Side Comment

So, somethings in life are so striking, that they are worthy of comment.
If not analysis!

For the whole of my life,
Mother has been a looney-toon!
And not in a nice way.

So I grew up surrounded by mental illness.
The delusions,
The long screaming sessions,
The wrong or skewed understanding of everything!

Her agony is gut wrenching.
But she can not change!
And she can not understand ,,,
And refuses any and all medications!

Now, a about two months ago mother went back to her /Mormon roots.

Just another bad idea on her part.
And since her choice to convert back,
She has been utterly normal!

Don't ask me!
I am at a loss as to why.
Unless her mental illness was really demonic!
Which has been my thought since her first fit  in 1966!

But it is nice dealing with someone with all of their marbles ...
For a change!

T Minus 11 (Days!)

So, eleven days ago, I presented myself at the hospital for surgery.
And they stumbled!

The anesthesia guy hit me with something called gabapenton, a non narcotic pain killer and I went into a coma like state!

I came to, two days later very unhappy to find that no surgery occurred!
They thought they had killed me!

Also a nurse screwed up and gave me a drug I am allergic to.
It was even in my chart data!
And that cost me ten days to recover from!
So now going through the long process of being re-certificated for surgery.

I wish this was OVER!!

23 Days

Yes, only 23 days until they pop my ribs and sternum and fix the defective heart.
sigh

so not looking forward to this!

but, with three weeks to play -
I intend to!
planning some sightseeing

Fall leaves ought to be out
My air provider will let me have
tanks for two weeks capacity

And GG wants me to look at moving to an artist community,
make and sell my artistic failures
who knows?
that was Dutchmans idea for years!

So, peeking past the operation and into recovery .......
.... now toburn my house down!

LOL!

Blessing

So, across a morning of outright demonic goings=opn, I made it to Sumner and their healing ceremony!
It was so weird tyo herar the Bishop comment that he had never seen so much opposition to performing the rite.
 
The rite was performed straight-forward and with nothing that contextually Luther, Hutt or even Zwingli would had objected to!
Calvin on the other hand is a bit of a problem,
My vote was he was demon oppressed!

James 5 covers well all that was said.
Nothing anyone would object to!
I wondered if this was because I am not LDS?
Is there more than one ceremony?

But the men whom were there seemed to have integrity ....

No, no miracle healing to report.
But then I have always maintained that this situation has little to do with me ......

Prayer

After becoming a C hristian, I set oit to learn all I could about prayer.
The different kinds of prayer
The why and the vwherefores
It was very ninteresting
But a great deal to absorb!

I did this again several times,
But only looking at specific kinds of prayer!

Yet, in all of those years of study one type of prayer evaded my understanding!
Healing.
This ought to be one of the easiest,
But, I get hung up on the whole issue of sprinkling -
What
How much
Why is this even an issue?!!!!
It just makes NO sense to me!

And my elective churches have been of NO help!
None of then practice this!
Don;t ask me
I am just the seeker!

And yet in my personal prayer life,
the health and healing of hundreds have been the topic of concern!
And yes, I have witnessed dramatic answers to many of those prayers!
But you only have my word on that!

So, the Mormon, aka Latter Day Saints do practice healing ceremonies!

And since mother is now a return-ie,
And I am offered consideration, inspite of my Zwingli belief set!
So, that is on today's agenda!
Their Bishop is coing into Sumner to prayer for/over me and the wretched staste of my body1

Well, certainly more than my church has or is doing!
Sigh......

Hard to condemn a group whom are trying to fit a standard,
When there are churches not even trying .....

Mjusical Saturday Morning

Robbed?

Well, someone figured out how to silence Kris!
Steal his computer!

So, I must have had it on the 13th, for a post on the 14th ....
And then?
No idea, I have been in the hospital full time!

Also missing is almost all of my gold specimens from around the world,
About $400,000 -
My rock collection,
My end of life savings.
Sigh ...

But it is possible that Eldest Daughter
And GG got carried away cleaning!
Net result appears the same -
NO computer!

Guess what I am doing this weekend!

Musical Saturday Morning

Filling The Void

Tuesday, after posting about my friend'sing death in the wee hours, I had acall from a new friend.
He is a bit of an oddity in my life.
He popped up last year with the statement,
"You need me ..."

Well, I am not superstitious or anything,
But an open line like that needs investigation!

So, his background is amazingly like mine ....
Mining background,
Hunter
Christian missionary,
etc ....
Ans recovering from a very near death situation!

So, cautiously, I agreed to get to know him.
Wary in case it was some sort of con,
Obedient, just in case this was a God thing ...

So, I told him about Paul and his death.
We then talked for hours about Paul.
Very subtle.
Guiding me through memories.
Some happy,
Some crazy,
Some bittersweet,
Some painful.

I guess just like a real family.

His wife and daughters have been calling every single day.
His grandchildren as well.
Everyone is quite lost in his absence.
It seems a hierarchy is appearing,
Where I am family elder,
Trailing behind him!
Never would have guessed that,

But, that seems to be my new role. in the family.
Interesting.

And my three Russian nieces and nephew,
As well as my Bulgarian nephew,
Suddenly are far more chatty,
And I have been stung bu one, "Gramps" from the college age one!

I knew a crooked Man

There are far too many Paul/Pol/Pohl's in my life!
My own father's fake name he hid under for most of his life.
My mentor, now dead.
All of his sons,
All of his sons-in-law!
And yes, even grand children's names!

They were all family to me,
Except for my own MIA birth-father!

When I meet a man, whom portends to be Christian,
I quietly just step back and watch
And wait ...
 The truth will eventually slip out ....

By year three,
I knew the guy was the real thing!
Solid family,
Solid prayer life,
And knew his Bible!

I prayed about this,
And decided to tell him I was adopting him!
He had no kids anyone knew of,
And I needed to know how to live as a Christian male!

Needless to say,
As a very proud German,
He saw no reason not to tell me I was crazy!
But events in his life suddenly,
Brought me to the forefront of his life -
He needed someone
And I was faithfully there ...
For over thirty years!

And through those years,
I learned he did have grown children,
And where all of the skeletons were kept.

And when I found it was time to build a family,
He was an enthusiastic grandfather!

In his 90's,
He could no longer do many things.
His body was broken,
From decades of mission trips.
Helping people with construction,
And yes, his house was broken as well,
By an awesome mudslide
Me and "my boys" dug his house out of the mud by shove fulls for months!

 I knew a crooked man,
Whom lived in a crooked house,
And I made him family,
And served him as best I could,
Envision a father should be served.
Until God called him home ....
Ahead of me.

Musical Saturday Morning

Rocked

Early this morning, my adoptive father's body finally failed him.
He was the last of only two men  I have respected as examples of Christian men.
Yeah, they are scarce.

More on Monday ...

Too Early

Yesterday, I awoke a 11 am - after a full twelve hours of sleep!
Made for a short day.

This morning up?
Up at 3:45 am - sigh!
But I am feeling good.

Just a little drained.
So probably will  stay home from church
:(
But no sense pulling another session of crash and burn in the service!
So embarrassing being hauled out of church on a stretcher!

And you know EVERYONE is trying to see who went down in service!
And you know EVERTONE is watching.
And you know know EVERYONE is thinking,
"Oh my, it is Kris!
Well, I always thought his eyes were too close together!
It is always the quiet ones ....."

LOL

Well actually more like,
"Alright! God finall took him out!"
Irony is, I I know that was thought by a few
And, yet God very rarely works that way!

And the week was filled with phone calls from those on the gossip chain =
Oh!  But, I am not suppossed to know that!
LOL

Yeah, the problem of attending a church were people do not actually know God ....
Sort of sad,
There is so much more freedom in knowing God and living in His freedom,
Than trapped by man's lists of rules,
Living under which,
You never will find God.

Sigh

So, going to try and post everyday this week!
Be interesting to see how I do!

Musical Saturday Morning

State Fair

This marks my first "not going to" the State Fair in decades
Syrely would like to go,
It is a fun venue for anyone that works with art!.

See what others are locally producing,
Eat your fill of deep fried turkey legs,
And chances to get grossed out with Deep fried butter!
Bleeeeeeeeech!

But, I was unable to produce anything for the painting competition,
And Gaelic Girl, although she produced 10 quilts this year,
Did not not think them the quality nedded.
And with the closing of the scrapbooking category ...
Well, it left her nothing she is interest in.

So, staying home

But this also takes pressure off her new knee.
Plus, whom coulf have ptrdicted my heart problems!
Sgh ....

Nope

Yeah, well last post would leave one to think I was on the rebound ...
Unfortunately, Ii did not make it to dinner without being hauled
back into ER.I am not a fan of either needles or ERs ....
Yet that is  where two weks were lived.

And yesterday, Sunday, I was rushed back into ER!
Nothing like going down in the middle of your chrch's worship service!!!!!
I figured that someone doing communion saw I was out of it and called the Medics.
Nope,
Sharp eyed guard, who I joke with,
Saw that my color went from its usual yellow brown to ash white!
And he had called it in before I even hit the floor!

