God's Calling

I wish I had a nickel for every new Christian whom has plied me with, "What am I supposed to be doing?" / "Why doesn't God call me?"

Of course, the answer is always unacceptable:

• Know God's Word!  Means you have to read the Bible.
• Understand God's Word!  Means you have to have fellowship and study with grounded leaders.
• Perform God's Word!  Means you have to be active in helping and leading others in the faith.

1 Samuel 3:1-10

Don't Miss The Call

Samuel was really lucky!  He had God/representation of God standing at the foot of his bed, calling his name!  Never heard of such a thing in the lives of anyone I have ever known!

But, I know of those whom had dreams, over and over and over again, until they were driven insane by them - calling them to do the unthinkable - step out in faith and do a specific task.

Or comments from others, something in their heart, hearing of a need and there is that "pull".  Lots of things to be used in your life to pull you out of your daily grind and onto God's path.

Not hearing anything?  Go back to the three instructions above, no matter how unacceptable you find them, they are your required starting point ...

Answer!

Yes, God is calling! 

He is actively calling!

But, few hear.

Not sure that God is saying?

Ask Him in prayer for confirmation.

Please do not ask for signs and wonders!

Please do not expect to be called to witness to Hollywood stars or be a missionary to Aspen.

Expect to be called to Sunday School, Youth Ministry, canvasing your neighborhood.  These are the places where God needs ground troops (you).  Not France, not Australia or other fun places - but where you work and live is where God needs you!

Because NO one else is going to.

And that is exactly why God needs you to serve there.
And if you can not serve in your community, in your church - guess where else God can not use you ...

God's Promise

If you seek Him, you will find Him.

If you join in fellowship, He will be there.

If you ask Him, He will answer.

If you serve Him, you will be blessed.

Of course, we do not serve to be blessed, for then we would be serving ourselves.

Our blessings come in another form, another life, another time, and honor God alone.

A Calming Cup of Tea

I can think of nothing more calming than a cup of tea, even on a hot day.  I have been a tea drinker for 50 years now and it has always been so - a time to relax and just enjoy a fine cup of tea.  My family is composed of all coffee drinkers, and there is Kris with his tea bags in tow!

The only reason I have only drunk tea for 50 years is that my mother would not let me have a cup of tea until I was ten and a half!  I was the problem child I guess.  I can even remember that first cup of tea - warm, rich, calming as it slid down my throat.  It was Red Rose brand, and well, it was on a Canadian military base after-all, what else could it be?  Even though I have dozens of types and blends, there is always a box of Red Rose in the pantry.

It used to be laughingly said that I would marry which ever the female was whom would bring me a hot cup of tea - some would argue with cookies, as well.  But, no danger there, I can total that female count up to only three across my lifetime!  Shame, I really do relax with a cup of tea and enjoy life so much more!

Ah!  I am sounding like a drug addict here!

It is Sunday night as I type this, it has been a hard weekend, physical woes and death have permeated my last two weeks.  I am wound up, I am stressed, actually I do not feel very well either - the IV drugs leave me rather woozy.  And I have NO reserves left, when I wear out - which is quickly, there is nothing left for me to draw upon.  I am just a grease spot left on the floor.

I stumbled to the kitchen and selected a fine English tea from my stash of teas, this time I grabbed a Yorkshire Gold blend.  Two minutes in the microwave and I had a warm, calming, restful, tummy settling cup of tea.  My cell phone is buzzing, text messages are piling up and I do not care.  I now have a cup of tea .....

It is amazing to me how stress can just melt away.  My body can be falling apart but for just a few minutes my pain is eased.  The world can be collapsing all around me but for a moment in time, everyone's angst has no affect.  I can just escape, awash in the golden-rose of a good tea.

Maybe I am an addict ...

A Weekend Not To Remember

Another wonderful weekend (said with sarcasm!).

So, last weekend, I got to deal with an out of control bi-polar mother, grieving bi-polar uncle and assorted bi-polar cousins all wishing to discuss the death of my eldest bi-polar uncle of the American bi-polar family.

This weekend brought the news of the death of my favorite aunt on the American side and a cousin - whom was only 43 years old!  I will grieve the loss of Jeane for a long time I fear, she was a woman, a Godly woman whom I will miss greatly.  Her words were filled with wisdom and grace.  She was one of the rarest of God's creations: a gentle-woman.  There are so very few Christians in my family, that her absence will be magnified.  Her health was not very good, 50 years of cigarettes at high altitude in Colorado had ruined her lungs.  I am sure her many children, none of whom I am close to, other than by name, will miss her greatly.  As for the cousin, Tony, rumor has it that his job was working him long hours and he may of died from the stress of just keeping his job.  Sigh ..... His death is thought to be a heart attack - which has all of the male cousins mighty upset .... are they next?  Tony was actually one of the youngest!

