As mind is forced to relive 1967 in excruciating detail, over and over again!, I at least am finding answers to situations I have long questioned.
I have long wondered about the disparity anyone can see in the church. Power hungry ministers, manipulative workers, questionable ministry efforts. It made no sense!
The answer is that in God's realm of desire is that we do all by and through His empowerment via the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, that does not happen enough - much less within the realm of "ministry". WE, you and I, are called to live by the power and direction of the Holy Spirit, not our wits! And yet it can be observed over and over again - defeated Christians not understanding how everything could have gone "so wrong" and ministries that started strong and now flail to stay on "top". We fail be cause we walk by the flesh, not by His Spirit. And it happens so slowly, we can not perceive the change and end up shaking our heads over how wrong it all went. And the worse - the super powerful, successful ministries that are just too good to be true ...
To the extent that we do not humble ourselves before God, there will be no power of the Holy Spirit our lives. God's work, done God's way, in the power of the Holy Spirit - with no hint of flesh ... is what He expects.
It does not matter your denominational leanings, the Church always seems to default to doing God's work though the power of the flesh - not the Spirit! The BIG failing here is always EGO. If we have the world's ( f the flesh) mentality of wanting to be first, the biggest, the best, putting on the splashiest show, etc - we are no longer qualified for Christian leadership, much less to be a Christian witness!
Let that sink in .....
And to the extent that we seek power - we are then walking in the flesh and not by the Spirit. In fact, the Holy Spirit will not have anything to do with us. It is only by our walking in faith and constant confession that we can hope to achieve the humility God seeks inside of us.
Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts
April 21, 2017
July 27, 2016
Dealing With The Disabiled
Yeah, now there is a post title that will guarantee no readers! But, maybe someone will read this anyway. It is interesting, that the post which I think are of value, will dredge up perhaps 3 reads in a month. Write something of not much value, with a good title, and it will score into the hundreds that month! My continually most popular post, on Thoughts From The Little Apple, still draws about 35 views per month (with just as many downloads!) ... and it was just meant as a light-hearted romp! We are talking reads well into the tens of thousands here! Yeah, this post will not be quite so popular - but it needs to be said.
I grew up the eras of post-World War II and the Cold War. I lived all of my youth in-on-around NATO bases. I went to NATO schools (US and Canadian) in France, Germany and the US - up until 10th grade when I then went to a civilian high school, through graduation. And it never dawned on me that I had never seen a disabled person the entire time!
I was in 11th grade, in a conversation about WWII when it struck me; in all of those battles, there must have been massive casualties, and if so, then where were they? I tried the library index at Lowry Air Force Base - but nothing to be found there. Fitzsimmons Army Medical Post library index also did not have much to share either. I was in a special program so had to have weekly reviews with the doctors at Fitzsimmons, so since my quest was being frustrated, I asked one. His answer left me rather cold.
It seems, at the start of the war, the German's executed those in the rehabilitation centers, those permanently in long term care, and those whom had been identified as not being able to work. But, what about the Germans after the war? Because, there sure were never any seen by me! And they mostly lived in hospital environments it seems. I have no concept of what kind of a German would turn their back on their war disabled ... and yet, it smacked of truth. In my village of 750, there were NO injured or maimed war veterans, and yet, they must have existed.
And in America? The doctor laughed and waved his hand towards the ceiling - towards the wards above. "Right now I have over 700 from Vietnam, a building of Korean War vets and then we have the WWII permanently disabled ....." They housed thousands, forgotten, just waiting to die ... Some had visitors, but not many - nor often. That made an impact on me.
In high school I had a friend, his name was either Steve or Kirby, it has been so long I can not remember which brother was the older - so, let us say his name was Kirby. Kirby had contracted bone cancer and lost a leg. I had no ability to relate to his disability, but I could be his friend and help him around school and include him in my tiny social life (Boy Scouts). And, in 12th grade he died a lingering death - and I was a good friend during that time as well.
So, although my exposure to the disabled was small, I had a little - just enough to be uncomfortable with how they are treated, but then again, I was not human back then either. But, God saw to it that I would be made human, and then I would lose the same leg as Kirby had. So, learning, adjusting, fighting ... And, now I have a much stronger affinity to Kirby and his struggles. Now I understand why I never see the disabled out and about as well. But, I refuse to make that choice!
Sunday, I read on the Yahoo News about a Japanese guy whom killed 19 with a knife and wounded another 24. Well, that was intriguing, so I read up on the incident.
A Japanese man whom worked at a garden supply store, went next door and started slicing and dicing at two in the morning ... But, why?
It seems he was tired of the patients at the next door hospital for the disabled!
So, he decided to kill as many as he could.
And suddenly Adolf Hitler's cleansing of Germany was remembered by this worthless brain I now have. The society norm as to put them out of sight, out of mind. Then the purge became easy, even convenient, once madness had taken over the land.
Surprisingly, the man had worked at the hospital in the past, had been training to be a teacher for the disabled - and something, somewhere went awry. He turned himself in to the police afterwards.
We live in a broken world, where perspectives are easily squede - the result always being the cheapening of human life. God says it is important, it is man whom disagrees when society allows for life - in this case: disabled human life, to be regarded as valueless.
... Sigh ...
Human life is precious.
That is why inequality, murder, war, slavery and pornography are so appalling!
You devalue life so all of these may become possible.
But, then, it is not your life which is being devalued!
Yet ...
I grew up the eras of post-World War II and the Cold War. I lived all of my youth in-on-around NATO bases. I went to NATO schools (US and Canadian) in France, Germany and the US - up until 10th grade when I then went to a civilian high school, through graduation. And it never dawned on me that I had never seen a disabled person the entire time!
I was in 11th grade, in a conversation about WWII when it struck me; in all of those battles, there must have been massive casualties, and if so, then where were they? I tried the library index at Lowry Air Force Base - but nothing to be found there. Fitzsimmons Army Medical Post library index also did not have much to share either. I was in a special program so had to have weekly reviews with the doctors at Fitzsimmons, so since my quest was being frustrated, I asked one. His answer left me rather cold.
It seems, at the start of the war, the German's executed those in the rehabilitation centers, those permanently in long term care, and those whom had been identified as not being able to work. But, what about the Germans after the war? Because, there sure were never any seen by me! And they mostly lived in hospital environments it seems. I have no concept of what kind of a German would turn their back on their war disabled ... and yet, it smacked of truth. In my village of 750, there were NO injured or maimed war veterans, and yet, they must have existed.
And in America? The doctor laughed and waved his hand towards the ceiling - towards the wards above. "Right now I have over 700 from Vietnam, a building of Korean War vets and then we have the WWII permanently disabled ....." They housed thousands, forgotten, just waiting to die ... Some had visitors, but not many - nor often. That made an impact on me.
In high school I had a friend, his name was either Steve or Kirby, it has been so long I can not remember which brother was the older - so, let us say his name was Kirby. Kirby had contracted bone cancer and lost a leg. I had no ability to relate to his disability, but I could be his friend and help him around school and include him in my tiny social life (Boy Scouts). And, in 12th grade he died a lingering death - and I was a good friend during that time as well.
So, although my exposure to the disabled was small, I had a little - just enough to be uncomfortable with how they are treated, but then again, I was not human back then either. But, God saw to it that I would be made human, and then I would lose the same leg as Kirby had. So, learning, adjusting, fighting ... And, now I have a much stronger affinity to Kirby and his struggles. Now I understand why I never see the disabled out and about as well. But, I refuse to make that choice!
Sunday, I read on the Yahoo News about a Japanese guy whom killed 19 with a knife and wounded another 24. Well, that was intriguing, so I read up on the incident.
A Japanese man whom worked at a garden supply store, went next door and started slicing and dicing at two in the morning ... But, why?
It seems he was tired of the patients at the next door hospital for the disabled!
So, he decided to kill as many as he could.
