Bad Day

Friday was just a plain bad day.

I woke up due to a dream I was having wherein I had a computer monitor which displayed all of the computers in my domain I was responsible for.  My monitor would warn me when one of them was about to go down or had suddenly crashed.  My job then was to go and fix the computer, if it had not crashed, or rescue it if it did crash.  It was then I realized that the computers were all people and the warning light on my monitor was one of my friends in trouble and I really did not want them to go down hard!

Prayer, lots of prayer, but a very troubled spirit.

So, I hopped on Blogger to reread some of my old posts.  Utterly bummed me out because I remember all too well the details behind some of those less than detailed postings.

So, I hopped from the Apple over to my story blog of my father's life.  And I tell you, I went straight into depression big time!

I so desperately needed someone ... I was one of those computers about to crash I fear.  And I did.  Nose dive straight into self pity and anger ... I do not do well with anger, it is Satan's major access route into me.

Once I had calmed downed, I wrote what is tomorrow's post on prayer.  It helped.  But, I have been badly damaged internally from this - three nitros in 24 hours and my heart is still not stable.  No doubt I will end up in the hospital at some point this week if this episode does not stop - for now I fear that stress is winning.

And if stress wins, then my foot and leg reconstruction surgery will be pushed back even further than June.  Sigh, there is just no winning when you are me.