Went out to a new Cuban restaurant with Swede, a few miles from here, Saturday night, I really enjoyed it!  It was perhaps unfortunate that my digestive track would not allow me to drive home!  I barely made it into a Goodwill and to their toilets.  What on Earth could have been in that food?  Perhaps something wrong with the cooking oil?  Such a shame, for 20 minutes I had been thinking of having a new favorite place to eat!  The next several hours proved ample argument why not to!  As for Swede, it seems to have hit him harder.

And Friday brought the wonderful news that all of the pin and screws holes in my right foot have finally closed up!  Thank you God!  It means I can lose one of the daily nurses getting in my way, though their efforts are appreciated, they are mostly annoying.  But it is great to think that I can wash my foot in the near future - just as soon as this catheter gets pulled out of my armpit!  I did try to do a sits bath but too much splashing water and I have to be paranoid of any additional infection source!  Sigh.  Dry off and look longingly at the bath and wish to slide under the warm waters ...

Tripped Up

When I was laying out this week's ideas to blog about, Monday came rather naturally, and then I was clueless for the rest of the week's posts.  Of course life interceded and so Tuesday was taken care of and then I had some silliness for Wednesday.  But, I had no peace.

I read through my ideas for Monday a dozen times and, well, it said exactly what I wanted it to.  Perhaps slightly obscure but I felt it was "right".  And then I realized that maybe Tuesday's post needed to be something personal.  I know you think I say too much that is personal, but in reality if all you knew about me was what is in these blogs, you would not know me at all.  I do keep my personal struggles and private items - out of the news.  I needed to talk about leaven in our lives, my life and how I fouled up some time back ...

There are few I trust.  If you pass the trust barrier, you will never be questioned as to motives or not trusted with everything I have.  It is very black and white.  So Dutchman and reader Kelly both long ago proved their trustworthiness - there is literally nothing I would not do to help them, as they helped me and/or kept a trust.  In other words, I am in debt to them for their help proved true and Godly.  Conversely, Swede, dear brother that he is - betrayed that trust long ago.  I did not throw him away, I just have to always remember his limitations were self serving.  And there are others, whom never even come close to being trusted yet are a part of my circle.

So, what do you do when your trust is betrayed?  Someone whom became a part of your life, was family, and they turn on you.  Talk about being blindsided, I never saw it coming, I rarely do when we are talking about those I trust, I never question them or their motives.  Apparently, as I have learned, I have to be more actively analytical with my trusted friends!

In any event, I was blindsided, yet again.  I never saw it coming, even to this day it leaves me in unsure territory, I have no clue what happened or why.  But, I do know that something inside of me "snapped".  Suddenly, I was faced with having to question everything - a lifetime of everythings!  What was right, what was wrong, what did I do?  And I had no answers, only more questions.

Satan stubbed my toe and I tripped on that one.  I was angry with God - I had been blindsided after-all.  I was angry with them - for they had set out purposefully to harm me.  I was angry at me - for I had trusted them in the first place.  And unrepentant anger always leads to sin ...

What does this have to do with the leaven of yesterday's post?  Because the leaven in this mix was my pride and arrogance at trusting others and never questioning.  I trusted.  In my black and white world that was sufficient.  Pride had blinded me to any warning God could possibly have given me. 

It was a short hop off of a well worn path I was on and into the chasm of sin.  I was stunned, only seconds ago I was where I should be, doing what I should be - and in less than a blink of an eye .... yeah, well we all fall short of our expectations - right?

That is how I know you can recover, you can regain your correct path, you can continue in God's mercy.  For me, it took six months of intensive effort to restore myself.  No, I am the lessor man today.  I was damaged with a wound that may never heal.  I walk slower now on that well worn path.  I question, perhaps even when it is not necessary - for I no longer have the arrogance to believe I am automatically right or in the right.  And I have lost my ability to trust as I had in the past.  Perhaps I can trust in this moment, but tomorrow - there are no guarantees it seems.

