Up In The Air

So many issues/questions/opportunities in my life and no direction nor interest really to pursue any of them!  I have to admit I am physically and emotional exhausted.  There just seems to be no let up of demands placed upon me - and I just need to rest.

I was forced to rest one day last week because the cup on my titanium leg decided to fail on me.  Sigh ... I needed the rest but I had things I had to do, which when left undone left me on the receiving end of my mother and Gaelic Girl's sharp tongues.  Yeah, I ALWAYS have an excuse it seems.  I would laugh but I am  just too exhausted still.  And everything remains up in the air!

The entire month of January was such a disaster I was unable to write my series on Christian Warfare :(  Which really irritates me!  So February will now require me to do this in two parts:  The Art of War and then in March probably Christian Warfare.  It really bugs me to not kept on a schedule!


It is not like I am into procrastination, I am in some regards to the appearance of others, but this is real exhaustion and never having been emotionally exhausted before - I have no idea what to do or expect.  I just want/need ... something I can not even define.  "Rest", is the only term I can understand at the moment but it is not bedtime, it is not being left alone, it might be not having anymore demands placed one though.  Who knows, not me.

It was January 2013, I remember I was at the end of myself.  I had nothing but frustrations and all was quite negative.  Everyday I would leave college and look to the south and think, "I could just chuck this pack and start walking ...".  The joke with myself was that I would walk to Argentina, the end of the Earth.  What then?  No idea.  Sit down, watch the waves and fade away?

And though I would not suggest that what has happened to me was God stopping that idea, but it was but weeks later that my leg was injured in an auto accident, which began the downward spiral for my leg.  Certainly, Argentina is but a humorous point in my life now.  But, what if .... Well, not going to happen now, but separation from this life may well be what is needed for me to actually recover.

Dutchman came and saw me, the first time in two years (I think?)!  We talked about his landlord problems, son problems, etc.  He is not so sure that he did not agree with me that it is time to move on in life.  He nibbled around the edges of getting me to move to Sand Point, Idaho - his latest small town love.  I told him as long as it has a GREAT hospital ...

Now, I need a new name and history to disappear to .....  Hmmmm, there is always my German birth name, unused since my father was evacuated from Germany in 1969 by NATO paranoia.  But do I really want to serve 2 years in the German Army now, at 61 years old and one legged - to get my passport?  LOL!!!! Such an idea and such a sight that would be ...