And suddenly Adolf Hitler's cleansing of Germany was remembered by this worthless brain I now have. The society norm as to put them out of sight, out of mind. Then the purge became easy, even convenient, once madness had taken over the land.
Surprisingly, the man had worked at the hospital in the past, had been training to be a teacher for the disabled - and something, somewhere went awry. He turned himself in to the police afterwards.
We live in a broken world, where perspectives are easily squede - the result always being the cheapening of human life. God says it is important, it is man whom disagrees when society allows for life - in this case: disabled human life, to be regarded as valueless.
... Sigh ...
Human life is precious.
That is why inequality, murder, war, slavery and pornography are so appalling!
You devalue life so all of these may become possible.
But, then, it is not your life which is being devalued!
Yet ...
June 9, 2016
For Whom The Bell Tolls
I was in a conversation and the lyrics of this prose kept coming to mind. Actually, aside from the conversation, they have often been on my mind for the past many months ...
I seemed to remember a movie about the Spanish Civil War and the lines of this were used in the movie or title or something and somehow I was sure that the story was about Ernest Hemingway's work as a reporter during the conflict ...
But, then again, I have pea soup between my ears. Nothing comes easily if it is pre-surgery. Nothing really makes any sense if it does ...
So, I searched on the words:
These words by John Donne were not originally written as a poem - the
passage is taken from the 1624, Meditation 17, from Devotions Upon
Emergent Occasions and was part of a sermon done in prose.
Wow! 1624! Almost four hundred years ago! I do not know if you realize the significance there.
Donne was a priest, a lawyer, a poet of his day and a self confessed - well known, sex addict. The above passage, gives one the idea of the solidarity of man, to all men surrounding him - known and unknown. This was a bit of a radical view in 17th century where solitary man was more of the concept and he was a Roman Catholic in Elizabethan England. The bell of course refers to the ringing of the town's bell for each year of your life when you die. As a child, I can remember counting the rings - in a small town you could know whom just died by counting the ringing of their age!
Donne's radical thought, that we are all interconnected was also carried forward by a piece attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller:
The family of man has been horribly fractured through the years - bad theology, bad politics, bad leaders, bad men - all being allowed to get away with their deeds by those whom will do nothing to stop the stampede to destruction unseen forces mankind towards.
A lesson Donne finally figured out late in his life.
A lesson Niemöller had to live through.
A guaranteed future for all of us, if we can not understand that as Christian we are not a part of this world and its corrupt ways.
Live your life by the rules of the world (Satan's) and you will suffer eternally.
Live your life by the rules of Jesus and understand that you will suffer in this life but be given peace in the next.
For whom does the bell actually toll?
For this world, whose days are numbered by its creator ...
I seemed to remember a movie about the Spanish Civil War and the lines of this were used in the movie or title or something and somehow I was sure that the story was about Ernest Hemingway's work as a reporter during the conflict ...
But, then again, I have pea soup between my ears. Nothing comes easily if it is pre-surgery. Nothing really makes any sense if it does ...
So, I searched on the words:
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Wow! 1624! Almost four hundred years ago! I do not know if you realize the significance there.
Donne was a priest, a lawyer, a poet of his day and a self confessed - well known, sex addict. The above passage, gives one the idea of the solidarity of man, to all men surrounding him - known and unknown. This was a bit of a radical view in 17th century where solitary man was more of the concept and he was a Roman Catholic in Elizabethan England. The bell of course refers to the ringing of the town's bell for each year of your life when you die. As a child, I can remember counting the rings - in a small town you could know whom just died by counting the ringing of their age!
Donne's radical thought, that we are all interconnected was also carried forward by a piece attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller:
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
The family of man has been horribly fractured through the years - bad theology, bad politics, bad leaders, bad men - all being allowed to get away with their deeds by those whom will do nothing to stop the stampede to destruction unseen forces mankind towards.
A lesson Donne finally figured out late in his life.
A lesson Niemöller had to live through.
A guaranteed future for all of us, if we can not understand that as Christian we are not a part of this world and its corrupt ways.
Live your life by the rules of the world (Satan's) and you will suffer eternally.
Live your life by the rules of Jesus and understand that you will suffer in this life but be given peace in the next.
For whom does the bell actually toll?
For this world, whose days are numbered by its creator ...
December 17, 2015
Christmas Concert
So, a Hutterite walks into a United Church of Christ, sounds like a bad joke in the making but they were the only one offering a Christmas concert I could find ....
Of course, I am one legged, using a kneeling cart to approach the church - and I figured it was in the basement as this was brightly lit. Nope, it was up a series of stairs which rose perhaps 60 feet up a hillside to the second level of the church! OMG! Really?
But, a little old lady tugged on my sleeve and told me there was a hidden elevator and then escorted all the way into the sanctuary! Another instance of a little old lady helping an Eagle Scout! LOL ...
The concert was made up of instrumentals and lots of singing. But something was really wrong here!
The first song was Silent Night, in German - and since I have been slowly relearning my German - since the last surgery - I was ready to sing along! Only, it took me a few moments to realize that she did not speak German - but spoke French and every word was pronounced as though it was a French word! So, just cut off pronunciation of the last two letters of every word and then slur them because you have to do the "quiver" in your voice! (pick any song and try this, it is hilarious!) I have no idea why people sing like that - no one can understand a single word when you do! And about half a dozen vocals were done that way! ARGH!
There was flute playing and bell ring and several choirs. And during the bell ringing, standing up there was someone I knew! One of "my kids" from 30 years ago! What the heck? This is one small world! She did see me as the crowd was thinning out and she was putting her bells away - oh how she exploded in a smile, ran down the aisle and threw herself on me! Sure glad I was still seated! We ended up going out for a late dinner and talked perhaps four hours, or so. From a humanistic viewpoint, she has done well for herself. Spiritually, well ...
But, as I have thought on this concert last Sunday, I realized there was a huge problem with it - not a single song used the name Jesus, Son of God, nor God for that matter! Lots of songs about angels though and anytime those unpopular names might appear - a piano solo kicked in. EEPAH!
So, I guess that sums up the UCC church nicely - a social club were God is not welcome, nor advertised. I was sorry to see that. My beloved Uncle Leonard was a UCC member - but he was the definition of a Godly man - so they must have changed since his day. Or, perhaps, it was the only church in his town. Sigh ...
Jesus is the only reason for this season we celebrate. Without Him, well, all you have is feel good-ism, gifts and fractured family gatherings. Not a Christmas I would care to celebrate.
Of course, I am one legged, using a kneeling cart to approach the church - and I figured it was in the basement as this was brightly lit. Nope, it was up a series of stairs which rose perhaps 60 feet up a hillside to the second level of the church! OMG! Really?
But, a little old lady tugged on my sleeve and told me there was a hidden elevator and then escorted all the way into the sanctuary! Another instance of a little old lady helping an Eagle Scout! LOL ...
The concert was made up of instrumentals and lots of singing. But something was really wrong here!
The first song was Silent Night, in German - and since I have been slowly relearning my German - since the last surgery - I was ready to sing along! Only, it took me a few moments to realize that she did not speak German - but spoke French and every word was pronounced as though it was a French word! So, just cut off pronunciation of the last two letters of every word and then slur them because you have to do the "quiver" in your voice! (pick any song and try this, it is hilarious!) I have no idea why people sing like that - no one can understand a single word when you do! And about half a dozen vocals were done that way! ARGH!
There was flute playing and bell ring and several choirs. And during the bell ringing, standing up there was someone I knew! One of "my kids" from 30 years ago! What the heck? This is one small world! She did see me as the crowd was thinning out and she was putting her bells away - oh how she exploded in a smile, ran down the aisle and threw herself on me! Sure glad I was still seated! We ended up going out for a late dinner and talked perhaps four hours, or so. From a humanistic viewpoint, she has done well for herself. Spiritually, well ...
But, as I have thought on this concert last Sunday, I realized there was a huge problem with it - not a single song used the name Jesus, Son of God, nor God for that matter! Lots of songs about angels though and anytime those unpopular names might appear - a piano solo kicked in. EEPAH!
