Son

Son became a Christian in sixth grade.
And he changed from a hard heart into a young man with a very sensitive spirit.
I had high hopes for him.
But it was only a matter of months before Satan had snared him solid.
By the time I figured it out ... it was far to late.

So son's path through life has been rough to say the least!
He continues to struggle - fighting any suggestion that living life as a pagan is not okay with God!
But then, according to him: God does not exist!
So, as can be expected he got yet another correction to his path .....

A very upset Ivan (pronounced Yvonne) appeared at the door on Friday evening.
This is the third time he and girlfriend have broken up this year.
A week later they get back together.
Sigh ....
I told him to think real hard this time.

And it is hard for me.
He wants to talk.
But my mind is gone.

With Swede's help I recalled some for son.
But it only angered him.
And anger is his fuse.
I expect something really stupid by the end of the week.
Unless God intervenes.
I can only pray.

And memories swarmed my mind last night.
Of those I have loved - and lost.
And why.
But, thanks to the amnesia, I have no ability to know whom or reality from fiction.
Yet,  I remembered enough to relate to being with a psycho-hose beast ...
Sigh

I can only pray for son.
He listens to no one unfortunately.
So life must be done the hard way.
And it does not have to be this way ........

Musical Saturday Morning

Ambassador

I was changing channels.  On my little TV it was a simple matter.  But my son came over and said it was embarrassing to have his family with so small of a set ...  Now this monster four foot screen fills my TV room!  And changing channels or switching to watch a DVD is just painful!  So, I am trying to work through the channels and a creature fills the screen - as the audio starts I can hear it talking about the need to replace the late Bill Bright's, Four Spiritual Laws!

By creature, I should say this lady is quite old, was wearing a wig very similar to my grandmother's garage sale hunting wig, had a horrible face lift, requiring eye brows to be painted on - in the wrong place!, and the lip job put her into the realm of Jolie!  Eeeeeepah!, my grandmother on steroids! But this in no way detracts from the conversation - it just was an annoyance.

But it reminded me - I have lost so much to amnesia! - about our being ambassadors for the Kingdom of God.

Thanks to WWII and Cold War paranoia, I am a tri-national: German and Swiss by birth, American by US Department of State declaration.  Still had to go through the weirdest naturalization experience ever performed!

Now, I live in the USA, probably will die here.  I am still Swiss, German and US but I do not represent Switzerland, nor Germany, nor even America - to anyone!  I have even been told that I am a horrible German, Swiss and American - by t5hose whom are none of the above.  LOL!!!!!  Yeah, cultural mutt.

However, I am a Christian and like it or not, I do represent God at ALL times!  And I have even been known to fail embarrassingly-horribly-hauntingly! 

Occasionally, I do get it right.

Since the 2014 surgery I have sought to be a better ambassador of Jesus' love - numerous restarts with each and every surgery since.  And I have to admit to meeting numerous interesting people and oddly, even being a comfort to a few in their dwindling days ......

Remember, that as a Christian - like it or not. you are the only face of Jesus most anyone will ever possibly see.

God's Hammer

Last night I was up until one in the morning, youngest daughter has been keeping odd hours - I just assume the best ... all is above board and okay.  sigh
But it gave me plenty of time to think, especially as I listened to the news.

I think on the world situation ...
I think on the spiritual state of those areas of the world ...
I think on the history of these areas of the world ...
I think about the lives of the leaders of areas under stress ....
And I wonder ...

Think on the history of Israel or Judea or actually any country in decline in history.
Israel, Judea, all countries eventually turning their backs on God and His ways.
As the leader goes - so goes the people.
And then, seemingly for no reason, God moves.

Man in his now godless understanding is blind-sided.
In the days of old, lots of children would be slaughtered to idols.
No one thought of God.
Today, we explain away everything via natural processes.
Who needs God when you can conceive of a global-cooling-warming-"change"-whatever.
Man is great at not remembering his Creator.
Except for blame when things go awry!

So, as I listened and thought.

God seems to have a very long timeline when it comes to our disobedience and His patience.
And when he drops the hammer - the world reels!
Our uknowing minds are numbed by whatever tragedy has just transpired.
Even the world can be reeled by the sins of just a single nation or uncontrolled demonic leader.

And I ponder.
Where are we in prophesy?
Where is God's displeasure being demonstrated?
Can we make corrections?
Or are we just doomed?

sigh ..........

Bummed ...

Bummed ...
So very, very bummed ...

