December 31, 2016
December 30, 2016
Death Celebrate
Been amazing to see all of the stars dropping at the end of the year ...
I believe it is a tragedy anytime a human dies.
I hate it.
We were never made for death
It is alien to our creation
We fight to stay alive
Sometimes cheating death for moments
But, in the end ....
Old people around here are complaining that the news is nothing but George Michaels and Carrie Fisher.
Who are they?
Why do we care?
Never heard of them!
The products of this sick culture.
If you ever wondered how we ended up where we are, look to the the aged.
Their culture had no belief in the value of human life.
Their culture had no real belief in God.
Appearance is more important than function.
Form is what is required.
Truth is relative to support appearance.
And so the unknown to them die.
It is of no relevance to them.
But Debbie Reynolds, well that is different.
"Nice Baptist girl, screwed by Hollywood ..."
They shake their heads and shuffle away.
And the next generation
With no basis in truth
Has no ability to judge truth
Has no ability to see God
But sure can worship celebrity!
And they mourn.
The excesses of Hollywood do not need to rehashed.
If you are Hollywood, you will pay the price.
Play Satan's game and it will win everytime!
So, I feel for those whom knew and loved this recent death roll.
Their lives were no less valuable than anyother
Or my own.
And I think of my extended cousin Anne
Yeah, .....
I believe it is a tragedy anytime a human dies.
I hate it.
We were never made for death
It is alien to our creation
We fight to stay alive
Sometimes cheating death for moments
But, in the end ....
Old people around here are complaining that the news is nothing but George Michaels and Carrie Fisher.
Who are they?
Why do we care?
Never heard of them!
The products of this sick culture.
If you ever wondered how we ended up where we are, look to the the aged.
Their culture had no belief in the value of human life.
Their culture had no real belief in God.
Appearance is more important than function.
Form is what is required.
Truth is relative to support appearance.
And so the unknown to them die.
It is of no relevance to them.
But Debbie Reynolds, well that is different.
"Nice Baptist girl, screwed by Hollywood ..."
They shake their heads and shuffle away.
And the next generation
With no basis in truth
Has no ability to judge truth
Has no ability to see God
But sure can worship celebrity!
And they mourn.
The excesses of Hollywood do not need to rehashed.
If you are Hollywood, you will pay the price.
Play Satan's game and it will win everytime!
So, I feel for those whom knew and loved this recent death roll.
Their lives were no less valuable than anyother
Or my own.
And I think of my extended cousin Anne
Yeah, .....
December 29, 2016
Been Interesting
please forgive my lack of capitol letters, very painful to do still
finger swelling is way down
only a greenish tinge to the hand, deeping on the joints which dislocated
the break seems to be healing well
my dr hates me and thinks i am stupid
as if this was no enough ...
i punctured my left arm and bleed heavily for days because the ER could see no reason for the bleeding
i though i would be funny and commented stigmata - right location!
i got the flu
i had a massive allergy attack to chilies -innocent this time!
that one did about kill me!
I was like, ok God, let's just end this game now ...
i had a rotational tear to my stump (caused by the size of the bone spur!)
the brakes went on my last good car,
someone dumped dirt down my sewer in qualities enough to shut down the plumbing (it was dumped in the bathroom sink, so no ideas whom or what!
the furnace shut down, so no heat through some very cold weather!
and the ants have invaded with the cold weather!
apparently, the house is still warmer than the outdoors!
so six scheduled appointments with repairmen
sigh
yesterday was my day to run my mother around
she is so far gone that she is over the horizon! gees louise!
but at goodwill at young lady came up to me and asked if i was alright, i am not but thought i was hiding the pain well. so i told her about the bone spur pain and the pending surgery - and she prayed for me on the spot!
very much appreciated.
there is hope for this culture ...
and i pray God protects that young lady!
so horribly busy
doing what i can
fretting about the rest
my mother is just a distracting from the pain
and terror
God continues to supply my need as they occur
not as i would wish - but a crust of bread is better than cake, when that is all there is ...
God supply is better than my own I realize.
and i fear that God will pull me through this
to a world i can no longer understand
for a purpose i can not fathom
to be of use to no one ...
finger swelling is way down
only a greenish tinge to the hand, deeping on the joints which dislocated
the break seems to be healing well
my dr hates me and thinks i am stupid
as if this was no enough ...
i punctured my left arm and bleed heavily for days because the ER could see no reason for the bleeding
i though i would be funny and commented stigmata - right location!
i got the flu
i had a massive allergy attack to chilies -innocent this time!
that one did about kill me!
I was like, ok God, let's just end this game now ...
i had a rotational tear to my stump (caused by the size of the bone spur!)
the brakes went on my last good car,
someone dumped dirt down my sewer in qualities enough to shut down the plumbing (it was dumped in the bathroom sink, so no ideas whom or what!
the furnace shut down, so no heat through some very cold weather!
and the ants have invaded with the cold weather!
apparently, the house is still warmer than the outdoors!
so six scheduled appointments with repairmen
sigh
yesterday was my day to run my mother around
she is so far gone that she is over the horizon! gees louise!
but at goodwill at young lady came up to me and asked if i was alright, i am not but thought i was hiding the pain well. so i told her about the bone spur pain and the pending surgery - and she prayed for me on the spot!
very much appreciated.
there is hope for this culture ...
and i pray God protects that young lady!
so horribly busy
doing what i can
fretting about the rest
my mother is just a distracting from the pain
and terror
God continues to supply my need as they occur
not as i would wish - but a crust of bread is better than cake, when that is all there is ...
God supply is better than my own I realize.
and i fear that God will pull me through this
to a world i can no longer understand
for a purpose i can not fathom
to be of use to no one ...
December 24, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
Well, happy Christmas Eve 2016!
A time when we should be remembering a 13 to 15 year old girl, in labor with no help, more than likely in a stone fenced paddock surrounded by sheep and filth, a husband old enough to be her father --- yeah, not every girls dream.
Yet, she chose to carry a child unlike any ever born.
And do we remember Miriam (Mary to this culture) for the example of faith she was? Nah, our daughters want to dress like Lady Gaga and live like Madonna and want to be thought of as a Mary ...... sigh ...
So, in our failed culture, we get songs like this at this time of year ...... count how many times God, Joseph, Mary, Jesus, Angels, Shepherds are mentioned.
But what would this time of year be if I failed to acknowledge my loss?
Or God's strengthening of me, often moment by moment, to just hold a line?
And all things unsaid ...
A time when we should be remembering a 13 to 15 year old girl, in labor with no help, more than likely in a stone fenced paddock surrounded by sheep and filth, a husband old enough to be her father --- yeah, not every girls dream.
Yet, she chose to carry a child unlike any ever born.
And do we remember Miriam (Mary to this culture) for the example of faith she was? Nah, our daughters want to dress like Lady Gaga and live like Madonna and want to be thought of as a Mary ...... sigh ...
So, in our failed culture, we get songs like this at this time of year ...... count how many times God, Joseph, Mary, Jesus, Angels, Shepherds are mentioned.
But what would this time of year be if I failed to acknowledge my loss?
Or God's strengthening of me, often moment by moment, to just hold a line?
And all things unsaid ...
December 23, 2016
Looking At Cars
Keeping with having to be brief, due to broken hand, it has been hard to identify a topic I could do as such! Yesterday's post actually took me three days to type! Argh!
So, you might remember my car died a few months ago. It runs just good enough to go about thee miles at a time and I carry four gallons of oil with me so I can get home!
Swede has decided it is time to buy a new card. He has been sniffing around Youngest Daughter's new car and has been very impressed with it. Her only stipulation has been he can't buy a Rav4, or at least not in the same color!
So last week we tried to go sniff Toyotas but the entire sales staff took off to go to the local Seahawks Football game ... really? We went and looked at Hondas across the street. But yesterday Swede decided that it was time to try again and drove the one hour plus back down to my little burg.
We went and walked the lot. Liked the Highlander and the Rav4 for Swede, Tacoma or Tundra for me! I quickly found a "notice" on the Highlander stating that it was not intended for off-road driving ... a SUV that was not designed for off-road? Really? That has to be a huge whoops! Swede lives in the woods outside of Everett, so off-road is all he has to start and end each day! So no Highlander for him.
We concentrated on the Rav4 ......... Swede decided it would be a Hyrid, I have no idea why, other than he saw there was a big rebate which reduced his final cost. But we test drove it - and it was very nice. Swede then did a melt down .. not real big on spending money! But, about a half hour later he recovered and went back and ordered one in a beautiful blue color! So, in a week, it ought to be here!
For me:
I looked over the Tundra and the Tacoma.
I really liked the Tacoma size and options but the Tundra gets better gas mileage! HOW?
So still undecided.
And I have set August as my buy date, so no hurry.
But for you:
www.fueleconomy.gov
The is a federal site with 48 printed pages of every manufacturer and model for 2017!
Fascinating to read!
Fascinating that Toyota would have it xeroxed for you!
Fascinating to see how 'old school' many manufacturers still are!
If you are interested in a new car, definitely print this report out! Forty-eight pages in size.
So, you might remember my car died a few months ago. It runs just good enough to go about thee miles at a time and I carry four gallons of oil with me so I can get home!
Swede has decided it is time to buy a new card. He has been sniffing around Youngest Daughter's new car and has been very impressed with it. Her only stipulation has been he can't buy a Rav4, or at least not in the same color!
So last week we tried to go sniff Toyotas but the entire sales staff took off to go to the local Seahawks Football game ... really? We went and looked at Hondas across the street. But yesterday Swede decided that it was time to try again and drove the one hour plus back down to my little burg.
We went and walked the lot. Liked the Highlander and the Rav4 for Swede, Tacoma or Tundra for me! I quickly found a "notice" on the Highlander stating that it was not intended for off-road driving ... a SUV that was not designed for off-road? Really? That has to be a huge whoops! Swede lives in the woods outside of Everett, so off-road is all he has to start and end each day! So no Highlander for him.
We concentrated on the Rav4 ......... Swede decided it would be a Hyrid, I have no idea why, other than he saw there was a big rebate which reduced his final cost. But we test drove it - and it was very nice. Swede then did a melt down .. not real big on spending money! But, about a half hour later he recovered and went back and ordered one in a beautiful blue color! So, in a week, it ought to be here!
For me:
I looked over the Tundra and the Tacoma.
I really liked the Tacoma size and options but the Tundra gets better gas mileage! HOW?
So still undecided.
And I have set August as my buy date, so no hurry.
But for you:
www.fueleconomy.gov
The is a federal site with 48 printed pages of every manufacturer and model for 2017!
Fascinating to read!
Fascinating that Toyota would have it xeroxed for you!
Fascinating to see how 'old school' many manufacturers still are!
If you are interested in a new car, definitely print this report out! Forty-eight pages in size.
December 22, 2016
In Memory of Ed ...
My apologies for the brevity of this post, typing one handed is beyond mind numbing for me! And my left hand throbs because it wants to play too!
When I was in high school, I knew a girl named Janet. She was major league challenged. But, I did not care, after all, I had already found the one for me in tenth grade. So I managed to avoid all of that high school trauma/drama by being protected by the knowledge that what existed of my heart was safe. Yeah, we got to move all of that to college age instead when I had a rather rude awakening!
But Janet was the very typical teenager - over the top in all regards! A mighty unhappy, non-socialized female that guys fled from --- and she had to be my sister's best friend! So, I got regular doses of her mental and emotional states - in person or via my sister. Sigh ... Really, all she wanted was a boyfriend - but she lacked the social skills needed to attract one. And high school boys that are "hot" and everyone wants, are not what you should set your sights on in any event.
So, high school rolls by, college goes by, careers begin - my sister Sommer is now getting married to a man she had worked with for many years. By then I had been shattered years previously - and Janet is still the same annoying teenage girl internally. She walks near, I suddenly have to find a toilet! Nothing really changes ...
Now one thing my sister had told Janet years ago, was to stop asking guys to marry her as soon as they met (Yes, she literally did that - one reason she never got a date!). Instead, ask them if they would like to make shortbread with her. I remember laughing over that one. And at my sister's wedding reception there is this very distinguished man, no idea whom he is other than he has a strong Scottish brogue. I assumed that mother or grandmother had asked him come, since they both cherish their Scottish heritage and think nothing of inviting complete strangers to family events!
Janet walks up to him, introduces herself, he is apparently named Robert Burns, and asks him if he is interested in making shortbread with her ... I about blew my slice of wedding cake across the courtyard! And they were out of there!
Three months later came the wedding announcement ...
Well, he was Scottish, he was named Ed, he had four adult children, was a poet, loved shortbread and was 45 years her senior! Yeah lots of family hysterics over that one. I was, as usual, the lone voice saying, "If they are in love (truly committed to one another) then age/race/job/baldness/'what ever!' - makes no never mind!" I am usually the lone non-bigot in any group.
And Janet, whom has now changed her name to Zelda, Ed whom has legally changed his name to Robert Burns, married and faded from memory. Other than I would hear of the occasional battle in court between the children and Ed over his getting married again or changing his name ... They always lost, he was completely competent and she was definitely not a gold digger - he had nothing actually. They lived off of his meager retirement and her income as a librarian.
Ed's body slowly wore down across the years and began failing weeks ago. His passing only noted by the lone piper at the memorial and the howl when the children found out there really had been nothing to spend from Ed's life on themselves. The howl was so bad that their church cancelled the memorial and it had to be moved to an undisclosed bar! The pastor is still working with the police and FBI over the children's antics - for prosecution! Yeah, real works of art!
And I grew in admiration of Janet across the years, she stayed with her man to the end, when many would have cut and run in this disposable society. Twenty-five years they were together and in their little burg they were heralded as the love story of the century in the local paper. Yeah, not famous, wealthy or anything ... but all whom knew them, were enriched by their love for one another. It really was sort of a fairy tale.
So, life continues.
Janet is having to sell off everything there is in order to pay the medical expenses, she really has no idea as to what to do now.
I imagine she will not be making any shortbread in the near future ...
When I was in high school, I knew a girl named Janet. She was major league challenged. But, I did not care, after all, I had already found the one for me in tenth grade. So I managed to avoid all of that high school trauma/drama by being protected by the knowledge that what existed of my heart was safe. Yeah, we got to move all of that to college age instead when I had a rather rude awakening!
But Janet was the very typical teenager - over the top in all regards! A mighty unhappy, non-socialized female that guys fled from --- and she had to be my sister's best friend! So, I got regular doses of her mental and emotional states - in person or via my sister. Sigh ... Really, all she wanted was a boyfriend - but she lacked the social skills needed to attract one. And high school boys that are "hot" and everyone wants, are not what you should set your sights on in any event.
So, high school rolls by, college goes by, careers begin - my sister Sommer is now getting married to a man she had worked with for many years. By then I had been shattered years previously - and Janet is still the same annoying teenage girl internally. She walks near, I suddenly have to find a toilet! Nothing really changes ...
Now one thing my sister had told Janet years ago, was to stop asking guys to marry her as soon as they met (Yes, she literally did that - one reason she never got a date!). Instead, ask them if they would like to make shortbread with her. I remember laughing over that one. And at my sister's wedding reception there is this very distinguished man, no idea whom he is other than he has a strong Scottish brogue. I assumed that mother or grandmother had asked him come, since they both cherish their Scottish heritage and think nothing of inviting complete strangers to family events!
Janet walks up to him, introduces herself, he is apparently named Robert Burns, and asks him if he is interested in making shortbread with her ... I about blew my slice of wedding cake across the courtyard! And they were out of there!
Three months later came the wedding announcement ...
Well, he was Scottish, he was named Ed, he had four adult children, was a poet, loved shortbread and was 45 years her senior! Yeah lots of family hysterics over that one. I was, as usual, the lone voice saying, "If they are in love (truly committed to one another) then age/race/job/baldness/'what ever!' - makes no never mind!" I am usually the lone non-bigot in any group.
And Janet, whom has now changed her name to Zelda, Ed whom has legally changed his name to Robert Burns, married and faded from memory. Other than I would hear of the occasional battle in court between the children and Ed over his getting married again or changing his name ... They always lost, he was completely competent and she was definitely not a gold digger - he had nothing actually. They lived off of his meager retirement and her income as a librarian.
Ed's body slowly wore down across the years and began failing weeks ago. His passing only noted by the lone piper at the memorial and the howl when the children found out there really had been nothing to spend from Ed's life on themselves. The howl was so bad that their church cancelled the memorial and it had to be moved to an undisclosed bar! The pastor is still working with the police and FBI over the children's antics - for prosecution! Yeah, real works of art!
