A week ago I wrote about running into "Bob" and his problem with his girlfriend, "Elle". A problem to which there is no resolution, because it takes two to make a relationship but he is only one involved at this point. And wouldn't you know it, Elle had to talk with me as well! Like I am some sort of relationship guru ... sigh.
And I guess I have to go back to the qualification to this conversation, that I am cursed with being able to "see" people - I can only attribute this to God, because it is always about what separates people from God. Yeah, to "know" someone's heart and what it takes to draw them back to God. Sounds cool doesn't? It is not ... mostly you just want to throw up, well at least that is its affect on me.
So, Elle is seated opposite me and extremely angry that "Bob" had talked to me about the disintegration of their relationship. She is naturally defensive, even offensive through the conversation, trying to defend her behavior ... but she makes the normal Millennial mistake.
Millennial's, as a group - not everyone of them!, are narcissus by nature. No idea why but it almost seems to be a rule. The generation after them it is the rule with few exceptions! And I have little tolerance for narcissistic behavior - my father was one and I had my fill of that by age ten!
She sees no problem with her behavior, because it only affects her and is only of her concern. She is mad because I assume I have some valid viewpoint concerning anything having to do with her. Bob, also has no input into her life, choices, etc. He is just another guy that she hangs with. I point out that dating is really part of the marriage ritual of finding the perfect guy. She disagrees. It is for hanging out and seeing what is out there - having fun - sampling the wares.
"So, Elle, how do you explain playing house with Juan for a month that first year you were with Bob?"
Her face went blank, no one was supposed to know about Juan or her affair with him. It was in Chile, there was no way I could know anyone that could have known. She clears her throat nervously. Juan was a guy she hooked up with on a mission trip and destroyed any attempt at having a witness during. Satan loves to whack you when you think you have it all together, then make you think you can cover it up and hide. But, God, knows.
"He was hot, I was stupid, it was a mistake. Bob never knew ...."
Her eyes told me she wondered at how I could know and whether I had said anything to Bob or not, or whom had I told?
"Well, then what about Marc then?"
She started coughing on her coffee. Marc was a longer affair, about five months and she seriously had hoped to marry him - all the while playing with Bob as a backup candidate. And no one was supposed to know about him as well.
"Well, he was everything I was looking for in a man. Super hot, athletic and smart. But, he just did not work out."
"You realize that just like Juan, he was a player and he played you?"
"NO HE DIDN'T! I am not stupid, I know a player when I see one!"
"Is Bob a player?"
"Of course not! He is a nice boy."
"But, just not 'hot', right?"
"That has nothing to do with anything!"
"And the abortion, was that nothing as well?"
And so the conversation went for another 15 minutes. Her conversation filled with lots of the millennials favorite words, I, Me, Mine. The only point of view being valid: hers. She makes unilateral decisions affecting both her and Bob, with no concern for Bob at all. Because the only one really important to her, is her.
"So, Elle, do you want to defend your affair with Roger as well?
She is quite angry by now. I know too much. No one was supposed to know anything. She had been extremely careful. How could I know so much? Even her best friends knew nothing of Juan and Marc, much less that she had aborted her and Marc's child. It is a given that Roger might be known to some, she openly ran around with him for six months. But, no, no one in the church should have known ... especially random old Kris ... she had stayed far away from the town.
"So, can you start to see that your behavior is having a negative effect on Bob and you? You are leading Bob on, making him think that he has a chance with you but you are only interested in hot guys whom are players?"
"I am NOT STUPID! What do you think I am!"
I left that one unanswered, that is between her and God alone after all.
"The point here Elle, is that you really need to decide what it is you want in life: Bob - solid guy whom is very enamored with you; or someone else whom meets your 'hot' requirement and they will play you."
The look on her face told me all I needed to know, the thought of thinking of someone else and their needs is completely foreign to her mind. I am an alien for even thinking that she should be considering Bob and his feelings and not just her own desires ...
And now we reach the problem I already "knew". She is separated from God because she places herself first in all aspects of her life and not surprisingly it always leads straight into sin. When your eyes are on yourself and you are your own God in your life, sin is the only outcome possible. She was unable to grasp this part of the conversation either.
Remember from the talk last week with Bob, she is a 'Christian' and a regular church goer. But, for whatever the reason, she can not see that God's requirement for us to live our lives for Him and not ourselves does not even register. The idea that not falling into bed with every hot guy she meets does not register, much less that this could be sin. It is just a series of mistakes after all! And mistakes can't be sin.
I tried to turn her attention to seeking God for forgiveness, she had no real interest. She is a christian after all. Baptized and everything. Sigh. But, hey, don't think less of her, most Christians and christians have similar problems: lying, cheating, stealing, swearing by God's name. Sex is just another one of the long list of sins that separate us from God.
Unfortunately, along with murder is one of two situation which take a special concern over before God. And, I could have helped her but ... she has no desire. And no hope, because she can not understand that narcissism is not a normal point of view and separates her from God and any other feeling creatures.
She went her way, knowing I am weird, unresolved with her issues and Bob will continue to be strung along because she sees no requirement for responsibility in her relationship with him. No change is possible because she is not the problem, everyone else is ... the ultimate teflon "victim".
And once again, I walk away wondering why I even try. Why curse me with these situations God? When almost NO ONE will ever listen. But, she will go find another church where her behavior will not be condemned, where there are no judgments and she can live her life the way she wants with lots of mistakes. Sigh ...
And I think of the prophesies of the end times, people rushing around but unable to find God, where everyone does what they think is right in their own eyes ... We are seeing this coming to fruition. You can not find God when you are your own god and nothing is ever your own fault or decision. A victim culture mentality can not possibly see its own crimes before a distant and therefore unknowing god.
But, then I remember that there has been a very small minority whom have listened and God dramatically changed their lives. No credit to me, I am just the bearer of bad news that gets mocked and ignored, even hated ...... rather consistently.
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