brothers and sister were lost. Sigh, she does not care one way or another ...
My uncle's response to my situation involved him send me a joke plastic severed leg and foot. Lord knows where he found it, I thought it quite funny. I was even going to ask the surgeon if he could use it last Friday to finish the job he started. Alas, he did not show up at the cast cutting. Phooey!
But, as I have thought on this odd book title, I am stuck with the idea that the authors do not really understand that my foot does not appear in Heaven until I do (I think). If you believe in a bodily resurrection, as I do, then my missing foot is part of this still existent body, and will not appear in Heaven without the rest of me.
Personally, I would not recommend this book. It is a fine book about a man's life, but it in no way will help you with your personal walk in the Lord. Although his missing foot is central the book's idea, it is not treated with any seriousness at all. Read instead something which will build up your faith and make you stronger. Consider any of the writings of Bonhoeffer or Francis Schaeffer, much to ponder from these writers and far more eternally valuable ...
Take Sunday for instance:
I would be willing to guess that I had well over one hundred women bending over my wheelchair to give me a hug ... I know by name only, perhaps, six women in the entire church. No one is on hug status with me. And, every single one of those women managed to put one of their hands exactly on the socket of one arm or the other - which is still very painful from my over doing it on Thursday ... it is not their fault, even just a handshake or to hold my hand while gushing would be sufficient I think and less creepy to me.
But, lets advance into the real realm of creepy and we have a host of men doing exactly the same thing! What the heck? The only men on hugging status with me is Swede and Dutchman - whom I still have not seen since the last heart stint! But a few guys had the reality of common sense to just shake my hand. Thank Heavens!
I mean really, what was with all of these strangers? Was there some meeting during the week to set this up? Did I miss an eMail? I am still a bit taken back by this! And, really, the one person I would like to have talked to was a woman whom sent the most sensitive card to me while I was in the hospital. I even have it still singled out to reply to because it was that well thought out and appreciated. But, I know I had never even heard her name before, so I have no clue whom she even is church. Another lady, whom I know from sharing child care duties with, I will also have to respond to because her card was very personal and she needs to know that is okay - she bared her soul, I am obliged to respond I guess.
An outpouring of care from a large host of by and large, unknown people. It concerns me. Why this? Why now? Why me? For years I am just ignored by this congregation - but chop a limb off and everyone wants to be your buddy. I honestly do not get it.
But, for the most humorous, is the mother of many of the kids from my Sunday School class days here. She walked up and in her odd clipped second language, English, said, "Vell, how are you? I have been concerned since you already have one foot in Heaven ..." I burst out laughing.
Of course we are discussing the still socially awkward me here - and apparently this was not quite the reaction she had been expecting. Sigh ... So after she had stormed off, I thought on this. If she had been serious, what on Earth was she thinking? Utter mystery.
At lunch, she sent her husband over to my table and he gave me her copy of a book called, "One Foot In Heaven". Apparently, she was making a strange comment about a book she assumed I had read. I did read it Monday night, as I could not sleep, and no - it was not a book I would have ever picked up much less read on my own. It is a story of an American pastor in Israel, whom lost a foot to a landmine and his on going ministry. It would have been a real sleeper except that Bob Lindsey was actually one of my mother's friends while she was working on her doctorate in archaeology from Hebrew University, and various digs in Israel for several decades. Yeah, mother took off while we were still in high school to be an archaeologist. So, interesting to learn something about someone she used to talk about in her letters. Conversely, I am reminded of this was also when my youngest brothers and sister were lost. Sigh, she does not care one way or another ...
My uncle's response to my situation involved him send me a joke plastic severed leg and foot. Lord knows where he found it, I thought it quite funny. I was even going to ask the surgeon if he could use it last Friday to finish the job he started. Alas, he did not show up at the cast cutting. Phooey!
But, as I have thought on this odd book title, I am stuck with the idea that the authors do not really understand that my foot does not appear in Heaven until I do (I think). If you believe in a bodily resurrection, as I do, then my missing foot is part of this still existent body, and will not appear in Heaven without the rest of me.