And I grew in admiration of Janet across the years, she stayed with her man to the end, when many would have cut and run in this disposable society. Twenty-five years they were together and in their little burg they were heralded as the love story of the century in the local paper. Yeah, not famous, wealthy or anything ... but all whom knew them, were enriched by their love for one another. It really was sort of a fairy tale.
So, life continues.
Janet is having to sell off everything there is in order to pay the medical expenses, she really has no idea as to what to do now.
I imagine she will not be making any shortbread in the near future ...
December 20, 2016
Life Slows Down
So life has suddenly hit the brakes on me! Yeah, having only one working hand now, a ton to do before the holidays, three grand kids staying with me - and everything suddenly is at a stand still!
Been boxing up my library to put it into storage - but did leave a pile of books beside my bed to read, as I am able to, come surgery in 28 days. Now how to move them??????
Still struggling with cooking, even more now though.
Still fearful of the surgery.
Still worried at what my mental condition will be ...
But, only a few more presents to get, to be done.
Food shopping still on the list.
Been boxing up my library to put it into storage - but did leave a pile of books beside my bed to read, as I am able to, come surgery in 28 days. Now how to move them??????
Still struggling with cooking, even more now though.
Still fearful of the surgery.
Still worried at what my mental condition will be ...
But, only a few more presents to get, to be done.
Food shopping still on the list.
December 17, 2016
December 16, 2016
It Was ...
I survived the stress test, day one.
Today is day two of the test,
But now I am broken!
I broke my hand opening the refrigerator,
Don't ask ...
Two dislocated fingers,
and one break!
Gees Kris!
Really?
So the next six weeks will be a little sparse, since typing is now done one handed only ...
sigh
December 15, 2016
Gonna Be A Bad Day
As I have mentioned earlier - today is my stress test.
I am literally terrified.
Which is not within my realm of experience!
The point of the test is to force as close to a heart attack as possible.
I think I might have that attack before hand!
I fear not being able to have my surgery,
I want it,
I need it badly .....
But then today was spent with my mother, as negative she is.
The stress of just being around her is substantial...
It is possible she has never said a nice thing about anyone,
Ever!
So Thursday morning,
Caffeine less,
I get to be pump full of drugs to tweak out my heart,
Very uncomfortable!
All prayers welcome .....
I am literally terrified.
Which is not within my realm of experience!
The point of the test is to force as close to a heart attack as possible.
I think I might have that attack before hand!
I fear not being able to have my surgery,
I want it,
I need it badly .....
But then today was spent with my mother, as negative she is.
The stress of just being around her is substantial...
It is possible she has never said a nice thing about anyone,
Ever!
So Thursday morning,
Caffeine less,
I get to be pump full of drugs to tweak out my heart,
Very uncomfortable!
All prayers welcome .....
December 13, 2016
Of His Kingdom
Luke 1:26-33
"Of His Kingdom there will be no end ..."
This statement gives us something to think about.
We are so temporally fixated with what we want to see, how we want to live, what we are willing to admit to.
Life is short, if you can not see beyond what is, then you are cursed to only seeing the vanity of life.
This past year I have been either cursed or gifted (depending on how you view things!) to see things far from the realm of just our insignificant existence.
Don't Bet On The Kingdom of Earth
All things of Earth will pass away.
We pursue what is of no importance at all.
We know what is of no importance at all.
We honor what is of no importance at all.
We seek significance - in hopes of being remembered.
Look To The Kingdom of God
Eternal
Indestructable
Made up of people - whom Jesus calls
Based wholly on God's LOVE.
Find Life Now
The Kingdom of God is not in the future
It is here and now!
(Colossians 1:13-14)
The Kingdom of God Can Never Be Shaken
His Church can not be stopped
His followers will be found
His followers will hear His voice.
"Of His Kingdom there will be no end ..."
This statement gives us something to think about.
We are so temporally fixated with what we want to see, how we want to live, what we are willing to admit to.
Life is short, if you can not see beyond what is, then you are cursed to only seeing the vanity of life.
This past year I have been either cursed or gifted (depending on how you view things!) to see things far from the realm of just our insignificant existence.
Don't Bet On The Kingdom of Earth
All things of Earth will pass away.
We pursue what is of no importance at all.
We know what is of no importance at all.
We honor what is of no importance at all.
We seek significance - in hopes of being remembered.
Look To The Kingdom of God
Eternal
Indestructable
Made up of people - whom Jesus calls
Based wholly on God's LOVE.
Find Life Now
The Kingdom of God is not in the future
It is here and now!
(Colossians 1:13-14)
The Kingdom of God Can Never Be Shaken
His Church can not be stopped
His followers will be found
His followers will hear His voice.
December 12, 2016
Wired
Last week was fairly awful, this Friday will be the second worse for all of the tests - as my cardiologist attempts to stimulate my heart into failure ... I really hate that test!
But the winner for worst of the worse ..... a brain neurological study. I had given much thought to this because there is little information out there - how can they map brain damage?
Well, let us just say that if used during wartime, there would be war crime commissions set up to figure out whom to prosecute ..... OMG!
I fear my grasp of language is still fairly limited, I can not describe in sufficient detail the horrors of what they did to my mind, in the name of science of course!
First I had to have 75 implants in my scalp ... I remembered thinking about the first atomic bomb and its radii of detenators surrounding the sphere! What if they back filled a signal down those wires? Would my head blow? I started laughing at the "puff!" which would surely be observed as my two ears banged each other from the empty cavity implosion (I was so blamed for my entire youth)! LOL!!!!!! This took 1.5 hours!
Then I had to lay still for 4 hours. I have a bad back from a car accident years ago and laying on my back is not one of my favorite positions - much less for hour after hour! So, lots of squirming! And while laying there, you have to breathe through your mouth! I have no idea why, it is most distracting! And then you are not supposed to swallow! Really?????
Yeah, I am not a good patient I fear. I did everything wrong. sigh ...
And then the worse .... visual stimulation with bright lights flashing in differing patterns. Really? I almost passed out at one point. My mind could not take the rapid changes - much like that video I held off sharing for months - I could not share it due to the rapid stop action of the video!
Other things I had to do was just lay there, quietly.
Do deep breathing exercises.
Hyperventilate!
Clasp hands with eyes closed, unclasp.
Open eyes and stare into flashing lights.
Yeah outside of the lights, it was really not an issue. But, I tell you if some piece of information would have turned them off - I would have squealed like a piglet at a grease pig catching contest! I would have even made up answers if I had to ...
It took me a little while to recover from this. I thought about prisoners of war and at how their treatment was far worse. I was just facing flashing lights - there are men I have known whom were broken as human beings by the torture they underwent during war time.
Freed of wires, I stumbled out into the bright day and headed to the local hair salon to get them to wash that electo-conducting gel out of my hair! It only took five application! LOL
It will be a few weeks before they have a statement as to the physical nature of my brain trauma, not that it matters, I already know there is little anyone can do to recreate my mind .....
and I am fairly certain I do not want that mind recreated ...
But the winner for worst of the worse ..... a brain neurological study. I had given much thought to this because there is little information out there - how can they map brain damage?
Well, let us just say that if used during wartime, there would be war crime commissions set up to figure out whom to prosecute ..... OMG!
I fear my grasp of language is still fairly limited, I can not describe in sufficient detail the horrors of what they did to my mind, in the name of science of course!
First I had to have 75 implants in my scalp ... I remembered thinking about the first atomic bomb and its radii of detenators surrounding the sphere! What if they back filled a signal down those wires? Would my head blow? I started laughing at the "puff!" which would surely be observed as my two ears banged each other from the empty cavity implosion (I was so blamed for my entire youth)! LOL!!!!!! This took 1.5 hours!
Then I had to lay still for 4 hours. I have a bad back from a car accident years ago and laying on my back is not one of my favorite positions - much less for hour after hour! So, lots of squirming! And while laying there, you have to breathe through your mouth! I have no idea why, it is most distracting! And then you are not supposed to swallow! Really?????
Yeah, I am not a good patient I fear. I did everything wrong. sigh ...
And then the worse .... visual stimulation with bright lights flashing in differing patterns. Really? I almost passed out at one point. My mind could not take the rapid changes - much like that video I held off sharing for months - I could not share it due to the rapid stop action of the video!
Other things I had to do was just lay there, quietly.
Do deep breathing exercises.
Hyperventilate!
Clasp hands with eyes closed, unclasp.
Open eyes and stare into flashing lights.
Yeah outside of the lights, it was really not an issue. But, I tell you if some piece of information would have turned them off - I would have squealed like a piglet at a grease pig catching contest! I would have even made up answers if I had to ...
It took me a little while to recover from this. I thought about prisoners of war and at how their treatment was far worse. I was just facing flashing lights - there are men I have known whom were broken as human beings by the torture they underwent during war time.
Freed of wires, I stumbled out into the bright day and headed to the local hair salon to get them to wash that electo-conducting gel out of my hair! It only took five application! LOL
It will be a few weeks before they have a statement as to the physical nature of my brain trauma, not that it matters, I already know there is little anyone can do to recreate my mind .....
and I am fairly certain I do not want that mind recreated ...
December 10, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
Okay, this is a horrible video, but it cracked me so I am sharing it!
It is also from the 1980's but just too horrible to share as a first Saturday of the month video!
Intrigued yet?
LOL
(unfortunately, on my netbook the next video in this bizarre collection auto plays, do yourself a favor and just end the video at the end of the song ...)
It is also from the 1980's but just too horrible to share as a first Saturday of the month video!
Intrigued yet?
LOL
(unfortunately, on my netbook the next video in this bizarre collection auto plays, do yourself a favor and just end the video at the end of the song ...)
December 9, 2016
Leavenworth, Washington
 |
| Leavenworth with just a touch of snow |
So, when given the chance of taking a trip yesterday to Leavenworth, Washington with a bus load of retirees ... nope, no interest! Its a bunch of old people after-all! Oh, wait, I guess on the outside I am that "old" - LOL.
There were 31 of us on the trip, I was definitely the youngest!, a nice two hour drive over slightly icy roads to parking lots filled with cars, lots of old people running around and I have to admit I was wondering if there was a white hair convention in town! But, I guess mid-week is a good time for retirees to show up.
On the trip was one the ladies from my church. I knew she came because she is trying to fill her hours. Her husband died last year, so I offered to buy her lunch if she was interested in yakking. She was excited.
Once in town, we were met by a Santa Claus for photos, we saw him later at Starbucks filling out an application! LOL Guess even old Santas have to have options was well! And the lady I was going to take to lunch disappeared .... I have no idea how those short little legs spirited her away so quickly! So, I roamed around a bit, did not find much that interested me, nor as gifts for others. The town had set up a snow maker to create snow on a green strip next to the shopping district and kids appeared - from whom knows where - very excitedly throwing themselves down the short slope. The way it should be, when you are young .... Settled down to what should have been a fine meal at my favorite place in this town - and - it simply was the worse meal I have had since being allowed to escape from rehab after my operation! For entertainment I was listening to the longest line of bull I have ever heard from a 90 year old (POC!) man, whom was hitting on a 50 something blond .... I wanted to shake her and scream, "Run!". But, she bought his line of bull, hook-line-and-sinker! They concluded their meal with plans to leave for Mexico on Saturday. I just sat stunned at her gullibility and wondered in the back of my mind if this was how my father was: hunting constantly and somehow always finding his next victim. Sigh ... it just makes me ill to see people preyed upon.
The clouds began to roll in as we loaded the bus for home. Two snowflakes tapped me on the neck as I stood on the stairs of the bus to take the above picture.
We had lots of lively chatting on the way home, lots of laughter - thankfully it filled the four hours it took to get home! Traffic was simply horrible once we hit Bellevue! At one point it took us 45 minutes to just advance half a mile .... really poor road design ... sigh ...
So, it was 7:30 when we finally made it back to the parking lot we had all met at, 2 hours late due to the last eleven miles we had to travel. And I have to admit those 2 hours was horrible! Several of us were having severe bladder pain by the time we arrived at our destination, as the driver would not stop and I honestly was wondering whom was going to blow first! But, at least I made it to my favorite Mexican cantina and refreshing relief!
It was a fun trip, I will probably do another one day, as my body allows.
December 8, 2016
Gold Pan
Everyone knows what a gold pan looks like: steel, round with sloping edges.
I used one all of the way through high school during the summer as I worked the dirt of my claim outside of Apex, Colorado - it now has a house built on it!
About 1980 I was working with a re-enactment group and they wanted to do a correct set ups for 1840's prospectors. The only problem is that gold pans were never made from steel, steel was far too costly and rare in that time frame!
So, I researched this and found some real 1850's pans and they were all copper, it made sense once I thought about it. And to find a copper "gold pan" was not hard, they are made by only one company as engraved presentation gifts. They are really nothing more than a pan shape - it would never work as a gold pan at all! And the company had no interest in production of a real pan.
With a little luck, I found a guy not far from my house whom owned a metal spinner. A tool which will spin a plate of metal and with an assortment of attachments which will allow the shaping of the plate as it spins through application of pressure. The guy made pizza pans mostly.
He was open to the idea of working in copper, so I drew up the design of what the pan needed to look like. He blew up all over me! How dare I tell him how to make a gold pan! I walked away .... I had confirmed orders for 250 of these pans, but if he could not produce them, then there literally was no one out there to do it!
Advance 36 years and I am at a Christmas arts and craft show in the Seattle area. Now remember, I have NO memory!, and yet, there is a guy there whom looks so familiar .....
So, I walked over to his booth to see what he had. He ignored me, which is fine, everyone does - guess he did not know me - so maybe I am just confused. But, he does metal spinning! And I am thinking, " wait a minute ...."
I looked at this goods, mostly pizza pans in aluminum. I found some 4" gold pans, interesting but they were just gold pan shaped. And then, there it was: a copper shaped 18" gold pan ... I gingerly picked it up. I gently ran my finger over the curve, it was perfect. My fingers told me that the grooves had all been spun in, again perfect, and it was only $12 ...
I handed him a $20.00.
"Well, that is $12.00 and there is tax - and you damn well better be paying the tax!"
I said nothing. Just smiled.
"Okay, that is $13.14 with the tax and now I have to give you change!"
He said this so loudly and unpleasantly, even other dealers where looking at him to figure out what his problem was!
He tossed the money on the table, not bothering to count it, no thank you, no Merry Christmas ....
He just returned to staring off in the distance.
I started to move away when the lady in the next booth held out a bag to put the pan in. "I am sorry, he is just a very unpleasant person ..." She smiled and wished me a Merry Christmas.
And I walked away.
Surprised to have found him thousands of miles away ... 36 years later.
Happy that I at least had one pan for me, which was correct.
Irritated that he was selling my design.
Irritated that he had refused to do it when both of us could have made some real money!
Sorry for him, for he is a miserable - little - man ...
He was so rude, I honestly could not even wish him a Merry Christmas. And yet, this season when we remember Jesus' birth ... to come, to die, for me and men exactly like that very unpleasant man.
Yeah, I felt bad about that later.
It was the least I could have done to have risen above his behavior.
To have tried to show at least God's love.
I used one all of the way through high school during the summer as I worked the dirt of my claim outside of Apex, Colorado - it now has a house built on it!
About 1980 I was working with a re-enactment group and they wanted to do a correct set ups for 1840's prospectors. The only problem is that gold pans were never made from steel, steel was far too costly and rare in that time frame!
So, I researched this and found some real 1850's pans and they were all copper, it made sense once I thought about it. And to find a copper "gold pan" was not hard, they are made by only one company as engraved presentation gifts. They are really nothing more than a pan shape - it would never work as a gold pan at all! And the company had no interest in production of a real pan.
With a little luck, I found a guy not far from my house whom owned a metal spinner. A tool which will spin a plate of metal and with an assortment of attachments which will allow the shaping of the plate as it spins through application of pressure. The guy made pizza pans mostly.
He was open to the idea of working in copper, so I drew up the design of what the pan needed to look like. He blew up all over me! How dare I tell him how to make a gold pan! I walked away .... I had confirmed orders for 250 of these pans, but if he could not produce them, then there literally was no one out there to do it!
Advance 36 years and I am at a Christmas arts and craft show in the Seattle area. Now remember, I have NO memory!, and yet, there is a guy there whom looks so familiar .....
So, I walked over to his booth to see what he had. He ignored me, which is fine, everyone does - guess he did not know me - so maybe I am just confused. But, he does metal spinning! And I am thinking, " wait a minute ...."
I looked at this goods, mostly pizza pans in aluminum. I found some 4" gold pans, interesting but they were just gold pan shaped. And then, there it was: a copper shaped 18" gold pan ... I gingerly picked it up. I gently ran my finger over the curve, it was perfect. My fingers told me that the grooves had all been spun in, again perfect, and it was only $12 ...
