Passages

Yesterday I spent the day with my mother at a mutual friend's wonderful spread on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State.  In the middle of the tall woods, a shy acre, amongst her many, clear cut, beautifully landscaped and a trim double wide trailer.  I am not much on trailers but this was a beautiful spread.  Quiet, heavily visited by humming birds and peaceful.

I love peace, my entire life I have longed for and treasured every moment of peace in my life.  It is something which is rare, it is something cherished, it is something I have no ability to possess independently by myself.

And here I was, surrounded by peace, with a friend whose life is winding down to an end.  Old, tired, ill, and now retiring from her antique business of over 40 years, we came to take several loads of goods home with us!

We waded through rooms filled with glassware and books from her mother and grandmother.  Many of the books unused, such as a Betty Crocker Picture Cookbook from 1951, unopened.  Her husband's flight books from 1930 and 1931.  Stacks of copies of Remington, Russell, Rockwell, paintings of battles from World War I.  Everything was to go, there is no one to give anything to.

Outside in numerous sheds of fishing gear by the pile, cast iron, wooden ware from the 19th century, so many saws that they were almost without number.  But, special to me were two little pots, perfect, mid-19th century, one a wax seal, the other still with it original lid.  Probably used to store salted meat in, but will research later.

The accumulation of a twin lifetimes with  her husband.

And I was struck at how sad this entire situation is.  No one, no one at all cares, no one to give even meaningful things to.  No one.

I thought on my life and where it is.  At a cross-roads.  Leaving a past which is evil.  Leaving the dawning of something better.  Leaving all behind me.  Seeing a road ill defined before me.  Seeing a path that is hard to understand now.  But seeing pieces of a path, knowing that God is not telling me anything about tomorrow - I am having to do this in faith alone.  Taking a deep breath and soon to take a step blindly forward in to the arms of fate.  Then to see what comes of doing the "right" things for a change ...