My buffer socks for the socket were filled with blood yesterday at lunch!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So off to Dr as the builder of the socket is gone for another week.
Dr complains that this not his specialty, but he still looked.
Yeah, a tear in March surgical wound!
And the start of an infection.
So, off of my leg for perhaps three weeks.

Today, I get to try and hunt down my surgeon.
At the least I still need antibiotics.
And God's healing to get off this scooter!

In Error

Well it is not often I completely get something completely, totally - wrong!

I got up Monday morning - washed and got ready for the day.
I was so excited.
Only hours to the total eclipse!
I really could not care less, but it is fun watching people.

I went to the cate whwere I had reserved the perfect seat.
Order breakfast and waited.
By 9:45 - I realized I had erred somewhere along the way .,,,.
Sigh.

Yup, I was off by an hour.
Everyone had a great laugh in the cafe.
We were so excited.
Then so let down humorously.

But number one daughter had joined me for the grand let down!
And laugh we did!
She ended up buying me lunch!
:)

So, a disappointing day
A joyous day
As I reconnected with my first daughter ,.,,.
:)

Pending Death

Thursday evening I had a call from my cousin Michael.
It could only mean one thing, something had gone awry with my lone surviving step-mother (I think!).
I am thinking she broke her hip ....
Not that she has terminal lung cancer!
Perhaps only a month or two left ....

My sister is leaving to be with her now.
Michael is already there at the assisted living center.
Cousin Becky is not free until September.
I can not leave until August 16th due to family and health issues.
sigh ..... perhaps she can last that long .... ?
Yeah, huge family I have!
Minus the Spencer clan, my mother's side, there is only 7 of us remaining that Gwen was family to.

Luckily, the home is run by a bunch of Mennonites.
So, I am praying, and I hope you will as well:
That her ears and heart be opened,
That one of those  Mennonite women will be moved to witness to her!

She was the best of all of the eight step-mothers.
And a darn sight more of a mother to me than my own was!
My sister and I really PO'ed father by refusing to throw her away, like he did!

So a very hard weekend.
My heart is quite broken that she has run by so many opportunities for forgiveness ...
But, as long as she draws a breath - there is hope!

Musical Saturday Morning

Truth As Per John

One of John's favorite words appears to be "truth"

1 John 1:6
Genuine fellowship with Christ requires walking in the light of truth.

1 John 1:8
Those who deny or excuse their sins can't walk in truth.

1 John 2:4
Those who claim to know Christ, but disobey His commands, have no truth in their souls.

1 John 2:7-11 and 1 John 3:18-19
Those who walk in truth prove it by loving others with actions, not simply with words.

1 John 2:20-21
Those who have God’s Spirit know the difference between truth and lies.

1 John 4:6
Those who refuse to listen to God's truth are deceived by a spirit of falsehood.

1 John 5:6
The Spirit of truth confirms Christ's testimony to us.

Truth is something we walk, talk, think, know, and share. 
Ask God to make "truth" one of your favorite words as well.

PC Woes

Such a week!

My computer ran fine on Sunday morning, that is when I wrote Mondays post ....

When I got back to my PC after lunch - Nothing!
Pulled trhe battery and cleaned the connectors.
Nothing.
Checked jmy power cord and transformer.
Nothing.
Took apart the surge proctor, checked the plugs.
Nothing.

Tuesday, I went to Best Buy but their teenage staff could not understand that a customer was in their midst and literally ignored me for three hours trying to get ANY service what so ever!
I walked out never to return.

Wednesday, I took errant PC to Batteries Plus for whatever they could replace.
They plugged it in and it booted right up ........ ????????
So, Back home I set it back up and Viola!, still booted right up!

I have no idea what is up with machine.  I am glad it is working.  Logic fails me however.

Tomorrow, who knows.  But I am dumping to stack of flash drives tonight!

Exterminate!

So, most of a week away from my computer.  Not intentionally, I expe3cted to use the wifi but the Ramada's servers were gunny-sacked!  Lots of early 20's running around playing with robots during the day and ..... ? at night.
The hotel was very restful, though I binged on American Picker!  Other than that the channel offerings were horrendous!
No wonder we are well on our way to creating a land of morons!

I had a single non-triggered memory!  But Swede told me I got it confused.  Well, I never claimed it was 100% !  He thinks two memories got tagged together.  Sigh ..,

Saw trhe two Peter Cushing Dr. Who Movies! I did not know that the Dalweks used to "Destroy!" all targets.   They got it right in 2051, "Exterminate!"  2051 was a far better movie, that is for sure.