Personally, I would not recommend this book. It is a fine book about a man's life, but it in no way will help you with your personal walk in the Lord. Although his missing foot is central the book's idea, it is not treated with any seriousness at all. Read instead something which will build up your faith and make you stronger. Consider any of the writings of Bonhoeffer or Francis Schaeffer, much to ponder from these writers and far more eternally valuable ...
November 17, 2015
Its All About Marketing
I went grocery shopping at the local Krogers, aka Fred Meyers. It completely and totally exhausted me but I was using a scooter - not hopping around at all!
And this condition confused me greatly ... What caused this?
The exhaustion was real, but I recognized that it was mental, not physical or emotional. But how much thinking had I done? Darn little, other than just thinking of things I needed back home for a little birthday dinner for number 2 daughter. Dang ... I hate it when I come up empty for answers.
The party went well, daughter was over an hour later - to be expected ... sigh. And I had to have a meal that not only was vegan, but could expand to vegetarian and then there are the meat-a-saurs that needed satisfied as well. Sigh, my family. However, a pasta salad with bowls of cheese and salami did the job! And everyone was happy. Some pie and then granddaughter was spinning like a top around the room. Everyone was laughing at the floor entertainment and I thought: she is wound up on sugar and soon flat on her lips and ready for bed.
And then I thought about my exhaustion the other night and how I had only been at Fred Meyers ... Which reminded of a long forgotten college class in Marketing. One of the most useless of all classes I ever took, the theory presented was completely wrong - as 1981 showed, and I had argued, but hey I was a kid in 1973 and obviously wrong. But, I retained one trivia item from that class: red is used in packaging to draw shoppers attention, as well as a ton about product placement in a display.
Red ... but I have never been sensitive to red, or any color, for that matter. But, what if it was the profusion of color, on all of those selves? Makes sense. I have been in a sensory deprivation situation for the past six weeks. So, the sudden bust of color would have been an over stimulation - just as grand daughter suffered prior to her melt down. Of course, a nitro took care of my melt down in the end as my blood pressure went out of control.
Interesting.
And the winds began to blow and I sat and watched the trees swaying hypnotically, the branches dancing and shaking. Then the pitter-pat of rain. I could not hop out to dance in it, but I would have if I could have. God blessed us with a remarkable world - colors, sights, sounds, movement. All to be enjoyed, all to be lifted up in thanks to the Creator ...
If you haven't given thanks in a while - stop and take a notice of the world and its marvels which surround you ...
And this condition confused me greatly ... What caused this?
The exhaustion was real, but I recognized that it was mental, not physical or emotional. But how much thinking had I done? Darn little, other than just thinking of things I needed back home for a little birthday dinner for number 2 daughter. Dang ... I hate it when I come up empty for answers.
The party went well, daughter was over an hour later - to be expected ... sigh. And I had to have a meal that not only was vegan, but could expand to vegetarian and then there are the meat-a-saurs that needed satisfied as well. Sigh, my family. However, a pasta salad with bowls of cheese and salami did the job! And everyone was happy. Some pie and then granddaughter was spinning like a top around the room. Everyone was laughing at the floor entertainment and I thought: she is wound up on sugar and soon flat on her lips and ready for bed.
And then I thought about my exhaustion the other night and how I had only been at Fred Meyers ... Which reminded of a long forgotten college class in Marketing. One of the most useless of all classes I ever took, the theory presented was completely wrong - as 1981 showed, and I had argued, but hey I was a kid in 1973 and obviously wrong. But, I retained one trivia item from that class: red is used in packaging to draw shoppers attention, as well as a ton about product placement in a display.
Red ... but I have never been sensitive to red, or any color, for that matter. But, what if it was the profusion of color, on all of those selves? Makes sense. I have been in a sensory deprivation situation for the past six weeks. So, the sudden bust of color would have been an over stimulation - just as grand daughter suffered prior to her melt down. Of course, a nitro took care of my melt down in the end as my blood pressure went out of control.
Interesting.
And the winds began to blow and I sat and watched the trees swaying hypnotically, the branches dancing and shaking. Then the pitter-pat of rain. I could not hop out to dance in it, but I would have if I could have. God blessed us with a remarkable world - colors, sights, sounds, movement. All to be enjoyed, all to be lifted up in thanks to the Creator ...
If you haven't given thanks in a while - stop and take a notice of the world and its marvels which surround you ...