So, I guess that sums up the UCC church nicely - a social club were God is not welcome, nor advertised. I was sorry to see that. My beloved Uncle Leonard was a UCC member - but he was the definition of a Godly man - so they must have changed since his day. Or, perhaps, it was the only church in his town. Sigh ...
Jesus is the only reason for this season we celebrate. Without Him, well, all you have is feel good-ism, gifts and fractured family gatherings. Not a Christmas I would care to celebrate.
September 23, 2015
Do They Have A Soul?
"But, do they really have a soul?"
The question posed concerning the Neanderthal issue.
We have a series of studies running in Genesis right now, so life the universe and everything are on the table.
You have Man, just like you and me. Made in the image of God, given a soul, Jesus died for you!
But, we have an ancestor, the Neanderthal. Oh wait! Man has been around just as long as the Neanderthal. They interbred with us. We are the Neanderthal! Or what is left of them in any event.
Neanderthal's can be proven to have taken human wives, children were born from these unions (we have the family graves!), they practiced a very telling form of burial - red ochre and the body laid on flowers, they cooked, they ate baked bread, they made weapons, they made music and had flutes, they created cave art!, they sculpted small figures from stone of great delicacy, a sufficient number of pierced shells make one wonder if they wore necklaces, we have even found what appears to be a weapons factory!, one site even has an obvious hot tub built inside a cave! Outside of their brow ridge, they are as human in their behaviors as you or I. And concurrent with ancient man.
The Neanderthals were almost worldwide - except for the America's. No evidence has ever been found of anything Neanderthal in the new world.
Always pictured hairier than most humans (they have to be pictured as ape like), usually with a stupid expression on their face and a slack open mouth (they have to be stupider than us). Got to look dumber than the ultimate creation after all! But, what if Neanderthal was smarter than Mankind?
Remember that odd reference in Genesis to the Nephilim? No? Then check out Genesis 6:4 for the Bible's almost offhand remark that there was something else at one time ... other than just God's creation running around.
After I became a Christian, I was very happy to equate the Nephilim with the Neanderthal. It works well. Man preceded them and archaeology supports that. Man was not a descendent of the Neanderthal from the aspect of evolution but only from the point of procreation. And aside from the fact that you and I do carry a percentage of Neanderthal DNA, they were wiped from the Earth.
So, do they have souls?
Well, I assume that their DNA was similar enough to ours to make their babies. If they are the product of women and angelic beings, then again the DNA issue has to be assumed. So, if they fall within the classification of MAN - they would have to have a soul!
But, I want to emphasize something here - their burials. Burials mean that there is some thought of an afterlife, some meaning to life of more than just today is all there is ... The bodies were buried on beds of flowers and then covered in red ochre. Burial is not something which happens outside of man. And as for the flowers? I am sure there are lots of ideas, even I can think of a few just off the top of my head, but that does not make this practice have those meanings. To cover the smell of decay, to call for spring and the renewing of life, etc. However, the red ochre is even more interesting ...
Red Ochre - Red Earth - a symbol of what? Did you know that ADOM, associated with ADAM, means red? Was the burial of the dead with the ochre to equate them back to Adam, the first man? To claim that they were MAN and not an abomination? One has to wonder. This practice was even to spread throughout the middle eastern burials of just plain old mankind. Who started this practice? We will never know but it seems that the Neanderthal greatly predates the practice by man.
But, this is a Kris-ism, something I think from my own investigations. I can be wrong, it has happened before, so just sharing what I know and suspect at this time ...
I think the Neanderthal were a variety of humans, created by human women and angles, and ultimately removed by God.
The question posed concerning the Neanderthal issue.
We have a series of studies running in Genesis right now, so life the universe and everything are on the table.
You have Man, just like you and me. Made in the image of God, given a soul, Jesus died for you!
Neanderthal's can be proven to have taken human wives, children were born from these unions (we have the family graves!), they practiced a very telling form of burial - red ochre and the body laid on flowers, they cooked, they ate baked bread, they made weapons, they made music and had flutes, they created cave art!, they sculpted small figures from stone of great delicacy, a sufficient number of pierced shells make one wonder if they wore necklaces, we have even found what appears to be a weapons factory!, one site even has an obvious hot tub built inside a cave! Outside of their brow ridge, they are as human in their behaviors as you or I. And concurrent with ancient man.
The Neanderthals were almost worldwide - except for the America's. No evidence has ever been found of anything Neanderthal in the new world.
Always pictured hairier than most humans (they have to be pictured as ape like), usually with a stupid expression on their face and a slack open mouth (they have to be stupider than us). Got to look dumber than the ultimate creation after all! But, what if Neanderthal was smarter than Mankind?
Remember that odd reference in Genesis to the Nephilim? No? Then check out Genesis 6:4 for the Bible's almost offhand remark that there was something else at one time ... other than just God's creation running around.
After I became a Christian, I was very happy to equate the Nephilim with the Neanderthal. It works well. Man preceded them and archaeology supports that. Man was not a descendent of the Neanderthal from the aspect of evolution but only from the point of procreation. And aside from the fact that you and I do carry a percentage of Neanderthal DNA, they were wiped from the Earth.
So, do they have souls?
Well, I assume that their DNA was similar enough to ours to make their babies. If they are the product of women and angelic beings, then again the DNA issue has to be assumed. So, if they fall within the classification of MAN - they would have to have a soul!
But, I want to emphasize something here - their burials. Burials mean that there is some thought of an afterlife, some meaning to life of more than just today is all there is ... The bodies were buried on beds of flowers and then covered in red ochre. Burial is not something which happens outside of man. And as for the flowers? I am sure there are lots of ideas, even I can think of a few just off the top of my head, but that does not make this practice have those meanings. To cover the smell of decay, to call for spring and the renewing of life, etc. However, the red ochre is even more interesting ...
Red Ochre - Red Earth - a symbol of what? Did you know that ADOM, associated with ADAM, means red? Was the burial of the dead with the ochre to equate them back to Adam, the first man? To claim that they were MAN and not an abomination? One has to wonder. This practice was even to spread throughout the middle eastern burials of just plain old mankind. Who started this practice? We will never know but it seems that the Neanderthal greatly predates the practice by man.
But, this is a Kris-ism, something I think from my own investigations. I can be wrong, it has happened before, so just sharing what I know and suspect at this time ...
I think the Neanderthal were a variety of humans, created by human women and angles, and ultimately removed by God.
April 13, 2015
The Quest
Unknown to me, I have been on a quest my entire life.
I always knew I was different. The US Army in its blunder, in handling me, accidentally told me what my problem with humanity was. But, I had no idea as to why.
It was not until forty years later that I did find out why, completely by accident again. I was a freak of nature, defective DNA, supplied by another freak of nature, my father. Yeah, well that one hurt. He was long dead. Not sure what I would have said to him in any event.
Knowing my problem, too late to repair damage caused around me, I sought to best understand how to communicate better, how to understand humans - I had mimed them my entire life. I was tired of the act, I just wanted to be free to be me. And since all hated me by now, it was not hard to be me - albeit with no acceptance from anyone.
God through numerous attempts, made me fully human. It was beautiful, it was painful, it is more than I can bear at times. I often thought myself insane. I would beg God to please remove this "blessing" and let me return to the death I had lived in.
Yeah, that is how painful it was to suddenly find yourself as human ... and only two did care - albeit - a child's maturity in an adult form is a bit intense I guess. sigh ....
Saturday's song was what triggered this post. I had suddenly remembered that song from high school, and my first official girlfriend. And with eyes of humanity, I can now look backwards and re-examine those years. What did I find? A point of confusion ...
I remember that point of confusion, right around my 18th birthday. A sense that there was something greater to life than I knew or could understand. Maybe, given a chance, last year could have occurred in 1973. But, it was quickly lost in a bizarre series of events - that I honestly have problems remembering (even at the time!), much less understanding.