Met some  nice/helpful people - which are a must when one is no longer whole.
Had one of the best prime ribs, I have EVER had, at a Mitzel's - whom would have thought?
Sorry Outback, you are now replaced ....

Many books read, many hours wasted on TV, but lots of time visiting places I rarely see in Renton.

Swede joined me on Friday and I thoroughly intrigued him t a metal detecting shop.  IU expected him to get bored quickly but two hours later I was kicking his butt out the door in order to not get caught in Friday afternoon rush hour!  It is not pretty around here after 2:00!

And the worst disapoinrment, my leg was no ready on Wednesday.  Seems the supplier of the silicon parts did not come through!  Well, maybe this week?  I really want to walk so badly .....

Musical Saturday Morning

I used to take occasional breaks from my computer studies and with Sister Becca taking them from her nursing studies, and we headed off to the filming of this.  Yeah well, not even a shot from the backside!  It was a pleasant waste of a weekend for two college students with nothing to do for three days .....  (No, there was never anything between us, we were and still are best of friends!)



Now back then we had some strong diametrically opposed forces and opinions. 
There was the US Government stealing the financial resources from the Indian Tribes, the Bureau of Indian Affairs trying to register all American Indians - and we were sure it was to force us out of American society - and finally those of us of Indian descent.  We all felt disenfranchised and about to be betrayed, yet again.  Were it not for the upheaval in the government at the time due to the lying tongue of Richard Nixon ..... who knows how out of control the BIA might have become ...?
Remember, I am 1/4th Umatilla (no matter what I look like) and Sister Becca is a Hupa Indian from California.  So we both shared a great concern at the time!

And on to the scene came this group with some recording success and an "in your face" attitude about their purported heritage - and we loved them for it!  :)

Fear Not

Exodus 14

Trouble Will Chase You
The Israelite's have reached a dead end:
Ahead of them is the Sea
Behind them the Egyptian army wanting to re-enslave them!

Moses cautions them to stay the course.

Faithfulness is not easy.
Trouble does not mean God is mad with you.

You Will Be Paralyzed
Most mighty army wants you.
You have no weapons - nor courage.
Has not learned to trust God.
Wanted deliverance, got freedom.
And now they are about to be captured!

God Will Guide You
Give Him the glory He deserves.
God is with us in the situation.
Now they have to decide .....

Verse 13:
Fear not
Stand firm
Watch God

Verse 22:
Go forth

Verse 31:
Believe God

Offer Withdrawn

When I became a Christian, one of the first things I did was call my avowed atheist father and tell him about Jesus.  His reaction was surprising ... he disowned me.  I had to go to the libr4ary find out what that meant!  And I was sad.  He had already been out of my life since age 9 - but I expected him to grow up one day.

He saw me many years later, to take out for a drink on my 21st birthday - he comment he would think about God, maybe while he was dying.  I just sighed, I did not need my Hutterite beliefs mocked.
When next we talked, it was on the drive from Fairbanks, Alaska back to the mainland USA - 10 days of hell with me trapped in the cab of a pickup with father singing Hitler's praises for 10 straight days!

Father never did turn to God, except to curse Him regularly.  And when death came - he had fallen into a coma on the toilet and two days later it was over.  There were no words to speak save for: "Father why?"

So many believe that the offer of forgiveness is individually eternal - as if unlike father, their brain will be functional to the very end.  That unlike father, they can forgive themselves for thr crimes against God's Law.

And I have long pondered why some mighty lousy people die early and others very late.  It can not be haphazard - but the design is beyond my ability to know.  Was there a point at which father went beyond what forgiveness could cover?  Pharaoh facing Moses?  Yet it did cover Saul/Paul ...  And what is there positive to say about David?  Yeah, bad men, good men, yet some were hardened, some were not.

Makes ya wonder sometimes.  But it seems obvious to me that God decides when enough is enough!  And then He either hardens them for His purposes then - or takes them out of the picture!

Such A Day

I tell you, this isa day I have wished to avoid for the past two weeks!
Everybody wants a piece of me today!
It is simply amazing at how you set aside a day for something - and then everything has to happen today!

So, I had to get Gaelic Girl off on her crafting week again at 4 AM!.
Youngest daughter off to house sitting.

My physical therapist wants to choke my stump to death.