I handed him a $20.00.
"Well, that is $12.00 and there is tax - and you damn well better be paying the tax!"
I said nothing. Just smiled.
"Okay, that is $13.14 with the tax and now I have to give you change!"
He said this so loudly and unpleasantly, even other dealers where looking at him to figure out what his problem was!
He tossed the money on the table, not bothering to count it, no thank you, no Merry Christmas ....
He just returned to staring off in the distance.
I started to move away when the lady in the next booth held out a bag to put the pan in. "I am sorry, he is just a very unpleasant person ..." She smiled and wished me a Merry Christmas.
And I walked away.
Surprised to have found him thousands of miles away ... 36 years later.
Happy that I at least had one pan for me, which was correct.
Irritated that he was selling my design.
Irritated that he had refused to do it when both of us could have made some real money!
Sorry for him, for he is a miserable - little - man ...
He was so rude, I honestly could not even wish him a Merry Christmas. And yet, this season when we remember Jesus' birth ... to come, to die, for me and men exactly like that very unpleasant man.
Yeah, I felt bad about that later.
It was the least I could have done to have risen above his behavior.
To have tried to show at least God's love.
December 7, 2016
Facing Eternity
Paul has traveled to Corinth and answers the question of his Apostle status.
Acts 18:1-17
2 Corinthisans 5:10
The Bema Seat, was the place from where judgements were rendered, where the Torah could be read from, where one would teach from. It was a place of honor.
Service, Not Salvation
How will you represent Him?
What is the fruit of your life?
God's Steward
Approach each day, not as an opportunity for you but to represent God to your realm of influence.
Casting Crowns
Each of us, as Christians, receive one or more crowns.
These then are to be thrown as Jesus' feet.
I would not pretend to understand the importance of rewards beyond life.
I would not pretend to understand why "crowns".
Giving them back to Jesus - sure, all is His to begin with!
I have no comfort with the thought of eternal reward.
I take comfort in the thought of eternal clemency ...
I guess, what is important is to use each day we are given to life His life, not our own.
To know we can then face eternity in His comfort ...
Acts 18:1-17
2 Corinthisans 5:10
The Bema Seat, was the place from where judgements were rendered, where the Torah could be read from, where one would teach from. It was a place of honor.
Service, Not Salvation
How will you represent Him?
What is the fruit of your life?
God's Steward
Approach each day, not as an opportunity for you but to represent God to your realm of influence.
Casting Crowns
Each of us, as Christians, receive one or more crowns.
These then are to be thrown as Jesus' feet.
I would not pretend to understand the importance of rewards beyond life.
I would not pretend to understand why "crowns".
Giving them back to Jesus - sure, all is His to begin with!
I have no comfort with the thought of eternal reward.
I take comfort in the thought of eternal clemency ...
I guess, what is important is to use each day we are given to life His life, not our own.
To know we can then face eternity in His comfort ...
Eleven Doctors
Sorry this post is so late for the day!
Yesterday was spent madly running around because I knew I would be in various doctors offices for the whole of Tuesday! :(
Net result was a new pair of glasses ordered, a cardiac stress test scheduled for next week :( , and I managed to slip in mailing all of my Christmas packages, save for what needs to go to my Aunts in Switzerland.
Sigh, what a day!!!!!!
Yesterday was spent madly running around because I knew I would be in various doctors offices for the whole of Tuesday! :(
Net result was a new pair of glasses ordered, a cardiac stress test scheduled for next week :( , and I managed to slip in mailing all of my Christmas packages, save for what needs to go to my Aunts in Switzerland.
Sigh, what a day!!!!!!
December 5, 2016
Retired
So, I did it.
It is now official.
I went into Social Security and declared myself retired.
It was an exhausting day of just sitting there, crowded with hundreds.
All I had to do was turn in two pieces of paper but you could not mail them, no in person only!
So, I sat for 3.5 hours before I called called to the window.
And in 30 seconds I was out of there!
I walked slowly to my favorite cantina.
Wondering about the future.
I gave up finding another job.
I gave up a secure future.
But, at least the income will double what I have.
Royalties + SS retirement = can now live.
My financial future locked in.
All of my debts are paid.
But, no future I see for me.
Not sure what to do now.
I guess for now, just get in shape for the next surgery.
Somehow survive the recovery as I did last time.
And then .....
The future is an open book
And mystery ...
It is now official.
I went into Social Security and declared myself retired.
It was an exhausting day of just sitting there, crowded with hundreds.
All I had to do was turn in two pieces of paper but you could not mail them, no in person only!
So, I sat for 3.5 hours before I called called to the window.
And in 30 seconds I was out of there!
I walked slowly to my favorite cantina.
Wondering about the future.
I gave up finding another job.
I gave up a secure future.
But, at least the income will double what I have.
Royalties + SS retirement = can now live.
My financial future locked in.
All of my debts are paid.
But, no future I see for me.
Not sure what to do now.
I guess for now, just get in shape for the next surgery.
Somehow survive the recovery as I did last time.
And then .....
The future is an open book
And mystery ...
December 3, 2016
December 2, 2016
Perspective: So What
Well, never let it be said that I do not get emails! And, it seems few got the idea from what yesterday's post is really about!
It dealt with truth - to hide it or not? Which is better? Two different cultures, two vastly different approaches ...
We are sinners, we are born into to it, we come to it naturally, we excuse it and then make it better by letting it become the standard of behavior. Piece by piece we draw further from God, sin becoming the norm, then new sin replacing what we now accept, then a new norm. Eventually, you end up in a place you never could have imagined, much less recognize, because there is a memory of where you started out at - and it sure is not where you have ended up!
Kant said, "... anyone who misunderstands or questions the significance of outward appearance in the world is a traitor to humanity."
Did you catch that? To hide the truth is to be preferred to saving the knowledge of man's failures. At all cost, hide the truth from future generations!
Ever hear the adage about "those whom do not learn from history, are condemned to repeat it"? Well, you just found out why Kant's idea is so poorly conceived! So, over and over again - seemingly without end, our culture continually repeats the same mistakes over and over again! Never to learn, always to be surprised by the same results! It disturbs me to distraction this cyclic myopia!
Okay, so back to the eMailed questions: "So What?"
Look at the world today:
Merkel, at the head of the German government is not fairing well.
Why?
Because the culture in that country believes in revelation of all, no hidden secrets.
And Merkel had been manipulated by the EU and the USA to bow to their desires on a host of issues from refugees to the Middle East Crisis.
And it was hidden ...
Like most things, what is hidden, ends up revealed!
Merkel is facing the lost of her position and power now.
Perhaps even a retreat of the Germany from the EU!
All because Merkel is a dishonest politician in a country where dishonesty is not appreciated.
In similar situations, Canada and Great Britain are struggling.
Difference is, their culture says to hide the bad and go forward.
But, what happens when news agencies find out about the government's less than ethical policies which are causing the world situation today?
Yeah, coverup, duck, and pretend - until the people hear the truth and have had enough.
In America, we just went through a rough election where unqualified people duked it out and the biggest mouth won.
Notice how it was all about revealing secrets from one side or the other?
That is thanks to our history as cover up central and pretend there are no issues.
And the opening of the trash cans has been very interesting ...
So, I hope that explains better why the difference between cultures have to be considered and are a valid viewpoint when dealing with real world issues!
Something to notice and think about.
How do you approach life?
I tend towards total honesty.
My mother, friends and most people I know in America - total concealment and lies.
My family in Switzerland, caustic honesty!
Which is better?
I like honesty - expressed in love .....
It dealt with truth - to hide it or not? Which is better? Two different cultures, two vastly different approaches ...
We are sinners, we are born into to it, we come to it naturally, we excuse it and then make it better by letting it become the standard of behavior. Piece by piece we draw further from God, sin becoming the norm, then new sin replacing what we now accept, then a new norm. Eventually, you end up in a place you never could have imagined, much less recognize, because there is a memory of where you started out at - and it sure is not where you have ended up!
Kant said, "... anyone who misunderstands or questions the significance of outward appearance in the world is a traitor to humanity."
Did you catch that? To hide the truth is to be preferred to saving the knowledge of man's failures. At all cost, hide the truth from future generations!
Ever hear the adage about "those whom do not learn from history, are condemned to repeat it"? Well, you just found out why Kant's idea is so poorly conceived! So, over and over again - seemingly without end, our culture continually repeats the same mistakes over and over again! Never to learn, always to be surprised by the same results! It disturbs me to distraction this cyclic myopia!
Okay, so back to the eMailed questions: "So What?"
Look at the world today:
Merkel, at the head of the German government is not fairing well.
Why?
Because the culture in that country believes in revelation of all, no hidden secrets.
And Merkel had been manipulated by the EU and the USA to bow to their desires on a host of issues from refugees to the Middle East Crisis.
And it was hidden ...
Like most things, what is hidden, ends up revealed!
Merkel is facing the lost of her position and power now.
Perhaps even a retreat of the Germany from the EU!
All because Merkel is a dishonest politician in a country where dishonesty is not appreciated.
In similar situations, Canada and Great Britain are struggling.
Difference is, their culture says to hide the bad and go forward.
But, what happens when news agencies find out about the government's less than ethical policies which are causing the world situation today?
Yeah, coverup, duck, and pretend - until the people hear the truth and have had enough.
In America, we just went through a rough election where unqualified people duked it out and the biggest mouth won.
Notice how it was all about revealing secrets from one side or the other?
That is thanks to our history as cover up central and pretend there are no issues.
And the opening of the trash cans has been very interesting ...
So, I hope that explains better why the difference between cultures have to be considered and are a valid viewpoint when dealing with real world issues!
Something to notice and think about.
How do you approach life?
I tend towards total honesty.
My mother, friends and most people I know in America - total concealment and lies.
My family in Switzerland, caustic honesty!
Which is better?
I like honesty - expressed in love .....
December 1, 2016
Perspective: England vs Germany
Germany has some interesting "facts" every school child must know. For instance, we we were taught that doctors KNOW the main cause of death in America is people choking on ice. Hence, no iced drinks in the Germany I grew up in!
Well, after 47 years here, I still have to hear of anyone choking on their ice! But, that is just one example and easy to enjoy and laugh at. Others are a bit harder ...
I try to read my Bonhoeffer books every decade or so, but since I have no mind now, I have no idea when the last time was. So, with my unexpected free time last week (as I waited for a friend whom never came) I reread his, Letters From Prison.
And, I do have a bit of problem with Bonhoeffer, he has been canonized by the American Lutheran Church, their only saint. Yeah, it bites at me. Someone whom decides to become involved in the attempted murder of a national leader, even if it is Hitler, has no right to be declared a saint or martyr. They are guilty of murder. And he paid the price for that, as God claims is His right. It was unfortunate that Bonhoeffer could not have lived his faith, a part of which states that God raises up rulers and authorities. So even if you believe your leader to be the anti-Christ, as Bonhoeffer and many others did, you need discernment - and Germany had none at the time.
So, I am reading along and stumbled on a phrase, "English - hypocrisy"
This was then immediately contrasted with, "German - honesty"
That one took some thought!
I actually had to go to Kant to understand what was being said here. Bonhoeffer was a big fan of Kant! I think Kant ... never mind, I will be nice here ...
German philosophical thought says, good or bad, all is disclosed.
English philosophical thought says, that bad is to be hidden.
So, now from a German perspective, it is easy to see why the English (and Americans) can not be trusted - they will lie to cover up anything which is decided to be an unpopular viewpoint.
However, as we know, post-World War II has show light in the dark recesses of the Third Reich - the Germans are hardly honest in their dealings with one another or anyone one else ... Bonhoeffer did not know, no one knew, of the depth of evil Germany had become.
Which does not negate the statement that those of the English culture are hypocrites.
Indeed, the requirement for our leaders to bury anything and everything under layers of secrecy - most of which are just embarrassing to the current administration! Self preservation, not national interest, is a real problem in my book for secrecy's usage. It is one thing to not wish to broadcast your weapon's capabilities, it is entirely another to hid behind National Interest because you are hiding your sin before God (as if you could!).
So, okay, it took a full day to grasp what Bonhoeffer was saying and why.
Truth is over rated, there must be discernment.
Secrets are meaningless, when all must be kept secret.
Driving home again the importance of DISCERNMENT in this culture!
Well, after 47 years here, I still have to hear of anyone choking on their ice! But, that is just one example and easy to enjoy and laugh at. Others are a bit harder ...
I try to read my Bonhoeffer books every decade or so, but since I have no mind now, I have no idea when the last time was. So, with my unexpected free time last week (as I waited for a friend whom never came) I reread his, Letters From Prison.
And, I do have a bit of problem with Bonhoeffer, he has been canonized by the American Lutheran Church, their only saint. Yeah, it bites at me. Someone whom decides to become involved in the attempted murder of a national leader, even if it is Hitler, has no right to be declared a saint or martyr. They are guilty of murder. And he paid the price for that, as God claims is His right. It was unfortunate that Bonhoeffer could not have lived his faith, a part of which states that God raises up rulers and authorities. So even if you believe your leader to be the anti-Christ, as Bonhoeffer and many others did, you need discernment - and Germany had none at the time.
So, I am reading along and stumbled on a phrase, "English - hypocrisy"
This was then immediately contrasted with, "German - honesty"
That one took some thought!
I actually had to go to Kant to understand what was being said here. Bonhoeffer was a big fan of Kant! I think Kant ... never mind, I will be nice here ...
German philosophical thought says, good or bad, all is disclosed.
English philosophical thought says, that bad is to be hidden.
So, now from a German perspective, it is easy to see why the English (and Americans) can not be trusted - they will lie to cover up anything which is decided to be an unpopular viewpoint.
However, as we know, post-World War II has show light in the dark recesses of the Third Reich - the Germans are hardly honest in their dealings with one another or anyone one else ... Bonhoeffer did not know, no one knew, of the depth of evil Germany had become.
Which does not negate the statement that those of the English culture are hypocrites.
Indeed, the requirement for our leaders to bury anything and everything under layers of secrecy - most of which are just embarrassing to the current administration! Self preservation, not national interest, is a real problem in my book for secrecy's usage. It is one thing to not wish to broadcast your weapon's capabilities, it is entirely another to hid behind National Interest because you are hiding your sin before God (as if you could!).
So, okay, it took a full day to grasp what Bonhoeffer was saying and why.
Truth is over rated, there must be discernment.
Secrets are meaningless, when all must be kept secret.
Driving home again the importance of DISCERNMENT in this culture!
November 30, 2016
Pray For Kathy
One of my co-workers of many years in ministry is in great need of prayer.
She has had one physical catastrophe after another for most of the years I have known her.
One of them was her left arm going gangrenous out of the clear blue! And she saw specialist after specialist, finally ending with scheduling the removal of the arm! I was horrified.
She had come to Sunday School class and told me this and it weighed heavily upon me during the class. At the end I asked her to share with them what had happened. Then I asked those that wanted to, to gather around her, lay hands on her and pray for her healing. Mind you, this is not usual Kris fare in his class - but I KNEW this was what had to be done.
The next day she had her pre-surgery meeting with the surgeon: and she showed him her now pink, no longer grey black arm! She could wiggle her fingers and move her joints! He was blown away!
And now she faces a third bout with cancer. She wants to do what is required, short of any form of surgery.
So, Monday, Tuesday and today she has been in the hospital for testing. I have a feeling her sweat is going to glow in the dark for a while!
But, she needs peace, God's peace to reassure her all is well - one way or the other ...
Might be nice to remember her husband in prayer as well.
He faces his own physical challenges, but hers keep being diagnosed as fatal!
Thank you.
She has had one physical catastrophe after another for most of the years I have known her.
One of them was her left arm going gangrenous out of the clear blue! And she saw specialist after specialist, finally ending with scheduling the removal of the arm! I was horrified.
She had come to Sunday School class and told me this and it weighed heavily upon me during the class. At the end I asked her to share with them what had happened. Then I asked those that wanted to, to gather around her, lay hands on her and pray for her healing. Mind you, this is not usual Kris fare in his class - but I KNEW this was what had to be done.
The next day she had her pre-surgery meeting with the surgeon: and she showed him her now pink, no longer grey black arm! She could wiggle her fingers and move her joints! He was blown away!
And now she faces a third bout with cancer. She wants to do what is required, short of any form of surgery.
So, Monday, Tuesday and today she has been in the hospital for testing. I have a feeling her sweat is going to glow in the dark for a while!
But, she needs peace, God's peace to reassure her all is well - one way or the other ...