So my blood pressure had dropped to 58/0!
Yeah, a mite low!
By the end of Sunday, they had figured out why ....
And this afternoon I get to chew a doctor's hinny!
Not sure I can stay angry
So very tired ,,,,

Kris is Back

Yeah.
A week ago, I felt plenty bad.
A week in critical care and I am almost human again.

Seems my body built up a load of Potassium.
You need a little to help regulate your heart.
My load stopped the heart!

So, Potassium drained off.
Heart works again.

Ugh, what a week it was though!

Missing Church

Been quite a few weeks since I have been able breathe well enough to to make it through a service.
ON a lone tank of air!
Much less lunch afterwareds
And a drive home.
sigh

still battling low air supply to lungs.
soooooo dizzy!

Musical Saturday Morninhg

I came to America in August 1969.
Not a good time to arrive,
Nor to set off to see the country,
Nor to move to South Carolina.

And this song,
About  a young man finding "his" flower girl
Really spoke to my inner being.
That was 1966 and  I was but a very confused young man -
Far from home,
Far from knowing where it should have been!
And surrounded by liars ...

I never wanted a female for anything,
But I when I heard this song in 1972,
Yeah a flower girl would be just about right !


And there was such in my life.
All she ever wanted was to just rest my head in her lap,
Comb my hair,
And weave lawn daisies into my hair.
Certainly she won the
"Wants nothing from Kris" award!

And we would talk,
Openly and freely!.
How I have missed you, Donna Feather,
 through the years!

Everyone should have had as good a friend you were to me!

Birthday

Managed a short chat with my mother.
Her voice clearly betrayed that she had something to say,
But she was hesitant bringing up whatever her real issue is.
So I did not probe.
I really do not care.

Many hours later
I was reminded that it was father's birthday.
Of course he died in 2010.
I called my sister and asked how she handled it.

Somer replied,
"The same way I handled him in Life,
Not at all."
Yeah, us children of the Nazi's have got issues.

This past year,
I stumbled across Himmler's daughter down in Texas.
She tours locally there.
Giving talks on the view of her memories,
Through the eyes of a child.

Of course neither of us are children.
I really did not expect to learn much from her.
She was a German Princess.
I, a German Naval officer's child.
Albeit, Titled.

And once allowed to speak freely,
I found that my issues are indeed her issues!
Down to the very reason I refuse to pursue using my Title,
Why I had decided there would be no follow on generation
Of his polluted DNA!
And I found peace in knowing I was not alone in my thoughts.

If any deserved to pass quietly into obscurity - it is us,
The children of the Reich .

UMMMM Jaw- Drop!

On my last drive of crazy mother around,
Out of the blue she tells me that her last dog has been visiting her at night!
Of course Dahly has been dead for quite a few years!

"Oh, I know that, but she still comes and sits with me!"

Seems all of her dogs from the past chave come and sat with her.
I do not know what this means in the world of rational minds!
And she blaters on!

"... sometimes thge advice your father gave me was not very good ..."

Uhm, mom, you haven't talked with him civilly since 1971!
And he has been dead for a decade!

Oh no, apparrently I am wrong,
He visits her ALL the time!
I bad - and - wrong ...

Of course the dead stay that way.

And mother's grip on reality  slips further ,,,

Apollo

Today, is of course, the anniversary of Apollo 11.
Man's first reach for the stars that succeeded.

It was fun to hear from long lost cohorts that worked with me on the internal upper stage.
Almost humorous think on how a German college student got drafted on to the internal upper stage, until I  was brought to America and then put in 9th grade!
Then I was off until IUS redesign many years later!
Lord how I hate supposedly "intelligent" people!
Educated far beyond their abilities!

The one most noted absence on the TV has been the rather complete lack ofany referenced to "Uncle" Werner ( Von Braun).
I know he was there, as father was there with him!
They both stopped by our house on their way back to Washington DC after the successes!

So a fun day of reminiscing!

And day 2 of breathing again!

Now to catch up on 6 weeks of no sleep!

Hacked!

Posts will be sparse as I have been Meeting with the feds concerning a major attacks on ALL accounts and looting of my bank accounts!  Including supposedly safe Federal accounts!

No idea how it was done. 
The losses significant.
Even I do not have access to the data it would take to do this!
So, inside job it would seem,
Or we can always blame the Russians!

So, day one was learning what happened.
Monday will be spent with banks.
Tuesday with the Social Security.
Wednesday with IBM retirement fund.
Thursday back with Social Security.
Friday nervous breakdown.

And I still pass out about three times an hour from lack of oxygen .....

The Sky Is Blue

Had first oil painting class!
I was so excited.
But then oh soooo late for it!
Bad car accident on the freeway!

So, I am driving about 150 feet behind a Washington State Patrol unit.
Just slightly behind the front end of the cop car,
And in the right lane was a Mazda Miatta convertible.
Approaching us in the most left hand lane was a Ford F-150 pick up truck with a load of window glass.

Suddenly the truck swerved on to the right shoulder of the freeway!

Just as suddenly,
The truck did a 90 degree turn at about 70 miles per hour!
Straight into a concrete jersey-barrier,
Head on!

KAA-BOOM!

The load of windows became airborne!
Up, Over the jersy-barrier!
Over the front of the  cop car!
And, crashing down onto the poor little Miatta,
With a mighty explosion of glass!

The Miatta,
Now with two flattened tires and front end,
Safely rolled onto the right shoulder.
The cars behind the Miatta,
Stopped dead with numerous flat tires.
The stopped on the left shoulder.
I came to a stop.
The now totalled out truck rolled backwards across the freeway in a cloud of steam.

The cop checked my tirs out and waved me on.

Such excitement!

In class everyone was working on tonal values.
But, I have done this for many years.
So, I worked on creating a Seattle blue for my painting of Mt. Rainer.
Then estimating how much to make!
Then discovering that I needed to use a palette knife!

So, lots of learning and extremely fun!

Meetings

If one thing could sum up my meeting attending life, it would be:
"Any place, Anytime, in Any position,
Kris falls asleep!"

Yeah, NOTHING more boring than a meeting!

So Monday, was a series of meetings.
Unfortunately for anyone wanting to be there!
Add to my ability to zonk some zzzz's.
With my tendancy to pass out several times an hour,
Due to the heart failure,
I am not really anywhere!

Except for from where the Wenschmachen calls.
zzzzzzzzzzzz :)

So, meeting got cancelled and moved to my house next week.
And I got escorted home!

Back home,
With nothing to do,
I settled down for a nap.

But I awoke to find GG walking oddly,
Always indicative of her sleep walking!
But I was unable to reach her before she went down!
And daughter showed up just in time!
I had got her sitting up,
With daughter's help, standing!
She is still out cold on the bed.
With a purring kitty by her side!

Well to bed I must go ...

Musical Saturday Morning

Bag Valve, Mask

When I was in the Explorers, my Post was a Medical unit with a very experienced doctor as our mentor.
So, a group of stoners with a few interested in medicine.
Okay, I was interested in learning all I could about medicine.

And in the ten years I was with Rocky Mountain Rescue, \
I got lots of practice.
I used to joke that delivering a baby was the only thing I had never done,
Which is not to say I was I was an unwilling participant in 7th grade,
when our science teacher collapsed in the classroom doorway as the
freoght train  her baby was on came a rushin on!
Oh, the things that lady screamed!


Yeah, made a huge impression!

Anyway, sorry about the rabbit trail!
So, one piece of equipment I had learned was a bag, valve, mask.
Really useful when people stop breathing!
So, with all of my lung problems,
I ordered one.

It came today,
Super simple to use
And with my breathing difficulties,
Smooths my rhythm right out!

Now when will I be getting my oxygen?

Long Awaited Day

Yes, it has been a horrible three months to reach today!
But, this afternoon, I will be finally tested as to my need for full time oxygen!
It is such a battle!, even getting just a few hours of sleep!
Much less trying to not pass out in meetings or other activities requiring consciousness!

So,I will catch you on what happens, tomorrow!

I am guessing that I really must be looking bad,
As women, too numerous to mention,
Have gone out of their way yo talk with me!
Thankfully, none have been as touchy as my dentist was!

I am just not a touchy kind of person!

I guess I cab be with my children,
But that is about it.

Well, I fear my lungs are going out again,
Taking my brain with them!
I will correct thge errors later,
So very tired now ...

Power Of Touch

So, when I did my dental exam last week to gain surgical permissions, it sort of went odd.
Oh, the exam was an exam!
But assistance were all being odd.

Now my dentist is from Hungary, so Soviet trained
However, an Evangelical, not Eastern Orthodox.
Although she is a superb dentist, I do fear her!
Just sends out vibes like, "I really would like ti kill you!"
So I am always polite.

Out of nowhere,
She grabs my hand!
And for the next 15 minutes,
The hand got quite the luxury of attention!
As she professed her sorrow at my pending surgery!

I was quite moved.
Whom would ever have thought her dcapable of such passion ,,,,
Much less expressed towards me!
Well, it sure caught me off guard!

And I still do not have a response to this!

Musical Saturday Morning

I was thinking about "Critter" this week, AKA "She whom hates all males".  She would have significantly changed the flow of Ryder's book!