That feeling returned in 1975. I was now a Christian. Everything was great. The negatives which existed I knew that God could handle. And as I was driving down the street to my church (I was a youth pastor at the time) I was revisited by that same feeling from 1973. "Something" existed I could not understand. But, what was it? I yearned to know and to understand. But, again a massive attack against me threw me into a tailspin and I was left with nothing in the end. Not even the memory of that drive until as I write this!
In the intervening years, I learned how to be the consummate actor. I could model every reaction, every emotion, right on queue - and was completely dead on the inside. I adopted and copied every phrase which attended every emotion. This modeled Kris keep people away, I was just normal, a bit clueless at times and should any come close - there was nothing below the surface to find ... just emptiness. It was fine having Dutchman, Swedish Rocket Scientist, Ed, Gaelic Girl and the Chemist as my ONLY friends. Or so I thought. Of course that list has been reduced to Dutchman and one other (hmmm, no real nickname yet for them, I will have to work on that, so embarrassing not having a nickname!).
I even remember the date, it was May 16, 2012 when it began. I lived in a black and world and then suddenly could see in color. It scared the bejeesus out of people! Kris was completely weird! And I killed it after three weeks. I remembered the incident well! To this day, I can remember how startled I was to see how green trees became, how real an emotion was. Terrifying.
But, December 29, 2012 God felt that my days of living without emotion were over and slowly began opening up my eyes, mind and heart. Bit by bit training me to adapt. Sometimes it was so horrible, like I was suffocating and really there is nothing worse than being betrayed by those you trusted. That was the worst emotion of all.
And, certainly, love was the most amazing emotion. No, not understood, just astonished by it. It has a way of changing a person. In fact, taking a genetic sociopath and making him human.
My ex-communication guy stressed strongly in 2013 that empathy is the mark of a human. Since I obviously had none, I was not a human and I could get out of his life. Someone was having a bad hair day! But, I did honor his request, even if he was bald.
However, I was to learn just how wrong he is. It was not empathy that defines a human - it was the ability to know your own sin ... then to understand the role sin plays in other's lives, just as you suddenly observed in your own life! One of the most unpleasant of events in my entire life! And I have cried every day for almost a year now, I can not stop them, I just tell people I have allergies and someone must be wearing musk in the area. Yeah, a lie, but one to protect what little is left of me. I really can not envision saying I understand their sin to a person's face! AHHHHH!
And this new Kris, tirelessly reviews his life and everything I have ever said. Looking, searching, trying to now understand everything I could not! From lost opportunities to mixed messages, I am seeing how messed up everything became and is ... I really do not want to repeat mistakes in the future, but still have to deal with the present. And so many I trusted ... I may never understand how they chose to do me evil when there was none in my heart ... stupidity, yes ... evil no.
Then dis-satisfyingly to discover even this accident 5 days ago, which has placed me in surgery, has a design and a purpose.
But, for now, it is enough for me to know and to understand why if I survive, four months plays a major role in my life this year. Just what we all need, more drama for Kris!
If all went well last Wednesday, I am in getting pins pulled this afternoon and a fresh path to follow.
If not, well ....
I always knew I was different. The US Army in its blunder, in handling me, accidentally told me what my problem with humanity was. But, I had no idea as to why.
It was not until forty years later that I did find out why, completely by accident again. I was a freak of nature, defective DNA, supplied by another freak of nature, my father. Yeah, well that one hurt. He was long dead. Not sure what I would have said to him in any event.
Knowing my problem, too late to repair damage caused around me, I sought to best understand how to communicate better, how to understand humans - I had mimed them my entire life. I was tired of the act, I just wanted to be free to be me. And since all hated me by now, it was not hard to be me - albeit with no acceptance from anyone.
God through numerous attempts, made me fully human. It was beautiful, it was painful, it is more than I can bear at times. I often thought myself insane. I would beg God to please remove this "blessing" and let me return to the death I had lived in.
Yeah, that is how painful it was to suddenly find yourself as human ... and only two did care - albeit - a child's maturity in an adult form is a bit intense I guess. sigh ....
Saturday's song was what triggered this post. I had suddenly remembered that song from high school, and my first official girlfriend. And with eyes of humanity, I can now look backwards and re-examine those years. What did I find? A point of confusion ...
I remember that point of confusion, right around my 18th birthday. A sense that there was something greater to life than I knew or could understand. Maybe, given a chance, last year could have occurred in 1973. But, it was quickly lost in a bizarre series of events - that I honestly have problems remembering (even at the time!), much less understanding.
That feeling returned in 1975. I was now a Christian. Everything was great. The negatives which existed I knew that God could handle. And as I was driving down the street to my church (I was a youth pastor at the time) I was revisited by that same feeling from 1973. "Something" existed I could not understand. But, what was it? I yearned to know and to understand. But, again a massive attack against me threw me into a tailspin and I was left with nothing in the end. Not even the memory of that drive until as I write this!
In the intervening years, I learned how to be the consummate actor. I could model every reaction, every emotion, right on queue - and was completely dead on the inside. I adopted and copied every phrase which attended every emotion. This modeled Kris keep people away, I was just normal, a bit clueless at times and should any come close - there was nothing below the surface to find ... just emptiness. It was fine having Dutchman, Swedish Rocket Scientist, Ed, Gaelic Girl and the Chemist as my ONLY friends. Or so I thought. Of course that list has been reduced to Dutchman and one other (hmmm, no real nickname yet for them, I will have to work on that, so embarrassing not having a nickname!).
I even remember the date, it was May 16, 2012 when it began. I lived in a black and world and then suddenly could see in color. It scared the bejeesus out of people! Kris was completely weird! And I killed it after three weeks. I remembered the incident well! To this day, I can remember how startled I was to see how green trees became, how real an emotion was. Terrifying.
But, December 29, 2012 God felt that my days of living without emotion were over and slowly began opening up my eyes, mind and heart. Bit by bit training me to adapt. Sometimes it was so horrible, like I was suffocating and really there is nothing worse than being betrayed by those you trusted. That was the worst emotion of all.
And, certainly, love was the most amazing emotion. No, not understood, just astonished by it. It has a way of changing a person. In fact, taking a genetic sociopath and making him human.
My ex-communication guy stressed strongly in 2013 that empathy is the mark of a human. Since I obviously had none, I was not a human and I could get out of his life. Someone was having a bad hair day! But, I did honor his request, even if he was bald.
However, I was to learn just how wrong he is. It was not empathy that defines a human - it was the ability to know your own sin ... then to understand the role sin plays in other's lives, just as you suddenly observed in your own life! One of the most unpleasant of events in my entire life! And I have cried every day for almost a year now, I can not stop them, I just tell people I have allergies and someone must be wearing musk in the area. Yeah, a lie, but one to protect what little is left of me. I really can not envision saying I understand their sin to a person's face! AHHHHH!
And this new Kris, tirelessly reviews his life and everything I have ever said. Looking, searching, trying to now understand everything I could not! From lost opportunities to mixed messages, I am seeing how messed up everything became and is ... I really do not want to repeat mistakes in the future, but still have to deal with the present. And so many I trusted ... I may never understand how they chose to do me evil when there was none in my heart ... stupidity, yes ... evil no.
Then dis-satisfyingly to discover even this accident 5 days ago, which has placed me in surgery, has a design and a purpose.
But, for now, it is enough for me to know and to understand why if I survive, four months plays a major role in my life this year. Just what we all need, more drama for Kris!
If all went well last Wednesday, I am in getting pins pulled this afternoon and a fresh path to follow.
If not, well ....
April 2, 2015
Racism
Very little gets my blood to boil faster than racism and prejudice. I was raise in Europe and neither of these expressions of ego, pride and sin were evident. Well, there was the overwhelming fear of Gypsies - of the disease and larceny associated with them. But, all Gypsies were Romanian and thanks to the Russians were stuck there. But, heavens!, if someone was seen with brown eyes in a neighboring town, the entire district would be put on alert! Yeah, a form of prejudice against people with brown eyes, but then again, profiling is not unwarranted.
