One of my co-workers of many years in ministry is in great need of prayer.
She has had one physical catastrophe after another for most of the years I have known her.
One of them was her left arm going gangrenous out of the clear blue! And she saw specialist after specialist, finally ending with scheduling the removal of the arm! I was horrified.
She had come to Sunday School class and told me this and it weighed heavily upon me during the class. At the end I asked her to share with them what had happened. Then I asked those that wanted to, to gather around her, lay hands on her and pray for her healing. Mind you, this is not usual Kris fare in his class - but I KNEW this was what had to be done.
The next day she had her pre-surgery meeting with the surgeon: and she showed him her now pink, no longer grey black arm! She could wiggle her fingers and move her joints! He was blown away!
And now she faces a third bout with cancer. She wants to do what is required, short of any form of surgery.
So, Monday, Tuesday and today she has been in the hospital for testing. I have a feeling her sweat is going to glow in the dark for a while!
But, she needs peace, God's peace to reassure her all is well - one way or the other ...
Might be nice to remember her husband in prayer as well.
He faces his own physical challenges, but hers keep being diagnosed as fatal!
Thank you.
November 30, 2016
November 29, 2016
Full Circle
It was not a pleasant weekend.
A visitor I expected, apparently saw no need to follow up on seeing me.
I am greatly distressed - I had set up the week with plenty of free time to meet with their schedule.
Just one more attack on my already below zero sense of value.
But, as life around me passes by, I know I am just yesterday's news, being me sucks ...
A conclusion I came to earlier this year is that I trust far too easily and believe in people, when there is no basis for trust or belief to exist apparently.
Nicely re-enforced.
Sigh ...
I have been praying a great deal that God would please do something, anything!, with me! I am starved for even an easy task to perform.
A last assignment would be perfect, then He can snuff this existence out.
But, in the meanwhile, something of value I can do is greatly desired.
And God on Saturday showed me that He has not been distant, silent or inactive on my request ...
One of "my girls" from a little over a decade ago got in touch with me.
She was a fragile flower as a teenage girl - oh the tears she soaked my sweaters and tee-shirts with! Yeah, a hard life, a very hard life ... Then she just disappeared.
But, I never stopped praying for her! And I when told my old co-worker and contact for all things female in the youth group, she instantly told me that she never stopped praying for that young lady either! In fact just that morning she had been thinking of her.
All of these years later, this young lady pops back up, reminding me of my youth ministry (which I have no memory of!) and I have not been able to have a part in for three years now due to my health. I do not feel sad or empty, I was elated that someone had remembered me kindly and contacted me when I was feeling rather down!
And again: There are no coincidences in life.
And this triggered a flood of memories - convoluted, random, incomplete ones. More garbage to play with in my mind I thought.
Then a few hours later, a someone whom left my life long ago popped up. Now this was truly random, no reason to contact me and then I remembered - there are no coincidences.
Friday, the old friend sent a note which laid out what was on their mind ...
I was horrified, I wanted to throw up, I hated to know how someone I knew, much less cared about, had been broken so many decades ago - so badly. And had never said a word ...
And it all made sense. Back in 2013, maybe 2014, I went through the trauma of decoding myself. I saw me as God saw me, I understood me as God understood me and Brother Timothy was standing by to dial 911. He really did not expect me to survive, but I did, no matter how terrible it was.
To face damage done to me as a child, which no adult would believe, which no adult would comfort. And that created a hardness in me that even I could not crack. But, God works quietly and slowly to bring you where He wants you.
Because the modern paganism we live under in this culture is not Christianity, it is not the way to God - it is the road away from God. And I want God in my life, on my side, using me.
And I now I understand He had to break me, in order to use me more.
This weekend I can see in full circle. Where 52 years of fouling up brought me. Where 44 years as a Christian have grown me in knowledge and desire. Why all of my knowledge had to be stripped away from me:
I know what this person must do to approach God!
(sorry American believers, salvation and life are not as easy as your theology wants you to blindly believe!)
But, this time I am at the disadvantage.
If I am to help, which apparently I must, this has the potential to be my last assignment. This is not quick, easy, nor without significant stress and it forces me to deal with things in my past forgotten long ago and not dealt with either.
Though I know I have mentioned it in passing a few years ago here.
And this young lady popping up, was a clue apparently into what the lost friend has gone through. I was able to have empathy/sympathy for her, so apparently I must with the lost one as well.