The next house fumigation can only happen today!
And that means I will be relocating to the Kent Ramada.
It is far enough away from the airport that I can afford to stay there.
So, ants continue to die and I will not!
Cat has to be relocated to the vets.
Just that much has me already thinking in terms of exhaustion!

But, I get my trainer leg this afternoon!
Yup what I have strove towards for seven months has arrived!
So, big day.
A very painful day as I take those first steps!

Then back to the house to turn fans on and open windows for several days of airing out.

Back at the hotel, I am planning on icing my leg and crashing.
Maybe some reading.

Sigh.

Well, I best get with it, tons to do today!
No rest for the wicked, as they say!

My Kids

I did a post earlier this year about how we look at life incorrectly.
Because we see life and its immediate impact, we react and repeat - maybe we figure out we got it all wrong.
Life is not about us.
What goes on around us, is not about us either.
So what is?
Not much.

Our perfection of our relationship with our Creator is important.
Such a struggle!
Mostly because we face life corrupted by man's fall from grace and Satan's fall to Earth.
sigh
The more we foul up, the further we drag ourselves away from God.
Yeah, it is easy enough to try to turn around - if we are at all allowed the opportunity.
Remember, life gets in the way though.
And opportunities are not always available ...

Like everyone, I struggle.
I forget where I need to be.
I forget what happened yesterday.
I forget what I am supposed to be doing today ....

But all is made sharp when I am made aware of one of "my kids" fouling up!
Protective pseudo-papa reacts.
I want "my kids" to pass through life easily ......
I want them in the afterlife with me!

So on Monday, yeah I was made aware ...
It was all so unexpected.
It hit too close to home.
And then I had to be reminded of things I no longer know.
Then Satan struck.
And Kris went down in flames.
And the heart gave out yet again.
Then lots of needles ...
Bad day.
But I would not be deterred from prayer in their behalf.

No, there is no resolution for this person.
They learned to skate by in life.
They see no reason to change.
And God?
Well, he gets lip service, but he would NEVER hold them responsible.
(And when he does - he is the one at fault!  Not them!)

I do not know how they will be called back to God.
It is never pleasant, nor pain free.
I just hope when that day comes they remember to let me know.
If I can help, I will.
After all, they are one of my kids ...

Amnesia

For those whom know me personally and read my ramblings, I finally figured out a way to explain what amnesia is like:

Imagine that before your brain trauma you were normal.
You know someone named Bob.
They live on Bob Lane in Bobville.
You might even know everything there is to know about Bob.

And then "wake up".

You now have buckets.
One contains names:
Bob
Bob Lane
Bobville

One contains the contents of every conversation you have ever had.
Another bucket is all of your activities.

But each of the people, place and things are all equal in your mind - there is no way to tell one from another.

Conversations are worse because you have content but they are not attached to anyone, nor is the context known!

Same for activities, or everything you have ever seen!

So there are memories but the index into my mind is broken. 
Nothing is attached to anything else. 
Sigh.

And I know that even with a broken mind, I know all is not how it should be. 
But I have no way of knowing what it is! 
But I have no way of knowing what should be.

So frustrating.

For those whom interact with me - this is the best I can do to explain my strange new world ....

Musical Saturday Morning

This performance features the not often heard final verse and it seems even with explanation people just do not understand the song!  It is about someone whom is so busy gaining the world that they can not even enjoy it!  Forty-five years ago, I thought the lyrics odd - not so much any more.  People are completely misdirecting their attention today.  And I am just as guilty of having messed up on this one .....

Mold Making

My first leg was made in 2015, following the emergency amputation due to antibiotic resistant staff - thanks to St. Francis' leg and foot hospitals poor hygiene - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrerererrr!

That first leg did not do well.
My leg responded to the amputation by growing a bone perpendicular to the shin.
Very painful.
Numerous infections.
I was reduced to a quivering mass loate one night in ER as yet another staph was threatening to kill me.

So, with a bone revision I have spent 7 months recovering from, it was trime to try a new leg.

In the passed two years technology has changed in all aspects so far.
Making the mold is fair clean, non-plaster process.
The liners you need to wear with your leg are very different!  So no tearing is foreseen!
The liner is flat on the bottom now, so should work with the new leg contour.

In all, an easy experience and far better than last time!

Now come on Tuesday!
When the leg will be ready for a test drive .....

Seeing A Ffriend Fail

YAWN!  I was up to the wee hours with one of my old consulting customers.  YAWN!

