In Memory of Emotion

Well,  never let it be said that I ever leave well enough alone ...

Dreams gave me hints to mysteries, hints take but moments for me to try and hack if there was anything I had saved so I could find it later. 

And I did.

So much of my life I have no memory of.  I read of my feelings or at least learning about having feelings.  All just words to me now.  I have no connection with those words now.  And only one writing really struck me, it was called "Good Bye", a long rambling statement of the words of someone I trusted.  I could read of their pain and confusion, their attempt to shutdown any argument or defense.  I read it several times.

It stung.  I have nothing to go with to completely understand its context.  But, I understand the concept that they are confused, I was some sort of added confusion, so good bye Kris.  Old Kris was apparently appreciated but also confusing.  Don't ask me, I have little else to go on here.

At face value, I don't think much of old Kris unless he meant well and was terribly misunderstood or something had gone horribly wrong ...

But what I do know is that somewhere through those writings I had learned how to love my children, how to love a friend, and to understand the love that is commitment.  I also know most has been lost to me, but not why at the moment.  I doubt I will research more - I am too upset by what I have learned so far.