So, when not so little Swiss Boy came to America, I had only once ever seen a black man, at Ramstein Air Base. He was a nice man - I thought his skin color odd but, well, of what importance is that? Even amongst the Germans I was weird because of my not so translucent white skin. I am a quarter American Indian - I have the darker skin, thick hair on head and curved teeth to prove it. But, I am also of German extraction, so darker than an average German. My ability to tan always raised comments like, "I thought you were white, 10 minutes ago!"
Always good for a laugh.
When I cam to America, I lived my first two years in South Carolina. I pretty much never say another person again, outside of my family. Bused to a black High School seventy miles away - when the KKK would allow the bus to actually reach the school! - I was a blazing white emblem of different. Yeah, no one liked me, except for a girl named Laura, amongst the other few whites in the school.
The move to Colorado was a blessing! I was a bit tired of spending every lunch hour running for my life from a very hostile student body! No exaggeration there, Hillcrest High School was brutal on us few. But, I did not hold this against the race, but that I was different and for some reason Americans had a problem with "different". A fact I have seen consistently across my 45 years in this country.
Now in tenth grade, I started to notice girls - no not like that but in the manner that they were different in how they dealt with people. The guys brutal on those whom were too tall ( I was already 6'), needed help to read English, could barely write in English and could out run a jack rabbit! Square peg in every situation. Did not help that I was a dork as well.
My mother became a Southern Baptist about now and so I was forced to attend. Might have been nice if the pastor was a Christian at Aurora's First Baptist Church - but he was not, nor were most of the congregation! However, I made a lifelong friend and met a girl named Regena Thames (it could just as easily be spelled Regina Thimes, I was so weak in my English back then!) And I found her fascinating. She would help me with my problem with English, explain this whole Christian ideal to me and eventually, I was to meet her family.
Uhm, culture shock, yeah, that would be a term for it ...
You see she was black, still meant nothing to me - but oh boy did it ever mean something to her parents! Her father actually sold the house and moved across Denver to get her away from that weird German! And, yeah, I was a bit confused.
I thought racism and prejudice was whites hating on blacks, much the same as in South Africa. I certainly had seen this in South Carolina! But, this was the reverse - blacks hating on me because I was white and their daughter liked me (get real here guys, I never even held her hand!). Then I started to understand those prior two years in South Carolina: it was racism I had been experiencing at Hillcrest High School! Well, I guess I could understand that if you were being discriminated against badly enough for generations, it might be warranted to treat your antagonists poorly as well. Of course, chasing German boys around and threatening to cut their throats seemed a bit extreme of a reaction to me. But, then I was one the one being chased.
I have remained color blind in my life. I moved to Washington State because I had visited Seattle in 1970 and did not see any evidence of problems between peoples based on skin color. My sister was to marry a black man, whom I admire greatly - three doctorates, a hard worker and he loves my sister. Cool.
And the thought of racism faded away. I have lived either in Washington State, Colorado or Arizona ever since High School - save for much time in my native land. I watched with interest the collapse of South Africa and its politic of Apartheid - and the wisdom of the following trials. The world was growing better.
Then I talk with my oldest friend from Colorado last week. It was racism 101 from his lips and I was appalled and may have given him more a severe lecture that I would have in person! Yeah.
The garbage flowing across his lips - stood in stark contrast - to the young man whose best friend had been Regena's older brother. Yeah, his best friend in 10th grade had been black. He had no problem with my running around with Regena, in fact we all hung out together a great deal prior to that move of her father. And now ..... ?
I will admit I have a problem when any human declares themselves better than any other human. I grew up in a country shattered by war because an elite seized power and declared themselves better than the disabled, better than homosexuals, better than the Jew, better than the Gypies, even better than Christians whom disagreed with them! And they outright slaughtered 14,000.000 to prove they were better, stronger, more worthy of godhood than anyone else.
I really do not think that people understand that this was racism in the extreme in Germany, and not much different than that KKK terrorism of 1970 South Carolina, nor the foolish being spewed by my oldest friend.
But, sadly, it is the measure by which I can observe just how far my friend has traveled from God. He is now better than others, even though he understands that before God - he is just as unworthy as everyone else. Except in his mind, others are less worthy because of their skin color and he can not understand how God can be so - blind ... about something so important ...
Sigh please be in prayer for him and those whom you may know have a real sin area they need to work on ... Pride, Ego, Sin ... it all the same here - you are saying you are smarter than God, in fact you are God ...
So, when not so little Swiss Boy came to America, I had only once ever seen a black man, at Ramstein Air Base. He was a nice man - I thought his skin color odd but, well, of what importance is that? Even amongst the Germans I was weird because of my not so translucent white skin. I am a quarter American Indian - I have the darker skin, thick hair on head and curved teeth to prove it. But, I am also of German extraction, so darker than an average German. My ability to tan always raised comments like, "I thought you were white, 10 minutes ago!"
Always good for a laugh.
When I cam to America, I lived my first two years in South Carolina. I pretty much never say another person again, outside of my family. Bused to a black High School seventy miles away - when the KKK would allow the bus to actually reach the school! - I was a blazing white emblem of different. Yeah, no one liked me, except for a girl named Laura, amongst the other few whites in the school.
The move to Colorado was a blessing! I was a bit tired of spending every lunch hour running for my life from a very hostile student body! No exaggeration there, Hillcrest High School was brutal on us few. But, I did not hold this against the race, but that I was different and for some reason Americans had a problem with "different". A fact I have seen consistently across my 45 years in this country.
Now in tenth grade, I started to notice girls - no not like that but in the manner that they were different in how they dealt with people. The guys brutal on those whom were too tall ( I was already 6'), needed help to read English, could barely write in English and could out run a jack rabbit! Square peg in every situation. Did not help that I was a dork as well.
My mother became a Southern Baptist about now and so I was forced to attend. Might have been nice if the pastor was a Christian at Aurora's First Baptist Church - but he was not, nor were most of the congregation! However, I made a lifelong friend and met a girl named Regena Thames (it could just as easily be spelled Regina Thimes, I was so weak in my English back then!) And I found her fascinating. She would help me with my problem with English, explain this whole Christian ideal to me and eventually, I was to meet her family.
Uhm, culture shock, yeah, that would be a term for it ...
You see she was black, still meant nothing to me - but oh boy did it ever mean something to her parents! Her father actually sold the house and moved across Denver to get her away from that weird German! And, yeah, I was a bit confused.
I thought racism and prejudice was whites hating on blacks, much the same as in South Africa. I certainly had seen this in South Carolina! But, this was the reverse - blacks hating on me because I was white and their daughter liked me (get real here guys, I never even held her hand!). Then I started to understand those prior two years in South Carolina: it was racism I had been experiencing at Hillcrest High School! Well, I guess I could understand that if you were being discriminated against badly enough for generations, it might be warranted to treat your antagonists poorly as well. Of course, chasing German boys around and threatening to cut their throats seemed a bit extreme of a reaction to me. But, then I was one the one being chased.
I have remained color blind in my life. I moved to Washington State because I had visited Seattle in 1970 and did not see any evidence of problems between peoples based on skin color. My sister was to marry a black man, whom I admire greatly - three doctorates, a hard worker and he loves my sister. Cool.
And the thought of racism faded away. I have lived either in Washington State, Colorado or Arizona ever since High School - save for much time in my native land. I watched with interest the collapse of South Africa and its politic of Apartheid - and the wisdom of the following trials. The world was growing better.
Then I talk with my oldest friend from Colorado last week. It was racism 101 from his lips and I was appalled and may have given him more a severe lecture that I would have in person! Yeah.
The garbage flowing across his lips - stood in stark contrast - to the young man whose best friend had been Regena's older brother. Yeah, his best friend in 10th grade had been black. He had no problem with my running around with Regena, in fact we all hung out together a great deal prior to that move of her father. And now ..... ?