But this is all fodder for later in 2017, I still have to survive surgery on January 18th ...
And perhaps nothing will come of this or perhaps everything well .....
A visitor I expected, apparently saw no need to follow up on seeing me.
I am greatly distressed - I had set up the week with plenty of free time to meet with their schedule.
Just one more attack on my already below zero sense of value.
But, as life around me passes by, I know I am just yesterday's news, being me sucks ...
A conclusion I came to earlier this year is that I trust far too easily and believe in people, when there is no basis for trust or belief to exist apparently.
Nicely re-enforced.
Sigh ...
I have been praying a great deal that God would please do something, anything!, with me! I am starved for even an easy task to perform.
A last assignment would be perfect, then He can snuff this existence out.
But, in the meanwhile, something of value I can do is greatly desired.
And God on Saturday showed me that He has not been distant, silent or inactive on my request ...
One of "my girls" from a little over a decade ago got in touch with me.
She was a fragile flower as a teenage girl - oh the tears she soaked my sweaters and tee-shirts with! Yeah, a hard life, a very hard life ... Then she just disappeared.
But, I never stopped praying for her! And I when told my old co-worker and contact for all things female in the youth group, she instantly told me that she never stopped praying for that young lady either! In fact just that morning she had been thinking of her.
All of these years later, this young lady pops back up, reminding me of my youth ministry (which I have no memory of!) and I have not been able to have a part in for three years now due to my health. I do not feel sad or empty, I was elated that someone had remembered me kindly and contacted me when I was feeling rather down!
And again: There are no coincidences in life.
And this triggered a flood of memories - convoluted, random, incomplete ones. More garbage to play with in my mind I thought.
Then a few hours later, a someone whom left my life long ago popped up. Now this was truly random, no reason to contact me and then I remembered - there are no coincidences.
Friday, the old friend sent a note which laid out what was on their mind ...
I was horrified, I wanted to throw up, I hated to know how someone I knew, much less cared about, had been broken so many decades ago - so badly. And had never said a word ...
And it all made sense. Back in 2013, maybe 2014, I went through the trauma of decoding myself. I saw me as God saw me, I understood me as God understood me and Brother Timothy was standing by to dial 911. He really did not expect me to survive, but I did, no matter how terrible it was.
To face damage done to me as a child, which no adult would believe, which no adult would comfort. And that created a hardness in me that even I could not crack. But, God works quietly and slowly to bring you where He wants you.
Because the modern paganism we live under in this culture is not Christianity, it is not the way to God - it is the road away from God. And I want God in my life, on my side, using me.
And I now I understand He had to break me, in order to use me more.
This weekend I can see in full circle. Where 52 years of fouling up brought me. Where 44 years as a Christian have grown me in knowledge and desire. Why all of my knowledge had to be stripped away from me:
I know what this person must do to approach God!
(sorry American believers, salvation and life are not as easy as your theology wants you to blindly believe!)
But, this time I am at the disadvantage.
If I am to help, which apparently I must, this has the potential to be my last assignment. This is not quick, easy, nor without significant stress and it forces me to deal with things in my past forgotten long ago and not dealt with either.
Though I know I have mentioned it in passing a few years ago here.
And this young lady popping up, was a clue apparently into what the lost friend has gone through. I was able to have empathy/sympathy for her, so apparently I must with the lost one as well.
But this is all fodder for later in 2017, I still have to survive surgery on January 18th ...
And perhaps nothing will come of this or perhaps everything well .....
November 28, 2016
Surprise!
In spite of having brain damage - not being able to really KNOW past nor present, much less the meaning of what people tell me. Everyone talks from a viewpoint of there being past history, so what is said, no matter how terse or convoluted, is understood by all. Well, not if one of you has no past to recall or an incomplete one.
One of my goals I set for myself was to get out of debt. I would like to claim brain damage but ... I made some poor financial choices years ago. Car breaks down on a trip, whip out the Master Card. Repeat without end it seems on that trip! Then back home use the card to buy a nice used car that fit the kids.
In December 2009 I had taken David Ramsay's financial peace course and decided that I would dedicate myself to clearing out that debt! Back then, I made enough to liquidate it all in 90 days - might have to eat beans, but I like legumes! (and no, I do not really recommend this course. it has some sound principals but as long as you do not trust God for your daily needs - it is just fine showing you how to rely on yourself, not God ... )
My father died and I had to live in Denver for a month $$$$$.
