Past Shadows

I have struggled mightily since April ( the last wiping my brain ) trying to reconcile who I am, when compared to previous writings as to whom I was.  I mean, I am dumber than a stump now and that is not whom I was!

So, going backwards is impossible
Finding a starting point to go forward from, also impossible.
What to do?
Why pray of course!

For months.

Then this weekend, attending a lecture on lasers, I suddenly had understanding.
Apparently I worked with Masers and Phasers in what would have  been 6th grade were I not in University in Germany,
Moved on to Lasers in 8th grade (working at Oak Ridge),
Which led to my interest in the mysteries of electron acceleration!
Which led to my arrest at the 9th grade science fair!
It seems some innovations are not appreciated and wholly claimed by the government!

And I remembered,
I marveled at the understanding of my mind at such things.
You have no idea the relief at actually understanding anything at long last!

And I pondered, if I had a brain, where did it go?

High School in America was a complete waste of time for me.
I learned far more in Germany, doing college studies.
Lasers were an escape for me in Junior High..
I did read but could not write in English and as a third language, spoke it about that well!
My third high school was in Colorado, where I was condemned to life as an idiot.
But, I had access to a CDC-6200 computer, no manuals, but hundreds of hours free to figure it out.

When I bombed out of my physical for the Coast Guard, lost my scholarship to the Scripts Institute, fled from the US Army bullies in town - and found a college for computers!

The four years of college took me 25 months, and I loved most every minute of it.
But I now had divided loyalties.
My computer studies and my dedication to Christianity.

Ah, divided loyalties ....
For a few decades I could excel at both.
Eventually you begin to slip, juggling to keep too many balls in the air.

And now I could understand the gift God had given me.
Yes it had cost me a leg, to get me to drop those balls.
But, my mid was in a rut,
even my classes I taught were mundane!

God has given me a rest, and yes I desperately needed it.
Limited me from over doing anything again,
Sufficient income to support me and my new car.
And now shown me my brain can still work
I can sill understand given time.

Apparently I still need rest
but hgere is a future and I wonder what it contains .....

Something techie and interesting?