We used to do duets around the Seattle area back in my college days.
Most winning song, for us, was "Hush" by Herman's Hermits.
But, in my tenor days, I was in a Barbershop Quartet and we sort of conquered with, No Milk Today.
So it was fun to reflect on ....

Poor Swede!

Oh poor Swede!
He  is back in emergency,
Though at least this time it is not his fault!

Seems he was not feeling well.
No, specific complaint,
Just an over all feelig of ... ick!
So he went back to the doctor I took him to last Monday.

For whatever reason,
The doctor decided Swede needed to be cath'ed!
Unfortunately, the nurse had never done one before!
But, of course that is never mentioned  in advance!

End result is a Vienna Sausage,
On a tooth-pick!
Oh ouch!

So he will be in the hospital for a few days.
And veeeeeeery sore for many more!
sigh

Poor Swede, just not his week it seems!

4th of July

Dutchman came up with the best quote of the day,
Actually a few days ago!

"Isn't interesting to gather and watch a group of west coast Leftists,
Get together to celebrate an event linked to the then government's attempts to:
Confiscate firarms
Confiscate ammunition stores
Arrest known leaders of resistance to Colonial Rule"

And I agree with Dutchman on that one!
VVVVeeeeeeery Intersting!

Down

Blinked and the day was gone.
Seriously.

Don't know if I passed out
Or fell back to a deep sleep.
But, when I came to,
It was time for bed!

Yeah, I slept through the night away as well.

Wow!

I finally was able to get an entire nights sleep!
That is a first in many, many, months!
The usual is 3 hours a night, in perhaps hour increments!
So pleasant to feel refreshed for a change.

I have been meaning to tell you about some interesting thungs.
But, with no brain,
It is darn hard to remember to tell anyone!

So, late one night I got to thinking about the wrongs done me.
Oh, make no mistake, there is a long list!
And at the same time, one of those had been instrumental in making me think.
Of course, with amnesia, it is darn hard to know what real facts are.
But I do have my writings to try and judge by.

And so I spent a day praying down the list.
Forgiving, letting go,
Of everything.

Then I hit Radic.
And it was hard to forgive a mass murderer.
He killed the only other male in my family.
If I ever trembled on the edge of hatred - it would be towards this creature!
It took me many hours to work through the issues.
As bound up in releasing my hatred for this fallen man,
Was my complicity in eliminating his sniper squads.
sigh
Yet, I do not believe it is wrong to execute murderers.
But, there is that darn Hutterite teaching ingrained in me:
The taking of human life is wrong.

Even though I have never killed anyone,
That I know of,
I did assist and equip those whom did kill the 189 Yugoslavian snipers.
So, now I feel some guilt over their deaths.
But I was able to pray through this.
Releasing Radic from my list.
And I honestly do hope for his finding Jesus' forgiveness!

Guess I have hanged a bit!
Or grown.

And I was able to continue down my list.
The only hiccup was a sister whom used me to her own ends,
Utterly trashing me in the process.
Me, I could not care less about.
What could have broken so badly in her, to have done this?
Of course, I know from my writings, it took Dutchman to explain this.
And I marvel at his perception,
And her brokenness I never had detected.
sigh

I still have no response to this situation.
Oh, yeah, I have prayed all through this one.
I just have never been so blindsided,
By someone so trusted,
To be used.
And for evil ends at that!

Well, in the end, it is all in God's hands.
I understand this life is not an end unto itself.
Something so many Christians truly need to understand as well.
Then life can be lived far differently!

And I forgave the faceless people whom conspired against me in the trashing of Kris.
They were used just as I was .....
Rather depressing to think on this.

But, liberating.

Shut Down

By the time you read this,
What is left of my brain should  be permanently in la-la-land!

I am so oxygenn starved that the brain just is not working!
No long term memory,
Short term went out this morning,
I puff
I wheeze,
I cough,
and NO doctor understands my need for oxygen!

I also find myself limited to a single thought at a time!
So, frustrating.

Not sure how to keep blogging when a single sentence is all i have at any given timr.......

Musical Saturday Morning

Down Old Mexico Way

It is sort of like Christmas any day that I can remember something!
Yesterday, I buzzed by the coin shop and they were displaying a set of Mexican currency.
There was a banknote created under the French government.
A set of notes created under the Juarez revolutionary goverment.
And a set of notes created by the Military commander after the fall of Juarez!
They were all issued in Chihuahua.

Now, when I graduated from my college studies, my reward to myself was a month in Mexico.
I traveled throughout Sonora, Durango and Chihuahua States.
And had a wonderful trip!

One of the reasons I had selected Mexico, and its northern states, was that my high school girlfriend's grand father had served under Pershing on the "chase Poncho Villa around" exercise.
Pretty much I followed his path through Mexico.
I even spent an afternoon with Poncho's "wife".

So, I have a fistful of revolutionary currency
I can dress like a cowboy
I have my Colt SSA in .45 Long

Now do I watch The Three Amigos
or Two Mules For Sister Sarah????????

Apollo 11

So hard to believe, that it has been 50  years ago!

We had arrived in the United States, in June, right after school ended in Germany for my sister and I.
I was sent off to Washington State to visit with my uncle Doug, mother's younger brother, for a week.
Mom and Dad went shopping for a home in South Carolina (shudder!!!!).
And we met up in Florida.

First stop was the Space center at Cape Kennedy.
Father had worked for Werner Von Braun during the War.
So reunion time for them!
My sister and I made a day of it playing on the crawler carrying the Apollo 11 rocket!
It moved very slowly down the tarmac, the rocket towering above us.
The crawler was huge, it seemed like the size of a foot ball field!
Numerous sets of tank treads.
And a huge rocket standing there at attention!


Eventually the two adults finished and we could leave for some serious beach time!

Yes, with our FBI agents in tow.
The ubiquitous federal babysitters!
Ugh!

Now, it is 50 years later.
The moon was ours for a few moments
 Now long ignored.
The PBS special was excellent.

And I got extremely interested in how rockets work!
So much so, that I was to assigned to the Apollo's Internal Upper Stage,
For the Saturn 5 rocket!

Saturn 5 had been the work of Swede while he was still in college!!!!!

Gotta admit we have a moment in history here as we prepare to return to the moonj, with an option for Mars.

Swede

So, Monday, I drove up to Swede's house outside of Everett, Washington.
Don't know if I have ever been up there,
Yet I found it easily,
Even recognized a few features,
But, all context was lost as were more specifics about it!
Darned amnesia!

We had a great evening of really awful Sci-Fi movies!!!!!
Oh how laughed the night away!

Unfortunately, my heart had go off on me.
sigh
Nine nitros later and it had calmed down.
Poor Swede,had never understood that heart attacks are survivable ...
So he went to bed thinking it was corpse time for Kris!

He was actually excited to find me still alive!

I got him to the hospital and his pending surgery.
I was glad he got past the surgery!

It was really good to have someone to pray with!
I think prayer has become a lost art.
It is a shame.
It is an easy way to communicate with God.

But with late hours, bad movies, and heavy traffic:
My PTSD had to rear its ugly head!
Nothing like hyperventalating while your lungs don't work!
Saw lots of stars waiting on Swede's surgery to finish.

I was lucky, that it all of my travels to care for swede,
Traffic was light and flowed well.

If you thinkof it,
You might include Swede in your prayers,
For healing,
And meaning to his life in retirement ...

Eatonvlle, Quilting & Memory

So, this past weekend kicked off the Shop-Hop Quilting weekendd in Western Washington.
And I got sucker into it again!
But this year I could not drivedue to my now failing heart.
:(
So, Saturday, I loaned my car to the local quilting group for the day.
And they put about 300 miles on it touring quilting shops from Seattle to the Canadian border!

They were all amazed at what I had done to Toyota RAV4,
Just a bit technology!
Toyota offers many types of automation,
But they are sold as packages, not singlely.
And often in groups with stuff no one cares about, except teenagers!

So, the ladies liked my improvements!

Sunday, after church GG wanted to go hunt some more quilting shops.
Eh, what the heck!
I am grounded from driving, so lots of free time!
We did two shops in South Tacoma and then headed for Puyallup.
Then GG recalled a shop in Eatonville - most of the way to Mt. Rainer.

So we diverted our course,
And the weather  put the rain into Rainer!
I called the Eatonville shop to get directions.
An elderly lady tried to talk me to the shop but she may no have been outside in 20 years!
Nothing was as she described!
Andreally!
"Look for the big yellow housse"
Actually describes 30% of the town!
AARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

As GG shopped a memory, more like a vision, played before my eyes!
I pulled into a small Swedish town, early afternoon of a rainy day.
My future wife not to be, sat beside me and directed me to her grandmother's home.
I switched off the engine and got out of the car.
Back then I towered at 6'4.5", her father had half an inch on me!
(and about 100 pounds!)

So, I spent the afternoon visiting with 'Nana' Svenson.
Sad part was I learned that none of the kids knew their grandmother's real name,
She was just Nana, aka Grandmother!

It took a while to figure out that my future wife's mother had been a 'gold-digger' in her youth and a social climber.
She used her natural beauty to gain what she thought she wanted.
And a mother whom cooked meals for lumberjacks was not socially fitting.
Christine left home as fast as possible and never looked back!
Later I thought how odd that Oona had taken me there at all.
She had almost no relationship with her relatives.
They were not of the same social standing after all!