Might be nice to remember her husband in prayer as well.
He faces his own physical challenges, but hers keep being diagnosed as fatal!
Thank you.
November 29, 2016
Full Circle
It was not a pleasant weekend.
A visitor I expected, apparently saw no need to follow up on seeing me.
I am greatly distressed - I had set up the week with plenty of free time to meet with their schedule.
Just one more attack on my already below zero sense of value.
But, as life around me passes by, I know I am just yesterday's news, being me sucks ...
A conclusion I came to earlier this year is that I trust far too easily and believe in people, when there is no basis for trust or belief to exist apparently.
Nicely re-enforced.
Sigh ...
I have been praying a great deal that God would please do something, anything!, with me! I am starved for even an easy task to perform.
A last assignment would be perfect, then He can snuff this existence out.
But, in the meanwhile, something of value I can do is greatly desired.
And God on Saturday showed me that He has not been distant, silent or inactive on my request ...
One of "my girls" from a little over a decade ago got in touch with me.
She was a fragile flower as a teenage girl - oh the tears she soaked my sweaters and tee-shirts with! Yeah, a hard life, a very hard life ... Then she just disappeared.
But, I never stopped praying for her! And I when told my old co-worker and contact for all things female in the youth group, she instantly told me that she never stopped praying for that young lady either! In fact just that morning she had been thinking of her.
All of these years later, this young lady pops back up, reminding me of my youth ministry (which I have no memory of!) and I have not been able to have a part in for three years now due to my health. I do not feel sad or empty, I was elated that someone had remembered me kindly and contacted me when I was feeling rather down!
And again: There are no coincidences in life.
And this triggered a flood of memories - convoluted, random, incomplete ones. More garbage to play with in my mind I thought.
Then a few hours later, a someone whom left my life long ago popped up. Now this was truly random, no reason to contact me and then I remembered - there are no coincidences.
Friday, the old friend sent a note which laid out what was on their mind ...
I was horrified, I wanted to throw up, I hated to know how someone I knew, much less cared about, had been broken so many decades ago - so badly. And had never said a word ...
And it all made sense. Back in 2013, maybe 2014, I went through the trauma of decoding myself. I saw me as God saw me, I understood me as God understood me and Brother Timothy was standing by to dial 911. He really did not expect me to survive, but I did, no matter how terrible it was.
To face damage done to me as a child, which no adult would believe, which no adult would comfort. And that created a hardness in me that even I could not crack. But, God works quietly and slowly to bring you where He wants you.
Because the modern paganism we live under in this culture is not Christianity, it is not the way to God - it is the road away from God. And I want God in my life, on my side, using me.
And I now I understand He had to break me, in order to use me more.
This weekend I can see in full circle. Where 52 years of fouling up brought me. Where 44 years as a Christian have grown me in knowledge and desire. Why all of my knowledge had to be stripped away from me:
I know what this person must do to approach God!
(sorry American believers, salvation and life are not as easy as your theology wants you to blindly believe!)
But, this time I am at the disadvantage.
If I am to help, which apparently I must, this has the potential to be my last assignment. This is not quick, easy, nor without significant stress and it forces me to deal with things in my past forgotten long ago and not dealt with either.
Though I know I have mentioned it in passing a few years ago here.
And this young lady popping up, was a clue apparently into what the lost friend has gone through. I was able to have empathy/sympathy for her, so apparently I must with the lost one as well.
But this is all fodder for later in 2017, I still have to survive surgery on January 18th ...
And perhaps nothing will come of this or perhaps everything well .....
A visitor I expected, apparently saw no need to follow up on seeing me.
I am greatly distressed - I had set up the week with plenty of free time to meet with their schedule.
Just one more attack on my already below zero sense of value.
But, as life around me passes by, I know I am just yesterday's news, being me sucks ...
A conclusion I came to earlier this year is that I trust far too easily and believe in people, when there is no basis for trust or belief to exist apparently.
Nicely re-enforced.
Sigh ...
I have been praying a great deal that God would please do something, anything!, with me! I am starved for even an easy task to perform.
A last assignment would be perfect, then He can snuff this existence out.
But, in the meanwhile, something of value I can do is greatly desired.
And God on Saturday showed me that He has not been distant, silent or inactive on my request ...
One of "my girls" from a little over a decade ago got in touch with me.
She was a fragile flower as a teenage girl - oh the tears she soaked my sweaters and tee-shirts with! Yeah, a hard life, a very hard life ... Then she just disappeared.
But, I never stopped praying for her! And I when told my old co-worker and contact for all things female in the youth group, she instantly told me that she never stopped praying for that young lady either! In fact just that morning she had been thinking of her.
All of these years later, this young lady pops back up, reminding me of my youth ministry (which I have no memory of!) and I have not been able to have a part in for three years now due to my health. I do not feel sad or empty, I was elated that someone had remembered me kindly and contacted me when I was feeling rather down!
And again: There are no coincidences in life.
And this triggered a flood of memories - convoluted, random, incomplete ones. More garbage to play with in my mind I thought.
Then a few hours later, a someone whom left my life long ago popped up. Now this was truly random, no reason to contact me and then I remembered - there are no coincidences.
Friday, the old friend sent a note which laid out what was on their mind ...
I was horrified, I wanted to throw up, I hated to know how someone I knew, much less cared about, had been broken so many decades ago - so badly. And had never said a word ...
And it all made sense. Back in 2013, maybe 2014, I went through the trauma of decoding myself. I saw me as God saw me, I understood me as God understood me and Brother Timothy was standing by to dial 911. He really did not expect me to survive, but I did, no matter how terrible it was.
To face damage done to me as a child, which no adult would believe, which no adult would comfort. And that created a hardness in me that even I could not crack. But, God works quietly and slowly to bring you where He wants you.
Because the modern paganism we live under in this culture is not Christianity, it is not the way to God - it is the road away from God. And I want God in my life, on my side, using me.
And I now I understand He had to break me, in order to use me more.
This weekend I can see in full circle. Where 52 years of fouling up brought me. Where 44 years as a Christian have grown me in knowledge and desire. Why all of my knowledge had to be stripped away from me:
I know what this person must do to approach God!
(sorry American believers, salvation and life are not as easy as your theology wants you to blindly believe!)
But, this time I am at the disadvantage.
If I am to help, which apparently I must, this has the potential to be my last assignment. This is not quick, easy, nor without significant stress and it forces me to deal with things in my past forgotten long ago and not dealt with either.
Though I know I have mentioned it in passing a few years ago here.
And this young lady popping up, was a clue apparently into what the lost friend has gone through. I was able to have empathy/sympathy for her, so apparently I must with the lost one as well.
But this is all fodder for later in 2017, I still have to survive surgery on January 18th ...
And perhaps nothing will come of this or perhaps everything well .....
November 28, 2016
Surprise!
In spite of having brain damage - not being able to really KNOW past nor present, much less the meaning of what people tell me. Everyone talks from a viewpoint of there being past history, so what is said, no matter how terse or convoluted, is understood by all. Well, not if one of you has no past to recall or an incomplete one.
One of my goals I set for myself was to get out of debt. I would like to claim brain damage but ... I made some poor financial choices years ago. Car breaks down on a trip, whip out the Master Card. Repeat without end it seems on that trip! Then back home use the card to buy a nice used car that fit the kids.
In December 2009 I had taken David Ramsay's financial peace course and decided that I would dedicate myself to clearing out that debt! Back then, I made enough to liquidate it all in 90 days - might have to eat beans, but I like legumes! (and no, I do not really recommend this course. it has some sound principals but as long as you do not trust God for your daily needs - it is just fine showing you how to rely on yourself, not God ... )
My father died and I had to live in Denver for a month $$$$$.
Plus settle father's estate and debts $$$$$!
And my job went south while I was in Denver.
And no one would even interview someone over 45!
So, I went to college to get a new degree for a new job.
And I was crippled in an auto accident.
And I never recovered, eventually losing my leg last October as a result.
And I was able to barely maintain the original debt level across the years!
In 2014 I had had enough with life and laid out what it would take for me to change my life.
To leave the hatred behind
To rediscover life
To live life with love
Not surrounded by hate.
Number one on that list was get out of debt.
In theory it was possible.
In reality cars break down, people will not pay back what they owe you, etc ... sigh.
Last week, the dam broke and I got most of my money back from the deadbeats.
So, I sit here now, waiting for checks to clear, more than a little stunned.
It is enough to entirely erase my debt!
So, by the end of the year - wow, it will finally happen!
And I so want to go shopping!
I need a Jeep, or a Toyota truck, or a new rifle, or invest in rental property .....
LOL
Will my life change now?
Sadly, the road to the future I envisioned no longer exists.
I had to step back, struggle with this handicap and just accept what is.
I thought God was leading me before, I am still sure of that, but choices made were not mine to make.
So, I accidentally accomplished a goal.
I erased all of the other goals.
No plans.
No desires.
Open to all opportunities God presents.
I am sort of hoping they do not include any people ...
I officially have resigned from the human race.
I want to be a
raccoon when I grow up ...
One of my goals I set for myself was to get out of debt. I would like to claim brain damage but ... I made some poor financial choices years ago. Car breaks down on a trip, whip out the Master Card. Repeat without end it seems on that trip! Then back home use the card to buy a nice used car that fit the kids.
In December 2009 I had taken David Ramsay's financial peace course and decided that I would dedicate myself to clearing out that debt! Back then, I made enough to liquidate it all in 90 days - might have to eat beans, but I like legumes! (and no, I do not really recommend this course. it has some sound principals but as long as you do not trust God for your daily needs - it is just fine showing you how to rely on yourself, not God ... )
My father died and I had to live in Denver for a month $$$$$.
Plus settle father's estate and debts $$$$$!
And my job went south while I was in Denver.
And no one would even interview someone over 45!
So, I went to college to get a new degree for a new job.
And I was crippled in an auto accident.
And I never recovered, eventually losing my leg last October as a result.
And I was able to barely maintain the original debt level across the years!
In 2014 I had had enough with life and laid out what it would take for me to change my life.
To leave the hatred behind
To rediscover life
To live life with love
Not surrounded by hate.
Number one on that list was get out of debt.
In theory it was possible.
In reality cars break down, people will not pay back what they owe you, etc ... sigh.
Last week, the dam broke and I got most of my money back from the deadbeats.
So, I sit here now, waiting for checks to clear, more than a little stunned.
It is enough to entirely erase my debt!
So, by the end of the year - wow, it will finally happen!
And I so want to go shopping!
I need a Jeep, or a Toyota truck, or a new rifle, or invest in rental property .....
LOL
Will my life change now?
Sadly, the road to the future I envisioned no longer exists.
I had to step back, struggle with this handicap and just accept what is.
I thought God was leading me before, I am still sure of that, but choices made were not mine to make.
So, I accidentally accomplished a goal.
I erased all of the other goals.
No plans.
No desires.
Open to all opportunities God presents.
I am sort of hoping they do not include any people ...
I officially have resigned from the human race.
I want to be a
raccoon when I grow up ...
November 26, 2016
November 25, 2016
Testimony Without Fear
The Apostle Paul has now journeyed to Athens, the thought and cultural capital of the western world.
Let Your Heart Break
Over what breaks God's heart.
Athens was a city of about 10,000 people.
But, it is estimated that the town housed roughly 30,000 idols!
Paul was stunned:
These people sought God, but they could not find Him!
Be Aware of Diversity
Athens was split between two thoughts on life:
Humanists - dedicated to duty and social responsibility
Hedonists - whom sought pleasure and happiness in all things
There is no absolute truth in the Greek culture!
Connect
Listen
Share
Discuss
Teach them, not insult them nor their culture
You can not argue anyone into heaven!
Take what is similar and build upon this to show them truth.
Speak The Truth
Be bold
Let God lead
Answer their questions!
Paul's entire message might have been two minutes, at the most!
No long sermon.
No books to read.
No extended studies.
Short, sweet and concise.
Call For Change
Repentance
Admit you/they are wrong.
Remember there are consequences for past actions.
Human agreements do not go away.
Law, judgement and punish do not go away.
God's requirement for justice might not go away.
You past, your actions all have consequences, some are eternal.
Only in this pagan culture is it believed that what you want to happen must happen.
What you want to disappear must disappear.
Because you will it .....
But that is not the real world.
Expect Different Responses
In Athens they loved to talk about new ideas.
But, Paul's message was nonsense to them.
A resurrection?
And yet some believed, the leader of the Mars Hill group did.
A woman - barely a person in their culture, believed.
Some scoffed.
Some mocked them.
Of course most would not believe what went against their culture.
Really not much different than today.
Let Your Heart Break
Over what breaks God's heart.
Athens was a city of about 10,000 people.
But, it is estimated that the town housed roughly 30,000 idols!
Paul was stunned:
These people sought God, but they could not find Him!
Be Aware of Diversity
Athens was split between two thoughts on life:
Humanists - dedicated to duty and social responsibility
Hedonists - whom sought pleasure and happiness in all things
There is no absolute truth in the Greek culture!
Connect
Listen
Share
Discuss
Teach them, not insult them nor their culture
You can not argue anyone into heaven!
Take what is similar and build upon this to show them truth.
Speak The Truth
Be bold
Let God lead
Answer their questions!
Paul's entire message might have been two minutes, at the most!
No long sermon.
No books to read.
No extended studies.
Short, sweet and concise.
Call For Change
Repentance
Admit you/they are wrong.
Remember there are consequences for past actions.
Human agreements do not go away.
Law, judgement and punish do not go away.
God's requirement for justice might not go away.
You past, your actions all have consequences, some are eternal.
Only in this pagan culture is it believed that what you want to happen must happen.
What you want to disappear must disappear.
Because you will it .....
But that is not the real world.
Expect Different Responses
In Athens they loved to talk about new ideas.
But, Paul's message was nonsense to them.
A resurrection?
And yet some believed, the leader of the Mars Hill group did.
A woman - barely a person in their culture, believed.
Some scoffed.
Some mocked them.
Of course most would not believe what went against their culture.
Really not much different than today.
November 24, 2016
Thanksgiving
How can it already be Thanksgiving!?!?!?!?
I am barely ready for August!
My how time flies when you get old!
LOL
Eldest daughter is hosting the family this year. Sort of nice not having to do the dinner. But, then she might be remembering last year when I could do so little. So far, all of the kids minus Sasha will be there. I had offered to bring my mother but she decided that with all of the food in her house, she does not need to go out to eat!
Yeah, the concept of family and thanksgiving means nothing to her.
Another proof that I am adopted ...
For me, I have the fact that I am alive to be thankful for.
Oh mind you, if I had known what 2015 and 2016 where going to be like, I would chosen death. Even if life is precious, and valuable, loss of a limb and the utter abandonment and rejection I got to observe - is too high a price to pay for life.
But, then I am in recovery facing another surgery.
And the betrayals are the worse.
Then again, God has seen fit for me to live, seen fit for me to watch my friends, special friends and loved ones slip away. And with the loss of my mining partner this year - Death would be so much easier. And I am to be thankful to Him because He is in charge of my life and I just get to be along for the ride as it appears to careen out of control.
Who knows where this all ends?
Not me!
I know how I would like to see things go/end, but other wills are involved and when there are multiple wills, they rarely will ever be in accord.
Sigh...
Drooling old man ready to report to park bench ... now where did I put those bread crumbs?
And yet, God was gracious this week.
One of my old helpers from Sunday School days had lunch with me - it was good.
Facebook managed to loose another 31 of my friends, they apparently do not miss me yet.
And I give up on Facebook, a junior high mentality, which sickens my soul.
But, one of "my kids" from many years ago popped up and we ended up talking for hours!
It was so refreshing to see how prayers are answered - when you can not see and know nothing!
Probably the greatest thing to happen has been this week - when I was finally able to pay off ALL of my loans and credit cards. A goal for years. But, that goal was part of a great goal -which now is in shambles. But, hey, I will take what God gives me .... NO MORE DEBT! I am sure I will write more on this later!
I am barely ready for August!
My how time flies when you get old!
LOL
Eldest daughter is hosting the family this year. Sort of nice not having to do the dinner. But, then she might be remembering last year when I could do so little. So far, all of the kids minus Sasha will be there. I had offered to bring my mother but she decided that with all of the food in her house, she does not need to go out to eat!
Yeah, the concept of family and thanksgiving means nothing to her.
Another proof that I am adopted ...
For me, I have the fact that I am alive to be thankful for.
Oh mind you, if I had known what 2015 and 2016 where going to be like, I would chosen death. Even if life is precious, and valuable, loss of a limb and the utter abandonment and rejection I got to observe - is too high a price to pay for life.
