Musical Saturday Morning

And so, the annual observation of the repeatable worse week of my life has passed on Wednesday.  It is with a sense of relief that life perhaps will return to normal - PLEASE dear God!

Of course, as if it was not bad enough to be morose and introspective but what did YOUTUBE feel led to do but queue this song for me Monday night.  Really?  I have not suffered enough mentally but we have to now remember songs whose message ... of love lost, drive that knife deeper, twist the blade good, suck from me the last drop of my broken spirit.

Were I to post about that anniversary week, you simply would not believe what did go on in my life - all of the rabbit trails and attempts to knock me sideways.  Even sitting here, I am not sure how I could write just the intrigues of Saturday or Sunday with anyone being able to believe the weird manifestations that took place (yeah I still had fun at the art classes, but ...).  It truly was all too weird - yes, I kept my eye on the prize as best I could and minimized any self damage this time.  God in His mercy helped more than a little on Monday ...

But the song does fit well with a moment in my life, a time when I thought there could be life, but it seems I was wrong - I think.  Who knows?  Not me, I never did understand, one day perhaps I will (hopefully the answer is not, "You are sooooo stupid!").  For now one stands on the sideline wishing there was popcorn to eat for the tension of the unknown future has hung over me for quite some time.  If I was wrong in what I knew, well life as usual once this disability has passed and I live under a tree somewhere.  If I was right, well pain and misery combined with true joy.  Still will be living under a tree but if one is happy .....