When all Hell was to break out in my life,
I thought on that rainy day in the wilds of Sweden.
In the quiet of the night,
When you really do need to find answers.

I was raised  as a member of a poor German military family.
By contrast,
I was continued pressured to learn the skills of the elite.
In time to learn I was actually royalty.
Cash poor royalty that is.
And there plenty of 'proofs' to support the claim.
By age ten, I had undergone a weird ceremony, of royalty, bestowing royalty upon me.
And I got to go to royal weddings, parties and the like.
(And more importantly, dance with, hold and sniff princesses!)

And my mother,father and sister were insufferable!
I knew who they really were,
But airs were even maintained within the family!
And I flat refused to play the game!
I did not care if I was titled!
I was just Kris.
That is all I ever wanted to be .....

At age ten, I longed for two things:
A pair of western jeans
To be as far from my family as possible

And once oln my own,
I slammed head first into Oona and her family.
Living the false life,
Completely oblivious to that fact.
They worshipped the gods of plenty and comfort.
And yet they believed they were Christian!

I loved Nana Swenson,
She was a real person.
She lived to serve others and see to their comfort.
How far away she was from her 'successful' daughter!

I had figured it out,
And I was confused.
Oona came from a similar background as I,
But she had never had to see all she knew as being a great lie!
I could only trust God would prevail in the war I saw coming ....

Of course her parents were able to turn her against me.
It did not help that my father's position in the government could be terinated if I ever told the trusth as to my real name, origin or history!
(yes, Kris Plattner is my real name!)
And only God could help me if I said anything as to my suspicions concerning father!
He may have been a monster but he was still my dad.

I am standing on a yellow porch in the light mist.
Last time I had hugged a wonderful old lady,
Whose heart was broken by the actions and life of her daughter.
Oona slipped her arm in mine and whispered,
"I told you she was crazy ..."
I knew then it would only be weeks before the death spasms would begin.
She had not learned, as I had, the hypocrisy of her upbringing.
We would shortly become oil and vinegar.
Conversation has never come easily to me.
And she was upset because her grandmother had liked me!
I pointed the nose of the car south,
And raced towards my own doom.

I am standing on a yellow porch in the light mist.
I can only walk a few feet without winding myself.
The old ticker is fighting for me,
But three arteries need replaced.
GG slips an arm in mine and guides me gently back to the car.
We laugh at the adventure this has been,
The crazy people,
The odd situations.
And head for Orting and our oldest daughter.

I looked at GG driving and thought to myself,
"I could never have found someone like her, apart from God"
Even though our relationship is not normal,
God used that for each of our adopted family.
Because life is lived for them,
Not ourselves!

Last week, one of my friends asked,
"How would life have been different for you,
If Oona had not gone crazy on you?"

Actually, I have never considered this,
I live in the reality of today,
Not the what-ifs of yesterday.

Certainly, she would have been spared a debilitating disease!
Would have had that modeling career and fashion lines.
Everything her mother sought but never quite grasped.
And I may have stayed in the ministry and never gone into computers!
She would have needed to learn a few foreign languages ...

I would have to learn to swallow lutefisk!

Recollection

It has stunned me at how many have died in my life this past month!
Though vaguely, in the mists of my lost mind, I seem to remember a horrible month.
I think it must have been about 2008,
And 46 people died that I had worked with!
And it was weird stuff,
Super rare blood problems and cancers!

Me and my team were reeling!
You did not want to go to work any loner!
Who was next to not make it to work?
The first dozen, you felt real grief for ....
But it was just compounded shock after that ...
So, we got together and put our heads together ...
It was little effort to build a data base of names, where they lived, where they worked, etc.

And the one thing they ALL had in common was working at a certain site,
For over eight years ...

It took almost an act of God to uncover the building was built on an old dump.
Of course, the wheels of public health turn slowly.
Eleven years later, the State has still not completed water table analysis...
--- Of course they have!, but they may never reveal what they found!
They did that once and the City of Seattle was almost bankrupted for fines associated with illegal dumping down in Midway, Washington in the 1960's and 1970's!

And the numbers just continue to increase for that site and building!

So, we guess, but that is all anyone can do ...

Well, bummer of a memory.
And since it was after 1978, it will be lost again by tomorrow!
sigh, amnesia I have learned to hate you .....

Musical Saturday Morning

<if

Surprise!

And not of in the good way!

So Wednesday, I reported to my painting class.

As I started to squeeze paint onto my palette,
I blinked and found I was suddenly nose down on the paint palette!
And I was completely covered in oil paint!

So, after much cleaning I was looking human again,
Although more blue than usual!
But incredibly dizzy.
So much so eating was out of the question!

A very rough day!

Now for months I have been complaining about my breathing not being right,
But NO doctor wants to hear about that!
So to my personal doctor I went and demanded a blood test for anemia.
(NEEDLES!)

Then to the heart doctor to request a heart function review.
But he said he had just done this with his colleges,
They had all voted a minimum of a three way bypass - ASAP!
Oh, @#$%^&* !

Next up, the odd kidney doctor.
She already had heard of the cardiologists' ideas on how to fix Kris' wagon!
So she is looking at getting me oxygen at home.

Looks like I can be breathing again, next week!
sigh

So, I have a meet the surgeon meeting set up in July.
That was his first opening!
Sure hope the ticker lasts that long!
Of course, if not, I get to go home home without undergoing the horror of open heart surgery ....
But it would be nice to make it to real retirement first ....

Father's Day

Heard from all of the kids, most of the grandkids, many of my extended family as well!
Very humbling.
All of these people messaging and texting me,
And most of them, I do not know!
Amnesia is frustrating!

Oldest Daughter hosted a small party,
Which was very fun,
And exhausting!
Were my heart stronger,
I might not have fallen asleep 25 times playing hangman!
According to Oldest Grand-Daughter!

Yeah, took a couple of nitro's to keep the ticker ticking!

For my part:
My father is dead
Of the Men whom raised me:
Leonard Larsen, my Danish Dairyman great uncle, dead.
Richard Huston, my mining partner, dead.
Paul Edgar, dying.

So, I sent a card to Paul.
Then see about visiting him.
When I visited, no one was home.
sjgh

Musical Saturday Morning

Delirium

My my mind floats between rational and a dream like state.
My oxygen starved brain floats in and out.
One minute I could be doing most anything and then reality shifts,
I am eating oatmeal
I am talking with the wunchmachen,
Whom I know not
Or her head rest upon my lap and I stare deep into her eyes
Perhaps she is laying next to me in the dark,
Having a nightmare

And then reality snaps back!

No way to control it
No way to predict it
No way to stop it
It just happens.

Yet no doctor will listen that I am strangling for air!

Lord how I need a real doctor!
Do they still exist?

Yesterday was hard.
I was sick from 1 AM to 2 PM,
When I gave up and took Imodium and an anti-nausea pill!
Sure shut me down!

But, in dialysis I cramped up so hard,
The nurse shut the machine down!
Then figured out I had lost too much potassium!
I wasn't sure I would ever walk again!
Oh, Argy-Bargs as was said at the 1971 Jesus Explosion!
Became one of my favorite expressions!

And Sede remains missing after yesterdays hospitalization!
prayer please!

Nerves

My nerves are pretty much shot

Four deaths of people whom meant something to me,
Was the last straw.
As I sit here typing this,
Swede is in Emergency and very frightened.
Internal bleeding and they do not know why.
Yeah, his death would send me over the edge.
I can only pray...

One of "My Boys",
Married now and had been building a future,
Was injured on the job,
Just prior to his wife getting laid off.
Sigh
I can only pray,..

My health is in the toilet,
I am sure from too many doctors not listening  to the patient!
In the meantime breathing is difficult
And I may well suffocate to death thanks to this weird medical system we struggle under!
I can only pray....

Of course, Gaelic Girl does little to help.
Half the time she seems to hate me
And loathe me with the other half!
Who knows?
I know she has "issues" for the past two decades,
But at some point she has to see there is a world beyond the end of her nose!
(no i have no idea what that meant! Dang amnesia! I know but know not!)
I can only pray ...

Well time to think about what dinner will be! time to think about.

Nervous

Oh so nervous!

Today is my first oil painting class!
Wanted to do this for decades but never had the desire to see how bad an artist I am!

Class is beig taught by a member of the Daniel Smith staff.
The lady is quite good and knowledgeable.
There are only six of us:
I, the lone male and way younger that the rest of the students!
4 women
and, one something in-between outwardly male and female!

So quite the spectrum there!

We worked on creating a color wheel.
Mine was perfect until I hit purple!
Yeah, not all blues when mixed with red yield purple.
Nope.
Try a muddy brown!
It was amazing ....
Just like with computers,
IF Kris.
Then Brown!~

Yeah.

But, the 2.5 hours of class rushed by.
I was covered in oil paints.
Sure hope it washes off!

So by next weekend I need to get this right.

Great Men

It sort of bummed me out yesterday, remembering the failure of the Western Church to grow - while being crippled by wolves in sheep's clothing!
No surprise.
This culture does not understand that this life is not an end-all.
Merely a stepping stone to something far grander with our Creator!