But, then I am in recovery facing another surgery.
And the betrayals are the worse.
Then again, God has seen fit for me to live, seen fit for me to watch my friends, special friends and loved ones slip away. And with the loss of my mining partner this year - Death would be so much easier. And I am to be thankful to Him because He is in charge of my life and I just get to be along for the ride as it appears to careen out of control.
Who knows where this all ends?
Not me!
I know how I would like to see things go/end, but other wills are involved and when there are multiple wills, they rarely will ever be in accord.
Sigh...
Drooling old man ready to report to park bench ... now where did I put those bread crumbs?
And yet, God was gracious this week.
One of my old helpers from Sunday School days had lunch with me - it was good.
Facebook managed to loose another 31 of my friends, they apparently do not miss me yet.
And I give up on Facebook, a junior high mentality, which sickens my soul.
But, one of "my kids" from many years ago popped up and we ended up talking for hours!
It was so refreshing to see how prayers are answered - when you can not see and know nothing!
Probably the greatest thing to happen has been this week - when I was finally able to pay off ALL of my loans and credit cards. A goal for years. But, that goal was part of a great goal -which now is in shambles. But, hey, I will take what God gives me .... NO MORE DEBT! I am sure I will write more on this later!
November 23, 2016
Off Shooting
So, not much to write this morning, I am off shooting.
Last week, my son called up and suggested that we go shooting. Sure surprised me!
He had bought himself an antique Tula Arsenal rifle used in World War II. His grandmother was a decorated fighter from the battle of Leningrad, Stalin himself pinning her with the Order of Lenin at the breaking of the siege. So it will go with all of her medals and WWII Soviet battle flag I found for him.
But, he wants to shoot it! Well, I am intrigued ...
As for me, I have not shoot anything at least since 2009 and perhaps even earlier. The last time I know I went shooting was a bet some guys had that I could not shoot off a gummi bear's head at 100 meters. Oh I did!, and then we learned that the gelatin in gummi bears makes a great explosive! Whom would have thought of this?!?!?!? Blew a massive hole through the plywood I was using to stick the bears on.
I really want to shoot .22's or maybe my .35 Remington level gun I bought in 2012, but of course son wants me to find my 5.57x58 custom Mauser. LOL Like I would ever show him how to use it! I would more than likely sell it before I would put a true sniper rifle in his hands. I strongly desire he never put himself in a situation where the taking of life is even a remote possibility! And he is not "old" enough to know the value of human life - yet ... One day I pray he will.
And, I guess he will be bringing his girlfriend along. This should be interesting ... she does not strike me as the shooting type. Move of the chihuahua in the purse type ... LOL
Last week, my son called up and suggested that we go shooting. Sure surprised me!
He had bought himself an antique Tula Arsenal rifle used in World War II. His grandmother was a decorated fighter from the battle of Leningrad, Stalin himself pinning her with the Order of Lenin at the breaking of the siege. So it will go with all of her medals and WWII Soviet battle flag I found for him.
But, he wants to shoot it! Well, I am intrigued ...
As for me, I have not shoot anything at least since 2009 and perhaps even earlier. The last time I know I went shooting was a bet some guys had that I could not shoot off a gummi bear's head at 100 meters. Oh I did!, and then we learned that the gelatin in gummi bears makes a great explosive! Whom would have thought of this?!?!?!? Blew a massive hole through the plywood I was using to stick the bears on.
I really want to shoot .22's or maybe my .35 Remington level gun I bought in 2012, but of course son wants me to find my 5.57x58 custom Mauser. LOL Like I would ever show him how to use it! I would more than likely sell it before I would put a true sniper rifle in his hands. I strongly desire he never put himself in a situation where the taking of life is even a remote possibility! And he is not "old" enough to know the value of human life - yet ... One day I pray he will.
And, I guess he will be bringing his girlfriend along. This should be interesting ... she does not strike me as the shooting type. Move of the chihuahua in the purse type ... LOL
November 22, 2016
Brain Damage
Over the past two weeks, I have been enduring a series of studies and interviews at the hospital, as the specialists try to put together the pieces of a puzzle as to what happened to my mind during the last surgery.
I have gone with the idea that I suffered brain damage. I KNOW what is missing in my brain - everything, I KNOW what used to be there because I have brief flashes of recall, I also know that I can retain nothing in short term memory today.
Sigh .....
So, the specialists have two schools of thought:
First is that the gas they used worked too well on me and broke whatever the "memory channel" is. It seems to be a poorly understood process by which things can be put into and taken back out of your brain's memory. And there is no fix for this.
Second, is that if my diabetes soared, which there is no proof of as my sugars have been 100% upper end of normal for 10 years! With a high sugar level comes a form of dementia. :( No do not like that idea, but there is no fix for that either.
So, I think the diabetes idea, as well as, the sleep study idea are just money wasters for further testing. I know the diabetes idea is bad because I have never been out of dietary control. And the sleep study is just them shooting in the dark - I can sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position! Plus I do sleep well when cats are not fighting over me!
And I really do not like the idea of dementia at all! Father had dementia after his first stroke and it only got worse with each succeeding stroke! Oh he could function fine but his thinking as far from normal. I should not complain, the only reason I got to know him was after that first series of strokes and he decided it might be nice to meet his grandchildren! On that trip he allowed us 10 minutes on our last day before we had to fly back home. Well, the kids had fun - other than the heat and my irritability towards the end of an entire month of being put off!
I really do not want to be like that!
But it got my mind working. I have had four stents put in my heart across 2013 and 2014. I have retained some memories of that time. If my brain was oxygen starved, then would I have behaved in a less than Kris like manner? Certainly, the years leading up to my forced retirement make me wonder. I knew something was wrong but not what. I am living it - I can't see it! I also knew my heart was acting weird but not why going back to 2007, not heart attack symptoms, just weird weaknesses and dizziness's. The final stent at the end of 2014, really cleared my mind up briefly - until the six surgeries made a mess of me in 2015. And "odd" things happen around me I notice but have no response to. Friends delete me on FaceBook and when I ask why, they claim I unfriended them. I can even go through the activities log and there is nothing there on my account! So, I know I am on the receiving end - not crazy yet .... Right? And I can read through my messaging chatter and see my own confusion - and yet when I read what friends wrote, I can see they are saying two entirely different things - and then claim that I am confused. I do not get it. I am not sure that old Kris could have gotten it either ...
So, I think I sit here beginning to understand that old Kris was dying, his brain starving for oxygen and then the gases got him. It could explain behaviors that have left me appalled, it could explain everything except becoming fully human and beginning to learn about life ..... and in there discovering beauty I will never be able to share .....
Or, I could just be brain damaged and now a drooling idiot. But, if being an idiot means I have seen and understand beauty as God intended it, well, then I am so much the richer. And though beauty faded away, and it is just a memory of beauty I will cherish and hold .....
And finally I had lunch yesterday with a nursing manager and told her the tale. She was fascinated and wanted to probe my brain to see if it is still in there! LOL We are good friends.
Apparently it is well known that anyone whom had a systemic staph infection is going to have suffered brain damaged!
Dang! She said it so calmly and abstractly.
So, she agrees brain damage is probably the result of the staph, not the hospital or the doctors.
Hmmmmm
Well, it gives me something to build from/on and not to worry too much about the next surgery!
Thank you God for that piece of information - just when I am freaked out ...
I have gone with the idea that I suffered brain damage. I KNOW what is missing in my brain - everything, I KNOW what used to be there because I have brief flashes of recall, I also know that I can retain nothing in short term memory today.
Sigh .....
So, the specialists have two schools of thought:
First is that the gas they used worked too well on me and broke whatever the "memory channel" is. It seems to be a poorly understood process by which things can be put into and taken back out of your brain's memory. And there is no fix for this.
Second, is that if my diabetes soared, which there is no proof of as my sugars have been 100% upper end of normal for 10 years! With a high sugar level comes a form of dementia. :( No do not like that idea, but there is no fix for that either.
So, I think the diabetes idea, as well as, the sleep study idea are just money wasters for further testing. I know the diabetes idea is bad because I have never been out of dietary control. And the sleep study is just them shooting in the dark - I can sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position! Plus I do sleep well when cats are not fighting over me!
And I really do not like the idea of dementia at all! Father had dementia after his first stroke and it only got worse with each succeeding stroke! Oh he could function fine but his thinking as far from normal. I should not complain, the only reason I got to know him was after that first series of strokes and he decided it might be nice to meet his grandchildren! On that trip he allowed us 10 minutes on our last day before we had to fly back home. Well, the kids had fun - other than the heat and my irritability towards the end of an entire month of being put off!
I really do not want to be like that!
But it got my mind working. I have had four stents put in my heart across 2013 and 2014. I have retained some memories of that time. If my brain was oxygen starved, then would I have behaved in a less than Kris like manner? Certainly, the years leading up to my forced retirement make me wonder. I knew something was wrong but not what. I am living it - I can't see it! I also knew my heart was acting weird but not why going back to 2007, not heart attack symptoms, just weird weaknesses and dizziness's. The final stent at the end of 2014, really cleared my mind up briefly - until the six surgeries made a mess of me in 2015. And "odd" things happen around me I notice but have no response to. Friends delete me on FaceBook and when I ask why, they claim I unfriended them. I can even go through the activities log and there is nothing there on my account! So, I know I am on the receiving end - not crazy yet .... Right? And I can read through my messaging chatter and see my own confusion - and yet when I read what friends wrote, I can see they are saying two entirely different things - and then claim that I am confused. I do not get it. I am not sure that old Kris could have gotten it either ...
So, I think I sit here beginning to understand that old Kris was dying, his brain starving for oxygen and then the gases got him. It could explain behaviors that have left me appalled, it could explain everything except becoming fully human and beginning to learn about life ..... and in there discovering beauty I will never be able to share .....
Or, I could just be brain damaged and now a drooling idiot. But, if being an idiot means I have seen and understand beauty as God intended it, well, then I am so much the richer. And though beauty faded away, and it is just a memory of beauty I will cherish and hold .....
And finally I had lunch yesterday with a nursing manager and told her the tale. She was fascinated and wanted to probe my brain to see if it is still in there! LOL We are good friends.
Apparently it is well known that anyone whom had a systemic staph infection is going to have suffered brain damaged!
Dang! She said it so calmly and abstractly.
So, she agrees brain damage is probably the result of the staph, not the hospital or the doctors.
Hmmmmm
Well, it gives me something to build from/on and not to worry too much about the next surgery!
Thank you God for that piece of information - just when I am freaked out ...
November 21, 2016
Get Your Act Together
We live in a world without God.
As a Christian, you live in a world where you need to stay in touch with God!
Acts 17:1-9
Practice Holy Habits
The World is excellent at getting us to practice all that God reviles.
And when Christians pursue holiness, they end up in legalism - constantly!
What are your habits, customs, discipline?
This what you need to work on!
Think about what we need to do, to make ourselves usable to God, and the Holy Spirit.
Prayer, Study, Worship, confession.
Consider 1 Timothy 4:7
Stand On the Word
The Word of God is a sword
Against which Satan must yield.
It is a sword rarely used because we do not read out Bible.
We therefore stand unarmed against the world ...
Consider Acts 17:2-3
Keep Your On Head Straight
We live in an upside down world
You have to live your life on the right side!
Live your faith.
Show your faith.
Show TRUTH in a fallen world.
Charity, Love, Education, Medical help, fight against Satan in this world!
Consider Corinthians 13:5
Draw Others
Culture is a magnet Satan uses to draw the world and even us, if possible, away from God.
Fight the Culture
Fight the draw of Culture
By drawing others to God.
Through the demonstration of Chrisitan love and commitment.
There is far too little Christian love in this world.
So rare that when it is demonstrate people completely misunderstand.
They only understand using and being used ...
Love is the commitment and vulnerability you demonstrate - GOD has for them, not you ...
Consider Acts 17:4-5
As a Christian, you live in a world where you need to stay in touch with God!
Acts 17:1-9
Practice Holy Habits
The World is excellent at getting us to practice all that God reviles.
And when Christians pursue holiness, they end up in legalism - constantly!
What are your habits, customs, discipline?
This what you need to work on!
Think about what we need to do, to make ourselves usable to God, and the Holy Spirit.
Prayer, Study, Worship, confession.
Consider 1 Timothy 4:7
Stand On the Word
The Word of God is a sword
Against which Satan must yield.
It is a sword rarely used because we do not read out Bible.
We therefore stand unarmed against the world ...
Consider Acts 17:2-3
Keep Your On Head Straight
We live in an upside down world
You have to live your life on the right side!
Live your faith.
Show your faith.
Show TRUTH in a fallen world.
Charity, Love, Education, Medical help, fight against Satan in this world!
Consider Corinthians 13:5
Draw Others
Culture is a magnet Satan uses to draw the world and even us, if possible, away from God.
Fight the Culture
Fight the draw of Culture
By drawing others to God.
Through the demonstration of Chrisitan love and commitment.
There is far too little Christian love in this world.
So rare that when it is demonstrate people completely misunderstand.
They only understand using and being used ...
Love is the commitment and vulnerability you demonstrate - GOD has for them, not you ...
Consider Acts 17:4-5
November 19, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
I thought I would try to find something different for today's video ...
But, if the singer can not be understood, why bother?
If the music is so poorly done, why bother?
If the video is repulsive on a moral, or ethical level, why bother?
Okay, that sums up the videos from 2000 through 2016!
Yeah it is the exception video that will even draw my interest!
So I thought, okay I will cheat and do a 1980's video that I normally would not consider ... well there is a reason I would not normally consider such!
AARGH!
By now I am bummed out.
So I googled happy video .....
And I found myself very touched .....
(Disclaimer: I am not saying any other video by this group has any redeemable value what so ever! Sheesh!)
But, if the singer can not be understood, why bother?
If the music is so poorly done, why bother?
If the video is repulsive on a moral, or ethical level, why bother?
Okay, that sums up the videos from 2000 through 2016!
Yeah it is the exception video that will even draw my interest!
So I thought, okay I will cheat and do a 1980's video that I normally would not consider ... well there is a reason I would not normally consider such!
AARGH!
By now I am bummed out.
So I googled happy video .....
And I found myself very touched .....
(Disclaimer: I am not saying any other video by this group has any redeemable value what so ever! Sheesh!)
November 18, 2016
Fear
This is probably one of those times when I need to ask for prayer.
Something I do not do often because it bothers me to ask for help.
Looming over my head is the date of January 18.2017.
The surgeon set that as the drop dead date for the surgery on my leg.
It needs to be done, the bone spur is too large and without it gone, this leg will be unusable shortly.
I have no problem with the surgery, I really want it.
But .......
I lost my mind in that last surgery.
Oh, I can now function minimally, perhaps even normally by comparison.
But, nothing like I was.
The gases used totally cleaned out my mind.
One memory remains, which only damages me daily.
And if I have another surgery, will the gases take away even that?
I fear this.
Even if worthless, it is the last vestige of whom I used to be.
And what I have fought so hard to relearn:
English
Typing
My passwords and ids
How to do everything in normal life!
Will I now lose all of those again?
And back into the NAZI nurses hospital, though this time, I will get in writing their understanding of what our relationship is ...
So much to do between now and then, and I know I can not hope to accomplish it all - yet by and large the to do list must be done or I will be in a bad situation trying to recover and still do what must be done ....
Feeling: Inadequate ...
Something I do not do often because it bothers me to ask for help.
Looming over my head is the date of January 18.2017.
The surgeon set that as the drop dead date for the surgery on my leg.
It needs to be done, the bone spur is too large and without it gone, this leg will be unusable shortly.
I have no problem with the surgery, I really want it.
But .......
I lost my mind in that last surgery.
Oh, I can now function minimally, perhaps even normally by comparison.
But, nothing like I was.
The gases used totally cleaned out my mind.
One memory remains, which only damages me daily.
And if I have another surgery, will the gases take away even that?
I fear this.
Even if worthless, it is the last vestige of whom I used to be.
And what I have fought so hard to relearn:
English
Typing
My passwords and ids
How to do everything in normal life!
Will I now lose all of those again?
And back into the NAZI nurses hospital, though this time, I will get in writing their understanding of what our relationship is ...
So much to do between now and then, and I know I can not hope to accomplish it all - yet by and large the to do list must be done or I will be in a bad situation trying to recover and still do what must be done ....
Feeling: Inadequate ...
November 17, 2016
Home
Mother had another of her wild-hair-brained ideas ... and I fell for it.
