Stresses and Tears

I commented on Monday that it was a bad weekend.
And it was.

Many things went completely wrong, with more than a few surprises along the way.
And oldest daughter had a birthday.

But it all fell apart on Friday.  My only living step-mother, of eight!, has reached the point where she has to go into assisted living.  She is no longer home.

For the past five years one of her nieces has been caring for her, with breaks provided by her brother in Texas and a sister in California.  The tag team has worked well until now.  Personally, I wish she would move here, for I love her dearly - she was the best of all of the women father married.

But, her niece, caring for her, has two daughters of her own.  One lives in San Antonio in caregiver's snowbird condo and the other in caregiver's home in Illinois.  And the grandchildren burned down the house last week!  And the insurance company says twice is too many times in two years.  And so my pseudo-cousin must go and sort this out in person (made be crack some skulls while she is at it?) - it could take months!  And her siblings are not free to travel at the moment to take her place to continue to care for stepmother!  Sigh ...

Luckily, Denver is currently a sellers market, so mean, cruel, ex-stepmother should get a good price!  A rest home has opened up down in Westcliffe (southern central Colorado), where she has lived most of her life - so that part is good.

But, cousin can not be there for a few weeks and so it falls upon me.

I had planned a Denver visit and wanted to see MCSM! - but - Westcliffe?!?!?!?!?  Well, it seems that is what it will be.  Fly to Denver, drive five hours to six hours to Westcliffe, if traffic is low.  Visit with stepmother for a few days and then do it all in reverse.  By then her nephew will be there.  (and I need to avoid him, he is like his father - an "intellectual", schooled beyond his ability.  just think cheese and cheese grater, that is him and me)  Sigh ...

I will ask for your prayers when it comes up because at 7,888 feet, my lungs may not do so well.  Sigh ... :(  I am seeing stars already!

So, greatly saddened on Friday - seeing my own frailty and my own hopelessness in context.  Sigh.  A birthday lunch with oldest daughter and her children - made me long for the joy that does not exist in my own life.  And the weekend went downhill from there ...

And what I have feared the most, someone I rely on - our friendship went sour.  Nothing I can say, nothing I can anything - because they refuse to speak with me and will only yell at me in text messages - without ever allowing that there might be nothing wrong I have done!  ....  I would rather have died than have this person turn on me.  Last night, I was told the friendship is over - they simply will not be there for me in any regard, but "hey, say hi once in awhile".  And again, I did nothing wrong other than be completely naive perhaps.

Then Saturday, in tears, I turned to someone whom has been very helpful through the years for advice.  Yup, you got it - silence.  Continued silence.  As of last night, I give up on everything and everybody.

Never look for compassion if your name is Kris, it seems.

And people wonder why I am a bit twitchy this week ... sigh ...

I surrender life, I just give up.