Many of those on yesterday's list, I personally approached with my concerns.
To say they paid any heed would be laughable!
I am no one,
Never will be anyone,
Because I early on understood John's writings -
This Earth, is not our home!
So, stop living like it is!

And no one ever listens ....

Well, truth be known, it is the oddest people whom do listen.
A lady I met in a card game on Mt. Rainer.
She had totally warped her faith to force God to behave as she desired.
She was appalled that I "knew''!

I think I have mentioned this before that for what ever reason,
I can look at someone - anyone,
And know what seperates them from God.
No not a delightful gift.
Actually, quite painful.

I am not sure I ever saw her again,
But, I did hear of her,
And why she needed correction.
Only in Heaven would anyone else understand!
It is enough for me to marvel at what her change had cost her!

I think of men in my lifetime I have known:
Billy Graham
Brother Andrew
Brother David
Lanson Ross
An Apostle named John
Gibb Martin
James Packer

Those whose names are lost to my damaged mind:
Guy from Campus Crusade
Guy from Young Life
A guy whom might have been named Eric Weddle?
Peter of South Africa, though in Holland
A pastor with the last name of Shaw

All wonderfully solid men of God.
I have been blessed to know many of them.
So it makes it so hard to sit and be quiet when corruption rears its ugly head!
Especially when NO one listens!

I have known a plethora of Godly women.
But, I am just writing about Dudes here.

Denominations

So last week's revelation that mother has become a Mormon sure brought the comments!
And a few personal attacks.
Which was humerous since I said nothing even slightly negative!
But people will be people.
I guess......

Okay, I called the Latter Day Saints a cult, which it is.
But that does not mean Christians can not be found amongst its membership!
If we allow for the sign gifts as being valid,
Then yes, you can find Christians amongst the Mormon ranks!
Perhaps in greater evidence than in my own place of worship!

You can find Christians scattered across most denominations.
But just because you are a member of a "Christian" denomination -
Does NOT make you a Christian!

I have known of many fine pastors and missionaries,
Whom based solely on their lives,
Are headed straight for Hell!
Their followers too blind to see they are being lead down the wrong path!
But, hey, their church numbers are up and growing ...
So, "God" must be blessing them!

Nope, Satan, rewards his own as well.

That is not to say that these wolves in sheepskins,
Can not be saved,
It just means they have not had their last opportunity.

Want me to name names in the American religious realm?

How about:
Don Murray - even pagans do not behave as this man did!
Irv Estruth - your sin destroyed any claim to ministry you could ever have!!
Dave Freeman - your sin showed hundreds of youth that Christianity is a lie!
Dave Corsen - you are different from the world, how?
Marilyn Hicky - God's rules are not suggestions!
Casey Treat -  you chose the wrong road to follow .....
Joel Oosteen - your pride is what will bring you down!

Just to name few on the tip of my brain,
And so many hundreds I have watched and noted with sadness their life's testimony,
Does not point to God,
But to the god of this world and sin!

Nothing would please me more than to learn that Don Murray had made peace with God.
But I still would weep for sea of people he damaged and lead away from God!
And for the youth whom saw and ran away from God,
Because God's representative chose to be a man of lies ....

And yeah, fallen men in the pastorate can repent and go forward,
Albeit, tremendously changed men!
James Robison (sp?) instanytly pops to mind.
But, God was able to reach him!
And his ministry today is much smaller but very effective!

And the one which kicked me in the heart,
David Hocking.
He knew he was doing wrong and did not care!
You betrayed God.
But your betrayal of your best friend was the worse!
Think on the thousands you failed ....
Think on the weak you crippled!

Mind you, we are all fallen,
The question is whether you can acknowledge this before God,
And repent!

(that means to tell God of your failures and ask for His forgiveness!
then try to avoid those failures in the future)

Those I have mentioned you may have never heard of,
That is fine.
The purpose is to tell them,
Of their need of humility and confession!

Your responsibility is to guard your testimony!
If you desrtroy it,
It is mighty hard to be restored ...

Musical Saturday Morning

Ticker

So yesterday was my testing for the old ticker.
Short story, heart is just fine!
Rest of the body, not so much.

First up, they could not take me, due to my breathing.
So, they put me on a breathing treatment.
Cleared up the lungs!

But, the hospital had an Emergency Room demand for my cardiologist's skills!
So now came the wait for 4 hours!
Poor doctor, he had to be  exhausted!
The nurses whom prepped me amused themselves.
Heather, whom I think like me, busier herself drawing hearts allover my foot!
Very cute.

So, they got me in and set up.
The assistants were hilarious!
We laughed so much!
Poor jokes ruled!

Since they did not knock me out:
I got to see it all
All the scans
All the dialog
And all the bad jokes!

I almost lost it when one of the technicians commented,
"We overshot, but found some ear wax!!"
Everyone had a chuckle!

Net result of 12 hours in the hospital:
Heart is just fine
Prior stents look great

But, I am horribly anemic!
And no one said anything
To anyone  across months of blood tests!

So no one put my anemia up with:
All of the heart failures
All of the times I pass out
The utter lack of energy!         

So, working on the anemia next!

Yesterday

So I had heart surgery.
I am expecting God is not done with me yet.
So, in all likely hood I survived.

My heart had become quite a problem since the February heart attack.
My walking was limited to 120 feet on a good day,
Only five or six steps on bad days.
My lungs were continually filling with fluid,
The heart too weak to draw it off.
Monday in gym class they pulled me off the machines.
I could only do 90 seconds!
And mr heart rate was just a tick below a full on heart attack!

Yeah, I was whipped!

So, whatever they end up doing has got to be an improvement!

If it is an easy procedure, I will be out to day.
If it turns into open heart surgfery,
Well I will get back to you in a few weeks!

'til then ...

Clarification

Okay, so there is no mistake:

I have long known many Mormons.
Few as personal friends.
A few were as broken as I so we relied heavily on one another.
Some were good Mormans,
Some were good Christians, but poor Mormons.


I have long held that,
If Christians behaved more like the Mormon Church,
There would be far fewer problems for Christians!
The LDS Church supports their communities in good times and bad.
Not so the Christians!

With massive flooding throughout America's heartland,
Where is the Christian Church?
Not on site being helpful feeding, clothing and sheltering the victims!
Yeah, the LDS Church does ....

To our shame!

So, I am not horrified she has joined a group which is opposed to Jesus' message.
Cause  I know if she will follow those whom do know Jesus,
She will follow eventually as well!

So, Kris is not anti-Mormon,
Kris is pro-Jesus,
And has been for many decades!


So, mother desiring to be a Mormon does not horrify me.
I know a few in that

Stepping Carefully

So, crazy mother called up on Friday to invite me to a Baptism service being held for her at the local Mormon Ward.

I told her to tell me the place and time, and I would be there .....

My mother's family has a long history with the Latter Day Saints.  Stretching back to the its expansion into Wales 1849 and Scotland 1852!
Those families migrated to America and then walked to Salt Lake City.
With hand trucks filled with all their earthly goods.
Many died:
Struck by lightening
Drown in floods
Killed by falling trees

Yeah, America was a dangerous place for the naive.

Mother, once she graduated from college, was to foster a hate-hate relation with the Mormons.

My great grandmother Spencer was a missionary to the Umatilla Indian Tribe, outside of Le Grande, Oregon for 40 years!

So, although I was raised an atheist, I was well schooled in Mormon thought!

And now mother is willing to bury  her demons and join them?

Huhmmmmmmmm ..... Okay .....

On the one hand mother is 82 and quite lonely.
The Church members have been visiting her regularly.

Mother's trailer needs real work.
The young men have been helping her rebuild it.

Mother wants to belong to a church.
They pick her up, take her to the various functions.

So, she has joined them!
(what ever!)

I always said she was a Southern Baptist, not a Christian - same  as most Baptist's I have known!
So, she is still not a Christian, sigh ...

The baptism went well.
Certainly she is one of the oldest members of the church!
Afterwards, I hosted a luncheon for her at the local Mexican place.
I have to admit the ones I met are probably not the good Mormons,
As their views were very reformation based.
But, once the Book of Mormon was brought up, it was company line the whole way!

I really liked one of the guys,
I dare say we will be friends,
If he can live with a non-believer around him!

Life and Death

Been thinking a lot about life, since Christina's death.
That would be in the light of Paul's writings.

The problem is that our  Western Culture is so far from Biblical truth, thanks to Greek culture, that to state the problem really is not going to be understood today, much at all!

How does one  rectify the problem without landing solidly in piety! Which is condemned as sin by Jesus and several of the Apostles!

Life is what we know:
we can see it,
smell it,
taste it,
touch it.
We live it after-all!

We have a harder problem when we are required to abandon that understanding of life!
And that is exactly what Jesus requires us to do!

We are told to live by faith, not by sight!
That would be faith in God,
Not your 401-Ks!

So many in Christianity have bought into the Dave Ramsey school of unbalanced wealth!
"A little bit for God, a whole lot for me!"
"I am living the life of faith! And the dividends look great!"