I will admit I have a problem when any human declares themselves better than any other human. I grew up in a country shattered by war because an elite seized power and declared themselves better than the disabled, better than homosexuals, better than the Jew, better than the Gypies, even better than Christians whom disagreed with them! And they outright slaughtered 14,000.000 to prove they were better, stronger, more worthy of godhood than anyone else.
I really do not think that people understand that this was racism in the extreme in Germany, and not much different than that KKK terrorism of 1970 South Carolina, nor the foolish being spewed by my oldest friend.
But, sadly, it is the measure by which I can observe just how far my friend has traveled from God. He is now better than others, even though he understands that before God - he is just as unworthy as everyone else. Except in his mind, others are less worthy because of their skin color and he can not understand how God can be so - blind ... about something so important ...
Sigh please be in prayer for him and those whom you may know have a real sin area they need to work on ... Pride, Ego, Sin ... it all the same here - you are saying you are smarter than God, in fact you are God ...
February 18, 2015
Antiques, Life and Falling
Nothing more exemplifies the problem with me involved in an antique show than the "business" itself.
I try very hard to always be an honest man. Father was a pathological liar, so you will never catch me in a lie. I hate liars. The antique business is rift with liars, it drives me crazy! I listen to conversations in other booths and sometimes it is hard to not interrupt and say something!
I jealousy guard my integrity - that was beaten into me as a child! Who am I when no one is watching? I try to be the same man, no being someone else in private versus public. Father suffered from not being able to be the same person, or multiple persons depending upon the situation! I felt sorry for him at times because even if he thought himself smarter than others, not everyone is unobservant nor an idiot. Yeah, his friend list was mighty short and always confused.
And the antique business is, as far as I have observed across fifty years of hanging out it my grandmother and helping her, as well as mother, and listening to other dealers - it is by and far not a very honest business. Lie to a seller to get it cheaper, lie to a purchaser to get a higher price. Then brag about it later ...
Sigh.
Honest man - Dishonest world.
Having Integrity - in a dishonest world.
My friends do not understand my revulsion, probably because they themselves can not win the fight in this area. Yeah, I know when I am being lied to and I just keep quiet, it sickens me. But, I have led an action filled life! So, my friends devised the Kris 70-30 principal: 70% is pure bull and the other 30% probably is too! LOL, it just cracks me up! And they say it with a smile because most of them were in on most of my escapades!
Oh, make no mistake, this new Kris is quite capable of fouling up, mostly because he is soooo stupid. Old Kris, I like better because he was just flat stupid and could not even know he was fouling up! I miss Old Kris, New Kris knows when he screws up ... DOH!
Sigh.
Yet that seems to be the struggle all mankind must share: knowing that we fail, that we are going to fail, must repent and must continue to walk in faith through Jesus to be stronger next time temptation raises its ugly head.
Will Kris fail again? More than likely.
Will Kris figure it out and feel stupid? Heavens yes!
Will Kris start over? Yup.
Will Kris repeat until God calls him home? Sigh .......
But, no I am not going to stoop to the level of other antique dealers ...
I have to be able to sleep at night.
I try very hard to always be an honest man. Father was a pathological liar, so you will never catch me in a lie. I hate liars. The antique business is rift with liars, it drives me crazy! I listen to conversations in other booths and sometimes it is hard to not interrupt and say something!
I jealousy guard my integrity - that was beaten into me as a child! Who am I when no one is watching? I try to be the same man, no being someone else in private versus public. Father suffered from not being able to be the same person, or multiple persons depending upon the situation! I felt sorry for him at times because even if he thought himself smarter than others, not everyone is unobservant nor an idiot. Yeah, his friend list was mighty short and always confused.
And the antique business is, as far as I have observed across fifty years of hanging out it my grandmother and helping her, as well as mother, and listening to other dealers - it is by and far not a very honest business. Lie to a seller to get it cheaper, lie to a purchaser to get a higher price. Then brag about it later ...
Sigh.
Honest man - Dishonest world.
Having Integrity - in a dishonest world.
My friends do not understand my revulsion, probably because they themselves can not win the fight in this area. Yeah, I know when I am being lied to and I just keep quiet, it sickens me. But, I have led an action filled life! So, my friends devised the Kris 70-30 principal: 70% is pure bull and the other 30% probably is too! LOL, it just cracks me up! And they say it with a smile because most of them were in on most of my escapades!
Oh, make no mistake, this new Kris is quite capable of fouling up, mostly because he is soooo stupid. Old Kris, I like better because he was just flat stupid and could not even know he was fouling up! I miss Old Kris, New Kris knows when he screws up ... DOH!
Sigh.
Yet that seems to be the struggle all mankind must share: knowing that we fail, that we are going to fail, must repent and must continue to walk in faith through Jesus to be stronger next time temptation raises its ugly head.
Will Kris fail again? More than likely.
Will Kris figure it out and feel stupid? Heavens yes!
Will Kris start over? Yup.
Will Kris repeat until God calls him home? Sigh .......
But, no I am not going to stoop to the level of other antique dealers ...
I have to be able to sleep at night.
November 19, 2014
Baby For Sale ...
After work, I was driving along, praising God because I had ended up in a confrontation. Seems I had insulted someone MONTHS ago and it finally boiled over! I was clueless. It had been one of those satirical remarks my humor is so well known for - and someone, not even the target, got hurt feelings. Uhm ... fighting the urge to say it ....
So, we had a meeting. They gave their complaint, I let them know I was surprised by their take on the remark and apologized. We shook hands, end of matter I should expect. But, Satan is a wily creature, I have no doubt this will explode from another direction later. If one person could be sidelined, there will be another too ...
As I drove away, I was praising God! Think about it, clueless Kris had a problem with someone at work and was clueless. No news there - but it had been resolved in a Godly manner! And that is something to praise God about!
Then on the side of the road, by a supermarket enterance, sat an older lady all wrapped up against the cold. A huge sign read, "Fight Abortion, Adopt a Baby". Next to her, her very pregnant daughter ...
Did not take much to put the clue together.
And I was now sad, very sad. For I know of no one looking for a child at this time.
For me, one could be tempted to adopt again. But it has been almost 20 years since I last adopted and it was a mighty pain, not to mention extremely expensive.
But a human life, is a human life. So, I pray for that unborn child, for God's intervention into both its and the mother's life. Known to many whom shared their pain at having adopted out their child, to many whom now adults were adopted at birth and struggle with why their mother would abandon them ...
All of my children are healthy psychologically over being adopted, they realize they had nothing, not even a family. As dysfunctional as mine can be at times, it was more than what they had. My oldest daughter gets it. She can see her children and the differences between them and her at their age. Family, any family, even a dysfunctional family, if better than not having one at all.
I type this with my youngest grandchild at my feet (literally!), meowing and trying to lick my leg. I had told her mother that adoption would have been better than marriage to the father. I was right, the marriage was over before the daughter was born. But, years later I love having my grand-daughter one day a week, which would not have been possible had she be adopted out. However, even at three this little one understood something was wrong with her mother. And it still hurts her, the rejection my daughter had caused in this little one's life ...
All children need a full time family. Sorry, that is just how God built us ...
So, we had a meeting. They gave their complaint, I let them know I was surprised by their take on the remark and apologized. We shook hands, end of matter I should expect. But, Satan is a wily creature, I have no doubt this will explode from another direction later. If one person could be sidelined, there will be another too ...
As I drove away, I was praising God! Think about it, clueless Kris had a problem with someone at work and was clueless. No news there - but it had been resolved in a Godly manner! And that is something to praise God about!
Then on the side of the road, by a supermarket enterance, sat an older lady all wrapped up against the cold. A huge sign read, "Fight Abortion, Adopt a Baby". Next to her, her very pregnant daughter ...
Did not take much to put the clue together.