November 16, 2015
That's For Me
As my mind chugs along rebuilding itself, sort of, little pieces of things are popping up which were long forgotten. And I NEVER talked about because it was more personal than most of what I write about. (And you say huh? this little bit is more personal than a lot of what I have shared? Yeah, because it is something of deep meaning to me!)
Last week, through a total fluke, I was to be reminded of the name of my girlfriend in high school. Still do not know her maiden name, but so what. And that name triggered a memory of my two best friends in high school and I being in a barbershop quartet and taking first in Colorado in 1971. But, the name of the song .... nothing.
Then something went off in my mind/spirit on Friday night and I could remember all of the words and the arrangement we had made out of a little known song. So, you have to remember I was not a Christian back then, more than likely none of us were, but the song we chose was "That's For Me" by Kurt Kaiser in 1969. Our director, Bob Chambers, I believe knew the guy as we did many of his songs back in the day when lyrics were hard to come by on paper - but he got them for us for free. We did most of "Tell It Like It Is" in competitions that year.
It was a simple tune, we had to learn choreography to emphasize certain parts of the song. I can still remember us all standing there in Colorado Springs, it was a blistering hot night, under hot lights, being filmed, nervous as all get out! We were definitely spiffy in our dark blue shirts, white levis and white shoes! It was almost anticlimactic to find out we had won, we had burned our candle at both ends and really needed pizza and coke to recharge!
By Kurt Kaiser, 1969
That's for me, yes that's for me, I'm all done with my running away,
Since I came to Him and gave into Him, 'twas a very happy day,
That's for me, yes that's for me, I was tired of the grayness of life,
Tho' against my will, all I sought was thrills, but it only brought me strife,
Once life had no meaning, once life gave no rest,
But now ev'ry thing's different. This new life certainly is best.
That's for me, yes that's for me, I'm all done with my running away,
Since I came to Him and gave into Him, 'twas a very happy day,
And for a cheesy version sung:
Last week, through a total fluke, I was to be reminded of the name of my girlfriend in high school. Still do not know her maiden name, but so what. And that name triggered a memory of my two best friends in high school and I being in a barbershop quartet and taking first in Colorado in 1971. But, the name of the song .... nothing.
Then something went off in my mind/spirit on Friday night and I could remember all of the words and the arrangement we had made out of a little known song. So, you have to remember I was not a Christian back then, more than likely none of us were, but the song we chose was "That's For Me" by Kurt Kaiser in 1969. Our director, Bob Chambers, I believe knew the guy as we did many of his songs back in the day when lyrics were hard to come by on paper - but he got them for us for free. We did most of "Tell It Like It Is" in competitions that year.
It was a simple tune, we had to learn choreography to emphasize certain parts of the song. I can still remember us all standing there in Colorado Springs, it was a blistering hot night, under hot lights, being filmed, nervous as all get out! We were definitely spiffy in our dark blue shirts, white levis and white shoes! It was almost anticlimactic to find out we had won, we had burned our candle at both ends and really needed pizza and coke to recharge!
By Kurt Kaiser, 1969
That's for me, yes that's for me, I'm all done with my running away,
Since I came to Him and gave into Him, 'twas a very happy day,
That's for me, yes that's for me, I was tired of the grayness of life,
Tho' against my will, all I sought was thrills, but it only brought me strife,
Once life had no meaning, once life gave no rest,
But now ev'ry thing's different. This new life certainly is best.
That's for me, yes that's for me, I'm all done with my running away,
Since I came to Him and gave into Him, 'twas a very happy day,
And for a cheesy version sung:
November 14, 2015
November 13, 2015
Spectre
Swede swung by on Thursday and talked me into tempting fate and going to see the new James Bond flick. It did not take much arm twisting, I have not been out of house since last Wednesday when I was delivered here.
I was a little concerned as to public reaction to a one legged guy hopping around a theater but surprisingly to me, I actually had young people come up to me and congratulate me for my courage! Really? People, young people, would stop at doors and wait for me to reach them hop-hop-hop - holding the door the whole time! Did I wake up in some sort of pod version of Seattle?
This latest installment in the Bond franchise was of course well photographed, the settings interesting, the acting over the top as one would suspect. Physics were suspended, actual reactions to pain did not exist, and a .32 ACP is far more accurate at distance than a 9mm ... sigh ... Typical Bond holes in the plot, but if I wanted reality - I would call my mother ...
