Wow!

I finally was able to get an entire nights sleep!
That is a first in many, many, months!
The usual is 3 hours a night, in perhaps hour increments!
So pleasant to feel refreshed for a change.

I have been meaning to tell you about some interesting thungs.
But, with no brain,
It is darn hard to remember to tell anyone!

So, late one night I got to thinking about the wrongs done me.
Oh, make no mistake, there is a long list!
And at the same time, one of those had been instrumental in making me think.
Of course, with amnesia, it is darn hard to know what real facts are.
But I do have my writings to try and judge by.

And so I spent a day praying down the list.
Forgiving, letting go,
Of everything.

Then I hit Radic.
And it was hard to forgive a mass murderer.
He killed the only other male in my family.
If I ever trembled on the edge of hatred - it would be towards this creature!
It took me many hours to work through the issues.
As bound up in releasing my hatred for this fallen man,
Was my complicity in eliminating his sniper squads.
sigh
Yet, I do not believe it is wrong to execute murderers.
But, there is that darn Hutterite teaching ingrained in me:
The taking of human life is wrong.

Even though I have never killed anyone,
That I know of,
I did assist and equip those whom did kill the 189 Yugoslavian snipers.
So, now I feel some guilt over their deaths.
But I was able to pray through this.
Releasing Radic from my list.
And I honestly do hope for his finding Jesus' forgiveness!

Guess I have hanged a bit!
Or grown.

And I was able to continue down my list.
The only hiccup was a sister whom used me to her own ends,
Utterly trashing me in the process.
Me, I could not care less about.
What could have broken so badly in her, to have done this?
Of course, I know from my writings, it took Dutchman to explain this.
And I marvel at his perception,
And her brokenness I never had detected.
sigh

I still have no response to this situation.
Oh, yeah, I have prayed all through this one.
I just have never been so blindsided,
By someone so trusted,
To be used.
And for evil ends at that!

Well, in the end, it is all in God's hands.
I understand this life is not an end unto itself.
Something so many Christians truly need to understand as well.
Then life can be lived far differently!

And I forgave the faceless people whom conspired against me in the trashing of Kris.
They were used just as I was .....
Rather depressing to think on this.

But, liberating.