Plus settle father's estate and debts $$$$$!
And my job went south while I was in Denver.
And no one would even interview someone over 45!
So, I went to college to get a new degree for a new job.
And I was crippled in an auto accident.
And I never recovered, eventually losing my leg last October as a result.
And I was able to barely maintain the original debt level across the years!
In 2014 I had had enough with life and laid out what it would take for me to change my life.
To leave the hatred behind
To rediscover life
To live life with love
Not surrounded by hate.
Number one on that list was get out of debt.
In theory it was possible.
In reality cars break down, people will not pay back what they owe you, etc ... sigh.
Last week, the dam broke and I got most of my money back from the deadbeats.
So, I sit here now, waiting for checks to clear, more than a little stunned.
It is enough to entirely erase my debt!
So, by the end of the year - wow, it will finally happen!
And I so want to go shopping!
I need a Jeep, or a Toyota truck, or a new rifle, or invest in rental property .....
LOL
Will my life change now?
Sadly, the road to the future I envisioned no longer exists.
I had to step back, struggle with this handicap and just accept what is.
I thought God was leading me before, I am still sure of that, but choices made were not mine to make.
So, I accidentally accomplished a goal.
I erased all of the other goals.
No plans.
No desires.
Open to all opportunities God presents.
I am sort of hoping they do not include any people ...
I officially have resigned from the human race.
I want to be a
raccoon when I grow up ...
One of my goals I set for myself was to get out of debt. I would like to claim brain damage but ... I made some poor financial choices years ago. Car breaks down on a trip, whip out the Master Card. Repeat without end it seems on that trip! Then back home use the card to buy a nice used car that fit the kids.
In December 2009 I had taken David Ramsay's financial peace course and decided that I would dedicate myself to clearing out that debt! Back then, I made enough to liquidate it all in 90 days - might have to eat beans, but I like legumes! (and no, I do not really recommend this course. it has some sound principals but as long as you do not trust God for your daily needs - it is just fine showing you how to rely on yourself, not God ... )
My father died and I had to live in Denver for a month $$$$$.
Plus settle father's estate and debts $$$$$!
And my job went south while I was in Denver.
And no one would even interview someone over 45!
So, I went to college to get a new degree for a new job.
And I was crippled in an auto accident.
And I never recovered, eventually losing my leg last October as a result.
And I was able to barely maintain the original debt level across the years!
In 2014 I had had enough with life and laid out what it would take for me to change my life.
To leave the hatred behind
To rediscover life
To live life with love
Not surrounded by hate.
Number one on that list was get out of debt.
In theory it was possible.
In reality cars break down, people will not pay back what they owe you, etc ... sigh.
Last week, the dam broke and I got most of my money back from the deadbeats.
So, I sit here now, waiting for checks to clear, more than a little stunned.
It is enough to entirely erase my debt!
So, by the end of the year - wow, it will finally happen!
And I so want to go shopping!
I need a Jeep, or a Toyota truck, or a new rifle, or invest in rental property .....
LOL
Will my life change now?
Sadly, the road to the future I envisioned no longer exists.
I had to step back, struggle with this handicap and just accept what is.
I thought God was leading me before, I am still sure of that, but choices made were not mine to make.
So, I accidentally accomplished a goal.
I erased all of the other goals.
No plans.
No desires.
Open to all opportunities God presents.
I am sort of hoping they do not include any people ...
I officially have resigned from the human race.
I want to be a
raccoon when I grow up ...
November 26, 2016
November 25, 2016
Testimony Without Fear
The Apostle Paul has now journeyed to Athens, the thought and cultural capital of the western world.
Let Your Heart Break
Over what breaks God's heart.
Athens was a city of about 10,000 people.
But, it is estimated that the town housed roughly 30,000 idols!
Paul was stunned:
These people sought God, but they could not find Him!
Be Aware of Diversity
Athens was split between two thoughts on life:
Humanists - dedicated to duty and social responsibility
Hedonists - whom sought pleasure and happiness in all things
There is no absolute truth in the Greek culture!
Connect
Listen
Share
Discuss
Teach them, not insult them nor their culture
You can not argue anyone into heaven!
Take what is similar and build upon this to show them truth.
Speak The Truth
Be bold
Let God lead
Answer their questions!
Paul's entire message might have been two minutes, at the most!
No long sermon.
No books to read.
No extended studies.
Short, sweet and concise.