But God told us to not go into debt,
Yet we are mostly all are in debt!
God told us our wealth is to be His, not ours!"
Yet we give a tenth, supposedly (we estimate 2% in our church!),
And then whine about it! .....

Something is out of square here!

If our lives are really to be His, in whole,
Not just in tenths!
Then what must change?

Well, you have to stop pursuing the almighty buck,
For starters!
You have to get out of debt!
No, property which is sellable is not a debt!
You have to lighten your possession load!
You must start living as a minimalist!

Our lives are to be a training exercise for our roles after death.

Christina's worldly consumed life started my thought process,
Then my thoughts drift to my best friend, Dutchman.
Consumed for the past twenty years by accumulation of wealth.
Numerous homes, in numerous countries, around the world,
And all that goes with the  massive consumption of wealth!
Yeah, he is not receptive to this philosophical realignment!

Yet, there was a time,
Before marriage,
Before children,
Before everything,
When he stood with me,
Willing to risk life itself for the cause of Jesus!
More than once!

 I wonder if the seeds of that young wild Irishman are still in there,
Waiting to take over once he loses all.
And then figures it out!


He must start living as a minimalist!
As must I!
sigh.....

Musical Saturday Morning

Compliments

My adopted daughter, Sasha, is the empress of back handed compliments.
Like telling a lady one time,
"I forgive you !"
Lady, "Forgive me for what?"
"For not being as good a cook as Papa!"

I have gone by Papa, the whole of the kids life with me,
Because in my first language,
Papa does not mean father,
But, Father - as in spiritual leader.
So, the children continually remind me that they are a gift from God,
And I am responsible to Him,
For them!

But back to the subject at hand.....

I do not generally get many compliments these days.
Of course I interact with almost no one!
So, not many opportunities.

Gaelic Girl was in fine form Sunday night.
We were eating a rather poorly prepared meal,
At a recommended establishment.
The place is full,
Waiters running around all over.
She looks up and in a loud voice says,"
Why Kris even you cook better than this!"

My skin just cringes as I envision being beat within an inch of my life!

The next day, I am in Cashmere, Washington.
As I am paying for my purchase in one of the antique stores,
The cashier asks for id,
And I hand her my drivers license.

"Oh my gosh!, I don't know what to say!
I mean like WOW!
You have lost a ton of weight!
And you look so good!
I like, oh my gosh!, in this picture you are a big fat p ....."

Just then, the manager cuts her off gently,
And saves me the embarrassment of being called a "p....."!
But, it does have a positive side to it!
So, I'll take it!

Like I said, not many compliments come my way!

Blah

I have got the worse case of the blahs!

I am truly surprised at the effect Kathy's death has had on me!
Only Edvard's surprising death many years ago had the effect on me ...
sigh

I thought to get a hold of her mother.
Seems she died.
I know her father died long ago.
So, perhaps her brother ...
Dead too!
Well, I do not want to bother her husband!
He has enough to deal with!
Besides, I actually never knew him other than in passing.

I wrestled last night with the thought of returning home.
A chance to visit my aunts and attend a funeral.
But, I am trying to get out of debt,
Not further in!
sigh

And as for posts,
My brain is just a sieve today.
Filled with memories of the old group,
Our many trips,
And the fun we had.
It was truly a magical time.
No pressure - always nice.

As for Kathy,
No doubt she will be warmly remembered by all!
And those of us blessed with that memory are the better for having known her.

Loss of a Friend

Seems over the holiday weekend,
I lost one of my oldest friends.
And I sit here - simply empty.

Kathy was a close friend I made after I got out of college.
Her mother sponsored the Bible Study I led for young adults.
Kathy hung out with the group I ran around with.
No, there were no pairings in the group, just 30 some odd friends.

In fact Kathy was to introduce me to Diedre.
Her best friend from grade school.

Kathy, went on to marry the little brother of one of my friends.
And though our lives took separate tracks,
We still stayed in touch.
Whether by letter, FaceBook messaging, eMails or phone.

Kathy had the most ready smile of anyone I have ever met.
And, yeah, it was a genuine smile!
She was more than willing to go the extra distance for a friend,
Or relative.
A truly generous and real person!

I am on the one hand sorrowful at her exiting to be heaven-bound.
And at the loss of physical presence of someone close to me.
Besides she was two years younger than me,
And younger people should not be dying early!
Right?

All I can think to say, "Say howdy to my right leg! And no tickling!"
Yeah, I am not normal.
And I do not seem to handle the dearth of friends well!

Leavenworth, Washington

I took Memorial Weekend to escape!
Yes, I drove to Leavenworth,
About 200 miles away,
Without my PTSD kicking in!
Great start to the weekend!

Stopped in Cashmere for a little antiquing!
Found a few Mustard tins I did not have,
eg: Nash's and several Cresent tins.
Also two Walter Foster painting instruction books,
And a Hungarian cookbook,
 To remember my grandmother,
The Swiss Marquist, aka:Lady in English.
Her family was Spanish and Hungarian.

Eh, something new to learn.

And unexpectyedfly,
The memoirs of Sydney Laurences' wife!
Talk about a rare book!
Laurence was the Godfather of Alaskan painters!

So, not a lot.
No Indian anythings,
No coins,
Just books.

As for Leavenworth,
It is always fun to roam the shops,
Save for the prices!
I did get a shirt for half price ...

I stayed at Der Ritterhof Inn on the west side of town.
Half the cost of the "in town" hotels,
But is clean, nice beds, and rooms.
Morning was a hot breakfast service!
It was delicious and so the room became  even cheaper!
Nice staff -
Recommend on this hotel for you!

Dinner was at King Ludwigs,
A German food source of note in the past.
Today however:

Barely passable German food,
Mostly cold!
So, microwaved food,
Not cooked!
And no longer recommended!

A good destination if you are flush with cash ans in the area!

Memorial Day

Just back from a long weekend.
Had no post at the start of the day,GET IT!
It is one of funniest movies I haveever seen!
As Google decided I need to use my old hacked Yahoo account to log in!
Of course, I use an Icelandic server now.
So had to be back home on my broadband to log in!

Google is such a pain in the .....

Never mind.
Enjoy the linked movie,
If you can find a copy -

Musical Saturday Morning

Bet you have not heard this one in a while!

Bridgitt

I need to level set this since no one in Bloglandia will know you:

I first met Bridgitt thru my involvement with youth ministry.
Just an average 11 year old girl,
With a tragic past,
A troubled present,
And a horrific future.
That would be without God intervening .....

So, Bridgitt, God did intervene,
But, you could not recognize this,
Perhaps because of your filters,
Based on your life experiences.
Perhaps because you had not learned to trust.

Admittedly, you scared me to death!
What you needed was a strong father figure to take you in hand.
I was gun shy.
And I was very ill.
And none of the other youth leaders understood your plight,
As I so plainly saw.
Worse, no one cared.
And I could do little.

Many of the talks I gave to the group,
Were actually just for you.
I did what I could do,
When I was in town.
And, when I could give rides,
And, I have prayed for you for decades!

When you found me online,
I was delighted to see one of "my kids" pop back up!
And saddened to see how life has been a struggle for you.

Years ago, had you thought to come to me,
I would have told you the tale of Darla.

I was working under contract to a large company,
Helping them to define their methodologies for program maintenance.
Darla was my secretary along with another girl named Grace.
And everyone knew I was an odd duck because I make no bones about being a Christian.

So, one lunch hour, my secretaries pop in to my office for a "discussion".
Odd, but okay .....

Darla - "So Kris, where do you stand on the abortion issue?"
Grace is biting her nails, I wonder if the question is hers....
Me - "I have always held that in this culture it is a matter of choice for a woman."

Darla - "Well no, I mean, what would you tell me if I was pregnant?"
Grace is chewing on her elbow now, so super stressed and I am basically clueless.
Me - "Well, I would tell you that only God can create life, you just get to participate! And for some reason, God values human life and calls it precious. Then as such it becomes a sin to take a human life. So, I would tell you, think of adopting out the child ....."

So the conversation went for 45 minutes.
It was weird.
Never happened before or since to me!

Darla failed to come in for work on Monday.
Monday evening I had a call on my voice recorder when I got home,
"Kris, I need you!"
But, Darla left no return number!
So all I could do was pray that night, without ceasing, for whatever Darla's issue was.
And wonder at how she could have gotten my number!

Tuesday, Grace was all upset,
Darla had died in the early morning hours.
Well, that was the end of my day!!!!!

Seems she had an abortion on Friday afternoon.
Went to the hospital with a high fever Monday.
And died from a pelvic infection that night!

I still sit here,
Decades later,
Empty.
Such a huge waste of a young life!
Somehow, my words did not sink in.

Or have a valid meaning to her.
And so her story has become one among many I share with youth.
Darla was real, yes that was her name!
And young women need to hear these tragic tales in order to protect themselves!
Death is very real.

So, Bridgitt,I am honored you chose to share your story with me,
Albeit too late to have saved a life.
And what are you to do now?

Very simple:
Tell God what you did (confess).
Ask for his forgiveness.
Change how you have been living so this will not happen again!
Find a solid church and become active -
Perhaps work with youth,
So they can avoid the traps you fell into!