And I was now sad, very sad. For I know of no one looking for a child at this time.
For me, one could be tempted to adopt again. But it has been almost 20 years since I last adopted and it was a mighty pain, not to mention extremely expensive.
But a human life, is a human life. So, I pray for that unborn child, for God's intervention into both its and the mother's life. Known to many whom shared their pain at having adopted out their child, to many whom now adults were adopted at birth and struggle with why their mother would abandon them ...
All of my children are healthy psychologically over being adopted, they realize they had nothing, not even a family. As dysfunctional as mine can be at times, it was more than what they had. My oldest daughter gets it. She can see her children and the differences between them and her at their age. Family, any family, even a dysfunctional family, if better than not having one at all.
I type this with my youngest grandchild at my feet (literally!), meowing and trying to lick my leg. I had told her mother that adoption would have been better than marriage to the father. I was right, the marriage was over before the daughter was born. But, years later I love having my grand-daughter one day a week, which would not have been possible had she be adopted out. However, even at three this little one understood something was wrong with her mother. And it still hurts her, the rejection my daughter had caused in this little one's life ...
All children need a full time family. Sorry, that is just how God built us ...
October 24, 2014
Out of Place Artifacts
Ignore the Aliens! Ignore the conspiracy theories! Ignore the paranoid delusional ravings of people whom write about this stuff ... Just consider these pictures of Mankind's prehistory ... for us Christians, evidence of pre-flood civilization ... And, yeah, if you want to know more about any of them just comment and I can do write ups on what interests you without the hype or hysteria!
Ah the stuff which makes up my wonderfully weird world ... :)
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| Shoe print in slate |
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| These are known from the Andies, Egypt and the Near East |
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| IRON hammer discovered in limestone |
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| 8.5 feet tall burial |
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| Bosnia rock paved street deep underground |
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| Brass gears and wheel conglomerate |
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| Iron fitting in basalt (many around the world found) |
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| Bronze disc/ball, thousands have been found |
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| Screw in basalt |
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| IRON pot found embedded in a coal seam |
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| Hammer IRON chunk predating the iron age |
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| Machined, not molded, bronze |
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| The famous coal seam find, a brass bell with angel/demon figure |
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| Never heard of this before yesterday, a human footprint (left side you can see one toe) overlaid by a dinosaur track! |
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| Mass extinction of man, dropped in their tracks on an ancient street |
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| Petrified lattice work |
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| Fossilized 14 year old girls finger |
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| Screw preserved in rock |
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| Petrified wood with an axe chop mark |
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| Fossilized head cast? |
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| Fossilized head cast? |
May 27, 2014
Monogamy
Number Two Daughter works in a series of bars, combined which at least give her a full time job.
In town, are all of the same "family" whom gathered back in 2011 and I talked about then. And like last time, "family" discussions occurred. Never planned, never appropriate, never to any resolutions because no one actually listens to one another not wants to resolve anything ...
So, we were all gathered at the bar NTD was working at on Sunday night. I was beyond stressed, every wall I had in place and I still managed five minor heart attacks last week! I was really at my end, very little stuffings left to knock out of me.
A couple walked it, there were hundreds of couples there but this pair stood out because of the smile on her face, the flash of a diamond in Catholic position upon her finger and the fact that she was wearing a Tibetan traditional wedding dress. Flowers woven into her hair made me think she had just gotten married that afternoon. He was a "hipster" and dressed like one with a pastel three piece suit and neatly groomed. They sat opposite me so I was close enough to let me mind wander to their conversation and still listen in to my table as well.
They talked of visions for life and plans, they laughed and giggled, she obviously was very in love. He? Well, he was very oblivious. I hope he sharpens up quickly, I would hate to think of her joy being terminated by the intrusion of "life".
And I felt the pang of "something" at never having experienced something like this, there being someone to share dreams with and visions of the future. That feeling of oneness - the future, a pearl for the picking that oneness brings. Probably my own fault a long ago any ways.
At my table, the Boy From Portland suddenly said, "Yeah, I know, but I honestly do not think that I have any interest in monogamy ever again." Guess his last divorce came up in conversation.
I gave him a quizzical look because he had brought a nice woman up with him from Portland. Someone actually out of his league. Since she has been around in his life for the past year plus, I have to wonder. If this is his attitude, why should/would she put up with it? Why would any woman "sell" herself for any reason?
He looked down and mumbled that she supported his desires.
I looked at the Tibetan bride. How would she react at a choice like this from her man of choice?
I looked back at BFP, why would he not want a real adult relationship? Was he incapable of it? Did all of those years of drugs rob him of the whatever needed to develop in his brain? Makes you wonder.
Is monogamy a product of maturity?
Well, it is "expected" within our culture, as if it is normal. Certainly not something demonstrated by my father or anyone in the rest of my family during my lifetime! Yet, I think it is an important aspect of marriage, even in these days of non-marriage aka the "hooking up" culture which will probably destroy our culture in the end.
You can not look at history without noticing that the concept of monogamy came into vogue with the Roman Catholic Church's take over of the world. I am not saying this is wrong, it agrees with what I personally believe. Before the RCC, marriage and sex rarely were mentioned in the same sentence. Sex within marriage was for the production of heirs. Sex outside of marriage was for "love", lust or just because the guy thought any female was a piece of meat. The Celtic world and Roman laws really are appalling in this area! Make no mistake, it is only the last 100 years which have given us a stable family social structure and freedom of any choice for women ...
The Apostle Paul seems to agree with me that there is an importance to monogamy. 1 Timothy 3:2 and 12 bring up the test for leadership in the church: monogamy.
Monogamy; one man - one woman, joined with a common goal, with cultural acceptance, blessed as being one flesh by God.
There is MUCH disagreement with what exactly is being said here and it always breaks down to the writer's bent and at what point does legalism come into play.
We live in a broken world. Being ONE FLESH is never understood as being a part of the corruption of marriage. Yet it is. Being married is never understood outside of your role as a couple, yet it is ...
2,000 years ago, Paul wrote that in a sex saturated culture - elders were to be husbands of one wife. They were not driven by their own lusts or sexual desires, they were married to one woman to demonstrate this, there were no "hook ups" since this would be to become one flesh with more than one at the same time. The choice was to be married to testify to those in their social circles that they were different. The man chose to protect innocence, not exploit it, as a witness as well.
And it was one of many things which literally changed the world in the 5th century.
I honestly am sorry for those in this culture not understanding that there is a witness for God to be found in "doing things right", to choose marriage, to choose innocence, to choose even a quiet witness of your faith, of the reality of the truth God long ago defined for us.
To the Tibetan young bride, all my best wishes.
To the BFP, well, I hope you grow up and your current significant others finds out what real love is.
In town, are all of the same "family" whom gathered back in 2011 and I talked about then. And like last time, "family" discussions occurred. Never planned, never appropriate, never to any resolutions because no one actually listens to one another not wants to resolve anything ...
So, we were all gathered at the bar NTD was working at on Sunday night. I was beyond stressed, every wall I had in place and I still managed five minor heart attacks last week! I was really at my end, very little stuffings left to knock out of me.
A couple walked it, there were hundreds of couples there but this pair stood out because of the smile on her face, the flash of a diamond in Catholic position upon her finger and the fact that she was wearing a Tibetan traditional wedding dress. Flowers woven into her hair made me think she had just gotten married that afternoon. He was a "hipster" and dressed like one with a pastel three piece suit and neatly groomed. They sat opposite me so I was close enough to let me mind wander to their conversation and still listen in to my table as well.
They talked of visions for life and plans, they laughed and giggled, she obviously was very in love. He? Well, he was very oblivious. I hope he sharpens up quickly, I would hate to think of her joy being terminated by the intrusion of "life".
And I felt the pang of "something" at never having experienced something like this, there being someone to share dreams with and visions of the future. That feeling of oneness - the future, a pearl for the picking that oneness brings. Probably my own fault a long ago any ways.