Call For Change
Repentance
Admit you/they are wrong.
Remember there are consequences for past actions.
Human agreements do not go away.
Law, judgement and punish do not go away.
God's requirement for justice might not go away.
You past, your actions all have consequences, some are eternal.
Only in this pagan culture is it believed that what you want to happen must happen.
What you want to disappear must disappear.
Because you will it .....
But that is not the real world.
Expect Different Responses
In Athens they loved to talk about new ideas.
But, Paul's message was nonsense to them.
A resurrection?
And yet some believed, the leader of the Mars Hill group did.
A woman - barely a person in their culture, believed.
Some scoffed.
Some mocked them.
Of course most would not believe what went against their culture.
Really not much different than today.
Let Your Heart Break
Over what breaks God's heart.
Athens was a city of about 10,000 people.
But, it is estimated that the town housed roughly 30,000 idols!
Paul was stunned:
These people sought God, but they could not find Him!
Be Aware of Diversity
Athens was split between two thoughts on life:
Humanists - dedicated to duty and social responsibility
Hedonists - whom sought pleasure and happiness in all things
There is no absolute truth in the Greek culture!
Connect
Listen
Share
Discuss
Teach them, not insult them nor their culture
You can not argue anyone into heaven!
Take what is similar and build upon this to show them truth.
Speak The Truth
Be bold
Let God lead
Answer their questions!
Paul's entire message might have been two minutes, at the most!
No long sermon.
No books to read.
No extended studies.
Short, sweet and concise.
Call For Change
Repentance
Admit you/they are wrong.
Remember there are consequences for past actions.
Human agreements do not go away.
Law, judgement and punish do not go away.
God's requirement for justice might not go away.
You past, your actions all have consequences, some are eternal.
Only in this pagan culture is it believed that what you want to happen must happen.
What you want to disappear must disappear.
Because you will it .....
But that is not the real world.
Expect Different Responses
In Athens they loved to talk about new ideas.
But, Paul's message was nonsense to them.
A resurrection?
And yet some believed, the leader of the Mars Hill group did.
A woman - barely a person in their culture, believed.
Some scoffed.
Some mocked them.
Of course most would not believe what went against their culture.
Really not much different than today.
November 24, 2016
Thanksgiving
How can it already be Thanksgiving!?!?!?!?
I am barely ready for August!
My how time flies when you get old!
LOL
Eldest daughter is hosting the family this year. Sort of nice not having to do the dinner. But, then she might be remembering last year when I could do so little. So far, all of the kids minus Sasha will be there. I had offered to bring my mother but she decided that with all of the food in her house, she does not need to go out to eat!
Yeah, the concept of family and thanksgiving means nothing to her.
Another proof that I am adopted ...
For me, I have the fact that I am alive to be thankful for.
Oh mind you, if I had known what 2015 and 2016 where going to be like, I would chosen death. Even if life is precious, and valuable, loss of a limb and the utter abandonment and rejection I got to observe - is too high a price to pay for life.
But, then I am in recovery facing another surgery.
And the betrayals are the worse.
Then again, God has seen fit for me to live, seen fit for me to watch my friends, special friends and loved ones slip away. And with the loss of my mining partner this year - Death would be so much easier. And I am to be thankful to Him because He is in charge of my life and I just get to be along for the ride as it appears to careen out of control.
Who knows where this all ends?
Not me!
I know how I would like to see things go/end, but other wills are involved and when there are multiple wills, they rarely will ever be in accord.
Sigh...
Drooling old man ready to report to park bench ... now where did I put those bread crumbs?
And yet, God was gracious this week.
One of my old helpers from Sunday School days had lunch with me - it was good.
Facebook managed to loose another 31 of my friends, they apparently do not miss me yet.
And I give up on Facebook, a junior high mentality, which sickens my soul.
But, one of "my kids" from many years ago popped up and we ended up talking for hours!
It was so refreshing to see how prayers are answered - when you can not see and know nothing!
Probably the greatest thing to happen has been this week - when I was finally able to pay off ALL of my loans and credit cards. A goal for years. But, that goal was part of a great goal -which now is in shambles. But, hey, I will take what God gives me .... NO MORE DEBT! I am sure I will write more on this later!
I am barely ready for August!
My how time flies when you get old!
LOL
Eldest daughter is hosting the family this year. Sort of nice not having to do the dinner. But, then she might be remembering last year when I could do so little. So far, all of the kids minus Sasha will be there. I had offered to bring my mother but she decided that with all of the food in her house, she does not need to go out to eat!