But, what I was unprepared for was a Bond with an actual story line! Yeah, this one has a story and the plot a little obtuse at times but if you were ever a fan of Agatha Christie mysteries - then you are already familiar with how the plot line works. So the movie was enjoyable because its formula was familiar.
So an enjoyable romp for me.
A definite owner, a must see if you like Bond films.
:)
I was a little concerned as to public reaction to a one legged guy hopping around a theater but surprisingly to me, I actually had young people come up to me and congratulate me for my courage! Really? People, young people, would stop at doors and wait for me to reach them hop-hop-hop - holding the door the whole time! Did I wake up in some sort of pod version of Seattle?
This latest installment in the Bond franchise was of course well photographed, the settings interesting, the acting over the top as one would suspect. Physics were suspended, actual reactions to pain did not exist, and a .32 ACP is far more accurate at distance than a 9mm ... sigh ... Typical Bond holes in the plot, but if I wanted reality - I would call my mother ...
But, what I was unprepared for was a Bond with an actual story line! Yeah, this one has a story and the plot a little obtuse at times but if you were ever a fan of Agatha Christie mysteries - then you are already familiar with how the plot line works. So the movie was enjoyable because its formula was familiar.
So an enjoyable romp for me.
A definite owner, a must see if you like Bond films.
:)
November 12, 2015
Bleech!
So much to do! Even for someone without mobility issues!
Just simple tasks require two hands and two feet help: loading or unloading the dishwasher, cooking, doing laundry, fixing most anything. Sigh, now out of my control and I must rely upon others if it is to be done. Add the attitudes around here and no it does not get done, or it gets done in less than a timely fashion, so too bad Kris if you wanted to make some soup - the pans are all dirty, or too bad if you wanted to wear underwear today, etc. Frustrating,
Yesterday was a beautiful day but the men did not come to continue work on the bridge to the road. Since a storm is supposed to be here later this week, I am just guessing they will not have it done by the weekend. But, I do at least have a platform stretching to the road I can roll on or hop on to get out of here and to the doctors or church this weekend.
I am hoping to make split pea soup tonight. Of course I lack much of what is needed to make great split pea soup and no one would go to the store last night for me, so it will be what it will. Just hope it tastes good.
I commented earlier this week that I was recovering much of post high school memories but was stuck on my high school girlfriend's name. Well, she popped up on my Facebook as if on queue, so I got her name now, which opened up many more memories for me. I thought about sending her a message, but you know, it has been 42 years - why start a conversation now? And, 1987 through October 17, 2015 are still vague at best. I did a little reading and learned some of what was recent past and stopped - I do not need to relive anger at this point in time.
Since I was in the hospital when my first daughter, the second oldest, had a birthday. So Friday I am planning on having her over for dinner. Still no ideas on presents, much less her insistence on vegan only meals, but I will stumble through it okay if I start the prep work on Thursday. Today is shopping list time. So hard to believe that she is now 25 years old! Where have the years gone? It seems as if it was only a few months ago that I was in Kotlas, Russia adopting her at 7 years old ...
Well, I have a stack of bills to take care of today and many thank you's to write. And then with a mind wiped clean of German, I need to write my aunts and share with them the news I am not coming for a visit as planned - I need to buy leg.
Just simple tasks require two hands and two feet help: loading or unloading the dishwasher, cooking, doing laundry, fixing most anything. Sigh, now out of my control and I must rely upon others if it is to be done. Add the attitudes around here and no it does not get done, or it gets done in less than a timely fashion, so too bad Kris if you wanted to make some soup - the pans are all dirty, or too bad if you wanted to wear underwear today, etc. Frustrating,
Yesterday was a beautiful day but the men did not come to continue work on the bridge to the road. Since a storm is supposed to be here later this week, I am just guessing they will not have it done by the weekend. But, I do at least have a platform stretching to the road I can roll on or hop on to get out of here and to the doctors or church this weekend.
I am hoping to make split pea soup tonight. Of course I lack much of what is needed to make great split pea soup and no one would go to the store last night for me, so it will be what it will. Just hope it tastes good.
