Next Step

So, through a rather rough struggle:

• prayer
• meditation on His word
• balancing desire versus His desire
• settling back on faith alone
• yielding

I wonder if I should mention the outright temper tantrum I threw?  Oh yeah, it was a hissy-fit of great portions.  In may in fact be the very first time I ever did have a temper tantrum!  I do not want more surgery, I want this one to have worked!  I want ... I want ... I want ... I want ...  And so the tantrum went.  Yeah, I felt pretty stupid once I got a handle on this emotion.  What I want really does not in any way change reality.

I came to the understanding that no matter how much I personally object to it, I have to take the next step in the healing of my right ankle and foot. I have to YIELD to what appears to be God's desire and SUBMIT to this surgery and associated recovery period of being an invalid.  To know that ALL of my plans for the rest of this year are now cancelled.  And all my heart longs for would now take a miracle to transpire ...

And it is against my nature to be COMPELLED to do what I have no wish to do.

I have not had to face something this hard since my days of working behind the Iron Curtain.

The date is set, May 15th, with surgery to begin at 9:30 AM.  Your prayers are greatly desired.

As for me, I am just sick on the inside.

I am not sure if this is fear but it is an emotion I really do not enjoy.