Yeah, the concept of family and thanksgiving means nothing to her.
Another proof that I am adopted ...
For me, I have the fact that I am alive to be thankful for.
Oh mind you, if I had known what 2015 and 2016 where going to be like, I would chosen death. Even if life is precious, and valuable, loss of a limb and the utter abandonment and rejection I got to observe - is too high a price to pay for life.
But, then I am in recovery facing another surgery.
And the betrayals are the worse.
Then again, God has seen fit for me to live, seen fit for me to watch my friends, special friends and loved ones slip away. And with the loss of my mining partner this year - Death would be so much easier. And I am to be thankful to Him because He is in charge of my life and I just get to be along for the ride as it appears to careen out of control.
Who knows where this all ends?
Not me!
I know how I would like to see things go/end, but other wills are involved and when there are multiple wills, they rarely will ever be in accord.
Sigh...
Drooling old man ready to report to park bench ... now where did I put those bread crumbs?
And yet, God was gracious this week.
One of my old helpers from Sunday School days had lunch with me - it was good.
Facebook managed to loose another 31 of my friends, they apparently do not miss me yet.
And I give up on Facebook, a junior high mentality, which sickens my soul.
But, one of "my kids" from many years ago popped up and we ended up talking for hours!
It was so refreshing to see how prayers are answered - when you can not see and know nothing!
Probably the greatest thing to happen has been this week - when I was finally able to pay off ALL of my loans and credit cards. A goal for years. But, that goal was part of a great goal -which now is in shambles. But, hey, I will take what God gives me .... NO MORE DEBT! I am sure I will write more on this later!
November 23, 2016
Off Shooting
So, not much to write this morning, I am off shooting.
Last week, my son called up and suggested that we go shooting. Sure surprised me!
He had bought himself an antique Tula Arsenal rifle used in World War II. His grandmother was a decorated fighter from the battle of Leningrad, Stalin himself pinning her with the Order of Lenin at the breaking of the siege. So it will go with all of her medals and WWII Soviet battle flag I found for him.
But, he wants to shoot it! Well, I am intrigued ...
As for me, I have not shoot anything at least since 2009 and perhaps even earlier. The last time I know I went shooting was a bet some guys had that I could not shoot off a gummi bear's head at 100 meters. Oh I did!, and then we learned that the gelatin in gummi bears makes a great explosive! Whom would have thought of this?!?!?!? Blew a massive hole through the plywood I was using to stick the bears on.
I really want to shoot .22's or maybe my .35 Remington level gun I bought in 2012, but of course son wants me to find my 5.57x58 custom Mauser. LOL Like I would ever show him how to use it! I would more than likely sell it before I would put a true sniper rifle in his hands. I strongly desire he never put himself in a situation where the taking of life is even a remote possibility! And he is not "old" enough to know the value of human life - yet ... One day I pray he will.
And, I guess he will be bringing his girlfriend along. This should be interesting ... she does not strike me as the shooting type. Move of the chihuahua in the purse type ... LOL
Last week, my son called up and suggested that we go shooting. Sure surprised me!
He had bought himself an antique Tula Arsenal rifle used in World War II. His grandmother was a decorated fighter from the battle of Leningrad, Stalin himself pinning her with the Order of Lenin at the breaking of the siege. So it will go with all of her medals and WWII Soviet battle flag I found for him.
But, he wants to shoot it! Well, I am intrigued ...
As for me, I have not shoot anything at least since 2009 and perhaps even earlier. The last time I know I went shooting was a bet some guys had that I could not shoot off a gummi bear's head at 100 meters. Oh I did!, and then we learned that the gelatin in gummi bears makes a great explosive! Whom would have thought of this?!?!?!? Blew a massive hole through the plywood I was using to stick the bears on.
I really want to shoot .22's or maybe my .35 Remington level gun I bought in 2012, but of course son wants me to find my 5.57x58 custom Mauser. LOL Like I would ever show him how to use it! I would more than likely sell it before I would put a true sniper rifle in his hands. I strongly desire he never put himself in a situation where the taking of life is even a remote possibility! And he is not "old" enough to know the value of human life - yet ... One day I pray he will.
And, I guess he will be bringing his girlfriend along. This should be interesting ... she does not strike me as the shooting type. Move of the chihuahua in the purse type ... LOL
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