I started and ended with Thoughts From The Little Apple, there really was no reason to read elsewhere - one single post said it all. And it sobered me up rather brutally as I remembered that spring 1.5 years ago - things were horrible, the future had the possibility of happiness, I was not exactly comfortable with either.
I clicked on the video for Fade Away and as the scratchy voice in the speakers sang his song, I read May 9th, 2014's post - the only one I needed to read (link above). How things have changed.
My communication guy got a little to personal and I had to fire him. But, his observations were none the less on target and proven over the year's end: I actually had no friends - ever it seemed.
I was just a convenience when no other distraction was around - and too dumb to know it.
God continued his remodeling of me and took me through what is probably the last of the changes needed for Kris to become human. He taught me about sin and pride more in-depth, He told me of more betrayals than I could handle, He showed me how stupid I was even in my brilliance and understanding - I actually knew nothing. It was a broken man whom left 2014. Yeah, human in form, undeveloped in most areas but devastated by the changes. And no one to turn to for help, save for God - but sometimes you just need someone that is flesh and blood to talk to or even hold on to for that matter.
I was indeed a cosmic comic joke to all.
And the verbage surrounding the May 10th posting, was so highly accurate - outright prophetic. Sigh ... It was truly the basis of fading away the old blog and my life.
The rest of 2014 did not exactly go as planned or expected either, how could it? God had destined to break me - and He did - through a betrayal I still struggle with. If ... there is no way to describe being so completely caught off guard!
Consider what God has to say about those whom betray us:
Psalms 140:2
Who devise evil things in their hearts; They continually stir up wars.
3 They sharpen their tongues as a serpent; Poison of a viper is under their lips. Selah.
4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; Preserve me from violent men Who have purposed to trip up my feet.…
"Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit." "The poison of vipers is on their lips."
James 3:8
but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Psalm 10:7
His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue.
Psalm 58:4
Their venom is like the venom of a snake, like that of a cobra that has stopped its ears,
Yeah, I came into 2015 rather deflated as well as defeated. But, as we know, the worse was still ahead of me. By October, I was broken mentally, spiritually, physically - and what existed of my new emotions were trashed as well. And, whether a blessing or not, the complete loss of almost all prior memories to October 17th - now at month 3 and not remembering a darn thing! Oh I have been picking up random pieces, just enough to feel pain at things I stumble across - alas no knowledge of anything! Including my old profession.
So, I leave the year knowing I am now brain damaged to some unknown extent - though the brain seems to still work well enough, I think. Heck, what do I know? Not darn much past 10/17 ... sigh.
And as if in a last minute, God granted me the recovery of what is important to me (no not my mind!) and gave me a peace which has been long gone. You have no idea how grateful I am for this!
And as for 2016 ... where will it take me? What is to come? I have no idea but I still am in full anticipation of being back on the path to ruin by 2017 .... Sigh ... snakes! But, if my heart can last, I will come through this the better man in the end ... :)
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