Frightened To The Bone

Yes, I am frightened, scared to the bone sort of to speak.  So, to review:

April 2915 I took a week off from work to have my foot surgically rebuilt on my right side.  The operation was a success, the surgeon brilliant and I now had a mechanical foot inside of the meat.
But, the ankle broke and had to be reset.  Then it broke again and required a titanium structure to hold the lower leg together in May.
An unknown infection set in and all but killed me.  I am amazed I even remember this my temperature was so high.
Months of antibiotics and the infection was beat.
In August I was "normal" as I would ever be physically and I started physical therapy.
October, while in PT, a cyst broke in my right big toe.  I felt it "pop", as did the therapist, I was rushed to infectious disease and lost my right foot.  Two days later they had to take the lower leg due to the spread of the disease.
And again I "miraculously recovered.

In December, I got my trainer leg and I started to get a bump on my stump, no one knows why.
In February 2016, I got my new permanent leg just prior to leaving for vacation.  The pain was great, the lump grew.

And now they think it is an abscess.  So have go to see the surgeon and all will be well.

But .....

That cyst back in October 2015  was finally identified in December as CRE, a drug resistant whatever almost guaranteed to kill.  So deadly, I was kept in isolation for two months!  Not exactly fun being treated by people in moon suits.

Now I have another cyst, an abscess encasing what?  There should have been NO surgery artifacts that far up the leg!  There certainly was no trace of infection that high up the leg.

And I am frightened.

In 2014 I experienced fear for the first time in my life.  Did not exactly like it much.  And, until today, I have not experienced fear again.

Is this infection take 3?  CRE take 2?  Something new I have not had before?  Can it be removed without taking more leg away from me?  Will 2015 now be repeated across the breadth of 2016?

Oh God!  Just the thought of reliving 2015 again ....  I have no desire to live through that again.  No one should ever have to.  Sigh ...

So, at 3:30 today I will be undergoing probing so they can figure out what to do - and I am hoping that probe does not set off another round of CRE.  I am not ready to die quite yet, I still have one thing left to do .....

Your prayers are asked for - strength, wisdom, healing,