At my table, the Boy From Portland suddenly said, "Yeah, I know, but I honestly do not think that I have any interest in monogamy ever again." Guess his last divorce came up in conversation.
I gave him a quizzical look because he had brought a nice woman up with him from Portland. Someone actually out of his league. Since she has been around in his life for the past year plus, I have to wonder. If this is his attitude, why should/would she put up with it? Why would any woman "sell" herself for any reason?
He looked down and mumbled that she supported his desires.
I looked at the Tibetan bride. How would she react at a choice like this from her man of choice?
I looked back at BFP, why would he not want a real adult relationship? Was he incapable of it? Did all of those years of drugs rob him of the whatever needed to develop in his brain? Makes you wonder.
Is monogamy a product of maturity?
Well, it is "expected" within our culture, as if it is normal. Certainly not something demonstrated by my father or anyone in the rest of my family during my lifetime! Yet, I think it is an important aspect of marriage, even in these days of non-marriage aka the "hooking up" culture which will probably destroy our culture in the end.
You can not look at history without noticing that the concept of monogamy came into vogue with the Roman Catholic Church's take over of the world. I am not saying this is wrong, it agrees with what I personally believe. Before the RCC, marriage and sex rarely were mentioned in the same sentence. Sex within marriage was for the production of heirs. Sex outside of marriage was for "love", lust or just because the guy thought any female was a piece of meat. The Celtic world and Roman laws really are appalling in this area! Make no mistake, it is only the last 100 years which have given us a stable family social structure and freedom of any choice for women ...
The Apostle Paul seems to agree with me that there is an importance to monogamy. 1 Timothy 3:2 and 12 bring up the test for leadership in the church: monogamy.
Monogamy; one man - one woman, joined with a common goal, with cultural acceptance, blessed as being one flesh by God.
There is MUCH disagreement with what exactly is being said here and it always breaks down to the writer's bent and at what point does legalism come into play.
We live in a broken world. Being ONE FLESH is never understood as being a part of the corruption of marriage. Yet it is. Being married is never understood outside of your role as a couple, yet it is ...
2,000 years ago, Paul wrote that in a sex saturated culture - elders were to be husbands of one wife. They were not driven by their own lusts or sexual desires, they were married to one woman to demonstrate this, there were no "hook ups" since this would be to become one flesh with more than one at the same time. The choice was to be married to testify to those in their social circles that they were different. The man chose to protect innocence, not exploit it, as a witness as well.
And it was one of many things which literally changed the world in the 5th century.
I honestly am sorry for those in this culture not understanding that there is a witness for God to be found in "doing things right", to choose marriage, to choose innocence, to choose even a quiet witness of your faith, of the reality of the truth God long ago defined for us.
To the Tibetan young bride, all my best wishes.
To the BFP, well, I hope you grow up and your current significant others finds out what real love is.
May 19, 2014
Empathy
Attempt six ...
This is simply an impossible post to write! In each attempt I eventually am forced to reach a point where to give examples brings me too low a level of detail. No, not to protect me - heavens I can and would tell all about me because I matter not a whit to anyone anymore.
My wholly cerebral pursuit across the past year has been to figure out what does it mean to be human.
Why?
Because I have pretended to be human my entire life and as 2012 was to reveal, something went so terribly sideways on me. God gave me just a taste of humanity ... but ... it was not humanity I discovered. Instead, I was to observe across those I trusted, my "friends", business associates, etc, I was nothing more than a joke.
Yeah, maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn, to actually feel inhumanity.
And my confrontational communication expert, gave me a homework assignment last week: to discover the link between empathy and humanity. Right. Like telling a blind man to pick out his favorite set of glasses in an optometrist shop ...
So, I Googled empathy and most of the definitions were interwoven with sympathy.
Sympathy is easy. I can react in "sympathy" to help an injured animal or save baby squirrels from cats. I can react in "sorrow" for someone in an auto accident, but then I am heavily trained in first aid, from back in the days before paramedics existed. Setting broken bones, immobilizing broken bones, dragging bodies, sewing wounds, CPR, etc - done it all and then some. But, that does not mean I feel a single thing ...
But, empathy is to react out of a feeling or emotion. Something I am little weak on.
Because I have a friend, I can wholly trust, I am blessed to have been slowly guided across the past year through a range of emotions, many of which I would not have never sought to understand. But, this is God at work, showing me, molding me, forming the new me to that point that when my friend is now overcome by sorrow, I can understand, for i know sorrow.
And now anger
And jealousy
And joy
And fear
etc ...
Because my friend is human, I am sure there are many, many more emotions reflected that I have not grown to recognize.
But, my growth is still young and I suspect that 2013 is going to be very trying year as God continues to expand my humanity and growth.
So it appears, that if as my communication expert projected - empathy is the very basis of humanity, then internally now I can rest assured that I am human in my nature: For I can identify with my friend. With others? It is a little shaky. It seems to be very limited so far. Maybe God is protecting me.
And that makes me suspect that the change within me is complete, wholly in regard to what is required for how God is using me. So, it is tomorrow I must worry about then. For if my old nature still exists, well, God help those whomever that nature is intended for! I no longer have need for any protection, there is nothing left of the old me to protect, much less project. And though I desire to never be a tool for destruction, I have no choice other than to be as God has created me. For though I now do understand fear, it is still a foreign emotion. To that end, I suspect these injures and limitations I have suffered through, will be healed if I am to be or is it just "to be"?
This is simply an impossible post to write! In each attempt I eventually am forced to reach a point where to give examples brings me too low a level of detail. No, not to protect me - heavens I can and would tell all about me because I matter not a whit to anyone anymore.
My wholly cerebral pursuit across the past year has been to figure out what does it mean to be human.
Why?
Because I have pretended to be human my entire life and as 2012 was to reveal, something went so terribly sideways on me. God gave me just a taste of humanity ... but ... it was not humanity I discovered. Instead, I was to observe across those I trusted, my "friends", business associates, etc, I was nothing more than a joke.
Yeah, maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn, to actually feel inhumanity.
And my confrontational communication expert, gave me a homework assignment last week: to discover the link between empathy and humanity. Right. Like telling a blind man to pick out his favorite set of glasses in an optometrist shop ...
So, I Googled empathy and most of the definitions were interwoven with sympathy.
Sympathy is easy. I can react in "sympathy" to help an injured animal or save baby squirrels from cats. I can react in "sorrow" for someone in an auto accident, but then I am heavily trained in first aid, from back in the days before paramedics existed. Setting broken bones, immobilizing broken bones, dragging bodies, sewing wounds, CPR, etc - done it all and then some. But, that does not mean I feel a single thing ...
But, empathy is to react out of a feeling or emotion. Something I am little weak on.
Because I have a friend, I can wholly trust, I am blessed to have been slowly guided across the past year through a range of emotions, many of which I would not have never sought to understand. But, this is God at work, showing me, molding me, forming the new me to that point that when my friend is now overcome by sorrow, I can understand, for i know sorrow.
And now anger
And jealousy
And joy
And fear
etc ...
Because my friend is human, I am sure there are many, many more emotions reflected that I have not grown to recognize.
But, my growth is still young and I suspect that 2013 is going to be very trying year as God continues to expand my humanity and growth.
So it appears, that if as my communication expert projected - empathy is the very basis of humanity, then internally now I can rest assured that I am human in my nature: For I can identify with my friend. With others? It is a little shaky. It seems to be very limited so far. Maybe God is protecting me.
And that makes me suspect that the change within me is complete, wholly in regard to what is required for how God is using me. So, it is tomorrow I must worry about then. For if my old nature still exists, well, God help those whomever that nature is intended for! I no longer have need for any protection, there is nothing left of the old me to protect, much less project. And though I desire to never be a tool for destruction, I have no choice other than to be as God has created me. For though I now do understand fear, it is still a foreign emotion. To that end, I suspect these injures and limitations I have suffered through, will be healed if I am to be or is it just "to be"?
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