In the way of explanation, Friday's post had some - uh - feedback. I really had not expected any, so was surprised.
But, in the background of my blogging life is real life, which has not gone well for 14 years now. But, I struggle forward, get knocked backwards, get up and try to rebuild all over again. Sigh ...
I have no doubt my detractors feel everything that happens is by way of God smacking me around ... sorry, you are wrong and need to change your theological references if you believe so.
So, I struggle in a vacuum. Darn stinking hard, let me tell you!
Yes, I have prayed for death, often. To be with God is far superior to this "existence". Yeah, I am at my end, have been for quite a while and yet, life slides further downhill.
And, I think of Job and I realize that his lot was far worse - he had no place to lay his head other than a garbage dump. Mine only looks that way! LOL
Last week, I really did not believe this life could go so much further sideways, and it did.
Apparently, I get to struggle through lymphoma yet again. I remember the last time all but killed me. I even had a desire to live back then. Not so much now ....
But it will be God's will not mine to determine the outcome ... as always.
And really, all I really want is the end to all of this drama and peace ...
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