Man what a last few days!
It can best be summed up for me as: Blessed are the peacemakers because everyone will hate them in the end and do their best to trash them! Yeah, it has been one of those long weekends.
We can start it off Thursday with "she whom hates my guts", going off yet again on me - all about how I am the one whom has caused all of her problems in the past 7 years. She spewed hate for about half an hour and stomped stormed up to her room. Much later, I, in the depths of sadness because I have no where to go, I have no "out" from this misery I trug through, cleaned up my prosthetic and washed down what is left of my realleg. I wheeled myself to my room on my kneeling scooter - only to find that "she" had piled all of her laundry on top of my bed - and one legged man had to remove it all out of my way and the scooter's way so that I could just lay down! This unfortunately too regular an occurrence.
Friday, the kids decided on a dinner out with Gaelic Girl, which I get to host of course. Naturally, the the event was not up to GG's satisfaction, since she is in full hate mode, the kids were not up to snuff as one was missing - whom was her favorite. She really could not comment on my drawing I gave her (" what is with this? you promised to never draw again!") Nothing like praise this artist has never had to experience.
Saturday, my leg was swollen and so the prosthetic would not go on. Oh such joy. But, GG went off to a crafting day with her friends. So, I had peace and quiet. Legless, but peace and quiet.
Sunday, I did manage to get to church by getting up 2 hours early, icing my leg and it finally went on in the final seconds before church! I offered to take GG to a ladies brunch for official mother's day, but this only angered her more and I apparently needed an additional trashing and told how everything that is happening to her is my fault ("may God curse you in the after-life since He does not see fit to do so here!", with great joy!) I just bit my lip and was reminded how years ago Dutchman had commented he felt sorry for me because she was going down and it might take my physically failing for her to finally see herself as she is! A Chinese curse? Hope not! I just want to eventually be as far from this psycho as possible! Sigh ...
But, for now, I go through the motions of life, while I see daily the evidences I have nothing left in this life.
Monday it took only 3.5 hours to get my leg on. But I did manage to get an appointment with the artificial leg guy. Then I missed the appointment with the real leg guy so now must wait until mid-June. Sigh. I failed at an easy dinner - I am just aghast at how much my mind has lost due to the amnesia!
So I end a very sucky five days in a row of complete failure ... I just need the voice of a friend - which I am sure does not exist any longer - - - and yet - - - God continues to fire passion in my heart! A passion I can not act on. A passion I do not fully understand. Yet it exists when I do not and at night I can cry my tears for the loss of my future I so strongly desire to start but can not ..... sigh ....
Well, enough whining, time for a BIG pain killer and hope that it does .....
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