And above all:
Remember I was there for you 30 years ago ...
I still am.
You were a part of my extended family,
That remains unchanged.

The next steps are up to you.

Worship

This is a post I have wanted to do for well over a year, but just have not been able to get my thoughts together well.
So, here goes.

Worship is not a matter of singing songs.
Except to those whom like to sing.
(And inflict their belief on all others!)

In my church, the pastor likes to sing.
So, worship is limited to about 45 minutes of music and song.
And the songs are as vacuous as most modern music is.
Yeah, you can't tell who is being sung about!
Much less how on Earth suck worthless lyrics could possibly be considered worship!

I remember shocking one of my classes by taking the lyrics of one of these so called 'worship' songs and having tge kids justify the lyrics using the Bible.
Yeah, opened a few eyes that morning!

My problem with worship being considered limited to song and music is that  it reduces worship to mere rote.
And outside of only one reference in Psalms, which tells us to sing, ignores that this is not called worship at all!

To me worship is the sharing of testimonies, studying the Bible, and in big part - prayer.
And prayer, at least at my church, no longer plays an important part of anything!
Prayer, our way to communicate with God - relegated to no real importance,
sigh

So, it is no surprise to see man's wisdom called God's directions / will.
And man's judgements are terribly flawed ...
Sorry got side tracked there!

Point is we are too casual in our worship.
We sing a song, luckily meaningless because that is what modern songs are.
(and if you are a song writer, I feel very sorry for you!)

So in Psalm 94, God is our rock.
In Psalm 96, God is our King.
And in the middle is Psalm 95 ....

Worship
With song
Songs of praise
Noise
Joy

Repentance is implied.
With thanksgiving.

Why
It involves your body:
Stand
Bow
Raised hands
Mind is engaged

Watch Out!
Do not harden your heart.
That means no whining!

And consider, verses 10 and 11.
God was sickened by the Israelis!

So, think on how you worship God.
And how you can change to worship Him ....

Sorry

My apologies to my regular readers,
For I had nothing yesterday!

Seems that if you do not sleep for five straightdays,
Well, brain no worky!

I am SO TIRED!!
But will I sleep tonight?
No Idea!

Ever since the dialysis center did something called a"SUF" run,
There has been no rest for me!
And they want to this two more times before next Monday!
You would think cool.

But, since this sleeplessness was triggered but a SUF run,
Well, I have little hope for a normal weekend!
All prayer is welcome!

Unexpected Memories

Sunday was a day for surprises!
Becky came up from Oregon,
Seems the folks are driving her crazy!
And it would certainly be hard to take my mother 24X7!

But as happy as that was,
She had a missionary from Paraguay in tow.
Initially, I was hesitant,
Me and the average missionary will not do well together.
Their commitment to God is far weaker than their commitment to fun!

I could embarrass all of Christendom with verifiable examples!
Yes, it is embarrassing!
But, I do support missions - when I can verify their wastage is small,
If not non existant!

So, my heart was filled with dread,
What had Becky gotten herself into?
On the other hand, Becky was the one whom had turned me on to Roots and Wings,
An outreach to families in Mazatlan, Mexico.
And they are doing a magnificent job!

So, I held my breath .....

The guy's name was,
And I kid you not:
Juan Carlos!
The last King of Spain,
Whom I spent a pleasant day with him and his fiancee, Princess Sophia of Greece
After the wedding of King Constantine of Greece and Sofia of Denmark(?).
(Been a long time and my memory is slipping ...)

So, this flood of pleasant memories washed over me!
Right down to Sophia's, Gardenia perfume .....
We danced quite a bit together that day!

And here is a namesake,
So, I cooled my jets,
And waited.

Thus began a very interesting discussion of ideas and understandings.

He is Paraguayan,
Working for Vista Ministries, in some manner,
A Reputable group!
And he is very Reformation minded,
In a Pagan version of Roman Catholic faith controlled country, you would have to be!

Amazingly, he and I are in complete agreement!
So, I already know how popular he is going to be lecturing here in the USA!

I know Becky is stressed financially, so no short term missions for her!
My health is kaput!, so no travel over one day for me!
But should one of you speak Spanish, or version thereof,
Consider a trip to Paraguay,
I think you would be in for a treat spiritually!
Equally, I imagine finances also are hard on missions,
Especially in Satan's backyard,
Speaking the truth of the Gospel!

If I remember, I will try and run down contact information for you ......

Musical Saturday Morning

This video always cracks me up!
Because this is not the Nancy and Ann I knew back in the 70's!
Big hair posers ....

But such is the life of entertainment glitz,
Taking you places you never would have gone,
Exchanging truth for lies,
Because you are so far removed from real reality!

Firefox Reset

I use Firefox as my browser.
Going all the way back to Netscape, the original browser offered by what was to become Mozilla.
Why?
Because MicroSquish's products are junk.
Just personal observation.

So, I do not use their products,
Albeit, Windows is hard to avoid!

Anyway, yesterday I was typing up my late post, when out of the blue Firefox reset itself!
Yeah, reformatted the screen, lost all my settings, etc!
Twenty hours later it almost is back to where I had it before it decided to help me out!

I may still have to flatten the computer and reload it!
Soooooo frustrating!

late

Sorry, late doing a post!

Three nitroglycerin overnight, as the heart conyinues to give out with regularity.
So, Thursday morning was in the doctor's again.
sigh

Tomorrow I was going to take mother to have lunch with her brother.
Except her mental issues kicked in yesterday and she cancelled.
"They" are watching.
"They" are waiting to break in.
"They" are will steal everything ....

You can't combat mental illness.

It also does no good that yes, she has been bugged,
Discovered by the phone company.
She has been broken into several times by a neighbor with a thing for her.
Lots of small stuff and food taken.

But she now refuses to leave her home,
Unless she wants to.

And apparently, lunch with her dying brother does not fit in with her desires.
Oh well.
As Somer, texted me when I exploded,
"Just send her a card. To bad so sad for her!"

Yeah, Somer, is a cold one.
sigh

Thinking

I have never responded well to the concept of limitations.
Someone tells me, "You can't."
And I must prove them wrong.
The fact you are using a computer to read this is proof of this.
I was told back in 1975, "A disk drive can not .....",
So, I wrote the first "digital" disk drive operating system.
Yeah, I was fired for it.
IBM found my creation far more interesting!

And now I learn that I did sustain bodily damage in the stroke four years ago .....
That piece of information changes almost all of my plans!
 I should have been able to guess at this.
But, my left side has always been my weakest!
So, during recovery,
It did not surprise me that driving was hard.
Or, doing up buttons.

sigh

I am unsure what the limitation means to my desires to:
Ride the 210 mile Seattle To Portland bicycle ride again
Hunt for lost treasures
Hike the Yukon Trail with Swede, as his grandfather did in 1897
Climb Longs Peak again
Kill that Russian boar with my name on it
Can I even still shoot, much less at long distances?
or ... so many, many other things!

 I just do not know now how active I can be and still survive.
Darn those lousy genetics!

But, oh well, nothing I can do about it!
But, I can still push the boundaries,
To see what I can still do.

Oh Pooey!

Well certainly God has been merciful across all of the health issues I have struggled with!
I just plod along through life.
Mostly okay,
Albeit, continually with no memory!

However, I started the Cardio Rehab program at the local heart health institute.
And the results were a bit surprising.

It seems that Kris' 2015 stroke during surgery was not without physical cost!

Yeah, I finishing up my routines,
About ten minutes left to go,
When my left side just failed me.

It was like we had pushed too hard,
And now the limbs were rebelling!
 No, it  was not another stroke.
So, it could only be from 2015!
Dagnabbit!

So, like my father before me,
And his father before him,
I get the joys of restricted motion,
Twenty years before either of them!
As well as, no brain to go with it.

Sigh ....

One is tempted to question if my life expectancy will be shortened as well.
In which casr next year would be it for me,
Following the twenty year loss idea.

But, as God has made plainly evident to me:
My Days are in His more than capable hands,
Not mine!

Follow Ups

So thought I would post some updates on previous posts:

Adoptive Father is still bed ridden.
Currently in a .hospice as he exhausted his funds for at home care.
Probably will go see him today.
I don't think he has a clue whom I am any longer.

Health is still a challenge with me.
Heart is jujst mighty weak!
But am now in a cardiac gym program.
So, hopefully I will be back to walking a mile a day again shortly.
For now, suffering through 1  or 2 heart failures a week!
Yeah, eating Nitro like it is candy ...

Gaelic Girl is back to her prickly old self.
Still in pain from the knee replacement.
Working way too many hours on her feet.
Yeah, this is a faikure in the making.
But, no one ever listens to me ....

Swede had a stent put in his heart artery last week.
So is now trying to define what his new "normal" will be.
For now, mighty weak!

I have been debating a problem concerning International Banker Girl.
I am hesitant to say anything, without talking with her first.
It may just be an appearance of a problem - I hope!
Not a situation rebellion against God ...

I am quite concerned about Dutchman.
Nothing from him since February.
Very odd!

Well that is about as much as I can think of at the moment!

Musical Saturday Morning

Father Brown

I was switching channels last night and ran across Father Brown
I do not generally watch this show.
Acting is challenged.
Dialogue is flat.
Story lines are really bad!

