About Me

As I continue to slog through this never ending pea soup between my ears, giving me glimpses only of a past but no real memory, nor sense of ownership of anything which does pop up.  I am bummed out.

I am incapable of even counting out my heart medications and plopping them in a week long dispenser.  The mistakes I find are innumerable!  And I do not know why I even take some of them!  I assume they are mostly for my heart which now sports four stents, which allowed for the surgeries on my leg - which was eventually lost.   Sigh ...

One of the teachers I worked with last year, when I was substituting for a science class, I ran across at my favorite little Mexican cantena.  I had no clue whom he was and I know he even came to the hospital at least once after one of those six surgeries!

The lady whom had encouraged me a few weeks ago, I had mentioned in a post, I decided I would thank her because that encouragement last Sunday was timely and helped me through a rough week.  Nope could not even remember her name nor what she looked like!  Was she at church on Sunday?  No idea ... sigh.

So short term memory needs work, perhaps supplements?
Long term memory is still crippled.

After nine months, I recognize, not actually know:
Most of my family, still missing a daughter though
Two of my old "friends", but they are not really - I "know"
How to drive
Most of my passwords and computer ids, about eight are completely lost so far
That I am an artist
I am a Christian
That I like Jefferson Nickels
That I have three nationalities
That I have almost no hope for a future

But,
Huge pieces of my life have not even a vague definition at all
I can not remember my dead relatives, I know they exist, but ...
I remember nothing of my 25 years in college at night
No memory of having had a career, or why I get royalties from IBM
I have no common sense and no one to help me
I have no sense of what it means to be a Christian

That later one is a real pain.
From my adoptive Dad last week, I learned that I produced Bible Studies for 40 years.
I lead, everything from Junior High through Retiree class in all manner of Biblical subjects
And I now have no ministry left

But, the Holy Spirit empowers me - I recognize that much, though it freaked me out a bit at first!
Its gifts are still meaningful to me.
But, I have no clue what to do with what it reveals
So, I pray ...

Yup, not much at home between the ears.
A gaping wound where a heart ought to be
A fine, quick mind, with good memory retention for what I learn now.

And the mystery continues, who am I really?