I commented earlier this week that I was recovering much of post high school memories but was stuck on my high school girlfriend's name. Well, she popped up on my Facebook as if on queue, so I got her name now, which opened up many more memories for me. I thought about sending her a message, but you know, it has been 42 years - why start a conversation now? And, 1987 through October 17, 2015 are still vague at best. I did a little reading and learned some of what was recent past and stopped - I do not need to relive anger at this point in time.
Since I was in the hospital when my first daughter, the second oldest, had a birthday. So Friday I am planning on having her over for dinner. Still no ideas on presents, much less her insistence on vegan only meals, but I will stumble through it okay if I start the prep work on Thursday. Today is shopping list time. So hard to believe that she is now 25 years old! Where have the years gone? It seems as if it was only a few months ago that I was in Kotlas, Russia adopting her at 7 years old ...
Well, I have a stack of bills to take care of today and many thank you's to write. And then with a mind wiped clean of German, I need to write my aunts and share with them the news I am not coming for a visit as planned - I need to buy leg.
November 11, 2015
Armistice Day
Today, the world remembers the end of World War I, the war to end all wars - wishful thinking I fear. So, at the 11:00 hour the guns stopped.
Well, sort of. The French refused to stop shooting Germans for another year, did not matter that the Germans had laid down their guns. A good German was after-all a dead German. The French continued their in your face attitudes towards the Germans for many years, laying the groundwork for Germany's nationalistic fervor leading to WWII. Sigh.
The Americans shifted a portion of their troops to Northern Russia and the Russian Pacific coast in an attempt to support a rational post revolutionary form of government. Shame it did not have any effect other than to cause strained relations for decades.
So, a photo memory of that Great War. A British Mark IV crewed by Germans and with German markings ...
Well, sort of. The French refused to stop shooting Germans for another year, did not matter that the Germans had laid down their guns. A good German was after-all a dead German. The French continued their in your face attitudes towards the Germans for many years, laying the groundwork for Germany's nationalistic fervor leading to WWII. Sigh.
The Americans shifted a portion of their troops to Northern Russia and the Russian Pacific coast in an attempt to support a rational post revolutionary form of government. Shame it did not have any effect other than to cause strained relations for decades.
So, a photo memory of that Great War. A British Mark IV crewed by Germans and with German markings ...
November 10, 2015
Surprise Visitors
Over the weekend I was rather stunned to have a call from my two of my oldest friends. I hardly ever hear from them as they have lived far away from me for decades. Very sad!
The last time they popped up, I had accidentally posted something which was intended to summon help, quietly. My post was caught by them and they were on the scene at the drop of a hat, despite the full day of travel to get to me! Swede and Dutchman also responded, so an unexpected test of our call for help system! Good friends whom also had a good laugh at my error. Sigh.
And here they were, for they had read about my getting out of rehab and were wondering what the heck had happened to me to have caused a one month disappearance without a note of warning first. Though always welcome in my house, I wondered how they would react to a one legged Kris ...
But, their visit went extremely well and it opened up huge areas of my memory to me! So, I am sort of solid now from 1973 through 1987-ish. A little foggy still on much, even in that time frame.
He was a brilliant chemist and at one point had to whisper to ask me what in the tarnation was going on with Gaelic Girl. I am sure she thought she was doing just fine, but she was so stressed out that I am surprised she was still upright! But, she carried on, he understood that she has some real challenges and I just hold on to my sanity at this point in time. It is all anyone can do given the situation - and I have to have care - no choice about that one.
I was sorry to see them go but their flight out was the same night. I wish they could have stayed. As the wife observed, she first met me at a picnic where she ended up driving me to Emergency because my girlfriend at the time decided to stomp on my bare right foot in spiked heels. Yeah, shattered foot. That was pretty miserable memory! eepah! Poor ex-right foot.
And my non existent foot has been hurting ever since she said that ...
The last time they popped up, I had accidentally posted something which was intended to summon help, quietly. My post was caught by them and they were on the scene at the drop of a hat, despite the full day of travel to get to me! Swede and Dutchman also responded, so an unexpected test of our call for help system! Good friends whom also had a good laugh at my error. Sigh.
And here they were, for they had read about my getting out of rehab and were wondering what the heck had happened to me to have caused a one month disappearance without a note of warning first. Though always welcome in my house, I wondered how they would react to a one legged Kris ...
