Not Surprised

Given what the past two years have been like, I should not be surprised.  Little goes as desired, planned or expected.  Remember last week and my loss of 110 friends?  Yeah, I thought I would wait and see ... did any of them still want to be my friend?  And unlike most people, they were all people I personally knew, plus actual family and acquaintances ....

Nope.  Had three people respond.  My best friend commenting on something unrelated, Virtual Daughter 5's sister - whom was apparently a follower (never ever heard of her!) and surprising to me, one of my guys from many years ago!

And my best friend?  Doubt they even noticed I was no longer there, since they were talking about something else.  Yeah, and that is my best friend, it seems no longer and I have no idea what to do with them - it has shattered me and I have no response other than tears.  Yeah, not a lot left of me I fear.

So sad.

The rest of the weekend was a might disappointing.  I was told to put my Fitbit on my shoe and when I got home - yeah, no longer on the shoe - it had popped out of its mount.  Sigh ...  I can only hope someone will find it and turn it in to lost and found... Sigh.

But, I did get a replacement and wore it on Sunday.  I will get my account set up on Monday so the VA can track Kris' hop, skip and falls!  LOL.

I did a long drive, 174 miles on Saturday - a sort of endurance test for my left foot, since I am stuck driving with it.  It did get mighty tired and I am really uncomfortable driving downhill and in traffic.  Otherwise okay.  Slept okay for a few hours until THE dream reoccurred - same dream now every night since October 17th.  Worse part is, in that dream is where I know I belong and it is seemingly only a dream and unattainable in this lifetime it seems.  I know where I belong and there is NOTHING I can do about it!

(Mid-morning update: so got some less than friendly words from my friend, then some friendly, but the essence is good bye and have a nice life.  Been waiting for that one for a while, all of the evidences were there that this would be true, but I like to have things explained.  Though I do like to know why stuff like this happens - sigh ... )

And I am now at a point of despair.  I would just prefer now to have never made that choice in 2015 for life - death is far more to be preferred than this misery I slog through.  I pin my hopes on God and always have, and I thought God had rewarded me for being faithful through much misery - but then it seems not for now, or perhaps ever in this life.  I can now understand other's discouragement I have talked with.  Do I keep blogging, or just chuck it, along with all of my worthless life ..... ?  I have no idea at this moment in time.

Sigh ...