She is the second smartest woman I have ever met, but in fully knowledge of her mind’s powers, she like so many in this culture, cannot reconcile herself with the idea that there is a Creator greater than she.  Sigh … so life becomes far harder than need be.  And like ALL brilliant people - completely unable to navigate a path through life.  Just no common sense.

I have mentioned her long ago in past posts - she is one of the Ted Bundy survivors from 40 years ago.

With the passing of her parents, I seem to have been bestowed with pseudo-father status in life to help her with her questions.  I try.  When her frustrations at life reached a boiling point- smart women do not do well in the dating arena, I introduced her to my PC support guy.  He, also sharp, also frustrated.  They married shortly thereafter.

Now, seven years later, he has begun showing some form of personality disorder - I am not up on this exploding field of mental illness.  I was quite surprised at how he has changed!  Make no mistake he is suffering from some form of mental illness, but having known him well for decades before - yeah, he is undoubtedly addicted or was to something and like so many - has damaged his mind badly!

Really too bad.  I remember having the same conversation with my brother Nick, just before his “disappearance”.  I never questioned that what ever happened to him - drugs were behind it.  And like Kirk, the devil is in the payment for playing in “its” realm.  I am just real sorry that my old customer has more to suffer through now.  Sigh …

For her, she is kicking herself for having listened to him.  She saw the warning signs but chose to ignore them.  I suspect she will divorce him - his issues today could fill many volumes of posts!  And no one in her family has ever divorced!  Now in her fifties, rich enough for several lifetimes, I have no doubt she can replace him - save for the issues I opened with ….

Mold

Well I will have no luxury of posting Wednesday.

I start the day early in physical therapy, where my resiudual leg will be tightly bound following one of those weird lymph massages,

A short break for tamales.

Then off to have the stump cast in fiberglass, cut free and resulting mold of the leg!

Yes, I am now weeks away from having the new socket for my leg!

And then  we start all over again learning to walk.

:)

Happy Fourth!

History

History is important to know - locally, nationally and worldwide!

This weekend my little town is sponsoring a hike on "The Old Indian Trail".  Lots of people are interested in preserving this historic artifact.  Starting on Three Tree Point, the trail climbs 300 vertically and covers one mile before reaching the lake I live by.  I can't imagine why someone from Seattle would catch a steamboat, disembark at Three Tree Point, hike trail to reach a lake surrounded by  tree stumps.  Yeah, they logged this area flat in the 1890's!  The only problem with this tale - is that there never was a "historic indian trail" ....  But never let a good 1910's advertising gimmick to sell house lots - get in the way of historic fact.

Now we did used to have a fur trading fort really close to where I live, it was long abandoned by the time this area was "discovered" by European explorers in the 1790's.  Of course the structure was burned to make room for housing lots, to be sold off to Seattle picnickers, visiting the newly created mystery Indian trail ...

And the town is building a historical museum.  They chose to use the old 1930's theater building.  Of course Seattle is one place which actually - actively hates anything old, so they can't just use the historic building ... nope, gotta tear it down and put up an ugly steel frame POC example of modern architecture!  But our intrepid leaders have a pain their rump - me.  I lost the building battle but did get them to concede to keep the facade.  So they tore down the building, left the front free standing - with NO supports.  Of course it came crashing down that night, no doubt with more than a little help.

So locally, no appreciation for history or anything historic!  Unfortunately this is  the trend of this culture - lip service to politically correct view of our past.  Anything unknown or not understood, well it just does not exit.

Can you think of something nationally?  Worldwide?

I just had a conversation last night with some people on the rise of the Muslim Brotherhood.  It has only been a few years and already history is distancing Obama and Clinton from their guilt in what has happened in Northern Africa and in relationship to these murderers.  Much less our renting the British SAS for some Syrian nastiness.  It was all in the news, if you were willing to read what you did not wish to know ...

So who cares?  It is not like you can change the past.

But you can fight loss of history locally.
You can know that if the news lied to you yesterday, they will do it again today and tomorrowyou can .
Same goes for politicians.
You can start to vote intelligently, not emotionally nor single issue!

And even in the realm of religion ...
If you do not KNOW your Bible, expect to be mislead.
If your religious leaders do not know God, expect to be mislead.
If find flaw in your religious leader, expect to be mislead.
And if your church does not check references - well - DUH!

And your eternal security is far more important than any building, trail or political demands.

But you have got to understand history and to learn to question - everything ....

Musical Saturday Morning