Yeah, not too impressed!

But, the phone ran an I was unable to turn it off.
And it was intriguing.
If for nothing more than to see what will they do to condemn a woman serial killer?
And they totally went sideways from standard Hollywood  fare.

What set this episode apart is that they actually confronted the serial killer!
And did a gospel presentation!

Yeah, they really covered all of the bases there!

It was simply amazing and so unexpected!

My oh my Father Brown, you were downright evangelical!
And you know that there are standards of behavior and referenced the show!

WOW!

Lost IT!

Yes, Kris has finally lost it!

I went to schedule today's activities, last night.
Only to find that the basis of my life is missing!
Yes, my Day Timer has gone missing!

All of my phone numbers.
All of my appointments.
All of my notes on what I need to remember!
The outline for my next book .... !

I feel ill!

I know it was in  my  haversack yesterday mornming,
I know it was no there at luch time.
Since the place I openned was at the doctor's,
While mom had oral surgery,
I am hoping they found it!

sigh .....

Paranoia

Mother is a paranoid-manic depressive.
Sorry but bipolar just does not describe what life is like around them!
Lord, how I loath mental illness!
And ALL of the women on the Scott-ASpencer side suffer from this!
And MUST inflict themselves on me!
sigh

And, after several days in a row of walking mother through health issues, doctors and hospitals -
My nerves are on edge and my mind just numbed from the ^%%$#@ that passes for her logic!
And NO ONE has ever listened to Kris,
After-all I had only the second IQ recorded for a family member ...
sigh

Back home,
I noted my blood pressure is looking for Olympic Gold,
So, flip open my pill box and note that someone did not count out his pills yesterday!
cough-cough!

So, I see that my night time pills are in the box.
Odd.
But with my mind,
Who knows these days!
So, I count out my pills,
Making sure I am matching the pills already there.

Once done,
There is one pill left over and unmatched.
So, I examine this unknown pill.
It is light lavender in color,
About 100 mgs in size,
And absolutely NO numbers or lettering!

Going back through the pill bottles,
Nothing matches this pilll.
Going through all of my suppliments,
Again no match!
In fact, I can find no matching pill anywhere in this house!

So, where did it come from?

I tossed it away.
But just because you are not paranoiid,
Does not mean that someone is not seeking your death!
Too weird!

The Zombies!

The first group I can remember really liking was, The Zombies!
A young band from England.
I could listen to them nightly on Radio Caroline,
By shortwave radio,
In my home in north-eastern France.

Good songs!

So, a little dedication to Christina's memory,
Hard to imagine her as a swinger,
But, then,
We all have a past!
(and a future!)



Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for your "burying the hatchet".
Thank you for loving my parcel of rascally Russian children!

(things I never said ... and probably should have!)

Noted With Sadness

So, I thought I would hop onto the internet and see whom else has died since I have been so out of it for so long.
And I found something I was unprepared for.

First up is death of yet another uncle.
sigh
This one I liked very much!

He was not well regarded in the family,
As he was a dirt farmer.
Raised sugar beets and occasionally potatoes.
His German wife, whom married him to escape Hitler's Germany,
Never forgave him for the dirt.

She is a total neat freak and no one is allowed sit on her furniture!
Yeah that is what floors are for!
gees!
She is an example of what was wrong with the Germany mindset before the War!
And why I rebelled against the pomp and circumstance of being a noble!
Albeit, a dirt poor one at that!

Vernon died on Saturday,
Due to a weak heart.
I got his wife a nice card,
Which I will send as soon as this post is done.
But travel is out for me these days!
Sorrowfully, I last saw him 2001 at his oldest sister's funeral.
sigh .....

And, with a great sense of personal sadness,
Christina Swenson,
The woman whom would have been my mother-in-law,
Had history gone differently.
I was very much awed by her,
A Swedish model,
And she was gorgeous!

Though our relationship was tumultuous at the time,
As she totally freaked on her daughter and this strange fascination she had for this German (at the time, I was not allowed to use my real name, nor nationality - Cold War paranoia!)
Her hatred of me  cost me a bride,
But she was up front with me - it was personal!
And I had no real choice in that society, in that day and age .....

She made a point of seeking me out many years later,
And totally embarrassing me no end in public,
To apologize,
During a church service!

She had just engineered her brother-in-law's death,
Then figured out what she had done to him,
And remembered me,
The other one she had sought dead.

In more ways than one!

God, that was horrible!

But, with that humiliation, we made peace,
Meeting often across the years.
When I was in her town,
Or later when she visiting her ailing daughter at the UW Medical Center.
She would come and visit with my adopted children,
The grandchildren she would never have by her oldest daughter.
And strangely my children bearing names she had picked out for her grandchildren,
When her daughter was born!

Too weird!

I have not seen Christina in many years now,
As I moved.
Her husband, was someone I looked up to!
He was 6'5" to my pre-crash 6'4.5"!, and he would rub it in!
He actually sought me out before his death several years ago,
To personally apologize for how wrong they had done me and their daughter.
Stunned me!
It takes a mighty big-sorry man to own up to that one!
And I felt his anguish ......
I have daughters too .....

So, a bit sad for Oona.
Both of her parents are gone now.
And her siblings living else where.
And her health is gone.
sigh .....
I do wish her well in life,
As I have for 45 years .....
Of quietly helping her,
When led to do so by the Spirit.
But, not enough to hunt her down!

shudder!!!!!!!

Of course, she had to appear in a dream last night,
Only the second time that has ever happened (I think!).
And like the last time,
I awoke screaming at 2 AM!
My youngest daughter came crashing down the stairs to see who had killed me!

Yeah, I think I have a few unresolved issues there .....

Musical Saturday Morning

A little replayed group, whose sound was very much like Duran Duran at the time.
But seemed to pattern themselves after OMD, of a few years earlier!
Enjoy!

In Passing

I am WAY behind in my reading!
I tell you, go and sort of die, and it is hard to catch up with ANY aspect of your new life!
So, as of last night, I am caught up with November 2018!
sigh

So, unknown to me at the time in November,
Dick Dale died!
Whom you say?

Dick Dale was the creator of the surf guitar sound of the early 1960's.
He was also documented as the fastest note picker ever on a guitar!
Hundreds of notes a minute!
Lord only knows how his tendons survived that one!

As a youth, I was quite mesmerized by his guitar prowess.
I even wanted to learn how to play the guitar.
Well, my high school sweetie was a musical anomaly,
So, it was logical.
But, Kris has NO musical ability!
(except I could sing quite well, but forget ever learning to read music!)

So, my Kay Concert sits in a box in my closet to this day .... 45 years later!
But back to Dick....

He suffered through numerous surgeries for colon cancer through the last 20 or so years.
And was quite outspoken on the subject.
I have no doubt that he lost his final bout ....

So, a blast from the past.
A little clip that shows not only his talent but his nature as well.
From Back To The Beach, a 1980's beach party satire ...
With Stevie Ray Vaughn, another dead guitarist of immense talent:

Reputation

Reputation ....
One of those words you do not think of,
When you are young.

On my mind has been a young lady,
Let us call her, Bobette.

Bobette is quite a pretty little thing.
Atheist family,
Brought up with NO knowledge of morals
Or God .....

So, did not quite make it out of high school until an older man left her with child.
Not learning a lesson from that one,
She quickly found comfort in another's arms,
And again deserted with another child.
There was no lesson in that one either it seems.
Now at 18, with two children, she crosses paths with one of "my boys".
Too bad his faith at the time was trumped by her sexuality .....

Now with third child on the way,
She decides to marry this one.
Make NO mistake,
This cost her, her family!

You see, see is completely the product of her environment.
No different thasn her mother,
No different than her grandmother,
No different than five generations of her female ancestors!

So, young man and laden young woman set upon making a life for themselves.
Oh those first few years were tough.
They both had a ton of luggage they needed to abandon,
MANY emotional traumas to overcome.
Mind you, it has not been easy on either of them!

But, with time, they developed a rhythm to life,
And it looked like they would succeed.
That is until Satan,
In the form of first baby daddy reappeared on the scene!@

No, she was no longer interested.
And when he figured this out,
Went on the warpath hoping to embarrass her back into bed - (are guys stupid or what!?!?)
And she had the honesty to admit this.

To put it bluntly,
This creep has done so much damage in their community that it has come down to:
Either they disappear,
Or he does!

Since he wants money to disappear,
More than likely to reappear every time his drug stash is low ....
Or, I have a baseball bat that says he does not get a dime!
And, yes, he will disappear ... permanently!

Luckily, relocating the family is far cheaper,
And ugly Kris need not re-appear!
(thank you Lord for sparing me this!)

So, now living many hundreds of miles away,
They are starting life over.
Reputations untarnished.
I am very excited for them.

As for Bobette,
She has learned a series of lessons she never should have had to!
I reallt feel for all of the players here,
For God will hold them accountable!
And yes, she has made her peace with her creator ......
:^)

As for husband,
It sickens him to finally understand exactly the world works;
When you are playing Satan's game,
By his rules,
In his kingdom!
And yes, a very changed man!
(may he stay so!)
:^)