And, years tick by.  No resolution possible - it takes two to resolve an issue.  My only solace lay at the feet of Jesus.  He knows my heart before, during and after - as He does their's.  Without pride, I believe I might have been blind but not in sin that I am aware of - even in years of reflection.  I can not know their heart.  Somewhere, in-between us, lay reconciliation.  And that, I do still hope for.  I actively mourn the loss of friends.

Leaven is the poison in our lives, always there, always lurking, always waiting to trip us up at the least expected moment and lead us into sin.

Avoiding Leaven

If there was one thing I had to wonder about in the Old Testament, it is the prohibition against leaven bread.  You know, light fluffy white bread, Wonder Bread.  What on Earth could the problem with Wonder Bread be?  It is supposed to be good for you!  In the New Testament, leaven is equated to all things worse with the world ....

In case you do not know leaven is nothing more than bacteria, it falls from the skies, is carried on the winds, it comes with the apple pollen - the old way to leaven bread.  I grew up with unleavened bread, it was normal.  In spring and when the apples and cherries bloomed, all manner of bowls could be found on tables and chairs underneath those trees - leavening the bread dough for wonderful breads and rolls!  Something to live for, that is for sure!

But somehow this is bad.

Mark 8:14-17

Grace
Jesus warns against signs and "leaven" of the religious leaders. 
Leaven is being equated with evil.
Leaven would then be legalism and worldliness.

Consider Ecclesiastes 12:10, "words of truth" ...
And Romans 14, protect the faith of the young and weak from vain arguments.

Lesson to be learned is that rules, regulations, the nonsense of religion are to be avoided.  It will turn you from your desired purpose and path!

Big Picture
Matthew 23:23
What is not leaven and therefore good: justice, mercy and faithfulness - and lest we forget - obedience in faith.

Consider also Luke 10:27 and Micah 6:8, within the context of this discussion!

"Love your neighbor as yourself", applied outside of 'christianity's' New Age Pagan understanding.
"To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

The Correct Path
Points to the Kingdom of God, not man.
Must keep our eyes on the correct path and not be deviated from His direction.
Focus our eyes on Jesus .... NOT man's rules and regulations.

It is so terribly easy to get waylaid on our journey in Jesus - we blink and find ourselves knocked sides.  Make no mistake, get knocked sideways - then get back up, wipe yourself off, repent and continue the journey.  It is just that easy, oh yeah, it might take you years to get that first trembling foot back on the path - but it will be there, Jesus will still be there and with the help of the Holy Spirit - you are going to make it!  You might need a very trusted friend in the faith as well, if you are so lucky.

One last verse, Philippians 2:12 I will toss out for you to consider in this entire discussion ...

Musical Saturday Morning

I was laying in bed, dying from the heat and the fever combined when suddenly my mind slipped back to my bedroom in Quessy Centre in northeastern France.  Radio Caroline was blaring away as I was working on my homework and this song popped up.  I had to smile ...

I was just starting to question the world which surrounded me, to observe all and most importantly to think.  I may have hated my years in France, but at the same time was a gift of time which allowed my mind to develop to what it is even to this day.  This was one of the early protest songs - I would hate to think what that song would sound like if it had been written contemporary with our times!

From 1965 and a one hit wonder for the Seeds ...

Salome

I have never had much interest in John the Baptizer, much less his life, story or death.  The mysteries of Jesus and His words have always intrigued me far more.

According to Mark 6:21-29, a daughter of Herodias, danced before Herod and her mother Herodias at the occasion of his birthday, and in doing so gave her mother the opportunity to obtain the head of John the Baptizer.  Even though the New Testament accounts do not mention a name for the girl, this daughter of Herodias is often identified with Salome.  According to Mark's gospel Herodias bore a grudge against John for stating that Herod's marriage to her was unlawful; she encouraged her daughter to demand that John be executed.

In 1953, Columbia Pictures came out with its epic tale of Salome.  It is an intriguing film as well as one of the worse movies I have ever seen!  First, you have Rita Hayworth as the BLONDE bombshell semi-Jewish girl.  Add Stewart Granger as a Roman captain trapped between a new Roman Governor, a self serving Herod, the not so great, his friendship with John and his lust for Salome!  Whew!  Luckily, Granger is an able actor, even when faced with playing a mind numbing fictional roll.  Now let us move on with completely incorrect costuming, incorrect roles, incorrect responsibilities and you have a train-wreck of a movie.

But what I liked about the film is that the director was able to weave the politics of Herod's Court, that of the new Roman Governor, Jewish religious expectations and a simmering zealot subplot.  It was done well.  One almost had to feel sorry for Herod II, but hey, he was a creep.

