Going Forward

So, I am now at 3 months with no trace of a memory.  Anything I have for a memory is because something was said, which opened a narrow doorway into my mind surrounding that word.  For instance someone I know was telling me that their real name was, Mary Katherine.  It triggered something, but I still do not know what!  But the name does have a meaning ... like the name of a boat or someone with a boat or ... ?  Simply no idea, first time that has happened - you know there is a memory but it will not be opened.

So, I have pieces of me from the past - pictures of a childhood but no attachment to them, notes on my computer - old letters - pieces suggesting a past, but there is nothing there.  Random pieces but I am not a part of them.  Sigh ...  I truly am learning that I have no identity.

So, I have thought long on this ...

How do I regain whom I was?  I want to go back to work.  It would be nice if I could speak to my resume but I have no memory of people, places or even companies!  Were it not I am living off of royalties for my accidental creation of an addressing system for disk drives - I would not not even have proof I ever worked on computers - apparently since 1972!  Gees, that is how bad it is!

And then I realized .... I do not have to be whom ever that old Kris was!  (and between you and me, pre-2014 Kris was a bit of a POC!)  I can view this as a gift - I can do or become whatever I want.  I have the ability to relearn old Kris - or something new!  Same amount of effort it seems to me, simple logic.  I guess.  But, if I could do this - and I do not know if it is even possible - by extension, wouldn't this also be true for almost anyone?  Hate you life?  Change it.  (note the period there!)

So, who is it I want to be?
What is it I want to be or do?

Lord knows, I am clueless here, but I am sure hoping He knows!

In the meantime, I have been selling off my artifacts.  I have been reading my archaeology and anthropology books and they are interesting, actually fascinating, but I do not need boxes and boxes of artifacts - remnants of long past cultures.  Besides, I need to pay off my debts this year if that is even possible ...

If you have bright ideas of what I should do - let me know!