Wunschmädchen, that Germanic mythical perfect woman for you.
She is perfection in motion.
Whom loves you freely and openly, without reservation.
And kisses your boo-boos to make them better.....
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Friday, when I posted the music video for Saturday, little did I know it would trigger something!
Talk about a restless sleep!
The Wunschmädchen returned with a vengeance!
I have mentioned the dream and dream like state many times, because this is so unlike me.
And here it is!
Replayed in my damaged mind several thousands of times now ....
Maybe it might make a book?
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I am by a river.
There are many large rocks, by and in the river.
I stand between two of the rocks on the bank.
All I can hear is the roar of water.
For some reason, I can not go forward nor backward.
The rocks are slick and there are no hand holds.
I am stuck.
Suddenly, a woman appears from above my line of sight.
And lends me her hand to help me retreat from my predicament.
I gladly accept and she escorts me back to a large rock where we sit and dry out.
And we talk.
For hours.
Seems we have much in common.
And she is complimentary to me.
No names, no judgements.
Uplifting conversations.
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In real life:
I realize this could be allegorical.
Women have never treated me nicely.
I am just the nerd to be abused.
My history with females is abysmal!
I used to have a niece whom commented - that with my history, she is surprised I not gay!
In contrast here is one whom treats me special.
As the dream continues,
I drop all of my walls.
To a painful point of being completely open and transparent.
In love ... as if my first and only love.
The wrap-up of the dream is her becoming like every other woman I have ever known.
Lies upon lies to cover the problem I am not supposed to see or know.
Disjointed accusations, which make no sense, and hatred is poured over me.
And I truly do not know why.
I am caught unaware and clueless.
Then she just vanishes.
No conclusion.
She just stops interacting or communicating.
And I am abandoned once again.
Yeah too close to real life.
But those dreams, at the beginning, are all that carried me through seven surgeries.
I was valuable to someone ... if only in a dream.
The termination of the dream is unfortunate.
I like happy dreams.
But, it was only a dream - etched upon my memory now after thousands of forced viewings.
It is so weird!
As with any encounter with a Wunschmädchen, a small part of you wishes it was real.
I am sure a psychologist would have a hay day with this one.
But she is no one I know since the memory loss.
And I doubt she is real.
I would never have let her go ......
Yeah, the eternal romantic.
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