No there is no history here to be learned, it is a work of fiction.
There is no superb drama or acting, the actors were like drunken fools being fish slapped.
All there is, is a chance to see how weighty the politics of the era were.

For detractors:
Salome did exist and lived in Herod's Court.
John the Baptizer's head was lobbed off and his headless body has been excavated from the floor of his school.
Salome is also the name of someone whom was a follower of Jesus ... hmmmmm.
Herod II, Herodias, Philip, Festus and Pilot are all historically accurate.

So, a shame they went for fiction ...

Thank You

Thank you for your many prayers, they really have been effective.

If you could see the differences from day to day, as I do with my foot and ankle, then you would understand the work that God is doing - albeit slowly, but in His timeframe not mine.

Just in the past 24 hours the foot has gone from a bleeding swollen mess to today where the wounds appear to have almost totally closed up - no blood today when it was unpacked!  Yesterday, the swelling was easily up by 20%, today back down.  Yesterday significant blood pooling again under the skin - today just a light bruising.

Weird!

Even the nurse Wednesday commented that this foot is behaving very oddly!  I just smiled and thought of you and your friends or church you have had praying for me as well.  Many, no idea whom (I do have those I ask to pray) but combined, God is acting and healing my poor leg and foot.

To put this in context, the original schedule was surgery in April, physical therapy in June at the earliest.  Then with the breaking of the ankle (AGAIN!), that was changed to another surgery in May, out of titanium brace in July, then physical therapy in September.  But, the titanium brace broke in early June, which caused an infection that has all but killed me in July.

Yet, the foot continues to heal it seems.  So, in two weeks I will be put in another specialized brace, four months ahead of schedule!

God is working on me and my leg ...

But, thank you for your faithfulness in prayer - more, many more months of prayer is needed to get me off my scooter and walking again (or better yet in the woods again!).

Thank you.

Catch Up

I have been mighty busy with this blood poisoning problem over the past several weeks - so I post when I feel healthy else, it gets skinny. 

IVs every couple of hours, muscles so stiff they can barely bend.  Not to forget the swollen lymph nodes - all over my body - since this is systemic, sigh.  And to really add to the fun is having problems getting to the various doctors, often my ride does not show up, so then you walk and like today, it took 45 minutes for me to walk only four blocks!  Mighty sore muscularly, not to mention that I have to walk on my right heel only - spare the foot at all cost!

But, my various doctors are all positive as to my being able to recover and keep the foot now, time is ticking, perhaps 8 more weeks to get passed all of these complications.

Next step is to begin the fight against the bone infection, but that is about two weeks from now - just a huge red pill once a day - uncommonly simple given what recent history has been like for me!

And I get to walk, gently, slowly, carefully - but then that is all I can do in any event.

So, sorry this is a skinny post, but I honestly have nothing left - mentally, emotionally, physically ...  Kris is on empty and the reserve tank is dry.
No, I am not depressed, my mind is still realistic and perfectly fine.
Everything is as if in slow motion to me.
Sigh ...

Moonlight

Back in 2007 a weird little show was on TV called, Moonlight.  Since I do not watch TV, I never heard of it but a friend of mine has the short series on DVD.  So, in April, when I had my original surgery, they loaned it to me to fill my idle hours.

The show was about a vampire, turned private detective in the greater Los Angles basin.  His foil is an internet reporter, whom keeps following cases he is involved in as well.  He does not do well keeping a secret and she seems compelled to form a relationship with him.

Some of the episodes were great, others not so much.  I am not a fan of vampire stories - they are just non-sense and fantasy.  So although, I might play a great Dracula for Halloween, you have to remember Vlad, the original Dracula is a forefather after-all, so I know his story is greatly exaggerated and highly inaccurate ...

The series was killed due to the Screenwriters Union strike.  Sad, because they could have done well for a few seasons if they had kept good writers!

So, I was at Half Price Books with Swede on Wednesday evening and there was a copy of Moonlight on the shelves!  I snatched it up.  This weekend I will be enjoying it again!  I hope ... be terrible to find I no longer liked it.

Conflicted, In Passing

Every family has a black sheep, I have long been accused of being the one of my mother's family ... only problem is: I am not even close to being the black sheep of the Spencer Clan of the 20th century ...