But, their visit went extremely well and it opened up huge areas of my memory to me! So, I am sort of solid now from 1973 through 1987-ish. A little foggy still on much, even in that time frame.
He was a brilliant chemist and at one point had to whisper to ask me what in the tarnation was going on with Gaelic Girl. I am sure she thought she was doing just fine, but she was so stressed out that I am surprised she was still upright! But, she carried on, he understood that she has some real challenges and I just hold on to my sanity at this point in time. It is all anyone can do given the situation - and I have to have care - no choice about that one.
I was sorry to see them go but their flight out was the same night. I wish they could have stayed. As the wife observed, she first met me at a picnic where she ended up driving me to Emergency because my girlfriend at the time decided to stomp on my bare right foot in spiked heels. Yeah, shattered foot. That was pretty miserable memory! eepah! Poor ex-right foot.
And my non existent foot has been hurting ever since she said that ...
November 9, 2015
No Place Like Home
Dorothy got it right, there is no place like home ...
I was so excited to get out of the rehab center, I thought I would loose my mind if it did not happen sooner!
Of course, I watched with interest as I was driven the six miles home - I had no clue where I was, nor how to get there! It was good to see familiar streets and buildings. My soul was allowed some peace and I calmed down,
First stop was Azteca, a nice Jalisco style Mexican place I have eaten at, at least three times a week for decades (when I was in the area)! So, it must be nice. Oh make no mistake, ever so often they will be training a new cook and I will about die ...
Rested, fed, my lungs full of the air only found in freedom, I headed home.
A group of friends were waiting and it did take four adults but I was able to traverse the stairs and the distance from the road, to arrive at my front door. Oldest Daughter's rotten cat as soon as she heard my voice came running and we had a 40 minute purr session all over me! Very uncharacteristic.
Lest I forget, I got to see the bridge being built to the street, very impressive is all I have to say! I think it might be done by the weekend for as far as they have gotten and if the concrete drys nicely. It will be good to do things thia week like get a haircut and go see the latest James Bond with Swede.
:)
So, I am writing this on Wednesday as I foresee that I will be mega busy between now and Monday doing nothing but cleaning and prepping my living area for someone with mobility issues,
I was so excited to get out of the rehab center, I thought I would loose my mind if it did not happen sooner!
Of course, I watched with interest as I was driven the six miles home - I had no clue where I was, nor how to get there! It was good to see familiar streets and buildings. My soul was allowed some peace and I calmed down,
First stop was Azteca, a nice Jalisco style Mexican place I have eaten at, at least three times a week for decades (when I was in the area)! So, it must be nice. Oh make no mistake, ever so often they will be training a new cook and I will about die ...
Rested, fed, my lungs full of the air only found in freedom, I headed home.
A group of friends were waiting and it did take four adults but I was able to traverse the stairs and the distance from the road, to arrive at my front door. Oldest Daughter's rotten cat as soon as she heard my voice came running and we had a 40 minute purr session all over me! Very uncharacteristic.
Lest I forget, I got to see the bridge being built to the street, very impressive is all I have to say! I think it might be done by the weekend for as far as they have gotten and if the concrete drys nicely. It will be good to do things thia week like get a haircut and go see the latest James Bond with Swede.
:)
So, I am writing this on Wednesday as I foresee that I will be mega busy between now and Monday doing nothing but cleaning and prepping my living area for someone with mobility issues,
November 7, 2015
November 6, 2015
Building A Bridge
Probably the worse part of now being an amputee is the question of how will I ever get back into my house? The house sits about 60 feet from the road. You need to go down 7 stairs to get into the yard, then up 7 stairs to reach the front porch. This will not be possible for me.
On my to do list has been to build a bridge to the road, mostly because Gaelic Girl is having problems walking well, a torn muscle that wraps around the butt and leg - very painful for her. But, that project was not to start since I got a case of drug resistant staph. Sigh ...
What is a person to do?
I lack the funds to hire someone to do the job for me now.
Surprisingly, without any input from me - the Church has stepped forward to take on this task for me! Really? I was stunned. My Church has not been this involved that I am aware of! Work started on Monday, by a host of men from the Church. Wow. I am writing this on Tuesday, so the work is not finished yet, but I will post a photo when it is!
