The Attacks Continue

If I was an observer, I would be buying popcorn right now!  I mean really, it is getting to be quite a show around me!

Satan has upped the ante and hit me on four different fronts from late Sunday night through Monday morning.  Each of them has been quite devastating in their ability to target weakness and hit hard - which is how I know this is Satan.  God does not need to work this way and no single human (or even a group) could so randomly hit at virtually the same time and so pointedly.  Luckily, I have been on pretty good footing in my walk with God, a few stumbles along the way but over all, pretty good.

A motivational speaker I heard back in the 1970's was talking about how you can deal with problems at work, if your family life is solid.  Conversely, you can take a family hit, if your career is solid.  But, an attack on both, simultaneously and you are going to go down.  Just that simple.  I thought that was interesting ...

For weeks now there have been annoying problems constantly, but of no real consequence, at least to me.
And the jabs started hitting closer to home last week.  I am holding my breath, but not biting on the lure.
I can see Satan is behind this, it wants me to become angry - because then I will be quite un-Godly in my reactions.
Not to say, those reactions are not warranted, but the basis is what matters to God, my motivation.

Then on Wednesday, it got personal.
I have a dread, a very real, very big dread, sorry no hints, it is something God has to handle.
And the Whisperer started nibbling my ear about that dread, but I stood as best I can, for it is very real.
Then came the death of an old acquaintance.  That one hurt.
The heel of my broken foot and broken ankle, decided it needed to break now as well.
Then came violent illness, yes, I need to die, I have no will left to live - this has gone on too long!
But wait!  We have not attacked what Kris does for any sense of self value!

Monday morning took care of that one!  With the best of intentions, I was trashed from top to bottom, inside and out, no piece of me was left unattacked.  I did my best to make the meeting productive, but it kept swinging back to "it is all about Kris and how horrible you are!".  It was one of those amazing moments when you realize that God is using a situation, just the same way that Satan is using this man trashing me.  And yes, he is a very Godly man, so amazing to see how he was being used so unknowingly.  Again no hints here, where my self value lay hidden is beyond almost all's reach .. except for this one man whom runs the business I am trying to help.  Yeah, his business is in trouble and though based on Scripture, I am not sure it is faith in God they cling to.

Just the trashing is enough for everyone I have ever known to throw it back into his face.  I am not his problem, the problem is far more basic but I am the short timer and short timers have always gotten the short stick in the end.  Compound this with all else that has gone on and yeah, I know people whom cracked.  I am not saying here, Kris is great in any regard, it is just that my faith is in God and His ability to lead me through all of these challenges ... if I can be faithful and find strength I no longer possess.  Sigh.

Back home, to think and brood - well no time for that as the dog had diarrhea and three rooms of the house now need cleaned, by a man on crutches, whom can not exactly bend over ......  ENOUGH! It is over, I am so finished, I have nothing left to attack!

And now this is at the point I need prayer: my race is run, I have nothing left in me, all I have is faith in God and one person.  I am fairly certain that person is about to get whacked next and I have been praying for their protection for the past month.  Whatever the basis of this attack, it is unrelenting and I expect worse to come.  Yeah, later everyone will feel stupid and I will just be more broken than I currently am.  Strong in my faith, sucking wind in all other regards.

... sigh ...

As a late Monday update, it seems my dread is perhaps more realistic than imagined.  I am sure it is all my fault, or it is not me at all, or whatever.  In any event, I am powerless to change events already in play, I only hope this goes as God would desire ...  (God's Determinative vs Permissive Will problem here)

Three years ago that highway stretched before me and I was willing to walk it to the end, to the doom I knew awaited there.  Now, I can not even walk, the highway is still there, as is the doom.  Today, I would gladly take that step, if I could, but now out of sense of hopelessness and crushing defeat.