My mother has an elder brother, someone I only knew as a child, someone I only knew as a victim of his violent rages and drunkenness.  Even at my young age, I pitied his children, for he was the most miserable man I have ever encountered in my lifetime.  The only thing I can really say positive is that he moved to Alaska leaving the family in his dust for the next 50 years.  Out of sight, out of mind ...

But, even in his absence, his damage to the family was so great that he constantly came up in conversation.  Always evil - never nice discussions or funny stories.  Brutal, unwavering evil.  There was nothing else which could be said of him.  For my part, I observed and experienced him many times as a child.  My grandfather would take me over to see him - however, by the time him and grandfather were smashed - so were my cousins, but from his fists - not alcohol.

I may never forget the image burned in my mind of him beating my cousin Dean because he had gotten the pox and was miserable.  Last time I ever saw uncle Raymond was at grandfather's funeral.  He showed up drunk, demanding his share of the estate because he was out of beer money and wanted tools to pawn!  Well, that one turned ugly fast and the front yard became a battlefield.  He got hauled off, certainly not his first, nor last time!

And yet, when I became a Christian, how am I to respond to the existence of this vile man?  Of course, forgiveness is called for.  But, forgiveness with the knowledge that I should never, ever, see that man ever again!  I can forgive what he did to me and those I cared about, but not be dumb enough to ever trust him as family ever.

As the years passed and the internet matured, I thought I would try and find him.  Grandmother was aching for her first borne, so I went in search of him.  Nothing anywhere under his name, except in the FBI files on his arrests for bank robbery.  So, I sat back and thought ... with a little trial and error, I was able to find six aliases he had used through the years.  One of them though seemed to be one to have stuck - at the point at which he had become a CHRISTIAN! - through attending Salvation Army Bible studies in Anchorage, Alaska ...

Can a tiger change his stripes?
Can a leopard his spots?
No.
But, God can redirect the path a man is on.

Raymond had become a Christian, and I knew from the various Alaskan police reports and news articles, not much had changed externally in his life - except that he had chosen to invest in some troubled kids lives, for decades!

And so the conflict of my human nature ...  Raymond, whom I had hoped to never cross paths ever again with - is now in Heaven, he has come to his rest, he and I will have to resolve some issues it seems when I get my chance to come to my rest.

And yet, my own failures are none the less than Raymond's in God's eyes - and that hurts, that such great evil is the same as me before God ... and I never did anything even close to his scorecard.

Musical Saturday Morning

PICC

Have you ever heard of a PICC line?  I sure never had, but since I was going to be on IV medications for 10 weeks, I "needed" one.

They sent an orderly to fetch me 30 minutes early, which did not please me!  I need time to adjust to some of these ideas!  Then it turned out that the radiologist, whom would set the device, would be over an hour late.  Oh just great!  Just what I need, more time to imagine the worse!

But, that might have been a mercy from God.  I got to spend time talking with the surgical staff, inspecting a PICC line, learning about how they are installed, etc.  Yeah, it appeared to be survivable.

So, plenty of prep time.  I was already stretched out on the table swapping jokes with the staff when the radiologist appeared, snip-snip and it was over!

If you are interested, a PICC line is a thin tube which runs through an artery from under my right arm to my heart.  An IV attachment on the outside of the body is what goodies are fed through and it does seem to work!  It is irritating but better than losing a foot ...

Surprise!

Imagine my surprise last Thursday!  My day was planned, Swede was on his way down for a visit, I was gently puttering around getting ready ... and I sat down to have a morning cup of tea.  As I sat there I smelled something odd, something that triggered a faint memory ...

I worked Rocky Mountain Rescue for many years, so seen it all, done it all (except deliver a baby on a mountainside!) and that was where that memory came from: gangrene.

Now yes, I have a foot in a cast, but it had just been cleaned so what on Earth could be going on?!?!?  I removed the cast, opened up all of the gauze packing and it was not pretty but it was not a piece of rotting meat either .....  So I started poking gently around the pin holes and screw holes from the appliance the leg had been in.  A black viscous goo started oozing out.  Oh #$%!@, goodbye foot!

Swede arrives, I have my foot repacked and we head to the emergency room at the surgical hospital which had done all of the work on the foot.  And thus ends my life for a week!

Hospitalized, in an alarmed bed so I can not escape (an earlier post from April I think I told about pulling my IV and walking out, I was having so many problems with the NAZI nursing staff!) and they dumped 28 doses of antibiotics in the first 24 hours!  And in a week of this intensive dumping drugs through me, my foot has almost returned to normal in size and appearance!  Never thought that would happen!  But, also, the staph infection which had taken hold in my foot was throughout my body ... sigh ...  So 10 more weeks of IV antibiotics.