On my to do list has been to build a bridge to the road, mostly because Gaelic Girl is having problems walking well, a torn muscle that wraps around the butt and leg - very painful for her. But, that project was not to start since I got a case of drug resistant staph. Sigh ...
What is a person to do?
I lack the funds to hire someone to do the job for me now.
Surprisingly, without any input from me - the Church has stepped forward to take on this task for me! Really? I was stunned. My Church has not been this involved that I am aware of! Work started on Monday, by a host of men from the Church. Wow. I am writing this on Tuesday, so the work is not finished yet, but I will post a photo when it is!
November 5, 2015
Freedom
As you read this, I am now free from being in the rehab hospital! Thank you God!
I needed those two weeks in there, I had to finish off my antibiotics to assure all that I am not contagious and to start on physical therapy to learn to live as an amputee. I really hate the IV antibiotics, after three weeks on them my flesh, breath, sweat - everything I touched reeked of the chemicals. Bleech! And slowly across the past week the odor has been going away. :)
And the therapy has really been kicking my butt for the past two weeks!
So, I am home again. I have much to do now. My life has been altered undeniably forever. So on the one hand I need to start painting again and get some Christmas presents cranked out. On the other hand, I am going to pass on to Goodwill all of my antique show stock. Since I will not be able to do a show now until sometime in 2017. Sigh ...
Then again, equally important to me is to become reacquainted with my friends. But that might mean waiting until I am cleared for driving again - which ought to be a hoot.
I needed those two weeks in there, I had to finish off my antibiotics to assure all that I am not contagious and to start on physical therapy to learn to live as an amputee. I really hate the IV antibiotics, after three weeks on them my flesh, breath, sweat - everything I touched reeked of the chemicals. Bleech! And slowly across the past week the odor has been going away. :)
And the therapy has really been kicking my butt for the past two weeks!
So, I am home again. I have much to do now. My life has been altered undeniably forever. So on the one hand I need to start painting again and get some Christmas presents cranked out. On the other hand, I am going to pass on to Goodwill all of my antique show stock. Since I will not be able to do a show now until sometime in 2017. Sigh ...
Then again, equally important to me is to become reacquainted with my friends. But that might mean waiting until I am cleared for driving again - which ought to be a hoot.
November 4, 2015
In Memory of Emotion
Well, never let it be said that I ever leave well enough alone ...
Dreams gave me hints to mysteries, hints take but moments for me to try and hack if there was anything I had saved so I could find it later.
And I did.
So much of my life I have no memory of. I read of my feelings or at least learning about having feelings. All just words to me now. I have no connection with those words now. And only one writing really struck me, it was called "Good Bye", a long rambling statement of the words of someone I trusted. I could read of their pain and confusion, their attempt to shutdown any argument or defense. I read it several times.
It stung. I have nothing to go with to completely understand its context. But, I understand the concept that they are confused, I was some sort of added confusion, so good bye Kris. Old Kris was apparently appreciated but also confusing. Don't ask me, I have little else to go on here.
At face value, I don't think much of old Kris unless he meant well and was terribly misunderstood or something had gone horribly wrong ...
But what I do know is that somewhere through those writings I had learned how to love my children, how to love a friend, and to understand the love that is commitment. I also know most has been lost to me, but not why at the moment. I doubt I will research more - I am too upset by what I have learned so far.
Dreams gave me hints to mysteries, hints take but moments for me to try and hack if there was anything I had saved so I could find it later.
And I did.
So much of my life I have no memory of. I read of my feelings or at least learning about having feelings. All just words to me now. I have no connection with those words now. And only one writing really struck me, it was called "Good Bye", a long rambling statement of the words of someone I trusted. I could read of their pain and confusion, their attempt to shutdown any argument or defense. I read it several times.
It stung. I have nothing to go with to completely understand its context. But, I understand the concept that they are confused, I was some sort of added confusion, so good bye Kris. Old Kris was apparently appreciated but also confusing. Don't ask me, I have little else to go on here.
At face value, I don't think much of old Kris unless he meant well and was terribly misunderstood or something had gone horribly wrong ...
