Fear

This is probably one of those times when I need to ask for prayer.
Something I do not do often because it bothers me to ask for help.

Looming over my head is the date of January 18.2017.
The surgeon set that as the drop dead date for the surgery on my leg.
It needs to be done, the bone spur is too large and without it gone, this leg will be unusable shortly.
I have no problem with the surgery, I really want it.
But .......

I lost my mind in that last surgery.
Oh, I can now function minimally, perhaps even normally by comparison.
But, nothing like I was.
The gases used totally cleaned out my mind.
One memory remains, which only damages me daily.

And if I have another surgery, will the gases take away even that?
I fear this.
Even if worthless, it is the last vestige of whom I used to be.

And what I have fought so hard to relearn:
English
Typing
My passwords and ids
How to do everything in normal life!

Will I now lose all of those again?

And back into the NAZI nurses hospital, though this time, I will get in writing their understanding of what our relationship is ...

So much to do between now and then, and I know I can not hope to accomplish it all - yet by and large the to do list must be done or I will be in a bad situation trying to recover and still do what must be done ....

Feeling: Inadequate ...