Yup, God keeps pointing me to the end of September before any possibility of my life returning to normal could happen.   Sigh ...

And I am less and less impressed with Him not being done with me yet ...  Life can be mighty challenging when faced with 110% negative and little hope it will change, ever.

So lots of prayer needed - still trying to keep my leg, trying to kill the staph infection raging throughout my body - and then - there is all of the regular stuff.  Man, my life is a mess!

Musical Saturday Morning

The Reunion

So, how did the reunion go?  Well ...

I think this is the first time they have all been together since 1978, so the first few days were a novelty and they did pretty well.  But, when you have a room full of Irishmen, whom know it all - and you don't, well it is is going to get to be tedious rather quickly.  Add one more day and fist fights would have broken out!

They all banded together and went off doing tourist stuff around Washington State:

• Ride the ferries
• See Deception Pass
• Visit some WWI gun emplacements in the San Juan Islands
• Pike Place Market
• A few museums
• Ride the Ducks!
• And lots of meals out :)

The opinion expressing, narcissim and ego got so bad that by Sunday, this exchange occurred:
K: minding own business
Aus: Kris, you're an idiot.
K: Uhm, because I believe in primary research, not vetted opinion?
Aus: Clears throat and hacks it at me, You have bought into the conspiracy of lies.
Ore Boy:  What do you think the lies are?
K: Have you ever talked with a metallurgist or done any primary research on this?
Aus:  I don't need to, I am a scientist at the top of my field! (loads of sarcasm)
K:  Then all you have done is listen to other people's opinions, whom did no research either!

... and Ore Boy and Aus were off at it, for the next half hour!  Stupid people hold no interest for me.

Today, Monday, the entire batch of them are in Oregon.  They wanted me to come ... but you know, I would rather be hungry, hopping around the homestead than put up with much more of this Irish foolishness.

It does amaze me how narcissism works ... to flatter yourself into believing that you are the sharpest knife in box ... and well you are not even close.  Make no mistake, Aus, is brilliant - just not in reality.  And with four of the sharpest knives in the box, all together at once - I kept my fingers out of the drawer!  LOL!

I opened my eMail this morning and there was this piece from Dutchman roaring over some slight, because some town council is not listening to him and he is trying to rally the local Mensa types to back him up.  I just quietly clicked delete ... no more, please, no more .....

I vote no more of these people ever again in my life ....
Life is too short to waste on the foolishness of conceit.

A Sad Day Remembered

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the execution of my cousin Bernard and the only other male in the line.  Sniff - Sniff - Sniff ...

Twenty years later and the UN still can not condemn the Serb actions that day.
Twenty years later and The Hague still can not condemn Slobodan Milosevic for crimes against humanity.

As I have often offered - I am more than willing to end this blight on the face of humanity's lifeline.  Just give me opportunity ... :(  I would even do the mass murderer Mladic!

But, it seems that justice never will be found on this earth for these mass murderers.  The old Yugoslavia was their killing field - my cousin, a Swiss Medic, their victim.  It is amazing as I read the news this morning in Europe - there is no mention of the Swiss Medic Team.  No mention at the involvement of US, British and French troops.  Nope just Serbs killing Muslims in Bosnia.  Thats the story line even in the Swiss news services.

Sigh ...

If you can not remember your past,  well I suspect you think yourself from problems in you present and future!

If you can prayer for his Aunts on this day.

Do You REALLY Care?

You would not know it about this culture which surrounds the lives of those whom "claim" to be "christian", nor by their behavior in any given situation - but CHRISTIANS are called to be "CARING" - towards each other, towards the lost, towards the culture as a witness!  Nowhere are we told to be anything other than loving ...

Mark 7:31 - 37

If you desire to care, as Jesus cared, there are four things you must do:

• Care Individually
• Communicate Clearly
• Identify Fully
• Be Changed Completely

Nothing shows this more meaningfully for me that my involvement in the Seattle gay community during the 1980 to 1984 timeframe.  I was selling cut stones back then and I was to become friends with 34 men of the local community whom "deemed" me as being "real".  These men, I counted as friends, as they did me.  It was a horrible time, these men knew they were dying and why, I did witness to each of them - with NO observed changes in 33 of them.  That did not mean I wrote them off ... I stayed, I helped care for them - at a time when no one understood what the disease was nor fully its transmission, until they died.  Oh how that hurt to lose so many in so short a time.