She is in her 80's, has a nice sized trailer I bought her maybe 35 years ago. It sits in a small trailer park in the middle of nowhere, a retirement community of sorts. She has a small yard which her fusses over no end. And I never realized that she was cutting her own grass because she was not going to have no Mexican cutting her grass or in her yard ... yeah, a Native American Indian bigot. sigh. So, she had bought herself a push mower and now she is too weak to do her tiny plot of grass. And one of her friends, in a similar situation, only with 5 acres of grass! decided it was time for a riding mower and she gave mom her electric mower. Only, all I knew was that one of her friends given her a mower and I needed to pick it up ....
So, I borrowed a car with a huge trunk, spent hours in prayer for a day of normalcy with mother, and blasted off at 4:30 AM. She had already called me twice! Once to be sure I was up and once to tell me she was getting the potatoes ready. Mother!
Now, it is 45 miles to mother's trailer one way. Then I found out that we were going to a place 100 miles, even further! And I am thinking: 290 miles worth of driving, second longest drive since I lost my leg! EEEEEEEPAH! Yeah, I was hurting by the time it was over ...
We were able to make it down to her friends house by 10. But only because I refused to drive the back roads, took freeways as much as possible and absolutely refused to get involved in her psychotic weirdness! I tell you, by the time the day was over - I was ready to pop her head like a zit ... Too bad I am a pacifist, sigh.
Of course, she had to take a her dog. Remember this is a borrowed car and she is stuffing her dog, which stinks worse than any living animal I have ever smelled, other than a skunk! And she is wanting to feed it while we drive down the road and give it water and play with it ... AAAAAAARGH!
And the mower was fine, I loaded it in the car. Mom said her thanks and told me it was time to go. Okay, I have driven for three hours and mom was to head off into the sunset with an insulting thank you to her friend. So, I commented quietly that offering to buy her friend coffee at a local shop would be the least she could do. Her friend was delighted. Mom said, "Whom would have thought of something like that? You are really weird in your brain Kris!" She hopped in her friend's car and I followed along, only first stop was an antique shop.
And then another, and another, and another! Eventually we did make it to a Subway where mom bought us lunch. Her friend was very happy, mom was happy and I had found a record by the Canadian Blackwatch Pipe Band - so I was very happy!
I turned the nose of the car towards her home and I thought to myself that I was going to be home in two hours ... little did I know it would be four more hours of driving because she had this list of errands she HAD to do. One of them, yeah, needed to be done that afternoon but the rest was merely to stretch and exercise my patience. Sigh ......
It was now 5:00 PM and I am driving down the hill by the Seattle airport. The sun is setting - thank you, you worthless Congressmen incapable of not passing stupid time change laws! - and I thought on how beautiful this area is. And I REMEMBERED how I fell in love with this place when I visited it in 1968 during school break back in Germany. I knew this was going to be my home one day and were it not for my family in Switzerland, this area would have completely held me - once I got out of school. I exited the short freeway and turned on a road built as a memorial to the losses from WWI of this area. The road is paved now, no longer gravel and crushed red brick. Most of the old Dutch elms are now gone, most of the evergreens are now gone, apartments and condos cover where the cow and horse farms had been. I turned at Sunnyside, the oldest settlement in the entire area, now buried by an airport runway and headed another two miles west. Back to where there are no condos, few apartments, tall trees, a quiet lake and a house that is not a home.
I dragged myself back inside, turned on the news and watched the continued inability of people locally to understand that if you do not vote - your choice of candidate is not going to make it into office ..... thank God.
Time marches forward, everything changes, no one remembers the past and life is all about "them" and their desires - never a thought about others ..... nor about good.
And as I drifted off to sleep I thought on how Jesus came that we might have life and life more abundantly, which is not what our cultures brings nor can sustain. My friends are mostly trapped in the hamster cage of chasing the eternal dollar, happiness is always just one pay raise away, one stock trade away, just one more home to rent away ... it is never ending and their happiness never secure.
How did this culture ever get knocked so far sideways ..... ?
She is in her 80's, has a nice sized trailer I bought her maybe 35 years ago. It sits in a small trailer park in the middle of nowhere, a retirement community of sorts. She has a small yard which her fusses over no end. And I never realized that she was cutting her own grass because she was not going to have no Mexican cutting her grass or in her yard ... yeah, a Native American Indian bigot. sigh. So, she had bought herself a push mower and now she is too weak to do her tiny plot of grass. And one of her friends, in a similar situation, only with 5 acres of grass! decided it was time for a riding mower and she gave mom her electric mower. Only, all I knew was that one of her friends given her a mower and I needed to pick it up ....
So, I borrowed a car with a huge trunk, spent hours in prayer for a day of normalcy with mother, and blasted off at 4:30 AM. She had already called me twice! Once to be sure I was up and once to tell me she was getting the potatoes ready. Mother!
Now, it is 45 miles to mother's trailer one way. Then I found out that we were going to a place 100 miles, even further! And I am thinking: 290 miles worth of driving, second longest drive since I lost my leg! EEEEEEEPAH! Yeah, I was hurting by the time it was over ...
We were able to make it down to her friends house by 10. But only because I refused to drive the back roads, took freeways as much as possible and absolutely refused to get involved in her psychotic weirdness! I tell you, by the time the day was over - I was ready to pop her head like a zit ... Too bad I am a pacifist, sigh.
Of course, she had to take a her dog. Remember this is a borrowed car and she is stuffing her dog, which stinks worse than any living animal I have ever smelled, other than a skunk! And she is wanting to feed it while we drive down the road and give it water and play with it ... AAAAAAARGH!
And the mower was fine, I loaded it in the car. Mom said her thanks and told me it was time to go. Okay, I have driven for three hours and mom was to head off into the sunset with an insulting thank you to her friend. So, I commented quietly that offering to buy her friend coffee at a local shop would be the least she could do. Her friend was delighted. Mom said, "Whom would have thought of something like that? You are really weird in your brain Kris!" She hopped in her friend's car and I followed along, only first stop was an antique shop.
And then another, and another, and another! Eventually we did make it to a Subway where mom bought us lunch. Her friend was very happy, mom was happy and I had found a record by the Canadian Blackwatch Pipe Band - so I was very happy!
I turned the nose of the car towards her home and I thought to myself that I was going to be home in two hours ... little did I know it would be four more hours of driving because she had this list of errands she HAD to do. One of them, yeah, needed to be done that afternoon but the rest was merely to stretch and exercise my patience. Sigh ......
It was now 5:00 PM and I am driving down the hill by the Seattle airport. The sun is setting - thank you, you worthless Congressmen incapable of not passing stupid time change laws! - and I thought on how beautiful this area is. And I REMEMBERED how I fell in love with this place when I visited it in 1968 during school break back in Germany. I knew this was going to be my home one day and were it not for my family in Switzerland, this area would have completely held me - once I got out of school. I exited the short freeway and turned on a road built as a memorial to the losses from WWI of this area. The road is paved now, no longer gravel and crushed red brick. Most of the old Dutch elms are now gone, most of the evergreens are now gone, apartments and condos cover where the cow and horse farms had been. I turned at Sunnyside, the oldest settlement in the entire area, now buried by an airport runway and headed another two miles west. Back to where there are no condos, few apartments, tall trees, a quiet lake and a house that is not a home.
I dragged myself back inside, turned on the news and watched the continued inability of people locally to understand that if you do not vote - your choice of candidate is not going to make it into office ..... thank God.
Time marches forward, everything changes, no one remembers the past and life is all about "them" and their desires - never a thought about others ..... nor about good.
And as I drifted off to sleep I thought on how Jesus came that we might have life and life more abundantly, which is not what our cultures brings nor can sustain. My friends are mostly trapped in the hamster cage of chasing the eternal dollar, happiness is always just one pay raise away, one stock trade away, just one more home to rent away ... it is never ending and their happiness never secure.
How did this culture ever get knocked so far sideways ..... ?
November 16, 2016
Seeking God's Will
Paul is on his second journey.
He is traveling from Lystra to Troas.
Today, they are in ruins.
Acts 16:6-10
Be A Flexible Follower
You need to have a servant's heart.
Your desires are your master's.
Your desires are not for yourself.
You have to listen to the Holy Spirit.
(Which means you have to learn how to hear it!)
Be Okay With God Saying NO!
You have to accept the Holy Spirit's lead.
God's direction.
You are the follower, not the leader!
This is where most Christian trainwrecks occur!
Don't Confuse Need With Call
Just because you can identify a need, does not mean you are called to anything!
When you identify a need, meet it!
Don't make a ministry of it!
Do not expect comfort.
Do not expect satisfaction.
Do not expect applause.
You must have DISCERNMENT!
Focus On What God Is Revealing
Avoid superstition.
Test, prayer, discern, listen to counsel.
Trust God.
Don't run.
Acknowledge Him in all ways.
Find God In The Ordinary
Consider Colossians 3:17
Find Him where you are.
Find Him in what you are doing.
Do your best for God.
God does not need you playing tourist,
Being a witness to jet set,
Or any of the other sicknesses with circle the Faith.
He wants you where you are,
Doing what you do,
Witnessing to those around you,
Living your testimony ....
He is traveling from Lystra to Troas.
Today, they are in ruins.
Acts 16:6-10
Be A Flexible Follower
You need to have a servant's heart.
Your desires are your master's.
Your desires are not for yourself.
You have to listen to the Holy Spirit.
(Which means you have to learn how to hear it!)
Be Okay With God Saying NO!
You have to accept the Holy Spirit's lead.
God's direction.
You are the follower, not the leader!
This is where most Christian trainwrecks occur!
Don't Confuse Need With Call
Just because you can identify a need, does not mean you are called to anything!
When you identify a need, meet it!
Don't make a ministry of it!
Do not expect comfort.
Do not expect satisfaction.
Do not expect applause.
You must have DISCERNMENT!
Focus On What God Is Revealing
Avoid superstition.
Test, prayer, discern, listen to counsel.
Trust God.
Don't run.
Acknowledge Him in all ways.
Find God In The Ordinary
Consider Colossians 3:17
Find Him where you are.
Find Him in what you are doing.
Do your best for God.
God does not need you playing tourist,
Being a witness to jet set,
Or any of the other sicknesses with circle the Faith.
He wants you where you are,
Doing what you do,
Witnessing to those around you,
Living your testimony ....
November 15, 2016
Full House
What an interesting weekend ...
First up was picking up my youngest grand-daughter at her grade school.
Then off to the foot surgeon, to look into the health of my remaining foot.
And he hated my big toe nail, so good bye nail - yet again!
Ever since my shattering of that toe long ago, it just is not able to grow a real nail.
Sigh ....
And Kris was brave.
And Kris was strong.
And bothered Kris not!
Well until later that night when the pain killer wore off.
And in the middle of NCIS, you better believe I squealed over that one!
Sigh ....
And then the toe got infected.
REALLY!!!!!
So I was utterly freaked out that I was now going to lose my other leg too!
I think I had about 80 panic attacks on Saturday.
Of course no one was around, everyone was out and about - even Dutchman and Swede were gone.
Sigh .....
So, write the weekend off as an utter loss.
And with my car dead - blown head gasket, one day after replacing the cooling system.
So, missed church, too stoned on codeine to move and no car anyway.
Sigh ....
And my First Daughter moved back in.
Which was a surprise that she wanted to, our parting was less than wonderful, but her rent went up to $2,300 per month for a one bedroom - not so great location or building!
Amazing.
Her cat moved in first, Daisy, who is the oddest shade of grey-blue fur I have ever seen! And it has blue eyes. Purrs at the drop of hand!
My cat is not impressed and they have had numerous fights.
Well, except last night - where they both climbed on top of me and sat there hissing for a few hours and refusing to move for the other.
And I am praying - "Please dear God don't let them hit my big toe!"
Eventually I just fell asleep and they were gone when I got up this morning.
House is still quiet, maybe they killed each other?
And in the back of my mind stirs the question of what to do with yesterday's post .....
Well, time for my daily walk, err limp - today!
I am trying to do a mile a day, two if I feel okay at the half mile point.
If I am lucky, FD will walk with me!
:)
First up was picking up my youngest grand-daughter at her grade school.
Then off to the foot surgeon, to look into the health of my remaining foot.
And he hated my big toe nail, so good bye nail - yet again!
Ever since my shattering of that toe long ago, it just is not able to grow a real nail.
Sigh ....
And Kris was brave.
And Kris was strong.
And bothered Kris not!
Well until later that night when the pain killer wore off.
And in the middle of NCIS, you better believe I squealed over that one!
Sigh ....
And then the toe got infected.
REALLY!!!!!
So I was utterly freaked out that I was now going to lose my other leg too!
I think I had about 80 panic attacks on Saturday.
Of course no one was around, everyone was out and about - even Dutchman and Swede were gone.
Sigh .....
So, write the weekend off as an utter loss.
And with my car dead - blown head gasket, one day after replacing the cooling system.
So, missed church, too stoned on codeine to move and no car anyway.
Sigh ....
And my First Daughter moved back in.
Which was a surprise that she wanted to, our parting was less than wonderful, but her rent went up to $2,300 per month for a one bedroom - not so great location or building!
Amazing.
Her cat moved in first, Daisy, who is the oddest shade of grey-blue fur I have ever seen! And it has blue eyes. Purrs at the drop of hand!
My cat is not impressed and they have had numerous fights.
Well, except last night - where they both climbed on top of me and sat there hissing for a few hours and refusing to move for the other.
And I am praying - "Please dear God don't let them hit my big toe!"
Eventually I just fell asleep and they were gone when I got up this morning.
House is still quiet, maybe they killed each other?
And in the back of my mind stirs the question of what to do with yesterday's post .....
Well, time for my daily walk, err limp - today!
I am trying to do a mile a day, two if I feel okay at the half mile point.
If I am lucky, FD will walk with me!
:)
November 14, 2016
Time For Revival
I have long commented on this culture's severe need for a revival!
For years I have prayed for this, since Reagan was running the first time!
And I have watched the culture continue to slide deeper in sin.
Man has turned further and further from God.
Christians behave as though being so, is something to be ashamed of!
It is definitely time for a real revival!
With a surprise in the ballot box this year in America, the ground is set for change.
Let that change be back to God!
But, if anyone thought the political change was hard - imagine the difficulty of moving this culture back to God!
Now, I have no gift of anything to lead such an effort.
I know of no one on the cusp of doing so.
But, I can continue to pray for revival.
Revival begins with you.
You have got to get your act together with God.
He must become the most important force in your life!
And that may take some of you the next four years.
If you are even able to find the strength to!
"Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say, Kris."
Well it is.
Because I am going to redouble my efforts along with you.
And I intend to address what needs to be done in future posts.
I have got no agenda.
No vested interests.
No idea what to do either.
But God will use followers, anyone, willing to be used by Him.
So, if He desires a revival, then let it begin here:
In this trembling heart ...
For years I have prayed for this, since Reagan was running the first time!
And I have watched the culture continue to slide deeper in sin.
Man has turned further and further from God.
Christians behave as though being so, is something to be ashamed of!
It is definitely time for a real revival!
With a surprise in the ballot box this year in America, the ground is set for change.
Let that change be back to God!
But, if anyone thought the political change was hard - imagine the difficulty of moving this culture back to God!
Now, I have no gift of anything to lead such an effort.
I know of no one on the cusp of doing so.
But, I can continue to pray for revival.
Revival begins with you.
You have got to get your act together with God.
He must become the most important force in your life!
And that may take some of you the next four years.
If you are even able to find the strength to!
"Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say, Kris."
Well it is.
Because I am going to redouble my efforts along with you.
And I intend to address what needs to be done in future posts.
I have got no agenda.
No vested interests.
No idea what to do either.
But God will use followers, anyone, willing to be used by Him.
So, if He desires a revival, then let it begin here:
In this trembling heart ...
November 12, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
Sitting here, wondering about the implications of the big US vote. Certainly, whatever the final outcome, life changes in America and perhaps in very many other countries! Not going to say anything negative nor positive - I am truly without any political leaning.
And I thought on this, a song for the Saturday morning .... being one of hope, one of unity, one of dreams ... even when I know dreams betray us and are false ...
And I thought on this, a song for the Saturday morning .... being one of hope, one of unity, one of dreams ... even when I know dreams betray us and are false ...
November 11, 2016
For Pete's Sake
Such a week this week has been!
I get my waterpump and most of the front end of my engine replaced - consuming all of my savings - and the darn car blows a head the very next morning!
Whom could believe this type of "luck"!?!?!?! My sister must be right, grandfather offended the gods of transportation. Probably cursing at the very first Daimler to drive through Basle-Stadt!
So I called my son in-law and told him I will not be able to pickup his daughter for a few months. Then my mother, same, except I will try to borrow a car so I can get her to the grocery store, etc.