But what I do know is that somewhere through those writings I had learned how to love my children, how to love a friend, and to understand the love that is commitment. I also know most has been lost to me, but not why at the moment. I doubt I will research more - I am too upset by what I have learned so far.
November 3, 2015
Realm of Dreams
As I sit here typing this, you have to remember that my life began on October 17. There is nothing before the 17th - all lost to some form of amnesia from the multiple surgeries. I do have a few random pieces but nothing like a 60 year old life one could reference! Across the two weeks since, I have been asking questions and trying to rebuild piece by piece, something that makes sense. But, how does one ask what one has no clue concerning?
Across the weekend, I had dreams. Dreams of things never imagined. Dreams of things that angered me, shamed me, humiliated me to even think in such a manner! Are they real memories? No idea ...
The first time this happened the dream was about my first girl friend, name currently lost, whom seemed to have caused a gigantic rift in my parents family. So great was the rift, I was forced to leave home at the end of school and rarely return even for a visit. So great was the rift, I was awaken in a very agitated state! Which set off the alarms and I was then knocked out for the rest of the night - but my mind remembered and thought on this.
Other situations, other people all followed on other nights. The variety of which makes me wonder if they are not real memories my subconscious is mining to try and tell me something. If so, well, I do not like old me very much. No, again I am not sure of any real detail - just enough to maybe ask questions to learn more - or to let the past just remain dead to this new me. I might have more mental stability this way ...
I hope by not dwelling on this, they will fade away - perhaps again? - and allow me to be me, unencumbered by memories, shattered hopes and dreams. God seems to have given me quite a special gift ...
Across the weekend, I had dreams. Dreams of things never imagined. Dreams of things that angered me, shamed me, humiliated me to even think in such a manner! Are they real memories? No idea ...
The first time this happened the dream was about my first girl friend, name currently lost, whom seemed to have caused a gigantic rift in my parents family. So great was the rift, I was forced to leave home at the end of school and rarely return even for a visit. So great was the rift, I was awaken in a very agitated state! Which set off the alarms and I was then knocked out for the rest of the night - but my mind remembered and thought on this.
Other situations, other people all followed on other nights. The variety of which makes me wonder if they are not real memories my subconscious is mining to try and tell me something. If so, well, I do not like old me very much. No, again I am not sure of any real detail - just enough to maybe ask questions to learn more - or to let the past just remain dead to this new me. I might have more mental stability this way ...
I hope by not dwelling on this, they will fade away - perhaps again? - and allow me to be me, unencumbered by memories, shattered hopes and dreams. God seems to have given me quite a special gift ...
November 2, 2015
Remembering Puerto Vallarta
As I do my physical therapy, I chat with my torture director. She mentioned that she goes down to Puerto Vallarta, annually - seems her parents live down there. So it was a happy workout session reminiscing of a wonderful holiday with Dutchman down there in 2008!
We talked about the village her parents live in, which was perhaps a mile from the resort I stayed at. Same village Dutchman was having his new place built - which still is not completed! Since the real estate market has lost 90% of value down there, I doubt he is real excited about sinking more money into that project! And yet, it would not surprise me to learn he is about to move down there. I would not complain if he wanted a neighbor either! But, I would balk at having a $10,000,000 place! Something far cheaper, something normal people can relate to. I like being invisible.
We shared memories of the town, the sites, the smells, the food. :) It kept the other torture victims in stitches laughing over some of the stories.
I think that 2016 is going to be a trip somewhere fun. A vacation, new sights, smells, sounds and of course interesting food! Even a return to Puerto Vallarta would be welcome ...
We talked about the village her parents live in, which was perhaps a mile from the resort I stayed at. Same village Dutchman was having his new place built - which still is not completed! Since the real estate market has lost 90% of value down there, I doubt he is real excited about sinking more money into that project! And yet, it would not surprise me to learn he is about to move down there. I would not complain if he wanted a neighbor either! But, I would balk at having a $10,000,000 place! Something far cheaper, something normal people can relate to. I like being invisible.
We shared memories of the town, the sites, the smells, the food. :) It kept the other torture victims in stitches laughing over some of the stories.
I think that 2016 is going to be a trip somewhere fun. A vacation, new sights, smells, sounds and of course interesting food! Even a return to Puerto Vallarta would be welcome ...
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