One of them however, did repent, he did turn to God - he even explained to me he desired no healing, he deserved death.  He understood his choices had cost him heavily and this was what was necessary for him to have found salvation.  I remained in his family's life at least until the "christian" media descended upon them in order to capitalize on his death.  I always wondered how you tell someone's story when you cut out the politically incorrect one to have cared enough to risk self and identify with him ....  I never saw the special they ran, no reason to, I knew the story, it is no different than any of our stories - we do what we want to do, are surprised when we get caught and complain when we have consequences.

You have to KNOW your own testimony and why it is relevant to them and you!
You have to understand where they are coming from - lost in sin and it ain't pretty!
Then how to communicate what they need to know and do ...
But, this is oh so much in the realm of the Holy Spirit, not of you at all.

In my opening here I already spoke on Identity, you do not have to KNOW and PRACTICED their sin - you are a sinner, you have lots of practice.  So, get off the soap box and reach out to real people, once you are ...

But, none of this possible unless you are willing to live for Jesus alone - completely changed on the inside, knowing what is real and what is not.  And God will lead you were you never expected, once you can do this ...

Oh yeah, I need to mention once again that you will be turned on by friends and family alike - and you still get to love them in their Satanic hatred of you ...

Joy of the Redeemed

Isaiah 35

1 The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.  Like the crocus,  

² it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.  The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.

³ Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;
⁴ say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.”

⁵ Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
⁶ Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy.  Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.
⁷ The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs.  In the haunts where jackals once lay, grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

⁸ And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way.  The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it.
⁹ No lion will be there, nor any ravenous beast; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there,
¹⁰     and those the Lord has rescued will return.  They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads.  Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

What a Maroon!

This is actually the second time I have written and posted about this.  January was when I originally had done so.  But it seemed at the time, God caused a confusing change ... suddenly everything was not as it seemed.  How the heck was I to have figured this out?  So, you roll with situation and think up a new post.  But, in the back of your mind - you are quite confused - up is no longer up.

And now for a second time this year - it happens again!  I write the post - and change is there before the post is published!  But, no, none of this reflects human attributes - it is confusion .... and God is not about confusion.  I can see clearly ahead, but I keep getting hit from the sides ...

Have you ever been played?  I would not attempt to define being played, other than  being  used by someone, for whatever reasons, to their ends and not your good.

I have thought on this for months.

Am I too trusting or is it that I trust too easily?
I have only ever trusted seven people in my life ...  But maybe I just have a problem believing the "signs" that foretell of problems ahead.  Afterall they are trusted.

Have I somehow lost touch with seeing what is of God versus what is over Satan?  Well, you do have to ask yourself.

Am I cutting people slack when none is due them?  Am I listening to excuses and lies, trusting people are being straight up with me?  Yeah, well, as Bugs Bunny says, "What a Maroon!".
Or, maybe everyone in the world really does have a drug problem ...

Only real logical explanation.

So, I am back to where I was in January.  Angry with myself, feeling betrayed (because I trusted), feeling stupid (and I really hate stupid!).  Concerned over others behavior.

How does one remain open to people and yet still protect yourself from those whom apparently would prey upon you?

And yet, in the back of my mind,  I keep wondering ... isn't this exactly how we are supposed to be?  Open, transparent, vulnerable?
Everything the world is not?
Else what would show that we different ... ?
 - bruised, battered, victims .....

Musical Saturday Morning

Sunday Services On the 4th

I really do not look forward to church services on any Sunday around the Fourth of July here in America.  It ALWAYS revolves around veterans getting up and talking about bombing Germans into submission, or diary excerpts read by the children of those whom relished killing Germans.  No exaggeration here guys, I have heard it all and in terms I am sure God does not approve of at how horrible Germans are and how they deserve to die - from the pulpit of my and many, many other churches here in America I have visited around this time of year while on vacation.  Not likely to hear a similar sermon or testimonials in Germany ...

So, you sit there and quietly suck it up.  After service you have to flee, I learned, because after such an uplifting presentation, everyone wants to talk about their and of course your family's wartime history.

"Yeah, my father was a NAZI, he was dedicated to creating an atomic bomb to blow New York City or Washington DC off the map ... and end American aggression in Europe."

No, not exactly what you want to say.  (And thank God that Heisenberg, program head, was so horribly wrong in his approach!  His bomb would have made a major mess for the Earth!)