Got the bad news from the autoshop, bought three gallons of oil, filed up the car and drove down to grand-daughter's school and picked her up and then headed to the store for dinner items. Then I remembered that I had a foot doctor appointment! All the while keeping the car full of oil, which was leaking like a shower!
And the news from the foot doctor was not good, big toe nail has to go - again! Really? So, the doctor took the nail, again - the fifth time since I shattered the toe by walking into a bookcase. Poor toe. The other departed big toe had gotten crushed the year before. Of course, I had to chuckle when I saw that I had not mentioned the compound fractures to my foot when I dropped that darn stone! Well 184 pounds was about what I weighed back then, so it was a good lift and spectacular drop ...
Sorry, I digressed.
So, back home grand-daughter is playing and suddenly, out of nowhere, BLAM! the shot for pain the doctor had given me, wore off! And then GD stepped on my big toe! I honestly thought I was going to slip away into blissful unconsciousness! It took three codeines to get me to when her father arriving to pick her up! Yeah, she felt rather bad about my squeal from that one,.
Of course, her mother had the unerring ability to do the exact same thing, every time I got injured! Did not matter the nature of the injury, First Daughter always was able to instill more pain just by being around you! It must be a gift!
So, Kris was in bed by 8:00 last night - floating on a sea of codeine.
I predict a very quiet day!
Which is just fine since I am toying with Monday's post idea ...
I get my waterpump and most of the front end of my engine replaced - consuming all of my savings - and the darn car blows a head the very next morning!
Whom could believe this type of "luck"!?!?!?! My sister must be right, grandfather offended the gods of transportation. Probably cursing at the very first Daimler to drive through Basle-Stadt!
So I called my son in-law and told him I will not be able to pickup his daughter for a few months. Then my mother, same, except I will try to borrow a car so I can get her to the grocery store, etc.
Got the bad news from the autoshop, bought three gallons of oil, filed up the car and drove down to grand-daughter's school and picked her up and then headed to the store for dinner items. Then I remembered that I had a foot doctor appointment! All the while keeping the car full of oil, which was leaking like a shower!
And the news from the foot doctor was not good, big toe nail has to go - again! Really? So, the doctor took the nail, again - the fifth time since I shattered the toe by walking into a bookcase. Poor toe. The other departed big toe had gotten crushed the year before. Of course, I had to chuckle when I saw that I had not mentioned the compound fractures to my foot when I dropped that darn stone! Well 184 pounds was about what I weighed back then, so it was a good lift and spectacular drop ...
Sorry, I digressed.
So, back home grand-daughter is playing and suddenly, out of nowhere, BLAM! the shot for pain the doctor had given me, wore off! And then GD stepped on my big toe! I honestly thought I was going to slip away into blissful unconsciousness! It took three codeines to get me to when her father arriving to pick her up! Yeah, she felt rather bad about my squeal from that one,.
Of course, her mother had the unerring ability to do the exact same thing, every time I got injured! Did not matter the nature of the injury, First Daughter always was able to instill more pain just by being around you! It must be a gift!
So, Kris was in bed by 8:00 last night - floating on a sea of codeine.
I predict a very quiet day!
Which is just fine since I am toying with Monday's post idea ...
November 10, 2016
Bad Timing
Now the car has a blown waterpump, water everywhere under the hood! And my goal is to swap it out ... with several negatives to consider:
A hydraulic system where I think the pump is bad.
There must be a way to pressure test the entire system and see water blowing all over!
Called a local shop, I am sure they thought I was an idiot, since I did not know how to phrase the above!
Made an appointment for Tuesday.
Tuesday, I drove to the voting ballot drop off.
But, some one in City Government had decided to block off all access to the drop box!
I parked on the sidewalk.
Walked up the box.
Had to threaten to beat one of the blockers senseless before he would back off.
Dropped off my ballot.
Drove to the auto shop.
Dropped the car off, $50 estimate, so make it $100 and I can still afford it.
Across the street is a diner so I have breakfast and wonder what the hold up is for the call back.
Finally I was forced to continue to walk home.
Yeah, foremost in my mind is what happened on Sunday!
But, I walked slowly.
No problems.
Off of those memory pills for just two day and no pain?
Weird!
Well, they did find the problem with the car, only $1500 estimate to repair!
It seemed reasonable for tearing down an engine.
Goodbye money, I really could have used that antique show sales I had to cancel out of.
:(
Sigh ...
Then I got another phone call, from a lawyer - and I am thinking, I am going to be sued now - I just know it!
Nope, they offered me 20 months of income to settle an accident.
And I thought they would sue me!
Of course, no definition as to what that dollar figure will be, but it should make up for my money I will lose this week ...
Now, still waiting on the call back on the car.
Waiting for a letter from the lawyer with the details.
Waiting for a memory I can call my own ...
Hopefully this will lead to reduced stress this holiday season ...
:)
- Sunday's heart attack
- An artificial leg that hinders any type of movement, save walking
- A body grossly out of shape from months of being sedentary
- A mind which has lost all memory, how to use tools, much less what they are!
A hydraulic system where I think the pump is bad.
There must be a way to pressure test the entire system and see water blowing all over!
Called a local shop, I am sure they thought I was an idiot, since I did not know how to phrase the above!
Made an appointment for Tuesday.
Tuesday, I drove to the voting ballot drop off.
But, some one in City Government had decided to block off all access to the drop box!
I parked on the sidewalk.
Walked up the box.
Had to threaten to beat one of the blockers senseless before he would back off.
Dropped off my ballot.
Drove to the auto shop.
Dropped the car off, $50 estimate, so make it $100 and I can still afford it.
Across the street is a diner so I have breakfast and wonder what the hold up is for the call back.
Finally I was forced to continue to walk home.
Yeah, foremost in my mind is what happened on Sunday!
But, I walked slowly.
No problems.
Off of those memory pills for just two day and no pain?
Weird!
Well, they did find the problem with the car, only $1500 estimate to repair!
It seemed reasonable for tearing down an engine.
Goodbye money, I really could have used that antique show sales I had to cancel out of.
:(
Sigh ...
Then I got another phone call, from a lawyer - and I am thinking, I am going to be sued now - I just know it!
Nope, they offered me 20 months of income to settle an accident.
And I thought they would sue me!
Of course, no definition as to what that dollar figure will be, but it should make up for my money I will lose this week ...
Now, still waiting on the call back on the car.
Waiting for a letter from the lawyer with the details.
Waiting for a memory I can call my own ...
Hopefully this will lead to reduced stress this holiday season ...
:)
November 9, 2016
Heart Attack
Friday evening, my car broke down.
Saturday I had to borrow one so that I could take my mother to visit her antique show she was unable to attend.
I walked close to three miles on Saturday and carried some canning jars home ;)
Sunday, went to church and then to lunch, but walking home .....
It is about one mile from the Mexican Cantina I so dearly love, to the house. I have walked this thousands of times, but this is the first time on this artificial leg.
So, about ten blocks over-all, almost all of them uphill however.
I know I am out of shape since I can do very little until this leg issue is resolved.
But, on block three my left shoulder starts aching something horrible.
I shift my sling pack to my right side.
Maybe my Bible is heavier than I thought?
My left leg starts to stumble and I look at the ground to watch for pine cones, etc.
And then I felt as though someone just hauled off and hit me in the left jaw.
Yeah, I might be slow, I might not have any memories from before 2016, but my mind still works extraordinarily well.
I realized I was not approaching - but - having a heart attack, again.
This was the real thing .....
I always carry Nitro with me, since the first one a few years ago, so I dug it out of the pack, took one and then just leaned against a fence for the next twenty minutes.
And then the pain clobbers my chest.
Yup, Kris in on fire, the brain is swimming, no ability to pull my cell phone - much less use it!
I can only just hope this is the big one.
And this misery can all just be over.
Apparently not ... sigh ... I really wish God would just give me my last task and let me go home.
Of course, I still have to make it 7/10th of a mile to get back to the house.
I did make it - shaking, covered in sweat, my head pounding.
My body a sea of pain.
And I just flat crashed.
It is now Wednesday.
I have not had to take another pill.
I have thought about it though a few times.
I researched and found that none of the memory pills I just started taking have any effect on the heart.
But, on the internet, opinions do not agree with the scientists nor FDA: extremely high blood pressures have been observed.
And my last two readings had been quite high.
I had written those off as bad nurses - it happens all of the time.
So, I tossed the pills.
I would rather live than have a memory.
And no more issues.
... sigh ...
Sixty-one year old male,
no life,
---- no memories,
--------- no hope either it seems.
Saturday I had to borrow one so that I could take my mother to visit her antique show she was unable to attend.
I walked close to three miles on Saturday and carried some canning jars home ;)
Sunday, went to church and then to lunch, but walking home .....
It is about one mile from the Mexican Cantina I so dearly love, to the house. I have walked this thousands of times, but this is the first time on this artificial leg.
So, about ten blocks over-all, almost all of them uphill however.
I know I am out of shape since I can do very little until this leg issue is resolved.
But, on block three my left shoulder starts aching something horrible.
I shift my sling pack to my right side.
Maybe my Bible is heavier than I thought?
My left leg starts to stumble and I look at the ground to watch for pine cones, etc.
And then I felt as though someone just hauled off and hit me in the left jaw.
Yeah, I might be slow, I might not have any memories from before 2016, but my mind still works extraordinarily well.
I realized I was not approaching - but - having a heart attack, again.
This was the real thing .....
I always carry Nitro with me, since the first one a few years ago, so I dug it out of the pack, took one and then just leaned against a fence for the next twenty minutes.
And then the pain clobbers my chest.
Yup, Kris in on fire, the brain is swimming, no ability to pull my cell phone - much less use it!
I can only just hope this is the big one.
And this misery can all just be over.
Apparently not ... sigh ... I really wish God would just give me my last task and let me go home.
Of course, I still have to make it 7/10th of a mile to get back to the house.
I did make it - shaking, covered in sweat, my head pounding.
My body a sea of pain.
And I just flat crashed.
It is now Wednesday.
I have not had to take another pill.
I have thought about it though a few times.
I researched and found that none of the memory pills I just started taking have any effect on the heart.
But, on the internet, opinions do not agree with the scientists nor FDA: extremely high blood pressures have been observed.
And my last two readings had been quite high.
I had written those off as bad nurses - it happens all of the time.
So, I tossed the pills.
I would rather live than have a memory.
And no more issues.
... sigh ...
Sixty-one year old male,
no life,
---- no memories,
--------- no hope either it seems.
November 8, 2016
Call To Mourn
I am so tempted to call for a national day of mourning ...
Maybe a year too late.
Tody is the drop dead on voting for the next American president.
And we have two of the worst candidates ever to attempt to run for office ...
Ask me how I really feel!
I have prayed for months for a REAL candidate to appear on the horizon I could vote for! And there are none. I could not care less if someone is male or female, what your race is, all I ask is that you be a person of character - not a character!
So many of my Christian friends have cast their votes already, opting for a worse qualified third party candidate with no ability or hope to win. Just to make a statement. Like the major parties are going to listen to someone throwing their vote away? Really? It just means their worthless candidate has a better chance than before ...
I still do not know how to vote.
Historically, NO one I have ever voted for has managed to attain office.
I really ought to sell my vote. "Hey, want your opponent to lose? Pay me to vote for them!"
So, you know whom I am voting for - the person whom did not make it on November 9th ...
*****
So, at 7 am, I walked over and voted.
I took a Wet Ones with me so I could cleanse my hands of the foul deed ...
Took myself out to breakfast and just listened to converstations.
Topic of the morning - the Seahawks game, everyone avoiding the elephant in the room.
I continued my way home, thinking on this.
Maybe I need to run for office?
Lord knows what media would dredge up on me!
With amnesia, it would be impossible to defend against anything said about me!
LOL!
Maybe a year too late.
Tody is the drop dead on voting for the next American president.
And we have two of the worst candidates ever to attempt to run for office ...
Ask me how I really feel!
I have prayed for months for a REAL candidate to appear on the horizon I could vote for! And there are none. I could not care less if someone is male or female, what your race is, all I ask is that you be a person of character - not a character!
So many of my Christian friends have cast their votes already, opting for a worse qualified third party candidate with no ability or hope to win. Just to make a statement. Like the major parties are going to listen to someone throwing their vote away? Really? It just means their worthless candidate has a better chance than before ...
I still do not know how to vote.
Historically, NO one I have ever voted for has managed to attain office.
I really ought to sell my vote. "Hey, want your opponent to lose? Pay me to vote for them!"
So, you know whom I am voting for - the person whom did not make it on November 9th ...
*****
So, at 7 am, I walked over and voted.
I took a Wet Ones with me so I could cleanse my hands of the foul deed ...
Took myself out to breakfast and just listened to converstations.
Topic of the morning - the Seahawks game, everyone avoiding the elephant in the room.
I continued my way home, thinking on this.
Maybe I need to run for office?
Lord knows what media would dredge up on me!
With amnesia, it would be impossible to defend against anything said about me!
LOL!
November 7, 2016
Fun With Fours
So, one of my pseudo-cousins tagged with fun facts - so, I thought, eh, why not?
Four other names I answer to
1. Papa
2. Gramps
3. Flake
4. Dork
First four places I've lived (in this case, over one year!)
1. Castle Air Force Base, California
2. Albuquerque, New Mexico
3. Portland, Oregon
4. Quessy Centre, France
Four things I love to watch on TV
1. NCIS
2. Bob Newhart
3. Horrible Sci-Fi on the Comet Channel
4. Olympics
Four places I have visited
1. All of Scandinavia
2. All of the Americas
3. All of Europe
4. All of Australia
Four things I love to eat
1. Mexican food
2. German food
3. Eastern European food
4. Seafood
Four favorite drinks
1. Hot Black Tea
2. Cold Black Tea
3. Stouts
4. and that is about it!
Four other names I answer to
1. Papa
2. Gramps
3. Flake
4. Dork
First four places I've lived (in this case, over one year!)
1. Castle Air Force Base, California
2. Albuquerque, New Mexico
3. Portland, Oregon
4. Quessy Centre, France
Four things I love to watch on TV
1. NCIS
2. Bob Newhart
3. Horrible Sci-Fi on the Comet Channel
4. Olympics
Four places I have visited
1. All of Scandinavia
2. All of the Americas
3. All of Europe
4. All of Australia
Four things I love to eat
1. Mexican food
2. German food
3. Eastern European food
4. Seafood
Four favorite drinks
1. Hot Black Tea
2. Cold Black Tea
3. Stouts
4. and that is about it!
November 5, 2016
Musical Saturday Morning
Yet another first Saturday of a month! This year has flown by (some of it in an oxi haze! bleech!) and another 1980's video to enjoy!
I really liked A-Ha's video: Take On Me and this is the continuation of it - in a way, the video starts where that video ended - minus my internet friend Bunty Bailey - except at the very beginning! :( For all the years I have known her, we never have talked about her involvement in the video world ... except for once, when I figured out she was in a Billy Idol video! Apparently, I was the only one to realize that was her in that wild video! How we laughed ...
I had heard this song back when it first came out - but since the title had little to do with the song, well, I could never find it! And then, I stumbled upon it a few days ago!
Kizmet ....
I really liked A-Ha's video: Take On Me and this is the continuation of it - in a way, the video starts where that video ended - minus my internet friend Bunty Bailey - except at the very beginning! :( For all the years I have known her, we never have talked about her involvement in the video world ... except for once, when I figured out she was in a Billy Idol video! Apparently, I was the only one to realize that was her in that wild video! How we laughed ...
I had heard this song back when it first came out - but since the title had little to do with the song, well, I could never find it! And then, I stumbled upon it a few days ago!
Kizmet ....
November 4, 2016
Nightmares
Back in March, I think, I told you about what dreams are to someone with complete amnesia: weird. I had the same dream every night from November through into March, when I had an exception dream of being in France. Really a memory. Then it was back to the same old dream again without end.
That is still true, one constantly recycling dream. I really do not understand why. How much pain can a destroyed male mind take? Apparently more than I want ...
So this past week I had a tiny break. Same dream every night as always but I had a few others along the way. Again, they are all back in France. I have no idea why France is stuck in my mind ... it was the best of times, but also was absolute worse of times.
There was the dream about Daphne Summers (Sommers) and how I had trusted her in fifth grade and the utter brutality I was to suffer at the hands of my fifth grade class. That really sucked to have to remember!
Climbing the 20 million stairs from lower Laon to upper, where the cathedral is. Knowing I am not going to make it. Sometimes wanting a drink but there is nowhere to get one. Wanting to use a toilet but again you have to make it to the top first ... my eyes would water at the memories of that one!
