I was working on this post last week, when suddenly my real life erupted and began to mirror what I was working on! So, I did some tweaking of this over the weekend, to mirror reality and something we each need to be prepared for. For me it was getting caught upside the head by a brick, to be sure it was expected, but it still is a surprise - real pain is experienced and you have to deal with it.
Peter, is no different than you or me, just a guy - living his life and then the unexpected hit him upside the head too - being told something he had already heard but just could not grasp ... until that truck hit him.
Mark 14:26-31
You Will Stumble
You have to be prepared.
You must be ready for trials.
V 30 - Peter is warned, Jesus predicted, Peter could not accept it.
We will all fail ourselves.
We will all fail God.
We will all sin.
V29 - all of the Disciples felt this way.
V31 - "I will not ..."
Satan will always attack the weakest link in any organization, any group, inside of you!
Money, sex, love, pride, power - what will it take to make you blink if even for a second?
And Satan will have you then hooked, reel you in and bring chaos to your life - if you let it. (Satan is never referred to as a him, just an it ...)
(Unfortunately, we attribute to Satan what is not of it, perhaps even of God, because we can not accept nor understand ... the unexpected.)
You must KNOW your own personal weaknesses.
You must guard your heart, examine yourself, God wants you back. (Rev 2:5)
You Will Make It!
Be sure to thank God for it, even as you work through it!
God's Love will never fail you!
V28
Zachariah 13:7
Jesus mission will be accomplished by Jesus/God.
Kill the Shepherd and the sheep will be scattered to Galilee, but it is not over yet!
The Kingdom of God is not over, nor in trouble!
You Choose
You get to choose what happens next, don't blow it!
You get to choose what is better or what will be bitter.
Harden your heart or suffer a broken heart?
You get to choose ...
Jesus waits for you.
Jesus waits for your free decision.
Please choose wisely ...
Jesus specializes in healing broken hearts.
He also can deal with hardened hearts, but that is another story!
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As for me, I went back through as much as I can remember (since anything before October 17th is still lost to me), went through emails, text messages, etc. In the end I realized that many of the things said were outright wrong, some were narcissistic - but the result is all the same. Kris gets hit with a brick.
So, I prayed about the situation again, only this time I just expanded this to include all those whom used to be my brothers and sisters, those whom I had trusted and loved. And the weekend was quite interesting.
People I have not heard from in years contacted me! That is with NO prodding from me! Just out of the clear blue: text messages, phone calls, people I never see shopping at the same time as me and then one visitor! And completely unanticipated was the outpouring of messages from "my kids" across the years ... The average conversation, not from my youth however, ran along the lines of: "I do not know why I am doing this, but I thought I would tell you about how I am doing ..."
Just driving home of the point of what is wrong with this culture, society and those whom used to be my friends and were so normal ... They all are familiar with the challenges I face, daily, but NO one actually cares, not even to the point of being unable to really do anything now, entering week ten to even offer help now. In fact I was asked to provide one lady's family a meal, and deliver it!, on Wednesday! I can not even cook for myself ... So much for reality and my friends ...
Life is a multiplied struggle when you are an amputee, it does not help to hear about what your friends believe to be the causes of my misery. And they have all known me for years, some almost my whole life!, and yet all seem to believe that I am being punished for being the world's greatest sinner - and I need to once again be told this. I realize it is a product of the pagan churches they attend. But, I know where I stand with God, how God works, what the true state of my heart is ... and they are truthfully wrong - which is not to say I do not deserve the worse which God can do, which is true for any of us. To be truthful, I am unresolved on how to handle being intentionally misled, doing the right thing, then finding out the underlying lie and how wrong it all went ... It vexes me! Why couldn't David have said something along this line to cheer me up and confirm I am smarter than him! (that's a joke son!!)
Poor Job, I fully/truly understand your predicament now ...
And that leaves Swede. Dear Swede, I have no idea what to do with you. He certainly was God sent across this past year - taking me to most of my doctor's appointments, shopping and even an occasional movie. And I certainly knew this was originally driven by the guilt he felt over betraying me. Yeah, he was the one whom out of the blue showed up and took me on a jaunt to Cabela's. Interesting. And yet, I know I can not trust him with much, not even to the point of the contents of this post! All he knows will be used against me at a later date by others ... trust me, this has happened so many times it is pathetic. Even if it is not a secret - he can't keep it! How do you deal with a Christian which over and over again is used as a tool by Satan?
As for my closest friend, perhaps one day we may reconcile, but for now I just need to pray for them out of their church I think ...
As for the unexpected youthful outpouring, along came a copy of my first non-computer related book! Yeah, I wrote 26 manuals for IBM and several more on Project Management. No, my name appears nowhere, such is the life of a contractor! And I wrote a book similar to Patrick McManus', outdoors adventures and humor style, only my tales were true - with photos even! So, I settled down and read a few of the stories on Sunday - yeah, they had me cracking up! But, I could not even recognize my father in the photos - yeah, I know it was him, but nothing memory wise. And no memory of the events - but I got photos! Sad.
And in my heart I am once again at peace. Just a little sad at the state of things. Probably just another sign that I am not where I belong, doing what I am supposed to and so utterly flummoxed as to any way in which to change the status quo.
Sigh.
Brick damaged healed, pain may last a lifetime - because I can not believe I could be so wrong .....
And God might be doing something odd with my future, there is a chance for dollars to come my way (enough to end my debt!) - so here is to hoping!
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