Even if  you can explain that your father went on to becoming an Operation Paperclip scientist for the US Government - that is meaningless, he was still a NAZI.

So, I tend to just go and bring a good Bible study with me to do in the pew while the voices rant their celebratory memories or their forefather's memories, forgetting that there ever was another side to the story - whose testimonies are just as compelling but are silenced.

It is why I have refused to ever get involved in politics my entire life - I am appalling to the masses.  I think, I study all sides, I form my own opinion.  Not appreciated in American politics where the mainstream is the right opinion and no other is allowed.  Sigh ....

One has only to look at the uproar over South Carolina's Civil War battle flag - now politically incorrect because a minority of racist have defined it as theirs.  Funny, it used to stand for State Rights, over Federal Rights, once upon a time.  It was an "in your face Federal Government" statement.  It never did represent slavery nor any issue associated with slavery.  But sorry, I am looking at facts and not feelings again ...

Now, if you ever want to discuss South African or Rhodesian politics, I am extremely knowledgeable there as well - but you have to throw away your politically correct American ideologies to understand just how wrong the American press was, how manipulated America - where those governments did go wrong and why ... it would not be what you think you know ...  Facts, not feelings are the basis of truth.

Grandchildren

Kids are kind of a hoot.

I was still in college when I was made a God Parent to my best friend's children.  It was very interesting playing pseudo parent to the two of them.  Apparently, I did well since I now have 11 God Children, thankfully now adults, and still in my life!

Working with youth brought along another group I called, "My Kids".  Youth whom came along and stayed in my life.  As this is posted, I am expecting two of them from my 1977 youth group to be dropping by for a long weekend visit and bbq.  :)  At least with the reunion going on, I will have someone to talk to!  Since one is now Buddhist and one is now atheist, it ought to be interesting!

And eventually, adopting four kids of my own.  God had laid strongly on my heart that every kid needs a father.  And, they do.  They are all adults now, two with their own families and grandchildren are a real hoot!

The most endearing is the Oldest Grand-daughter.  From the time I first held her, there was this "connection".  It really bothered her parents at how she bonded on day one as an infant, on with me, if she is crying give her to grandpa.  :)  Very odd.  But she is such a delight!  Last night she gave me one of her little stories she did for her first year in school.  It was about going out for Mexican food with me, what else?  :)  Extremely cute!  Extremely helpful and always wanting to please her "Papa".

Grandson, now five years old is a hoot as well.  He says the craziest things - all guaranteed to crack you up and his blond clueless face is just the topper to bring him to the center of hilarity.  But, he is all boy and you can just see his little mind working on how to try the next level of excitement.  It could be how does that water get into the hose, to playing with being a klutzy pizza delivery boy past bed time but always guaranteed to make you laugh, whatever the outcome.  His latest was "What would it be like to have a birthday ever single day of the year?"  I commented that the mother would be very unhappy.  Of course, he could not understand and commented that, that would be one mean mommy!  I just love the little guy.

And Youngest Grand-daughter, well only has one use for me - to find her My Little Pony games and videos to watch on the computer!  Or to take her to Value Village in the eternal quest to find more and more MLP stuff.  There is nothing like being subjected to 3.5 hours of constant MLP!  to really melt your brain and remove all intelligence!  But, other than that, she really only likes females.

Yeah, grandchild are best: all fun and no responsibility ... :)
And yes, I do shovel them full of sugar and send them home :)

Letter From Home

Received a letter from my youngest aunt back home in Switzerland.  Actually, she writes quite often but my life has been such a nightmare of change - there is just no point to draw a line in the sand and say, "Okay, I can write about that!".  Or maybe I am just over analytical and a letter at any point would be fine.  Sigh.

Decisions - Decisions!  Argh!

My eldest aunt seems to be growing more fragile :( and I am not happy about that.  I would like to spend days with her just to visit.  Of course, I would need an interpreter for a few days until my language caught back up with me!  How I envy those, like my father, whom could speak nine different languages fluently and simultaneously!  I am lucky to get one right at a time!  Well, I am not sure I get English all that right most of the time!

My youngest aunt's husband has many health issues, the farm life is nothing if not hard on the human body.  Though they are able to travel, not far from home, but they are both artistic and so send copies of their paintings and drawings of where they have been. 

I have a large library of photographs I have torn out of magazines and books through the years, pictures of things I would like to draw or paint at some point, and from my aunt I get to see what the colors ought to be.  So cool.

Now if I could just find the time to paint and then I could be sending them copies of something I have done as well ...