Walking from Tergnier railstation to Quessy Centre, a long walk. It is always hot. It is always too far. I am always fearful - Ternier was where five of my friends where slaughtered for being "American" during the May Day riots of 1966. Some were actually British, some Canadian, maybe two were American. There is no rationalizing violence, much less against children by a gang of drunks armed with swords, especially during a riot! My little German family lived in Quessy Centre - abount two miles and a world away from Tergnier ...
And the worst dream, the one that jolted me out of bed early one morning:
I was in a large room with lots of people.
Names were called and people sent off in different directions.
And they called, Kris and all of its variants.
So I went with what few Kris' there were.
We were taken to another room and told that unless we played the clarinet, we could not go to heaven!
I was devastated, I have NO musical ability what so ever!
I can sing (and relearning how to do so slowly).
I can whistle (and again having to relearn!).
But, an instrument?
Nope
It seems Kris can not go to Heaven and must remain in that room practicing what is impossible for Kris to do ...
Why are these dreams always of France?
Why are these dreams always of pain?
What is my mind trying to work through?
This is like having PTSD, only from being a NATO BRAT, not a soldier in battle. And why 50 years later!?!?!?!?
My doctor wants me to have a sleep study to see if there is a sleep related cause for my complete amnesia ... really? I, whose dreams are torments, am supposed to try and sleep somewhere else? I do not, can not, sleep well, unless I have a mighty hard bed and feel completely safe. Been a few years since that was true however ...
Maybe I will go take a nap.
That is still true, one constantly recycling dream. I really do not understand why. How much pain can a destroyed male mind take? Apparently more than I want ...
So this past week I had a tiny break. Same dream every night as always but I had a few others along the way. Again, they are all back in France. I have no idea why France is stuck in my mind ... it was the best of times, but also was absolute worse of times.
There was the dream about Daphne Summers (Sommers) and how I had trusted her in fifth grade and the utter brutality I was to suffer at the hands of my fifth grade class. That really sucked to have to remember!
Climbing the 20 million stairs from lower Laon to upper, where the cathedral is. Knowing I am not going to make it. Sometimes wanting a drink but there is nowhere to get one. Wanting to use a toilet but again you have to make it to the top first ... my eyes would water at the memories of that one!
Walking from Tergnier railstation to Quessy Centre, a long walk. It is always hot. It is always too far. I am always fearful - Ternier was where five of my friends where slaughtered for being "American" during the May Day riots of 1966. Some were actually British, some Canadian, maybe two were American. There is no rationalizing violence, much less against children by a gang of drunks armed with swords, especially during a riot! My little German family lived in Quessy Centre - abount two miles and a world away from Tergnier ...
And the worst dream, the one that jolted me out of bed early one morning:
I was in a large room with lots of people.
Names were called and people sent off in different directions.
And they called, Kris and all of its variants.
So I went with what few Kris' there were.
We were taken to another room and told that unless we played the clarinet, we could not go to heaven!
I was devastated, I have NO musical ability what so ever!
I can sing (and relearning how to do so slowly).
I can whistle (and again having to relearn!).
But, an instrument?
Nope
It seems Kris can not go to Heaven and must remain in that room practicing what is impossible for Kris to do ...
Why are these dreams always of France?
Why are these dreams always of pain?
What is my mind trying to work through?
This is like having PTSD, only from being a NATO BRAT, not a soldier in battle. And why 50 years later!?!?!?!?
My doctor wants me to have a sleep study to see if there is a sleep related cause for my complete amnesia ... really? I, whose dreams are torments, am supposed to try and sleep somewhere else? I do not, can not, sleep well, unless I have a mighty hard bed and feel completely safe. Been a few years since that was true however ...
Maybe I will go take a nap.
November 3, 2016
Food
There are lots of things in life I do not approve of.
I was raised to be self sufficient.
Not to rely on others.
To do it myself or not at all.
Going without is perfectly acceptable.
So ...
I have a problem when someone whom can do, doesn't and shifts their own responsibility off onto others.
For example, my mother (and so many others that I know!).
Mother last month figured out that there is a world of generosity out there and all she has to do is tap into it. Oh boy! Free stuff!
First up, was her calling the local Roman Catholic Church - and who knows what tale she spun! They delivered a big pile of food to her that very weekend!
Then she found out there was a food bank near her house, but no car, so I got to drive the 90 miles down to her to take her there. She registered and went "shopping" in their warehouse. I just sat there rather stunned. I looked over their paperwork and found that their poverty level for signing up is $4,000 more than I make! I was stunned. I do not live anywhere close to poverty behavior - I just do without to get by.
Yesterday, I went down to take mother on yet another visit to the food bank. I stayed outside this time and read a book while she "shopped". She returned and told me there was a farmer there trying to unload his stuff. I returned with her and yes, it was a local farmer and he was frustrated - he could not even give his produce away! No one wanted what he had brought: 25-50 pound cases of apples and 600 pounds of acorn squash! And no one wanted them ...
Well, if they are free ... free food is free food ... so I am making applesauce and apple butter from now through this weekend! Better than letting the food rot or be hauled to the dump.
I just do not understand the concept of those in need, desiring help and not being willing to take it. I can not understand a food bank not taking the pallet of produce from the farmer. I just do not get it ... What was it my Grandmother (whom I can no longer even remember) say? "Waste not, want not."? The chant of the Scottish everywhere. Of course, she was also half Russian, so the same saying would apply there as well!
And something you have not considered is that with my complete loss of my memories, also took my knowledge of how to cook! How horrible! I have only recently started to try and relearn - how miserable! To know (having seen pictures) I was pretty good - to not even able to boil water! Sigh.
So today is a busy day - try and make some bean soup and chop up about 25 pounds of apples.
:)
I was raised to be self sufficient.
Not to rely on others.
To do it myself or not at all.
Going without is perfectly acceptable.
So ...
I have a problem when someone whom can do, doesn't and shifts their own responsibility off onto others.
For example, my mother (and so many others that I know!).
Mother last month figured out that there is a world of generosity out there and all she has to do is tap into it. Oh boy! Free stuff!
First up, was her calling the local Roman Catholic Church - and who knows what tale she spun! They delivered a big pile of food to her that very weekend!
Then she found out there was a food bank near her house, but no car, so I got to drive the 90 miles down to her to take her there. She registered and went "shopping" in their warehouse. I just sat there rather stunned. I looked over their paperwork and found that their poverty level for signing up is $4,000 more than I make! I was stunned. I do not live anywhere close to poverty behavior - I just do without to get by.
Yesterday, I went down to take mother on yet another visit to the food bank. I stayed outside this time and read a book while she "shopped". She returned and told me there was a farmer there trying to unload his stuff. I returned with her and yes, it was a local farmer and he was frustrated - he could not even give his produce away! No one wanted what he had brought: 25-50 pound cases of apples and 600 pounds of acorn squash! And no one wanted them ...
Well, if they are free ... free food is free food ... so I am making applesauce and apple butter from now through this weekend! Better than letting the food rot or be hauled to the dump.
I just do not understand the concept of those in need, desiring help and not being willing to take it. I can not understand a food bank not taking the pallet of produce from the farmer. I just do not get it ... What was it my Grandmother (whom I can no longer even remember) say? "Waste not, want not."? The chant of the Scottish everywhere. Of course, she was also half Russian, so the same saying would apply there as well!
And something you have not considered is that with my complete loss of my memories, also took my knowledge of how to cook! How horrible! I have only recently started to try and relearn - how miserable! To know (having seen pictures) I was pretty good - to not even able to boil water! Sigh.
So today is a busy day - try and make some bean soup and chop up about 25 pounds of apples.
:)
November 2, 2016
Acts As An Example
The Book of Acts is one of my favorite books of the Bible. Why? Because - it is action filled! You get to see people overcoming their circumstances and imposed semi-slavery. The people pulling together, helping one another and what we truly desire as Christians trapped in this world. God dealing swiftly and distinctly with those whom claimed to a member of The Way (before the name Christian was invented ...).
Read Acts 16:11-40
Phillipi was city where Rome retired their military staff to. So, when Luke and Paul refers to this city - we get a touch of military references.
Go Where God Sends You
Places like - your family gatherings, where you are not welcome.
Your friends' homes and parties, where you no longer fit in.
Your work as a changed person.
Your neighbors as a helper not antagonist.
Maybe even a short time mission.
Maybe a long term engagement establishing a church?
But, the choice is yours. It is call obedience.
You choose to go or stay where He leads you.
You choose to ignore everyone and their arguments against your being drawn to do ...
Be Where You Are
It is amazing how many grandmothers call their children to the foreign mission field.
No, God has nothing to do with the majority.
Oh, God will use whomever He can, but ...
God wants you where you are.
You who were before salvation.
Doing what you were before salvation.
That is what God can use!
Not those desiring an early retirement plan on God's nickel .....
Praise God
Where ever you are.
What ever your state.
Praise God!
In both success and failure - praise Him!
In innocence or guilt - praise Him!
Good or bad - praise Him!
Do What You Can
It is not to be your idea.
It is not to be by your own power.
Remember:
One plants
One waters
God gives the increase.
Which is why you are to witness to those around you. Could be the quiet witness of your life so people know you are different. Perhaps are to be known widely as a Christian whom stands up for what is right in God's eyes. Or that person whom stands on a soap box and shares the Gospel to whom ever will listen.
You have to be prepared not only to give your personal testimony as to why and how you became a Christian but also to provide answers to any whom seek. So, you need to know your Bible and be prepared.
And while you are living your life, mixed with possible witnessing and answering, God's Spirit is working in those around you. Some will utterly reject anything having to do with God - but there will be those whom will stew on what they hear and observe in you. God will move them to His side, in His time, in His way.
Read Acts 16:11-40
Phillipi was city where Rome retired their military staff to. So, when Luke and Paul refers to this city - we get a touch of military references.
Go Where God Sends You
Places like - your family gatherings, where you are not welcome.
Your friends' homes and parties, where you no longer fit in.
Your work as a changed person.
Your neighbors as a helper not antagonist.
Maybe even a short time mission.
Maybe a long term engagement establishing a church?
But, the choice is yours. It is call obedience.
You choose to go or stay where He leads you.
You choose to ignore everyone and their arguments against your being drawn to do ...
Be Where You Are
It is amazing how many grandmothers call their children to the foreign mission field.
No, God has nothing to do with the majority.
Oh, God will use whomever He can, but ...
God wants you where you are.
You who were before salvation.
Doing what you were before salvation.
That is what God can use!
Not those desiring an early retirement plan on God's nickel .....
Praise God
Where ever you are.
What ever your state.
Praise God!
In both success and failure - praise Him!
In innocence or guilt - praise Him!
Good or bad - praise Him!
Do What You Can
It is not to be your idea.
It is not to be by your own power.
Remember:
One plants
One waters
God gives the increase.
Which is why you are to witness to those around you. Could be the quiet witness of your life so people know you are different. Perhaps are to be known widely as a Christian whom stands up for what is right in God's eyes. Or that person whom stands on a soap box and shares the Gospel to whom ever will listen.
You have to be prepared not only to give your personal testimony as to why and how you became a Christian but also to provide answers to any whom seek. So, you need to know your Bible and be prepared.
And while you are living your life, mixed with possible witnessing and answering, God's Spirit is working in those around you. Some will utterly reject anything having to do with God - but there will be those whom will stew on what they hear and observe in you. God will move them to His side, in His time, in His way.
November 1, 2016
Obedience
Through the last week I have been talking about witnessing, testimonies and how your life can change other lives. We live in a world heavily impacted by a single political prisoner a little over 60 years ago: Boris Kornfeld. One of the few people I actually look forward to meeting in Heaven. His witness was short, but it was to throw the world of the 20th century into turmoil!
It would not be pleasant to be cast into the roll of a Boris Kornfeld ... to struggle just to live, more than likely convicted for a crime made up to just raise the work prison rolls - and then beat to death, probably in your sleep, because you are a Christian. Sigh .... scary!
But, you can be a witness for your faith, you can be living it today ... but if you think you are - and there is no price you are paying for it - guess what you are not doing! Living for Christ is to be in the face (nicely) of the world and the hypocrites of our faith. No, no one is going to like you, no one is going to back you up, and all you have got is the Holy Spirit to barely hold on to - because it is ALL you have got!
You discover the truth of the Bible, you can now expect your family to walk away, disown you, maybe even hold a mock funeral in your honor. Your friends scurry away and hide. Don't expect other Christians or your Church to back you or be there for you - flat not going to happen in this politically correct paganism which the western church has fallen victim to. Yeah, you are going to become real popular! And that is exactly what you as a Christian are called to!
And through all this - you are still human. You will weep, you will fail, you will rebound, you can only understand in retrospective - perhaps years later ... sigh ...
And yet, again, this is the life you should expect! No fame, no fortune, little is any love, your only warmth the peace God gives you. Of course, this is not how it is supposed to be! Your friends, your church, your family should all be standing with you - just as you are with them in their witness! Think on the Book of Acts and the witness of the believers collectively and separately! It can happen, it did happen, it still should be possible then. The problems is that the world has flooded into our belief and chocked the Holy Spirit out! Pragmatism and self desire mystically have replaced and silenced the very Spirit that powered Christians through the ages ...
Kornfeld never had the luxury of finding the Christian faith without persecution ... no, he was fully in the fire when he found Christ as his savior from this life and the curse of death. And he took what little he knew and he shared this with whom ever would listen ... even the likes of a dying young man by the name of Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Solzhenitsyn, sometimes "free" to serve the desires of the Soviet State, often the prisoner of the same for his stands for Christ and the God-ly view of the importance of human life. His writings destroyed the magic of the Soviet empire in the world's eye and the rest became the history of the 20th century.
If you do believe, beyond any cost, the truth of the Jesus' Gospels (His life, death and resurrection) - then you need to start to take a stand for Jesus and His truth!
I am not saying go burn down building or riot or kill random people ... Jesus' example and the examples of all of the Apostles are in violent opposition to this idea! No, your witness is with your family, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors - etc.
Just know, you will face opposition ... and you will have an impact ... and you will be rewarded for your obedience. And you will be a real prayer warrior.
It would not be pleasant to be cast into the roll of a Boris Kornfeld ... to struggle just to live, more than likely convicted for a crime made up to just raise the work prison rolls - and then beat to death, probably in your sleep, because you are a Christian. Sigh .... scary!
But, you can be a witness for your faith, you can be living it today ... but if you think you are - and there is no price you are paying for it - guess what you are not doing! Living for Christ is to be in the face (nicely) of the world and the hypocrites of our faith. No, no one is going to like you, no one is going to back you up, and all you have got is the Holy Spirit to barely hold on to - because it is ALL you have got!
You discover the truth of the Bible, you can now expect your family to walk away, disown you, maybe even hold a mock funeral in your honor. Your friends scurry away and hide. Don't expect other Christians or your Church to back you or be there for you - flat not going to happen in this politically correct paganism which the western church has fallen victim to. Yeah, you are going to become real popular! And that is exactly what you as a Christian are called to!
And through all this - you are still human. You will weep, you will fail, you will rebound, you can only understand in retrospective - perhaps years later ... sigh ...
And yet, again, this is the life you should expect! No fame, no fortune, little is any love, your only warmth the peace God gives you. Of course, this is not how it is supposed to be! Your friends, your church, your family should all be standing with you - just as you are with them in their witness! Think on the Book of Acts and the witness of the believers collectively and separately! It can happen, it did happen, it still should be possible then. The problems is that the world has flooded into our belief and chocked the Holy Spirit out! Pragmatism and self desire mystically have replaced and silenced the very Spirit that powered Christians through the ages ...
Kornfeld never had the luxury of finding the Christian faith without persecution ... no, he was fully in the fire when he found Christ as his savior from this life and the curse of death. And he took what little he knew and he shared this with whom ever would listen ... even the likes of a dying young man by the name of Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Solzhenitsyn, sometimes "free" to serve the desires of the Soviet State, often the prisoner of the same for his stands for Christ and the God-ly view of the importance of human life. His writings destroyed the magic of the Soviet empire in the world's eye and the rest became the history of the 20th century.
If you do believe, beyond any cost, the truth of the Jesus' Gospels (His life, death and resurrection) - then you need to start to take a stand for Jesus and His truth!
I am not saying go burn down building or riot or kill random people ... Jesus' example and the examples of all of the Apostles are in violent opposition to this idea! No, your witness is with your family, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors - etc.
Just know, you will face opposition ... and you will have an impact ... and you will be rewarded for your obedience. And you will be a real prayer warrior.
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